Size acceptance... really?

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DazzlingAnna

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Pretty sure I will regret posting this...

Over the last past weeks or months I have read and followed a few threads and posts here about relationships, fat admiration as kink or fetish, changes of shape and/or size and the resulting lack of admiration.
My thoughts went between anger and giving up hope.

Reading various opinions, descriptions of life situations, getting insight on circumstances in real life show me: everybody is trying to live their best life as they want to. They like what they like. I am not judging anyone.

Nevertheless something triggered me.
One is: this place here at dimensions is about size acceptance. We probably all agree that the majority of "society" is fat-phobic. Their mantra towards fat people: change and get thin.
In a place that claims size acceptance of everyone's own shape and size I am surprised that the main goal of many people here seem to be changing to bigger. The bigger, the better.
(That's actually fine if someone decides for themselves to change their own appearance in any way. )
When it comes to relationships or partners: I have heard from people and read a lot here: "How can I secretly fatten up my partner?" "I lose sexual interest with their weight loss." "Where are the super-sized folks with huge xyz?" "I need to fatten you up!"
Is it fat admiration? yes, i have no doubt about it.
Is it fat acceptance ? I have serious doubts.
If there is a wish or an urgent need to change someone it is not acceptance.

Second point
I couldn't stop thinking about fat attraction as a fetish and being fetishized as - in my case - a fat woman .
According to Cambrigde dictionary
fetishizizing means

to have a sexual interest in an object or a part of the body other than the sexual organs, or in a person as if they are an object:

I am more than my (fat) body, or even body parts only, I am a person not an object.

If a body type is fetishized and for whatever reason the body changes and isn't the right object anymore - what happens?
I have a serious question to people who are wired like that:
Can you imagine how it feels for someone to realize being reduced to their body or body parts only?

Yeah I know, we don't choose what we like.

But please, just imagine for a moment how it feels to be reduced to the shape of any body part only instead as a person.

[It is an insult, a rejection that cuts deep.]

And at this point I am really giving up.

I can understand that attraction isn't something we chose. We are made like that and it is what it is.

However, in case I would be looking for a long term relationship as a fat woman in the fat admirer community I can chose from
a) being someone's "fat secret"
b) being something like a fat toy for someone, admired as long as I am fat or get bigger but rejected when appearance changes in a wrong way
c) being with someone who sees the extra weight as a bonus to a personality.


Guess what:
Only one of these choices is something I would want in a long term relationship. It's the one that puts my personality first -unfortunately it seems to be very rare.

I am absolutely fine with myself, how I look, who I am as a person. I can handle people who dislike my appearance. I can handle people who dislike my attitude as a fat woman.
But:
I don't want to be objectified.
I don't want to be fetishized.
I don't want to be changed.

I actually expect only a few things: respect for instance.

I'd rather become the crazy old lady with cats than being objectified by someone pretending to love me but ... oops... it's only my huge & low hanging belly roll... 🙄

I am not a long term member here at Dimensions. Over a short period of time I learned a lot about myself, I met incredible people here. I am just not sure if it is still the place i thought it was - where it is about size acceptance.
Currently it feels more like a feeder/ feedism and/ or fat fetish community. Not my thing.

If I hit someone's nerves with this post - please let me know why I am wrong or what I am missing.
 

loopytheone

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I think Dims has always been a combination of a lot of very different, but related, communities. We used to have things split up into more separate boards to address this in the past but there's so few people here now that it would just divide us up even further.

One group has always been people such as yourself. Fat people (especially women) who are not into any associated fetishes but want to fight for the rights and equality of fat people, and their right to be happy. Another group is feeders. We have always been accepting of both communities, even though there is disagreement and sometimes hostility between them. Our tagline is "Where Big is Beautiful". Whatever your interpretation of that phrase, you are welcome here, that's one of the key principles of the site.

If being around feeders/people with fetishes is triggering or upsetting to you then absolutely, I wouldn't suggest being here. It isn't worth it for your own sake, because they are part of the community here and you are going to see/interact with them at some point, it's unavoidable. But this place has always been so much more than that. We used to have a BBW board that was especially for fat women to talk about their experiences in a safe, supportive and non-sexual environment and honestly, that was great. But then everybody went to facebook groups and suddenly nobody was left using that board, so it got merged into the others.

Also, as a fat person with a fat fetish/kink/whatever the hell you want to call it, I've never personally understood the objection some fat people have towards people that have fat fetishes. Like, I understand not wanting to be loved for just your body, but that's not a kink/fetish thing, that's a 'being an *******' thing. Most people have kinks of some degree and very, very few people allow it to take over their life/attraction to the point where they only care about that one aspect and nothing else. Most people with fat kinks love looking at fat bellies, fat asses, fat thighs etc... but that doesn't mean it is all we are looking for in a partner.

Take me for instance. I'm a textbook example of a person with a fat fetish. Always have had, always will do. Used to look up the word 'chubby' in the dictionary as a kid for the thrills, for instance. If you look up my youtube searches, "SSBBW fat button pop" would come up a lot. However, that's not the only thing I look for in a partner. If I was to describe my partner to you and why I love him so much, sure, his weight his part of it. It's normal to want a partner that you find physically attractive. But there are tons of cute fat guys and girls out there. I love him specifically because of his sense of humour, his kindness, his endless patience and warmth. And if he woke up tomorrow and told me he wanted to be skinny, I would struggle with it. A lot. But it wouldn't ever cross my mind to leave him because I love him.

I guess my point being, there isn't some strict dividing line between the 'evil, objectifying fat fetishists' and 'nice, normal fat loving partners'. It's not healthy to make people with fat fetishes feel like they are evil/dirty/wrong. We aren't, we are just people and like any other group, most of us are great and loving and respectful to our partners. And a handful are idiots that just want a nice ass to squeeze and something pretty to look at. You get that in every group of society, regardless of their preferences. Guys who want a trophy wife and then trade her in for a newer model ten years later are present in every place of society. Like I said, they are called assholes, and you can't attribute them to any one group, or let them sour your view of a whole section of society.

Sorry if this is a bit much, I probably shouldn't be writing this with some of the real life stresses I have going on right now, but I guess I straddle the line between the two groups I mentioned and infighting in already marginalised communities really bothers me.
 

Green Eyed Fairy

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Age old observation and mixed bag of **** here at Dims. So many people come here looking to be "accepted" but are being mixed in with fetishists. I've been here since '06 and still occasionally get private messages asking "why are you here?".
Some think this site is exclusively for gainers. That annoys me when I pick up on that.
I'm not here to gain weight, be made bigger by some stranger on the internet, or even find an LTR.
I come here to be with other fat people for a safe environment to discuss the things that bother or plague us fat folks,
Simple, okay and should be expected.
The person that owned the site previously was a fetishist. That's why it was welcomed.

If you come here for valid reasons that aren't all some guys dick/fetish, just be prepared to see some of the bullshit mixed in. Choose your reads and threads carefully.

Not all the fetish folks are bad. Some are. That's what causes the friction.

Oh and I ain't scared of some ID called @balthyes. There is an ignore function here that works well for users.
 

DazzlingAnna

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I think Dims has always been a combination of a lot of very different, but related, communities. We used to have things split up into more separate boards to address this in the past but there's so few people here now that it would just divide us up even further.

One group has always been people such as yourself. Fat people (especially women) who are not into any associated fetishes but want to fight for the rights and equality of fat people, and their right to be happy. Another group is feeders. We have always been accepting of both communities, even though there is disagreement and sometimes hostility between them. Our tagline is "Where Big is Beautiful". Whatever your interpretation of that phrase, you are welcome here, that's one of the key principles of the site.

If being around feeders/people with fetishes is triggering or upsetting to you then absolutely, I wouldn't suggest being here. It isn't worth it for your own sake, because they are part of the community here and you are going to see/interact with them at some point, it's unavoidable. But this place has always been so much more than that. We used to have a BBW board that was especially for fat women to talk about their experiences in a safe, supportive and non-sexual environment and honestly, that was great. But then everybody went to facebook groups and suddenly nobody was left using that board, so it got merged into the others.

Also, as a fat person with a fat fetish/kink/whatever the hell you want to call it, I've never personally understood the objection some fat people have towards people that have fat fetishes. Like, I understand not wanting to be loved for just your body, but that's not a kink/fetish thing, that's a 'being an *******' thing. Most people have kinks of some degree and very, very few people allow it to take over their life/attraction to the point where they only care about that one aspect and nothing else. Most people with fat kinks love looking at fat bellies, fat asses, fat thighs etc... but that doesn't mean it is all we are looking for in a partner.

Take me for instance. I'm a textbook example of a person with a fat fetish. Always have had, always will do. Used to look up the word 'chubby' in the dictionary as a kid for the thrills, for instance. If you look up my youtube searches, "SSBBW fat button pop" would come up a lot. However, that's not the only thing I look for in a partner. If I was to describe my partner to you and why I love him so much, sure, his weight his part of it. It's normal to want a partner that you find physically attractive. But there are tons of cute fat guys and girls out there. I love him specifically because of his sense of humour, his kindness, his endless patience and warmth. And if he woke up tomorrow and told me he wanted to be skinny, I would struggle with it. A lot. But it wouldn't ever cross my mind to leave him because I love him.

I guess my point being, there isn't some strict dividing line between the 'evil, objectifying fat fetishists' and 'nice, normal fat loving partners'. It's not healthy to make people with fat fetishes feel like they are evil/dirty/wrong. We aren't, we are just people and like any other group, most of us are great and loving and respectful to our partners. And a handful are idiots that just want a nice ass to squeeze and something pretty to look at. You get that in every group of society, regardless of their preferences. Guys who want a trophy wife and then trade her in for a newer model ten years later are present in every place of society. Like I said, they are called assholes, and you can't attribute them to any one group, or let them sour your view of a whole section of society.

Sorry if this is a bit much, I probably shouldn't be writing this with some of the real life stresses I have going on right now, but I guess I straddle the line between the two groups I mentioned and infighting in already marginalised communities really bothers me.
Thanks for your reply. Very informative.
I'll draw my conclusions though.

And just for clarification - I wasn't referring to someone specific with my post - it's more "the big picture".
 

agouderia

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@DazzlingAnna - I understand where you are coming from and can relate to your Dims frustrations, I regularly have many of them myself.

Every once in a while, it is necessary to do a reality-check and manage our expectations what we can realistically expect from a forum like Dims. Bottom-line - two general life rules apply here as everywhere else.

1. It is the bane of womankind that we are always judged, evaluated and classified by our bodies - who we are as persons always comes a lot later. Be it that we are expected to be as slim as possible showing that off by running around semi-naked. Or in other parts of the world that women's bodies are deemed so "dangerous" that they are covered up or locked away as male "property" without basic human or civil rights.

The internet with its relative anonymity has actually amplified this perception of woman, as with the total image fixation only looks count and "selling" female looks and bodies is an integral part of the business model. This is just as true for internet niches like Dims - then under the individual guises.
2. No matter which framework in life we move in, we will also have to confront and deal with divergent opinions (and people we plain don’t like). Different opinions and perspectives, even those outside our comfort zone are important for us to mentally and intellectually expand horizons, gather new information and actually stay in touch with reality.

Ironically the internet with its many niches and filter bubbles has lead to the slight misconception that only places that agree with us 100% are the right ones for us. But even in the internet niche-niche finding that 100% match on all things isn’t going to happen. And the more niche an issue is, the more extreme opinions and identifications will tend to be.

For describing Dims, I always say it’s about “all things fat” – for fat people and their admirers, information exchange & discussion about anything related to fat & weight, a place for fat & weight fiction.

This broad concept is what has kept me here all these years – because it has given me a place to discuss my interests with like-minded people (…. while, as in real life, ignoring the – in my case especially misogynist fetishists – that also really rile me up) and as such it is valuable for me.
 
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I’ve said before that interacting with people on FA/Feedism sites often feels like talking directly to a person’s id. They speak directly from their baser instincts and unfiltered sexual desires in the moment. Dims honestly feels like one of the better places for this. It’s much worse over on FF, and especially Feabie.

I’ve encountered this too. And honestly, I’ve been guilty of thinking and say this, too. But when it comes down to it, if I was in a committed relationship with someone who’s appearance changed in a way I didn’t like, I would still love and accept them. I can’t speak for everyone, but I think being on a kink site encourages people to think with their genitals instead of speaking from a place or realness.
 

Donna

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Amidst the current dichotomy discussion, I guess it's worth reminding folks of Dimensions' history for a little perspective. (Don't let the September 2005 joined date to the left under my avatar fool you; I've subscribed to Dimensions since it was a paper magazine.)

As GEF pointed out, the former owner of Dims-Conrad Blickenstorfer-was (is) a feeder fetishist. He was the editor of the newsletter for the FA SIG (fat admirer special interest group) of NAAFA (National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance.) He owned Pen Computing and started publishing Dimensions waaaaay back in 1984 with his ex-wife, Ruby. In the late nineties when the internet started taking off, he launched Dimensions online which included the old chatroom and the original iteration of these forums. In September 2005, he launched this version of the forums and later sold it in 2015 (I thought it was earlier than that, but the records I consulted online state 2015, so I'm going with that) to the current owners.

So from its original inception, Dims was for the admirers. Of course, admirers need to have someone (or in some cases something...) to admire, so forums were added to accommodate and welcome us. However, at its core, FA/FFA are what drive the forums and their needs and opinions will always be paramount. The feeding/weight gain aspects are a majority contingent as well. It really is a natural progression when fat sexuality is discussed.

It is what it is, I guess.
 

Rojodi

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Amidst the current dichotomy discussion, I guess it's worth reminding folks of Dimensions' history for a little perspective. (Don't let the September 2005 joined date to the left under my avatar fool you; I've subscribed to Dimensions since it was a paper magazine.)

As GEF pointed out, the former owner of Dims-Conrad Blickenstorfer-was (is) a feeder fetishist. He was the editor of the newsletter for the FA SIG (fat admirer special interest group) of NAAFA (National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance.) He owned Pen Computing and started publishing Dimensions waaaaay back in 1984 with his ex-wife, Ruby. In the late nineties when the internet started taking off, he launched Dimensions online which included the old chatroom and the original iteration of these forums. In September 2005, he launched this version of the forums and later sold it in 2015 (I thought it was earlier than that, but the records I consulted online state 2015, so I'm going with that) to the current owners.

So from its original inception, Dims was for the admirers. Of course, admirers need to have someone (or in some cases something...) to admire, so forums were added to accommodate and welcome us. However, at its core, FA/FFA are what drive the forums and their needs and opinions will always be paramount. The feeding/weight gain aspects are a majority contingent as well. It really is a natural progression when fat sexuality is discussed.

It is what it is, I guess.

Thank you for the background and info
 

balthyes

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Pretty sure I will regret posting this...

Over the last past weeks or months I have read and followed a few threads and posts here about relationships, fat admiration as kink or fetish, changes of shape and/or size and the resulting lack of admiration.
My thoughts went between anger and giving up hope.

Reading various opinions, descriptions of life situations, getting insight on circumstances in real life show me: everybody is trying to live their best life as they want to. They like what they like. I am not judging anyone.

Nevertheless something triggered me.
One is: this place here at dimensions is about size acceptance. We probably all agree that the majority of "society" is fat-phobic. Their mantra towards fat people: change and get thin.
In a place that claims size acceptance of everyone's own shape and size I am surprised that the main goal of many people here seem to be changing to bigger. The bigger, the better.
(That's actually fine if someone decides for themselves to change their own appearance in any way. )
When it comes to relationships or partners: I have heard from people and read a lot here: "How can I secretly fatten up my partner?" "I lose sexual interest with their weight loss." "Where are the super-sized folks with huge xyz?" "I need to fatten you up!"
Is it fat admiration? yes, i have no doubt about it.
Is it fat acceptance ? I have serious doubts.
If there is a wish or an urgent need to change someone it is not acceptance.

Second point
I couldn't stop thinking about fat attraction as a fetish and being fetishized as - in my case - a fat woman .
According to Cambrigde dictionary
fetishizizing means

to have a sexual interest in an object or a part of the body other than the sexual organs, or in a person as if they are an object:

I am more than my (fat) body, or even body parts only, I am a person not an object.

If a body type is fetishized and for whatever reason the body changes and isn't the right object anymore - what happens?
I have a serious question to people who are wired like that:
Can you imagine how it feels for someone to realize being reduced to their body or body parts only?

Yeah I know, we don't choose what we like.

But please, just imagine for a moment how it feels to be reduced to the shape of any body part only instead as a person.

[It is an insult, a rejection that cuts deep.]

And at this point I am really giving up.

I can understand that attraction isn't something we chose. We are made like that and it is what it is.

However, in case I would be looking for a long term relationship as a fat woman in the fat admirer community I can chose from
a) being someone's "fat secret"
b) being something like a fat toy for someone, admired as long as I am fat or get bigger but rejected when appearance changes in a wrong way
c) being with someone who sees the extra weight as a bonus to a personality.


Guess what:
Only one of these choices is something I would want in a long term relationship. It's the one that puts my personality first -unfortunately it seems to be very rare.

I am absolutely fine with myself, how I look, who I am as a person. I can handle people who dislike my appearance. I can handle people who dislike my attitude as a fat woman.
But:
I don't want to be objectified.
I don't want to be fetishized.
I don't want to be changed.

I actually expect only a few things: respect for instance.

I'd rather become the crazy old lady with cats than being objectified by someone pretending to love me but ... oops... it's only my huge & low hanging belly roll... 🙄

I am not a long term member here at Dimensions. Over a short period of time I learned a lot about myself, I met incredible people here. I am just not sure if it is still the place i thought it was - where it is about size acceptance.
Currently it feels more like a feeder/ feedism and/ or fat fetish community. Not my thing.

If I hit someone's nerves with this post - please let me know why I am wrong or what I am missing.
I have posted here because I have a fat fetish. I have said that I hate that I do. I have posted a thread full of all sorts of inner thoughts that I have because it causes me grief. I don't lose attraction for a *partner* per se because of weight loss, but I feel *something* that hurts. It hurts me and it isn't fair to a partner. I hate it. I would turn it all off if I could.

I did make a mistake though. My intro to DMs was through the fiction, which is very much fetishy. I tried, some years ago, an actual fetish website and it made me uncomfortable. I came here because it's not all about sex and kink. But I forgot it's not just a place for fetishists. I am sorry for overlooking that.
 

balthyes

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Age old observation and mixed bag of **** here at Dims. So many people come here looking to be "accepted" but are being mixed in with fetishists. I've been here since '06 and still occasionally get private messages asking "why are you here?".
Some think this site is exclusively for gainers. That annoys me when I pick up on that.
I'm not here to gain weight, be made bigger by some stranger on the internet, or even find an LTR.
I come here to be with other fat people for a safe environment to discuss the things that bother or plague us fat folks,
Simple, okay and should be expected.
The person that owned the site previously was a fetishist. That's why it was welcomed.

If you come here for valid reasons that aren't all some guys dick/fetish, just be prepared to see some of the bullshit mixed in. Choose your reads and threads carefully.

Not all the fetish folks are bad. Some are. That's what causes the friction.

Oh and I ain't scared of some ID called @balthyes. There is an ignore function here that works well for users.
And please don't be scared of me! I've only posted with my struggles. I don't even have a dick! I'm not into being a feeder or a partner explicitly gaining. I just like fat men and I don't know how to handle this factor in my attraction.
 

Green Eyed Fairy

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I’ve said before that interacting with people on FA/Feedism sites often feels like talking directly to a person’s id. They speak directly from their baser instincts and unfiltered sexual desires in the moment. Dims honestly feels like one of the better places for this. It’s much worse over on FF, and especially Feabie.

I’ve encountered this too. And honestly, I’ve been guilty of thinking and say this, too. But when it comes down to it, if I was in a committed relationship with someone who’s appearance changed in a way I didn’t like, I would still love and accept them. I can’t speak for everyone, but I think being on a kink site encourages people to think with their genitals instead of speaking from a place or realness.
I'm aware of the crazy **** on those two sites, hence I don't go there. A level of class, even on the net, isn't too much to ask, IMO.
Amidst the current dichotomy discussion, I guess it's worth reminding folks of Dimensions' history for a little perspective. (Don't let the September 2005 joined date to the left under my avatar fool you; I've subscribed to Dimensions since it was a paper magazine.)

As GEF pointed out, the former owner of Dims-Conrad Blickenstorfer-was (is) a feeder fetishist. He was the editor of the newsletter for the FA SIG (fat admirer special interest group) of NAAFA (National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance.) He owned Pen Computing and started publishing Dimensions waaaaay back in 1984 with his ex-wife, Ruby. In the late nineties when the internet started taking off, he launched Dimensions online which included the old chatroom and the original iteration of these forums. In September 2005, he launched this version of the forums and later sold it in 2015 (I thought it was earlier than that, but the records I consulted online state 2015, so I'm going with that) to the current owners.

So from its original inception, Dims was for the admirers. Of course, admirers need to have someone (or in some cases something...) to admire, so forums were added to accommodate and welcome us. However, at its core, FA/FFA are what drive the forums and their needs and opinions will always be paramount. The feeding/weight gain aspects are a majority contingent as well. It really is a natural progression when fat sexuality is discussed.

It is what it is, I guess.
If the only fat admirers around want me to participate in a fetish, then I'm going to die single. I prefer men that don't claim FA status anyway so not really a biggie for me.
And please don't be scared of me! I've only posted with my struggles. I don't even have a dick! I'm not into being a feeder or a partner explicitly gaining. I just like fat men and I don't know how to handle this factor in my attraction.
I'm glad you are here if you are seeking answers/understanding about yourself and your attractions.
Bottom line though, for me, is that what is desired are people. All of us want love, just like you. <3
 
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To me Dims is a trainwreck. It is absolutely horrific but I can't look away. I like the big girls but I am also about fitness. I have met a few big girls who are also very strong, flexible and nimble. Dims is all about getting fatter and fatter to the point of immobility. Just look around. Here at Dims I see a lot of people whinging and whining about how difficult their lives are. I take one look at a picture and I can tell why their lives are so hard. I even recall a memorial thread. Members who got so fat they died young.
 

Angelette

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Dear OP,

I apologize for getting angry at you. I myself chubby. But I don't consider myself a BBW. Also I grew up in a family where I experienced fat-shaming. Especially from my Filipino relatives.

I was afraid you were talking behind balthyes' back since they similarly wrote some vent threads about afraid of their loved one losing weight.

I'm an FFA who will date anyone regardless of size. So, I was scared you were bashing FFA's. I felt like leaving this community because it affected my mental health. I really do have fat attraction to fat men and I even have a crush on a BHM on here. But I won't say the name.

Anyways, I feel like this website isn't as safe space to me. Because of rants like these and I've surprisingly encountered political content. I just want to be in a niche group where I share the same attraction and talk about my weight. Apparently some people think being an FFA is unethical. (not saying OP thinks this way) I feel ashamed for liking cute chubby guys because that makes me shallow and have no standards.

Well, I got no where else to go. Have no RL friends and my family relationship is rocky. I slow down on being on MyFigureCollection due to the increase prices on anime scales and I've experienced negativity on there. I left the Lost Media Wiki because there's these 2 bullies that always pick on innocent people in the threads. I used to lurk on the Closing Logos Wiki. But I don't like the new design change and rules.

Not counting the CLG. Dimensions was my friendliest website in terms of niche interests. I discovered this place thanks to Asheblonde's stories back in 2018. I wasn't sure whether toake an account or not because I was scared of being a fish out of water. Because I am the youngest member on here. Well, it turns out I'm not mature enough mentally.

My only go-to for hobby related stuff is Discord. Because I have a private friends group on there. I watch YT videos on the NewPipe app. Such as cooking videos and geeky stuff like AVGN.

I wish there were other BHM/FFA communities. But stuff like Feabie is more fetish centered than casual talk. I can't name any other sites so far unless you count subreddits.

Anyways I am sorry for being a trouble maker. I don't think I'm a true adult and I even cry. I'm too old to cry and I am still childish. I don't fit in with what true adults are into such as drinking.
I still watch cartoons and anime. I wish I was normal and not care what people say. But I was raised with strict parents and got heavily bullied.

I know my comment is off-topic. So any mod reading this can go ahead and ban me.
 
Last edited:

waldo

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Pretty sure I will regret posting this...

Over the last past weeks or months I have read and followed a few threads and posts here about relationships, fat admiration as kink or fetish, changes of shape and/or size and the resulting lack of admiration.
My thoughts went between anger and giving up hope.

Reading various opinions, descriptions of life situations, getting insight on circumstances in real life show me: everybody is trying to live their best life as they want to. They like what they like. I am not judging anyone.

Nevertheless something triggered me.
One is: this place here at dimensions is about size acceptance. We probably all agree that the majority of "society" is fat-phobic. Their mantra towards fat people: change and get thin.
In a place that claims size acceptance of everyone's own shape and size I am surprised that the main goal of many people here seem to be changing to bigger. The bigger, the better.
(That's actually fine if someone decides for themselves to change their own appearance in any way. )
When it comes to relationships or partners: I have heard from people and read a lot here: "How can I secretly fatten up my partner?" "I lose sexual interest with their weight loss." "Where are the super-sized folks with huge xyz?" "I need to fatten you up!"
Is it fat admiration? yes, i have no doubt about it.
Is it fat acceptance ? I have serious doubts.
If there is a wish or an urgent need to change someone it is not acceptance.
Interesting points about size acceptance and fat acceptance, and what do (or should) these terms really mean. I think that when the term fat acceptance was first coined, it primarily meant to lobby our general society to stop discriminating against fat people and treat them as equals, not as something inferior just because they are fat. But fat acceptance can (and I feel does) also mean accepting your own self as being fat; and as an extension of that, accepting that there are people who prefer to have a fat partner. Is it a fetish, a distinct type of sexual orientation or something else?, nobody can say for sure. But I suppose if you want people to accept you being fat, you should somewhat reciprocate and accept fat admirers. BUT I will say that the best case scenario would probably be that the FA gets with someone who is already 'fat enough' for their desires. Of course if a feeder and a feedee/gainer want to get together, then by all means. It is just a matter of laying your cards out on the table before a serious relationship develops, so expectations are properly conveyed.
Second point
I couldn't stop thinking about fat attraction as a fetish and being fetishized as - in my case - a fat woman .
According to Cambrigde dictionary
fetishizizing means

to have a sexual interest in an object or a part of the body other than the sexual organs, or in a person as if they are an object:

I am more than my (fat) body, or even body parts only, I am a person not an object.

If a body type is fetishized and for whatever reason the body changes and isn't the right object anymore - what happens?
I have a serious question to people who are wired like that:
Can you imagine how it feels for someone to realize being reduced to their body or body parts only?

Yeah I know, we don't choose what we like.

But please, just imagine for a moment how it feels to be reduced to the shape of any body part only instead as a person.

[It is an insult, a rejection that cuts deep.]

And at this point I am really giving up.

I can understand that attraction isn't something we chose. We are made like that and it is what it is.

However, in case I would be looking for a long term relationship as a fat woman in the fat admirer community I can chose from
a) being someone's "fat secret"
b) being something like a fat toy for someone, admired as long as I am fat or get bigger but rejected when appearance changes in a wrong way
c) being with someone who sees the extra weight as a bonus to a personality.


Guess what:
Only one of these choices is something I would want in a long term relationship. It's the one that puts my personality first -unfortunately it seems to be very rare.
I think you need to be realistic and realize that the best you are likely to get is some combination of B and C. I agree that A is totally unacceptable. The challenge is finding someone who truly is the proper balance of B and C where C also would include having similar values and goals for your life. Losing weight will unfortunately result in a diminishing of attraction for your FA partner towards you, but doesn't mean the relationship is doomed, just as not all marriages are doomed for 'regular couples' when one or the other gains weight.
I am absolutely fine with myself, how I look, who I am as a person. I can handle people who dislike my appearance. I can handle people who dislike my attitude as a fat woman.
But:
I don't want to be objectified.
I don't want to be fetishized.
I don't want to be changed.

I actually expect only a few things: respect for instance.

I'd rather become the crazy old lady with cats than being objectified by someone pretending to love me but ... oops... it's only my huge & low hanging belly roll... 🙄

I am not a long term member here at Dimensions. Over a short period of time I learned a lot about myself, I met incredible people here. I am just not sure if it is still the place i thought it was - where it is about size acceptance.
Currently it feels more like a feeder/ feedism and/ or fat fetish community. Not my thing.

If I hit someone's nerves with this post - please let me know why I am wrong or what I am missing.
You must also realize that EVERYONE is objectified for their appearance. I have a 22 year old son who is only about 5'3". What do you think it is like for him??? So you must be willing to accept that we all objectify each other and that objectification greatly affects who we end up with in a serious relationship - just the cold hard facts of life............ But the key is not letting that objectification based on physical appearance be the only aspect of the forming of a relationship.

Overall, I totally understand your frustration. It seems like fat acceptance is always 1 step forward and 2 steps back. I feel like we really haven't gotten anywhere with the vast majority of the general public. This hurts fat people and FAs both. I know you are in Germany, and I am in the USA, but I suspect the issue is about on par in the two countries. We are still fighting a real uphill battle for fat acceptance; and this (I believe) only makes the FAs behave in negative ways even more so than they may have done otherwise if their 'preference' was accepted by the general society.

As far as regretting posting this comment: no worries. I am happy that Dimensions, circa 2022, is a much different and better place than when I first joined up here in 2006. The people posting on here currently seem like a really good lot, so I am happy for that.
 
Last edited:

Angelette

Chris Farley's fiancee.
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Messages
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Location
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To me Dims is a trainwreck. It is absolutely horrific but I can't look away. I like the big girls but I am also about fitness. I have met a few big girls who are also very strong, flexible and nimble. Dims is all about getting fatter and fatter to the point of immobility. Just look around. Here at Dims I see a lot of people whinging and whining about how difficult their lives are. I take one look at a picture and I can tell why their lives are so hard. I even recall a memorial thread. Members who got so fat they died young.
I think you and I need to step away and watch Speakonia videos.
 

DazzlingAnna

It's not a bug, it's a feature.
Joined
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Messages
1,489
Location
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Interesting points about size acceptance and fat acceptance, and what do (or should) these terms really mean. I think that when the term fat acceptance was first coined, it primarily meant to lobby our general society to stop discriminating against fat people and treat them as equals, not as something inferior just because they are fat. But fat acceptance can (and I feel does) also mean accepting your own self as being fat; and as an extension of that, accepting that there are people who prefer to have a fat partner. Is it a fetish, a distinct type of sexual orientation or something else?, nobody can say for sure. But I suppose if you want people to accept you being fat, you should somewhat reciprocate and accept fat admirers. BUT I will say that the best case scenario would probably be that the FA gets with someone who is already 'fat enough' for their desires. Of course if a feeder and a feedee/gainer want to get together, then by all means. It is just a matter of laying your cards out on the table before a serious relationship develops, so expectations are properly conveyed.

I think you need to be realistic and realize that the best you are likely to get is some combination of B and C. I agree that A is totally unacceptable. The challenge is finding someone who truly is the proper balance of B and C where C also would include having similar values and goals for your life. Losing weight will unfortunately result in a diminishing of attraction for your FA partner towards you, but doesn't mean the relationship is doomed, just as not all marriages are doomed for 'regular couples' when one or the other gains weight.

I think that you must also realize that EVERYONE is objectified for their appearance. I have a 22 year old son who is only about 5'3". What do you think it is like for him??? So you must be willing to accept that we all objectify each other. But the key is not letting that objectification based on physical appearance be the only aspect of the forming of a relationship.

Overall, I totally understand your frustration. It seems like fat acceptance is always 1 step forward and 2 steps back. We really haven't gotten anywhere with the vast majority of the general public. This hurts fat people and FAs both. I know you are in Germany, and I am in the USA, but I suspect the issue is about on par in the two countries. We are still fighting a real uphill battle for fat acceptance and this (I believe) only makes the FAs behave in negative ways more so than they may have done otherwise if their 'preference' was accepted by the general society.

As far as regretting posting this comment: no worries. I am happy that Dimensions, circa 2022, is a much different and better place than when I first joined up here in 2006. The people posting on here currently seem like a really good lot, so I am happy for that.

Thanks for your reply. Interesting points.
 

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