Size acceptance... really?

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Anomaly

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As a woman who is physically attracted only to fat men, and as an ageing person who no longer is really in tune to modern attitudes to relationships, I have never fitted in anywhere. I call this thing a fetish and I see it as a nuisance and a curse I was born with that has prevented me from finding a fulfilling relationship. I am not a feeder, but I am not attracted to men with athletic bodies that women are told they are supposed to be attracted to any more than I am attracted to women.

Friendship is about personality alone, and who you're sexually attracted to does involve personality, and if there do exist people who can be sexually attracted to personality alone, that's lovely for them. But for most people, sexuality is objectifying. I mean, how would most vanilla straight people feel if their partner was seriously ill and needed surgery that meant they could no longer have vaginal sex? How do people who are attracted to athletic body types react to fat people as potential partners? How do most people react to the idea of a person who is disfigured or deformed as a potential partner?

I'm not disagreeing with anything the OP wrote. I'm saying it's true and it stinks and human sexuality is generally awful, both for the fetishised and the fetishist.
 

balthyes

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I'm aware of the crazy **** on those two sites, hence I don't go there. A level of class, even on the net, isn't too much to ask, IMO.

If the only fat admirers around want me to participate in a fetish, then I'm going to die single. I prefer men that don't claim FA status anyway so not really a biggie for me.

I'm glad you are here if you are seeking answers/understanding about yourself and your attractions.
Bottom line though, for me, is that what is desired are people. All of us want love, just like you. <3
Thank you for your kind response. I absolutely need to have regard for all the types of people here who are.

My whole source of inner conflict *is* love for people, for who they are and the connections we share, but the physical appearance thing likes to interfere.

I have a history of OCD and I'm literally this minute starting to think that's the core of the problem. I'm involuntarily fixating on something and that cognitive *fixation* is the actual problem.

I appreciate I've been able to spill my guts here to try and work this out. I don't mean any disrespect to anyone.
 

Green Eyed Fairy

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Thank you for your kind response. I absolutely need to have regard for all the types of people here who are.

My whole source of inner conflict *is* love for people, for who they are and the connections we share, but the physical appearance thing likes to interfere.

I have a history of OCD and I'm literally this minute starting to think that's the core of the problem. I'm involuntarily fixating on something and that cognitive *fixation* is the actual problem.

I appreciate I've been able to spill my guts here to try and work this out. I don't mean any disrespect to anyone.
I've said many times in this forum that everyone gets to like what they like.
I have an issue with unkempt beards. They gross me out when I imagine food stuck in them. I imagine years of filthy bacteria lurking in them and don't feel remotely interested in kissing a man with one.
Am I missing a fantastic man somewhere due to my aversion? Maybe but it ain't going away.
I'm a bit OCD myself. I also feel like that if I go to the trouble to shave my parts and keep myself clean for any potential suitor....why should I tolerate a long burly beard down to his chest? I don't like it is the bottom line.
Men ask me out on dates based upon my looks/their physical attraction to me. Why should I ignore my own preferences?
Preferring a short beard or clean shaven man is not bad and it doesn't hurt anyone.
Be careful in your self searching- everything you like or want may not automatically be bad/wrong if you don't hurt anyone and have a willing partner. (I haven't read all your posts by the way but hope to bring you some balance in your self assessment phase)
 

loopytheone

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--Mod hat mode active--

The astute amongst you will have noticed NYCgradstudent has been banned. The only reason I am leaving his post up is to serve as an example of what isn't allowed on here.

Fat shaming is not tolerated on Dims. Disrespecting the lives of former friends who have passed on is especially not tolerated. If you think like that, you aren't welcome here.

That said, don't feed the trolls. Let's all move on.
 
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I have a history of OCD and I'm literally this minute starting to think that's the core of the problem. I'm involuntarily fixating on something and that cognitive *fixation* is the actual problem.
I have a history of OCD and I'm literally this minute starting to think that's the core of the problem. I'm involuntarily fixating on something and that cognitive *fixation* is the actual problem.

Big feels here. Fixation is a powerful thing. I suppose I could see it being positive sometimes but for me it’s always been a negative. Hope you can find some management solutions if it’s something that’s a negative in your life rn
 

balthyes

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Big feels here. Fixation is a powerful thing. I suppose I could see it being positive sometimes but for me it’s always been a negative. Hope you can find some management solutions if it’s something that’s a negative in your life rn
Thank you!
 

balthyes

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I've said many times in this forum that everyone gets to like what they like.
I have an issue with unkempt beards. They gross me out when I imagine food stuck in them. I imagine years of filthy bacteria lurking in them and don't feel remotely interested in kissing a man with one.
Am I missing a fantastic man somewhere due to my aversion? Maybe but it ain't going away.
I'm a bit OCD myself. I also feel like that if I go to the trouble to shave my parts and keep myself clean for any potential suitor....why should I tolerate a long burly beard down to his chest? I don't like it is the bottom line.
Men ask me out on dates based upon my looks/their physical attraction to me. Why should I ignore my own preferences?
Preferring a short beard or clean shaven man is not bad and it doesn't hurt anyone.
Be careful in your self searching- everything you like or want may not automatically be bad/wrong if you don't hurt anyone and have a willing partner. (I haven't read all your posts by the way but hope to bring you some balance in your self assessment phase)
Thank you. I really appreciate your empathy. I also hate unkempt beards haha!

"everything you like or want may not automatically be bad/wrong if you don't hurt anyone and have a willing partner"

I definitely have some angst/guilt/shame with regard to my fat attraction. I have a lot to figure out.

It's quite hard because I was 36 before I was willing to admit this attraction/preference/fetish(?) to literally anyone. From a very young age, I recognised my "fascination" as something to keep very much to myself.

But in the name of honesty and ethicality, I have been open about it when meeting new people (on a plus-size dating app). I happened to hit it off tremendously with someone. I know you haven't read all my posts, but it's confusing for sure.
 
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luckyfa

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@DazzlingAnna

I can see where you‘re coming from…not sure how to answer to you directly though so I choose to write about my story and why I am on DIMS and how it helped me to somewhat channel my desires and fantasies.

I am here because I‘ve got no one IRL to talk about my desires and to learn about other people‘s desires. In particular, I am here to talk about the darker parts of this admiration/kink/fetish…whatever you want to call it…because I wouldn‘t even talk to my wife about these.

I am in a longterm relationship with a fat woman who started getting fat as soon as we started dating. At the beginning, I was somewhat indifferent to her gain because I loved her as a person. It was only after she had gained about 50 lbs that I discovered that I was in fact a fat admirer. I guess this term had yet to be coined back then. Did this discovery make my love for her go away? No.

She gained all her weight on her own, lost some of it several times, only to gain it all back all the time and then some. No active involvement by me required.

There‘s no denying the fact that I felt loss anxiety when she lost weight.

There’s no denying the fact that I was thrilled when she regained the weight lost.

There‘s no denying the fact that I get aroused sexually by her excess body fat and especially by certain body parts.

Does this make me a bad person who won‘t let his wife make decisions about her own body? I‘ll leave it up to you to decide.

There‘s also no denying that she knows how to seduce me with her fat. She also knows what she has to make me do to get her to an orgasm and does so when she feels the time is right for her, sometimes, as I got older, even before I have one. So who‘s „manipulating“ whom? Isn‘t she „selfish“?

There‘s no denying either that I have feeder tendencies, a fact about myself that I only admitted to myself thanks to DIMS. I had already begun to sneak in extra calories in her meals. I feel ashamed about that and rightfully so. But the shame is about my behaviour and not my desires. There’s no such thing as a thought crime. DIMS helped me to stop this behaviour, so it is kind of a psychotherapy for me.

It was only after I admitted it to myself that I was able to get rid of manipulative behaviour. I still love to watch her eat and I still have fantasies of feeding her but I won‘t act out on them because she doesn‘t want to get fatter, at least officially, and that‘s perfectly fine. She ultimately will get fatter if she continues like that but that‘s a different story.

On a different token, don‘t we all have fantasies of violence sometimes? If you say you don‘t, you should probably think twice. Do most people act out on these fantasies? The vast majority of people doesn‘t, luckily.

The problem with forums on the internet is that you don‘t know where people are when they‘re writing this or that. We lack context. Not everybody is good at conveying their thoughts and feelings in writing, especially if and when they‘re not a native English speaker (I am not).

So if you‘re reading something that triggers and/or insults you, it‘s not necessarily about you, but about them.

It‘s also not automatically about malicious intent. This is why I try to read online postings from the point of view of charity - until proven otherwise.

Let me finally say that it would be a loss for this forum if you chose to leave it because I‘ve always loved your contributions. Take care!
 
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Whereas I want to be worshipped for my body! I wanted that when I was doing triathlons and I want it now that I'm obese. I know I'm smart, no one has to tell me that, I don't have a scrap of insecurity about it. Please objectify me! I had a GF who was fascinated with my face once. She would sit facing and me and touch my nose, my cheeks, wiggle my double chin. She was just totally into men, and into me, physically, i mean, as well as, you know, emotionally and spiritually.

As for weight loss, I had a partner who dropped about 40 pounds. At first I was sad and panicky...and then I didn't really notice the difference. I want an obese partner but a little squish is fine, too. I just like to cuddle with a marshmallow, thank you!

There is so much to it...and I can understand your frustration. Please continue to Dazzle, Anna!
 
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Anomaly

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You have no choice over what you feel. What you do have is control over how you act.

My feeling aggrieved and frustrated and that it would have been better never to have been born because of my fat fetish is valid. What is not acceptable is for me to go out and catch a bus and molest a fat man who happens to have fallen asleep on it.

Feeling anxious for a fear of your partner losing weight, or wanting your partner to gain weight, are valid, but being emotionally abusive and coercing your partner, or secretly interfering with his food, are not acceptable.

Also I don't like big beards either. Funny because I prefer a nice groomed beard or quirky facial hair more attractive than clean-shaven. :)
 
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Donna

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You have no choice over what you feel. What you do have is control over how you act.

My feeling aggrieved and frustrated and that it would have been better never to have been born because of my fat fetish is valid. What is not acceptable is for me to go out and catch a bus and molest a fat man who happens to have fallen asleep on it.

Feeling anxious for a fear of your partner losing weight, or wanting your partner to gain weight, are valid, but being emotionally abusive and coercing your partner, or secretly interfering with his food, are not acceptable.

Also I don't like big beards either. Funny because I prefer a nice groomed beard or quirky facial hair more attractive than clean-shaven. :)
Can we all agree, that part of controlling how we act also includes our online presence? As I’ve said before, Dims at its core is for the FA, but there are also designated areas for those of us who are the A part of FA. Bemoaning how distraught one feels about their attraction/fetish in front of those they are attracted to/fetishizing can be off putting to those folks. I’m one of the minority around here who is not into deliberate weight gain. I learned early on in my experiences here not to comment on the weight board about my personal aversion to the practice. Out of respect, I try not to mention it at all regardless of which section I am posting in. Perhaps that same courtesy can be extended in other situations? If one is struggling with their sexuality, post about it on the Fat Intimacy forum. (If you can’t view that forum, contact a moderator to grant you access.) if you’re an intentional gainer, talk about your concerns on the Weight Board. Sure there might be some cross over…for example, I’m an SSBBW and also an FFA, but unless I’m specifically discussing a BHM related topic, I would post to the BBW/FA forum and not the FFA/BHM forum.

I’ve been accused more than once that I am overly sensitive. But if reminding myself that behind every avatar, every photo, and wall of text that there is a person with feelings and being respectful of those emotions makes me overly sensitive, so be it. I can live with that.
 
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Anomaly

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Can we all agree, that part of controlling how we act also includes our online presence? As I’ve said before, Dims at its core is for the FA, but there are also designated areas for those of us who are the A part of FA. Bemoaning how distraught one feels about their attraction/fetish in front of those they are attracted to/fetishizing can be off putting to those folks. I’m one of the minority around here who is not into deliberate weight gain. I learned early on in my experiences here not to comment on the weight board about my personal aversion to the practice. Out of respect, I try not to mention it at all regardless of which section I am posting in. Perhaps that same courtesy can be extended in other situations? If one is struggling with their sexuality, post about it on the Fat Intimacy forum. (If you can’t view that forum, contact a moderator to grant you access.) if you’re an intentional gainer, talk about your concerns on the Weight Board. Sure there might be some cross over…for example, I’m an SSBBW and also an FFA, but unless I’m specifically discussing a BHM related topic, I would post to the BBW/FA forum and not the FFA/BHM forum.

I’ve been accused more than once that I am overly sensitive. But if reminding myself that behind every avatar, every photo, and wall of text that there is a person with feelings and being respectful of those emotions makes me overly sensitive, so be it. I can live with that.
I'm sorry if anything I have written was offputting to you. I'm not really sure how it's an issue though, other than the semantics just seem to be offending some people. I absolutely don't intend to disparage fat people; it's just there are few fat men in the places I've lived and I've just never been able to find anyone more than a bit overweight who was interested in me back, and wish I'd ended up with any sexuality broader than this one because at the moment I'm fed up with my situation. :) I myself am not fat and would feel as though I was intruding if I posted on a subforum that was intended more for BBW (who get intruded on enough by thoughtless thin people IRL) and their admirers, which I seem to remember has always been a problem with this sort of online environment as the population always skews like that. But I would love to see this intimacy forum, and any others of that kind or that are kinky or have dirty fanfiction in them (lol) if the relevant admin can add me and I will try to post on there instead.
 

Donna

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I'm sorry if anything I have written was offputting to you. I'm not really sure how it's an issue though, other than the semantics just seem to be offending some people. I absolutely don't intend to disparage fat people; it's just there are few fat men in the places I've lived and I've just never been able to find anyone more than a bit overweight who was interested in me back, and wish I'd ended up with any sexuality broader than this one because at the moment I'm fed up with my situation. :) I myself am not fat and would feel as though I was intruding if I posted on a subforum that was intended more for BBW (who get intruded on enough by thoughtless thin people IRL) and their admirers, which I seem to remember has always been a problem with this sort of online environment as the population always skews like that. But I would love to see this intimacy forum, and any others of that kind or that are kinky or have dirty fanfiction in them (lol) if the relevant admin can add me and I will try to post on there instead.
@loopytheone , would you help @Anomaly out and grant them access to the fiction and fat intimacy forums?

Anomaly, I wasn’t offended or upset by what you wrote, so perhaps I shouldn’t have quoted you. I was jumping off what you wrote trying to make my point. That point being, please be aware of and be sensitive to the audience when posting on a forum such as this.

Now pardon me please while I go find something to extract my foot from my mouth.
 

Tad

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To emphasize what Donna said: This site has a variety of boards, instead of one big board, for a reason. I know that just going to 'new posts' is easy, but:
a) before posting, please scroll up and see what board you are on and guide yourself appropriately
b) if there are topics you prefer to avoid, perhaps use the boards view and don't go to the boards that are apt to have content you'd prefer not to see.

We haven't been strict about this for ages, because there were few enough posters on the site overall that letting it funciton more like one big board made sense. But it has always been an issue, here and on other fat related sites, that there are some mutually exclusive audiences. As Donna said, this site was founded by an FA/Feeder, but maybe worth noting that these web forums were originally started on another site, by a BBW who was running something like a dating site (when bandwidth got too expensive Dimensions offered to host them, but she stayed on to run the forums and chat room for a while). Right back on the dating site, before the forums were even added, there was friction between feeders and women who didn't want anything to do with them (there was very little BHM/FFA activity at the time). These forums have pretty much always tried to welcome both sides, but of course some non-feedists are not comfortable with the feedist presence, and some feedists don't want to be restrained in what/where/to who they say feedist things, so there will always be people uncomfortable with sharing.
 

waldo

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Can we all agree, that part of controlling how we act also includes our online presence? As I’ve said before, Dims at its core is for the FA, but there are also designated areas for those of us who are the A part of FA. Bemoaning how distraught one feels about their attraction/fetish in front of those they are attracted to/fetishizing can be off putting to those folks. I’m one of the minority around here who is not into deliberate weight gain. I learned early on in my experiences here not to comment on the weight board about my personal aversion to the practice. Out of respect, I try not to mention it at all regardless of which section I am posting in. Perhaps that same courtesy can be extended in other situations? If one is struggling with their sexuality, post about it on the Fat Intimacy forum. (If you can’t view that forum, contact a moderator to grant you access.) if you’re an intentional gainer, talk about your concerns on the Weight Board. Sure there might be some cross over…for example, I’m an SSBBW and also an FFA, but unless I’m specifically discussing a BHM related topic, I would post to the BBW/FA forum and not the FFA/BHM forum.

I’ve been accused more than once that I am overly sensitive. But if reminding myself that behind every avatar, every photo, and wall of text that there is a person with feelings and being respectful of those emotions makes me overly sensitive, so be it. I can live with that.
Although I understand the premise/sentiment here, I must strongly disagree. I know it must feel horrible to be the object of attraction of certain people, who then go on to moan and groan about how hard it is for them to deal with this 'affliction'. It reminds me of the ****-storm that occured on here back when I first joined, in a thread titled something like "How Big do you Like 'Em'". Some of the SSBBW members (like 400+ lb or so) felt so bad about some of the comments there (including my own) that they said made them feel like so much lesser of human beings than thin people. BUt people were just expressing honest and rational thoughts and feelings. If we have to walk on eggshells all the time, always worrying that we may horribly offend somebody, we quickly get to a point that almost zero candid discussion of difficult and politically incorrect topics can occur. As far as the fat intimacy forum being a place to post about struggles regarding being an FA: yeah NO! I am pretty sure that is not the purpose of that subforum. If people want the level of discussion on Dimensions to regain some momentum and actually be robust again like it once was; they need to put on their big boy and big girl pants and accept that they will run across things that will drive them fucking irate. BUT the alternative, IMHO is that the forum continues to decline into eventual total irrelevance. This is not to say that we shouldn't try to treat each other with respect as appropriate. But difficult issues can only be dealt with through difficult to have discussions, and feelings are going to be hurt as part of that process.

P.S. : it seems ironic that it is the moanings of hetero FFAs that has led to this latest round of discussion over the 'dehumanization and objectification' of fat people by their so-called admirers. Well that is a change from the old days. Good bad or otherwise - naw none of the above but interesting nonetheless.

P.P.S. : FFAs, don't be scared off - keep posting your comments and concerns. You still occupy the perceived high ground, as women. What are they going to accuse you of: being a tool of the patriarchy for objectifying fat men!? LOL :)
 
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Donna

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Waldo, please don't twist my words into something they are not. I am NOT trying to scare anyone away, especially not FFAs, a presence that has long been underrepresented here. And I'm sorry you were taken to task so long ago by some of the more vocal and opinionated BBW & SSBBW. I understand completely that you were hurt at that time and it seems to have left you with a bad taste in your mouth.

I am NOT IN ANY WAY asking people to walk on eggshells. That's ridiculous. What I am asking is that those who are posting on subjects of a more contentious nature do so with the knowledge of their audience and that they use some discretion as to where they post the subject. That they display some empathy to those of us who are the subject of their "affliction".

Isn't the purpose of these forums to socialize? When one interacts as a member of society, we accept the ethical theory that we must interact in a way that benefits all of society and not just our own needs and desires. Again, I'm sorry that you and your friends' feelings weren't considered all those years ago, but that was then and this is now. As Tad said:
This site has a variety of boards, instead of one big board, for a reason. I know that just going to 'new posts' is easy, but:

a) before posting, please scroll up and see what board you are on and guide yourself appropriately
b) if there are topics you prefer to avoid, perhaps use the boards view and don't go to the boards that are apt to have content you'd prefer not to see.

Does it hurt anyone to follow these guidelines? A little tact and discretion can go a long way to bolstering everyone's experiences here.
 

waldo

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Waldo, please don't twist my words into something they are not. I am NOT trying to scare anyone away, especially not FFAs, a presence that has long been underrepresented here. And I'm sorry you were taken to task so long ago by some of the more vocal and opinionated BBW & SSBBW. I understand completely that you were hurt at that time and it seems to have left you with a bad taste in your mouth.

I am NOT IN ANY WAY asking people to walk on eggshells. That's ridiculous. What I am asking is that those who are posting on subjects of a more contentious nature do so with the knowledge of their audience and that they use some discretion as to where they post the subject. That they display some empathy to those of us who are the subject of their "affliction".

Isn't the purpose of these forums to socialize? When one interacts as a member of society, we accept the ethical theory that we must interact in a way that benefits all of society and not just our own needs and desires. Again, I'm sorry that you and your friends' feelings weren't considered all those years ago, but that was then and this is now. As Tad said:


Does it hurt anyone to follow these guidelines? A little tact and discretion can go a long way to bolstering everyone's experiences here.
Well I think you are doing a little bit of back-tracking now after being called out. I interpreted it as that you were essentially advocating that any comments where FAs are in any way 'wringing their hands' over dealing with their 'FAness' should be segregated to some obscure part of these forums where it doesn't interfere with the 'polite discussion' of the rest of the site.
When you say: "When one interacts as a member of society, we accept the ethical theory that we must interact in a way that benefits all of society and not just our own needs and desires."
I have no idea where you got this idea, but how can you expect all interactions to somehow "benefit all of society". WTF is that supposed to mean?

My main point is that when one posts something, it is bound to piss off some people (you can't please all the people all the time), and those people sometimes just need to suck it up. Then again, back to your point, things that may get posted on a board about fat acceptance may in fact benefit someone, as a fat person, even if they are initially irritated or angered by reading some of these comments. This is not to say that people should not do their best to be tactful and avoid intentional insults and cheap shots like the post earlier in this thread that got the poster 'banned'. But sometimes blunt and to the point is the most effective way to get the point across.

Again (as said in my earlier reply) I do empathize with your angst. You and I have both been around this scene a long time and seen a lot over the years. It does pain me to think of fat people reading about how the FAs are struggling with their orientation. BUT just remember, on the flip side, many fat people have for years villified all FAs as being totally self-serving, manipulative and overly objectifying. Unfortunately many FAs do fit that description along with tactless, inconsiderate, demeaning (sometimes even loathful) toward the objects of their attraction, etc.

SO yes it is a tough (sad) situation and I just wish we had somehow made some progress towards a rapprochement between FAs and fat people. Unfortunately I don't detect that there is any of that, although I admit my grasp on all aspects of what is going on out there is not that broad in scope. My thought has always been that we will succeed together or fail as adversaries. Sadly, it seems the latter is mostly baked in at this point. Anyways, I think you are fine on this: other than a one or two cranks like myself (or am I the only one), nobody cares to do much other than 'socialize' on this website these days.

P.S.: you stated "I'm sorry that you and your friends' feelings weren't considered all those years ago". I really do appreciate your acknowledgement that maybe some of this lack of empathy has also cut the other way. But I do want to say that I never have felt like I had any male FA friends on this website in the 16 years I have been participating. And I also hypothesize that this is also part of the problem. It seems to me that too often, male FAs tend to be loners and don't associate with each other and build up a camaraderie that could allow them to better face the world, and likewise lead to more FAs coming out and being more honest about themselves.

Well if you read this far - thanks and I really do appreciate your efforts towards an honest discourse and without that snark factor that has been a trademark of so many here in the past. Good on you for sure!!
 
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loopytheone

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From my perspective, these things have always been difficult. What I love about Dims, and what makes it 'home' to me in a way that nowhere else has ever been, is the fact that we do cover so many groups and issues.

I'm basically straddling every line you can think of in the fat community. I'm a BBW, but also a FA, but also I like men and women. I only like fat men, but I like women of all sizes. I'm a fetishist/attracted to fat, but I'm asexual and personality is the most important thing to me. I like talking about kink stuff but I also like talking about activism and the fight for fat people's rights and equality. There's a lot of communities out there where I can go to fit in with one of those things, but it always means leaving a part of me behind/shutting it off. Dims is the only place where I can be all of those things at once.

It lets me identify with a lot of different view points and sides of the community (which I think is useful as a mod). I can tell you that I've been readily accepted with open arms in the BHM/FFA board, and the more kink orientated boards, but was always treated with mistrust/skepticism on the BBW board. Enough that I don't feel like I fit in with that crowd, despite me being a fat woman large enough to face a lot of the typical struggles, such as not being able to shop in regular stores, being right on the border of fitting in plane seats/rides etc etc. People seem to want me to 'prove' my BBW status whereas nobody has ever wanted me to 'prove' I'm an FA.

I don't really understand the level of animosity between the BBW and FA crowds sometimes. To the point where I forget about it a lot, which is my own fault as a mod. There's none of that in the BHM/FFA community. I've never seen BHM clamoring to have their own board or resenting the FFAs for being attracted to them. Infact, that BHM/FFA community has always been one of the tightest on here, so it bemuses me how much BBW and FAs seem to struggle with that. You're on the same side, whether you realise it or not.

I also don't get the idea that a person having a fetish for your body is a bad thing? Like, "oh no, you like my body too much, not for me". Seems so strange to me. Unless you have self confidence/love issues, surely you want a partner that thinks your body is the hottest thing since sliced bread? I'll only date FAs because I am fat, and I need the other person to be just as in love with my fat body and the things it does as I am. Just because somebody really, really likes your body, it doesn't mean they don't like other parts of you just as much. I don't get how those two things are connected at all. It's no different to how the 'general society' has a 'fetish' for petiteness, flat stomach, full breasts etc etc. And it doesn't mean that everybody out there who likes those things is shallow and only likes the way their partner looks. I don't get rejecting a community because they find you 'too' attractive.

Like I said, there's none of this in the BHM/FFA community. Most BHMs think FFAs are the best thing ever, and there's none of these complaints about being dehumanized/objectified/only loved for their bodies. Which makes me think that the real issue here is more of a 'women distrusting men' one than a fat one. Which absolutely makes sense and I can accept and identify with a lot. Women face a lot of issues that men don't and have a lot more reasons to be suspicious about being used/taken advantage of. I understand not wanting to be objectified/dehumanized by men.

I've touched on this before, but back in the day there were separate BBW and FA/FFA boards. Where people spoke about their own issues, where they rattled around like an echo chamber and got nowhere, until people stopped using them. People don't want to only hear the thoughts of people just like them. Otherwise, you might as well talk to a mirror. We combined the two boards for this reason and because, like I said, the BHM/FFA board has always been one of the tightness knit out there.

Also, from the perspective of somebody with one foot either side of the line here, there's some irony in threads like this. BBW complaining about how awful FAs are and that they hate even having to be around them, and then complaining that FAs have self confidence/self hate issues. Surely I can't be the only person seeing the irony here? Stop telling FAs they are terrible people and then complaining when they worry that they are terrible people.

Just to point out, whilst we do have specific boards for things, most of the time, everyone is welcome everywhere. FAs, BBW, BHM, FFAs, you are all welcome to come chat and discuss your stuff. FFAs aren't limited to only being allowed to talk on the BHM/FFA board. I feel like a lot of the time people automatically assume the whole rest of the board is for BBW/FA, when it has never been that way. It's for everyone. Like, this thread is by a BBW addressing fat related issues, but I've not seen anybody saying it belongs in the BBW/FA board, the way they do when FFAs talk about similar things.

My thought has always been that we will succeed together or fail as adversaries.

This, 100% over.

I'm going off on a tangent unrelated to waldo's post here, but it reminds me of how the LGBT community exists, in a way. Lots of different groups, that might not normally interact or get along, united under a banner of what they have in common instead of picking each other apart over what the differences are. We all face similar issues and prejudices in life.

And yeah, like with the LGBT community, there will always be some friction between groups. Homosexual women and their dislike of bisexual women, for instance. But at the end of the day, they understand that they both face the same issues from the 'outside' society and band together to fight that.

Dims is never going to be just one thing. Never going to be just a kink board, or just a social justice board. And we don't get to police what other people are allowed and not allowed to talk about. If things bother you, like the issues Anna brought up here, then you are welcome to bring them up and we can discuss them. Your feelings are valid and we can all learn from each other. The feelings of FFAs struggling with self hatred and wanting to talk about that are just as valid. You are both equally welcome to talk about these things.

From my perspective, watching the two sides fight, it's like watching my siblings fight with each other. I love you both equally, both communities. And you have more in common than you will ever admit. Watching you punch each other instead of band together to take on the bullies around you is painful to me.
 
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