Size and Coupling...

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pudgy

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Wow, I'm sorry for the confusion. Let me clarify.

I whole-heartedly DISAGREE that marrying a fat person is indeed settling for less. It's the SHAME of our culture, however, that people do think this. But they do, and I'm certain it happens. People, sadly, "settle" for things all the time, or at least they think they do. How sad.

As for me wondering, I was indeed wondering, as Leonard put it, if they are "one of us."

Sorry for the confusion.
 

liz (di-va)

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1. This thread title is very naughty, thank you, 87.;)

2. I've pretty much completely uncoupled (hah) any assumptions about couples based on size...you just never know anything based on that. I mean...there's nothing really to know (about what it means that one's bigger/smaller/not), even if you could assume everyone were happy with their size out here in the world. ( I mean this differently from the sense in which you're askin, 87, just thinkin about how people usually talk.)

What is really amazing is, yes, how people seem to think couples should "match" in their own unevolved POV, by both being either big or small, since clearly size tells you so much about somebody (not). Personally I just love (hopeless sap here) seeing people who like/love/lust for each other, whoever they are. Makes me happy. And I feel the same about men I'm with...if I like em, that's good enough for me, whether they are twiggy and lean or thick footballers.

Sorry...feeling a lil idealistic or something at the mo. But seriously.

I like to think maybe there are BBWs with bigger dudes in part because they've learned to be open to their preferences, whatever they may be, but that's probably kinda idealistic. I dunno!

Did I say this right? It's late.
 

CeCe the Porky Princess!

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ALL my past fellas have been slim/muscular. I met my partner and THE lurve of my life thru' his ex partner and didn't physically see him for over 6 months..by that point I was more than on my way to smittenhood!

Pip is a big fella 6ft plus and alot of lbs (we do stones here in the UK!) .. what attracted me to him was HIM not his fat, not because I thought 'he's fat he will have me!' (as bloody if!), not because he is fat he will put up with my weight...but purely and simply because I LIKED the arse of him and when we met the attraction was immediate:wubu: !

FAT does not necessarily attract FAT infact I would say as a rule bigger fellas do nothing for me - Phil goes to show that rules are to be brooken and I am VERY thankful they are too!

CeCe xx
 

eightyseven

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Perhaps this thread has moved on, but I've thought about this too. There are enough "fat couples" around that I've asked myself the same question. My feeling is that in general people of similar experiences and tastes attract, and often fat people are no different. Exempli gratia, a guy with a bowl in his earlobe sees a girl with seventeen piercings. He may not bring it up right away, but he intuitively recognizes that they might be on the same page.

So, a fat guy who knows how to enjoy food, isn't a gym-freak, and deals with the crap that goes along with being fat sees a girl who is fat. He just might subconsciously be adding up the evidence: on some level, she just might get me.

I suppose that's one idea. Plus, I think a lot of bigger women feel a bit validated by having a big guy. I remember dating a BBW who said many times that she wouldn't feel so self-conscious about her weight if only I were heavy too.

I ate myself into a stupor to no avail.
This makes a great deal of sense to me, actually. I wish I didn't believe the second theory, but the truth is that I know too many lovely gals whose lack of confidence would drive them to be that self-conscious... even if they won't explicitly admit it.

1. This thread title is very naughty, thank you, 87.;)
Naughty? I don't see it at all... maybe I'm just slow. Please explain!
 

supersoup

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This makes a great deal of sense to me, actually. I wish I didn't believe the second theory, but the truth is that I know too many lovely gals whose lack of confidence would drive them to be that self-conscious... even if they won't explicitly admit it.



Naughty? I don't see it at all... maybe I'm just slow. Please explain!
oh yeah, i thought this was gonna be a whole different thread, heh.

coupling...making the loooooove.

i can only speak for myself, but i've dated guys thin and bigger. i guess my eye IS drawn to bigger guys more often, but i'm an equal opportunity lech. i ogle the skinny ones as well. :D

now, the guy i was with the longest, he was a big boy. 6'2" i think, and at his skinniest was 190, and his biggest around 300 lbs. my memory is foggy on his stats, but he had a lovely belly that i often fell asleep on while listening to it growl.
 

RedVelvet

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oh yeah, i thought this was gonna be a whole different thread, heh.

coupling...making the loooooove.

i can only speak for myself, but i've dated guys thin and bigger. i guess my eye IS drawn to bigger guys more often, but i'm an equal opportunity lech. i ogle the skinny ones as well. :D

now, the guy i was with the longest, he was a big boy. 6'2" i think, and at his skinniest was 190, and his biggest around 300 lbs. my memory is foggy on his stats, but he had a lovely belly that i often fell asleep on while listening to it growl.

You are so damn cute its alarming. You know that?
 

Aliena

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My husband and I were both over 400lbs. when we met. He had seen a picture of me, I had never laid eyes on him. The night we met was magical and we've haven't been apart since.

Neither one of us feel as though we compromised or settled. In fact, weight was not an issue for us, only more important we connected and had like interests.

He has been the best thing to ever happen in my life. I'm venture to say he'd say the same about me.

Interestingly enough, we've lost weight together not gained. We're still WubbyTubbys but we like it that way. At night, when laying in his arms, I love squeezing his round belly in my hands. It's so very soft and VERY comforting to me.

As for the sex, we never had a problem having it at any size. We could bump uglies with the best of them and we've always enjoyed it very much! :batting:

Size to me is like age; it's a state of mind. Wherever the mind is, the heart will follow.
 

loren_a_e

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I'm sure there are lots of couples who settle for a less than physical ideal. Sheer numbers would suggest that either fat people are settling for each other or thin people are settling for fat people. I can see fat being drawn towards fat because there's a shared history of rejection and insecurity and and in the same vein, I can see fat being drawn towards fat because there's a shared love of food.

At this point, there are far too many of us (In the UK and America, at least) for every fat person to find the FA of their dreams. Some of us simply have to settle. I suppose it could be argued that with increasing exposure to fat, people are learning to appreciate it, but regardless of what's happening on the street, the media is still pushing thin, alarmingly thin in some cases. I just don't think there are enough FAs to go around.

Personally, I'm not attracted to fat men initially. I've never yet encountered a large man who's turned my head in the street. What does attract me is someone passionate about the slow food movement and New Zealand wines. As such men tend to be a little larger than most, I'm often found to be eyeing off the porker in the room. :bow:
 

butch

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I'm sure there are lots of couples who settle for a less than physical ideal. Sheer numbers would suggest that either fat people are settling for each other or thin people are settling for fat people. I can see fat being drawn towards fat because there's a shared history of rejection and insecurity and and in the same vein, I can see fat being drawn towards fat because there's a shared love of food.

At this point, there are far too many of us (In the UK and America, at least) for every fat person to find the FA of their dreams. Some of us simply have to settle. I suppose it could be argued that with increasing exposure to fat, people are learning to appreciate it, but regardless of what's happening on the street, the media is still pushing thin, alarmingly thin in some cases. I just don't think there are enough FAs to go around.

Personally, I'm not attracted to fat men initially. I've never yet encountered a large man who's turned my head in the street. What does attract me is someone passionate about the slow food movement and New Zealand wines. As such men tend to be a little larger than most, I'm often found to be eyeing off the porker in the room. :bow:
Look, just because the media doesn't say it, doesn't mean that it can't be true that fat can be aesthetically pleasing and sexy to people. If this wasn't the case, then their would be NO FAs for fat women to attract. Your statement suggests that even FAs shouldn't exist, and if so, they're settling? And that no fat person could find another fat person attractive independent of their own experiences as a fat person? Come on, that's not true and demeans all fat people and FAs.

I'm fat, and would never date someone who felt they were settling (and have brushed off the folks who behave that way) and I find other fat people sexy because their bodies are sexy-round and soft and warm and beautiful. Don't insult me and most of the other people on this board by suggesting that anybody dating a fat person is settling. I'm worth more than that, and so are my friends here on the board. And if you would at least try to have an objective, open mind, you'd see the numerous points of beauty that a fat body possess.
 

CTAnonymousCT

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This week was my town's annual art fair... it draws a large regional crowd and the streets are absolutely packed all day. Walking around, I was both happy to see plenty of stunning BBW out and about, many of whom were paired with some lucky gentlemen. Now, what struck me as interesting was the percentage of those guys that happen to be bigger themselves. Has anyone else noticed that people of size tend to gravitate toward each other - romantically speaking? Clearly this is not the rule (as I know there are plenty of FAs who fall elsewhere on the size spectrum and there are a great deal of BBW who are not fat admirers), but it is something that I've found intriguing. Anyone have thoughts on this phenomenon? Does anyone disagree with my observation? I'm curious to hear feedback... would you believe me if I told you I studied sociology? :p
I have to say that from hanging around the bbw bashes and such (at least in new england) That I havent found that many large couples. I think that alot of the couples I see out and about( Not in the bbw/bhm culture) got large together, just MO. Many of the bbw's I know arent really attracted to larger men. There are exceptions of course, however, I find them not to be the norm ......

Keep it Real!
 

loren_a_e

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Look, just because the media doesn't say it, doesn't mean that it can't be true that fat can be aesthetically pleasing and sexy to people. If this wasn't the case, then their would be NO FAs for fat women to attract. Your statement suggests that even FAs shouldn't exist, and if so, they're settling? And that no fat person could find another fat person attractive independent of their own experiences as a fat person? Come on, that's not true and demeans all fat people and FAs.

I'm fat, and would never date someone who felt they were settling (and have brushed off the folks who behave that way) and I find other fat people sexy because their bodies are sexy-round and soft and warm and beautiful. Don't insult me and most of the other people on this board by suggesting that anybody dating a fat person is settling. I'm worth more than that, and so are my friends here on the board. And if you would at least try to have an objective, open mind, you'd see the numerous points of beauty that a fat body possess.
I'm unsure how you read all that into my post, but let me clarify: -

I believe a small number of people are born FAs. I'm happy for these people.
I believe that as we grow and our experiences widen, we learn to appreciate that which was not palatable before. There are men and women out there who I'm sure are now drawn to fat because they've found over time that they appreciate being with fat people.

I just don't want to delude myself into thinking that the world is a beautiful, fluffy place where fat is desired and accepted by all. In some countries there is a larger collective waistline than ever, and it would be silly to assume that with this burgeoning waistline comes increased desire for fat. Some people are settling, and I'm glad that you feel so good about yourself that you would never settle for a person who wasn't 100% into your body shape. Other people, because they fear being alone, because they want children, for any number of reasons will settle. It happens for thin people, it happens for fat people but I daresay because of the negative way fat is perceived, it happens more often for fat people.

Finally, being fat myself I think I'm very appreciative of the chub. Why just this morning I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror on the way into the bathroom and thought "Dearie, that's a fine bottom you have there".
 

sunnie1653

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I suppose that's one idea. Plus, I think a lot of bigger women feel a bit validated by having a big guy. I remember dating a BBW who said many times that she wouldn't feel so self-conscious about her weight if only I were heavy too.

I ate myself into a stupor to no avail.

I don't necessarily think bbw's feel "validated" by having a bigger guy.. but speaking from experience (my hubby's about 6'1" and 330ish), I guess its nice to have someone there that appreciates what you go through during your daily life as a larger person, and when people make snarky remarks or are just jerk-head-ish, and irritate me, he knows just what to say to cheer me up, because hey.. he's been there.

That and I can steal his Cubbies t-shirts. ;)
 

butch

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I'm unsure how you read all that into my post, but let me clarify: -

I believe a small number of people are born FAs. I'm happy for these people.
I believe that as we grow and our experiences widen, we learn to appreciate that which was not palatable before. There are men and women out there who I'm sure are now drawn to fat because they've found over time that they appreciate being with fat people.

I just don't want to delude myself into thinking that the world is a beautiful, fluffy place where fat is desired and accepted by all. In some countries there is a larger collective waistline than ever, and it would be silly to assume that with this burgeoning waistline comes increased desire for fat. Some people are settling, and I'm glad that you feel so good about yourself that you would never settle for a person who wasn't 100% into your body shape. Other people, because they fear being alone, because they want children, for any number of reasons will settle. It happens for thin people, it happens for fat people but I daresay because of the negative way fat is perceived, it happens more often for fat people.

Finally, being fat myself I think I'm very appreciative of the chub. Why just this morning I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror on the way into the bathroom and thought "Dearie, that's a fine bottom you have there".
I read all that because you said all that. let me show you:

You wrote: "Sheer numbers would suggest that either fat people are settling for each other or thin people are settling for fat people. I can see fat being drawn towards fat because there's a shared history of rejection and insecurity and and in the same vein, I can see fat being drawn towards fat because there's a shared love of food."

Nowhere in that did you offer even the possibility that fat people had dates for any other reason than that someone settled for them. When you included thin people in your statement, you sort of cancel out FAs, or are they not thin? Therefore, you say that all fat people with mates are less than ideal for the thin mate, and if it is an all fat couple, they could only be together because of a shared understanding of stigma or because they love food. Nice stereotype with that food bit, too.

Then you write, "At this point, there are far too many of us (In the UK and America, at least) for every fat person to find the FA of their dreams. Some of us simply have to settle. I suppose it could be argued that with increasing exposure to fat, people are learning to appreciate it, but regardless of what's happening on the street, the media is still pushing thin, alarmingly thin in some cases. I just don't think there are enough FAs to go around"

This suggests that everyone only wants to be with a thin person, that that is the only way someone doesn't settle, and that thin is the only approved aesthetic out there. Then you mention the media, as if the media is the only way humans can learn how to find other bodies desirable. Then you suggest that the media is more important than individual preferences when you say "regardless of what's happening on the street, the media is still pushing thin," and one knows all change comes from the street. "Black is beautiful" and "gay is good" are slogans from the street, not the BBC, ABC, CBS, or NBC.

I never said we should have a 'fluffy' world where everyone finds fat sexy and beautiful. I don't care what anyone else finds attractive, but I don't think FAs are all inborn, nor do I think they're a small number, nor do I discount the many people whose desires are informed by intangibles like personality or intelligence, and come to the conclusion that this rest of us fatties who don't have a dyed in the wool thin FA have settled. If I were to think this, then how the hell could I expect anyone, fat or thin, FA or not, to ever want to date me?

And finally, how do you say "and it would be silly to assume that with this burgeoning waistline comes increased desire for fat" when throughout history and across cultures many different sizes have been considered desirable? Its not as if Size 0 has been the aesthetic ideal forever and ever in every spot on the globe, and my assumptions about the beauty of fat has nothing to do with the statistics about how many fat people there are. Aesthetics have nothing to do with statistics.

Fine, settle, and think the rest of us do. I don't see how anyone, thin or fat, can be happy if they feel 'less than' and that is what settling is. And if you have such a shallow view about humanity, that all humans care about in terms of one's self worth is the size of their ass, then I don't think anything I can say will change your opinion about the wonderfulness of all bodies, fat or thin, to someone. There goes my fluffiness again, actually believing, like Anne Frank, that all people are inherently good. When will I learn?
 

loren_a_e

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I read all that because you said all that. let me show you:

You wrote: "Sheer numbers would suggest that either fat people are settling for each other or thin people are settling for fat people. I can see fat being drawn towards fat because there's a shared history of rejection and insecurity and and in the same vein, I can see fat being drawn towards fat because there's a shared love of food."
You broke my brain. I was under the impression that given the board this is being posted on I needn't have prefaced my message with "Aside from those people who are drawn to fat because they genuinely enjoy and appreciate a fat partner, here are some other reasons why fat people might end up with the partners they do". The OP was also kind of a giveaway.

I promise you, I like fat. I've even got a tshirt that says that. Okay, I don't but I'll get a marker and write on an old polo "I Like Fat". Maybe I'll replace the like with a love heart just so everyone knows that it's not just a fleeting affair I've got going with fat.
 

butch

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You broke my brain. I was under the impression that given the board this is being posted on I needn't have prefaced my message with "Aside from those people who are drawn to fat because they genuinely enjoy and appreciate a fat partner, here are some other reasons why fat people might end up with the partners they do". The OP was also kind of a giveaway.

I promise you, I like fat. I've even got a tshirt that says that. Okay, I don't but I'll get a marker and write on an old polo "I Like Fat". Maybe I'll replace the like with a love heart just so everyone knows that it's not just a fleeting affair I've got going with fat.
Well, then stick around a bit, lots of people come on these boards and say things about fat (and other things) that paint a rather large brush stoke about why things are, and often times its stuff that discounts a lot of real people's experiences, like yours did. And anytime those broad strokes imply that all fat people are 'less than,' then I'm going to say something, regardless of the OP.

I'm glad you like fat, and really, I don't make it a prerequisite for anyone in my life or on the net, but yes, some of us don't like our experiences boiled down to such a narrow set of choices that you offered. Especially on a site that is pro-'fat is sexy and desirable.'
 

Waxwing

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Butch, you are so fucking awesome. Just had to say that because I can't rep you right now.
 
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