The annoying behaviour of Ghosting

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DazzlingAnna

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This thread is not a particularly fat-related topic or an online one (even if I know it is a thing online, too).

I would like to talk about and
hear your opinion, experiences, reactions... etc. on the annoying behaviour of "ghosting" in real life.

To give a short explanation what I mean:

Ghosting - the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.

I've made this experience twice in my life - so far. Once when I was younger in my early 20s, another time quite recently.

I was cut off of any communication - on the recent "case" I was blocked everywhere one could be blocked nowadays - even on the emergency number. Friday we talked as usual, Saturday afternoon I was blocked.

As adults: shouldn't we say if something has changed (for whatever reason) that means to stop any communication?

Remember I am talking about real life and real friends (well apparently not) that literally know every secret from each other who are behaving like that.

It is hurtful,
It is humilating,
It is disrespectful
for the person been "ghosted".

Is it easy to dump someone this way?

I have found a way to deal with this huge disappointment. A long process.
Basically I see this as a loss - but it is their loss!


I am curious - what are your thoughts, opinions, experiences about it?
 

Tracyarts

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I ghost people if I find out they are toxic in some way. No conflict at all about it. Experience has taught me that it is simply not possible to remove them from my life without just going abruptly, completely, and permanently no-contact.

If I don't just cut them off cold, they want an explanation why I no longer wish to associate with them. And if I tell them why, they will not own their shit. They blameshift, truth-twist, gaslight, mindfuck, and flip the script. And then continue to try and force unwanted contact to try and wheedle and weasel their way back in.

We are allowed to have dealbreakers with people and nobody is entitled to demand we give them "closure".
 

Lamebrain

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I've found people have various justifications for ghosting. The basic gist of it from what I've observed is that people generally do it because of stress. Either from the relationship or from outside circumstances. And ghosting is a rather unhealthy way to deal with that stress.

I personally think you should give someone closure, especially if you have a history with them. As someone who has ghosted, and have been ghosted. I've found showing a little kindness and being a human being to someone goes a long way.
 

DazzlingAnna

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I ghost people if I find out they are toxic in some way. No conflict at all about it. Experience has taught me that it is simply not possible to remove them from my life without just going abruptly, completely, and permanently no-contact.

If I don't just cut them off cold, they want an explanation why I no longer wish to associate with them. And if I tell them why, they will not own their shit. They blameshift, truth-twist, gaslight, mindfuck, and flip the script. And then continue to try and force unwanted contact to try and wheedle and weasel their way back in.

We are allowed to have dealbreakers with people and nobody is entitled to demand we give them "closure".
I see your point and I agree on those kind of toxic people not getting it that their time is up. I met enough of those in my life and have found a way to keep them on distance. To be fair they knew that I don't want any contact (anymore).

In my case, I wish I was told that time was up for our personal relationship. (happened 20 years ago. he went back home by car, we wanted to talk next day as usual.)

I would have asked for an explanation, sure. If I would get one - even better. If I wouldn't get one - well, I wouldn't insist or force unwanted contact. That's the way I'd deal with it. Wondering why but accepting in the end. (that's probably not the common way to deal with such a situation?)

I lost quite a time of my life when I was left worried what might have happened to this person: dead in car accident on way back home? And after a while (in my mindset back then) it was also a confirmation of what an awful person I must be - not even worth to get to know when dumped.

Maybe this experience I made is why I would people let know when they are no longer a part of my life.
 

loopytheone

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I definitely agree that it depends on context. Ghosting an online only acquaintance is very different to ghosting somebody you see on a regular basis.

My best friend through highschool and university ghosted me, maybe 5 years ago now. I still have no idea what I did wrong. I went from being friends with her whole family, included in her family-only gatherings, to her refusing to speak to me at all. Even her mum wont answer messages from my mum. I literally have no idea what I did and it used to drive me crazy, especially as I am still facebook friends to this day with her/her husband. 10 years and then that. You'd have thought I'd deserve some answer at least.

People are complicated, that's all I have to say. I have very few friends and let hardly anyone close, but even more so since then.
 

Corey

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I haven’t been ghosted completely, but about 10 years ago I had a cherished friend who abruptly stopped 99% of our communication after her wedding (which I was a part of). If I’m being honest, she changed the day she began dating her boyfriend, now husband, but at least she still acted like she cherished me. I was so hurt and confused and sick over the loss of my friend. She knew everything about me and my traumas and we knew each other’s families personally. Before that friendship, it already took me a long time to let someone in. But now, it takes even longer and I hate how aloof I am in real life because of it. I went through a lot of self reflection after our friendship ended, and for someone who is already sensitive to others’ needs, the possibility that I offended someone I cared for still gets to me all these years later. I’m sorry y’all went through what you did, because your stories sound harsher than mine.

As stated by someone above, I believe ghosting someone who is toxic is sometimes the only way to go. If I was going to ghost someone, they would have been spoken to and given enough chances to know WHY I cut off all contact before doing so. They wouldn’t have to question, because they would recall the conversations we had. Being ghosted by someone who you experienced life with and who you loved and cherished with your whole heart can cause mental health issues for certain people. It’s a really serious thing in my opinion. That’s why I urge everyone to be honest and to communicate truthfully before cutting off contact. That way the other person has a chance to self reflect and to become more aware of things for their relationships in the future. Those are my thoughts about that.
 

DazzlingAnna

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@loopytheone: I totally agree on your last paragraph.

I have only few close friends too who know more about me than others. Since that ghosting happened to me twice I am very aware that I can only believe and trust in myself. (Which is kind of sad.)

Nevertheless try to be open-minded to get to know people, their opinions, their ideas, their characteristics, their peculiarities, the things that matter in their lives. Running the risk of being disappointed. But I don't want to miss the good things, too.

@loopytheone:
if you are still struggeling with the question what you might have done wrong - probably you will never get an answer... Focus on other things that are giving you energy - instead of taking it from you.

@Corey:
thanks for your sharing your thoughts.
I totally agree on the points you made.
 

Colonial Warrior

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I lost quite a time of my life when I was left worried what might have happened to this person: dead in car accident on way back home? And after a while (in my mindset back then) it was also a confirmation of what an awful person I must be - not even worth to get to know when dumped.
That's the saddest part. To care about people who doesn't deserve any single of your precious tears and time!
 

TwoSwords

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Ghosting - the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.
So people who just don't respond anymore to messages, e-mails, phone calls, etc...
That stinks. If something's wrong, they should just say something's wrong.
 

John Smith

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I've ghosted plenty of people, but none of those had any personal relation with me. Sometimes, I just found than maintaining a friendly correspondance with a random person from the other edge of the world or attempting to step foward the proposition of a date toward a suitress who just seek to have some weird distant lasting companionship is exhausting.

Or worst: you stumble on F E A B I E. Aside one friendly member, every single woman who wooed me in this platform is so boring and needy as (beep) . I can't. Stand. THEM.
 

John Smith

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Otherwise, I've been ghosted out by plenty of people: fake friends, stupid relatives, situationships, ecetera ecetera. Overtime, you found out by yourself a better solution: ghost them and joke distantly about their flaws.

Their own medicine piss them off. 😏
 

DazzlingAnna

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I've ghosted plenty of people, but none of those had any personal relation with me. Sometimes, I just found than maintaining a friendly correspondance with a random person from the other edge of the world or attempting to step foward the proposition of a date toward a suitress who just seek to have some weird distant lasting companionship is exhausting.
@John Smith

So if you haven't had a real personal relation to the people you have cut contact it is per definition not what I understand of ghosting.

I see your point - no one needs people or conversations that are exhausting in any way - especially online. People come and people go. If interests don't match - why spending time. I would agree on that somehow.

Off topic : Online (what actually wasn't my point when opening this thread )- it seems a common behaviour to quit contact right in a conversation because - it is easy.

Imagine how it would look like in real life:
You are in a conversation and while the other person is telling you something about a certain topic you just turn around and leave. That would be an odd situation, wouldn't it?!

As for me I try to avoid this behaviour. Online and in real life. 😏

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
 

John Smith

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@John Smith

So if you haven't had a real personal relation to the people you have cut contact it is per definition not what I understand of ghosting.

I see your point - no one needs people or conversations that are exhausting in any way - especially online. People come and people go. If interests don't match - why spending time. I would agree on that somehow.

Off topic : Online (what actually wasn't my point when opening this thread )- it seems a common behaviour to quit contact right in a conversation because - it is easy.

Imagine how it would look like in real life:
You are in a conversation and while the other person is telling you something about a certain topic you just turn around and leave. That would be an odd situation, wouldn't it?!

As for me I try to avoid this behaviour. Online and in real life. 😏


Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
This situation happens to me everytime: people ask me my view about something or to share a log with them-- lest, feign to. And once I spill the beans, they either ignore 9/10 of the context, fortright return my words against me, cut me off or frown angrily before to go away while I'm talking.

I'm not wasting my time with people who cannot have a sliver of self-respect. Now, my relatives and even my current employer complains aboht how I never talk to them: I had to hold myself to not laugh at their faces. People are dumb.
 

John Smith

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Me, as a random person from the other edge of the world, who needs to translate this and thinks she understand what you were saying 😏 - I wouldn't agree on that.

Joking and laughing with people is the best.
Joking about people, especially about their flaws, not so much.
I have for mantra to personally give tenfold the harm anyone give to me, sooner or later by any means available.

I laugh out at people who laugh out at me. Point.
 
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