The BBW Call-In Show: FAs ask your questions

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ashmamma84

Om Namah Shivayah
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Are FAs more trouble than we're worth to you? Do you feel that your experience of FAs has made your life worse / unaffected / or better? And in what way(s)? If you could magically change things would you: Erase FAs from existence (or just change our orientations if you're not down with making people disappear! Lol!) / just keep the bisizuals / leave things as they are / or make more FAs??
I guess I'm pretty unaffected by FAs. Before I knew about Dims I never had a problem dating or getting attention, etc. I was just a happy chubby chick living her life as she saw fit...and nothing has really changed, except maybe 40+ more lbs of thickness. :D It's nice to be appreciated, but then, I've never felt ugly or unattractive so compliments from others is always icing on the (cup)cake. I'm glad that for the women who date FAs you all are around and I'm even happier to hear of fat women who are creating lasting, loving relationships with FAs. Kinda makes me smile.

And things can stay just as they are. I'm partnered to a wonderful, supportive and damn sexy woman. I'm happy, she's happy, we're happy and I wish everyone else the same -- fat, thin, or in between.
 

katherine22

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What do you find most exciting about being a BBW?
What is exciting about being a BBW was having to develop my intellect and imagination to compensate for all the negative reaction to being a fat women. Being fat compelled me to develop other parts of myself since I was not going out on dates. It was exciting sitting home learning philosophy, watercolor painting, designing clothes, learning about history and art, learning to go out in public and eat in a restaurant alone, learning that my self-worth was related to my kindness to others and my achievements and not to what some man thought of me, learning to look in the mirror and know that I was beautiful without the exciting admiration of men on a website. Being fat contributed enormously to my exciting independence.
 

ashmamma84

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I adore seeing fat women who enjoy fashion and dressing up. I hate seeing fat women who look sloppy since it can look pathological like clinical depression.
I tend to agree. I hate seeing any woman, fat or thin who looks sloppy. It makes me sad for them because they could be going through a rough time in their life, etc. Like they've totally given up engaging in self care and maybe in life.

I've a friend who went through a severe bout of depression. She stopped showering, cleaning her house, etc. Instead of just throwing up my hands and being judgemental or acting oblivious, I broached the subject with some sensitivity and concern and she opened up to me and told me some truly heartbreaking things.

Long story short, I was by her side when she decided to take steps to cope/deal with her depression. I took her to some of her doc appts. and accompanied her at therapy sometimes (I wasn't sitting on the couch with her, but in the waiting room for support). Things haven't completely turned around for her, but she's a helluva lot better than when she started out. She's stronger now and feels like she can face another day; she didn't have that before. I'm so proud of her because of how strong and brave she was/is.

And now that I've taken this thread off topic, as you all were...
 

Tracyarts

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" Are FAs more trouble than we're worth to you? Do you feel that your experience of FAs has made your life worse / unaffected / or better? And in what way(s)? "

For the most part it's really been a nonissue for me. I was one of the young fat women who never had trouble getting a boyfriend or finding a date. Most of the men I have ever been in relationships with were the type who preferred women who ranged from just curvy to outright fat. They had a very broad range of body shapes, sizes, and types that they found attractive. A few were true "any shape or size, it's all good" types who could find a supermodel or a SSBBW equally attractive, based on other characteristics than body size. And that's probably got a lot to do with the fact that I don't have any kind of body shape/size/type preference when it comes to men I find attractive.

What has affected me and made me feel anything but empowered as a fat woman, was meeting several FAs who objectified and fetishized fat womens' bodies and didn't really treat them in a way that showed any kind of "admiration". It really did a number on my mind, as I had been lucky enough to not be exposed to men who treated women that way in my early dating years. I remember being rejected because of my size twice before I even learned of such a thing as an "FA". Once by a popular boy in junior high who told me that he'd be my boyfriend if I was skinny. Once by a boy in high school I liked who said he liked me too, but didn't want to date in "public" because I weighed more than him and was as tall as him. But, once I was introduced to the "size subculture" so to speak (when I was between relationships and looking for somebody new), I learned what it felt like to have my body scrutinized, criticized, and to be blatantly rejected because it didn't measure up. And that made me feel anything but empowered as a fat woman and made me pretty bitter about it too.

Tracy
 

mossystate

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I adore seeing fat women who enjoy fashion and dressing up. I hate seeing fat women who look sloppy since it can look pathological like clinical depression.
But, let's be careful we are not judging, too harshly, those who might not care...but are not depressed. A woman can be ' well-groomed ', and might have little real joy in their life. Of course, I sometimes view women who HAVE to be shopping all the time, and have to have their toes done, or they feel like they might die a little...as trying too hard to convince themselves of something. Guess we should all be more careful about how we view others. ' Sloppy ' can sometimes just mean a woman is elsewhere in her head...and that can be a magical thing.
 

Teleute

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I agree completely that sloppy is not always depressed; I think it's more apparent in posture/facial expressions/etc, in both the immaculately groomed and those who are considerably less than immaculate. Seeing someone who appears depressed does really hurt me, because I remember what it was like, and it twists my stomach. Getting back to the original question, though... I wouldn't say that someone being fat or thin makes a difference in my level of comfort with a stranger. I am a very open and friendly person anyway (which apparently comes across to everyone, because random people start conversations with me at an alarmingly high rate, even when I'm NOT being extra-friendly), and I think what makes the most difference in my comfort level or openness (based purely on visual information) is clothing or accessories that indicate the person is quirky, geeky, queer-friendly, etc. If they're wearing a pin that says "Reality is for people who can't handle √-1" or a rainbow wristband or squid earrings, then they seem more like me, and therefore more comfortable. The weight really doesn't make a difference.
 

Fyreflyintheskye

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-truncated-
Somehow, though, from the observing perspective, BBWs seem to find clothes that fit, and sometimes fit very nicely.

Trial and error... and at least a 3% lycra blend is a God send. I couldn't be arsed to alter something on my own or go out to get anything altered unless it were something formal. Lycra is magic.
 

ashmamma84

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In my mind, sloppy is a refusal or inability to take care of themselves. It has nothing to do with being fashionable or not. At the very least, a shower, brushing teeth, combing hair, etc. should be done. I'm not suggesting a woman needs to dress to the nines at all. But I am saying that when I see a person who clearly isn't even doing the bare bones minimum it makes my heart sink a little.

And while sloppy might not equal depressed, unfortunately alot of people view those who don't take care of themselves that way. We all judge people based on what we see initially; sad but true that we shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but alot of folks won't bother to crack it open if it's looking kinda shabby.
 

Fyreflyintheskye

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This does seems really interesting as well as insightful, so I suppose I post a quandary for the "plus-size lovelies" of Dim's.

I guess consider myself an art dork without a real "muse". I have been finding myself wondering if I should allow my interest and preferences in terms of the female form become the thing that drives my work or not. I suppose I have been unsure what to do in terms of pursuing it. I feel like I have areas I need to work on as well as wanting to get back into life drawing again.

Any who I guess I will move on to my questions.

1.) How do you feel if/when asked to model for something?

2.) What might be a good approach when asking?

3.) I guess what are your general views to being the subject or reference to someone's creative endeavors?

(well these are the only one I could think of for the moment, is cool to add more later as they come to me or is this a one time deal?)
I dig this question and gave it some thought :)
1) if it's a request for a paysite appearance, I feel insulted because I tend to think someone is trying to use me; strikes a nerve because that's not my thing/never done it/not interested. If it's for a site of someone's drawing, painting, or photography, I am still a bit leery because I don't consider myself photogenic; I'm the person who will make a face or do something bizarre just for a laugh, so I'll be a bit suspicious once again unless I know the person very well.

2) I think your candor is probably key to the approach. If it's for something you intend to be some kind of a nude and displayed publicly on your site or another/portfolio or in a book, don't beat around the bush, just come out with it. A lot of women would not be up for that (I'm one of them), so don't waste their time trying to candycoat the "beauty of being naked." We're NOT prudish! We know it's awesome, but some of us just do not wish to be awesome unless in the company of someone with whom we're very close lol :happy: The other reason to ask discreetly is to decrease the pressure of others. I don't think anyone necessarily wants to feel cornered into something by you -and- others at the same time. It comes off as a bit pushy if you ask someone in public and their friends are with them or your friends are there so there is all this back-and-forth. It can be very intimidating to people like myself and many others. Be discreet and allow someone time to give it some thought... like, "I'm working on ____ for ___. It may be ____ pose or may even be tasteful nudity. I was interested in you as a model because ___. Here's my number/e-mail/website portfolio if you're interested." Private, concise, and done.

3) My general impression is initially a good one. It's flattering that someone would ask or show interest, but I think it's paramount to clearly indicate the nature of the work if you haven't already established a friendship/rapport with the person you're asking... and, even if you have, just to cover the bases. You wouldn't want a friend to suspect you're just trying to capitalize on them because that can very quickly sink your closeness to someone.
 

phatkhat

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Does my wife "really" like it when I rub her belly during sex or is she just trying to be nice?
 

Fascinita

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sad but true that we shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but alot of folks won't bother to crack it open if it's looking kinda shabby.
This is going to sound very "high school guidance counselor," but I know for a fact that many people don't care that a lot of folks wouldn't bother to crack open the book based on its cover: they tend to relate to people who have the ability to go deeper than appearances. It's true of the several "sloppy" geniuses I know. :)
 

Suze

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I adore seeing fat women who enjoy fashion and dressing up. I hate seeing fat women who look sloppy since it can look pathological like clinical depression.
I also love looking at well-dressed women. Must admit it's much more exciting to spot a fashionable fat woman, since the slender ones are everywhere.

One of my closest friends have said herself that she knows she dress sloppy and doesn't care. She's probably the most confident & free-spirited person I've ever met.

Just wanted to point out that there's exceptions from the rule!
 

Carrie

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Are FAs more trouble than we're worth to you?
God, no, perish the thought! The really good ones make having to wade through the less than stellar ones worth it. Just like with non-FAs, I imagine.
Do you feel that your experience of FAs has made your life worse / unaffected / or better?
Better. Until my first positive FA experience, I had never ever known what it felt to be truly physically desired by someone. It was a heady experience, after so many years of being resigned to never feeling that kind of passion. Take that physical pull and add in a mental and emotional "click" with another person and it's a feeling so amazing, I'd not trade it for anything in the world.
And in what way(s)? If you could magically change things would you: Erase FAs from existence (or just change our orientations if you're not down with making people disappear! Lol!) / just keep the bisizuals / leave things as they are / or make more FAs??
More FAs. The dating pool is just far too shallow. Or maybe all the fat chicks are displacing the water? Either way, more FAs, please. :batting:
 

Cors

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Many queer people complain about this and I imagine that it might apply to the community here. Do you feel that the BBW/FA community (whether in your area or online) is too small and incestuous? Have you ever been affected by gossip?
 
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