The Divorce/LTR Breakup Thread

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ScreamingChicken

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Yeesh. Gave me angina, just reading/contemplating it. Made you guys a play-list, lest it seems like I chimed without meaningful contribution.
The first one was pretty nasty. We were married for 16 years and had two kids together. The second one was three years and no children.

I look at them as life lessons. I now have a better idea of who I am, what I want in a partner and what is healthy in a relationship.
 
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LeoGibson

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Well, here I am almost 3 years later and I can finally say, IT IS DONE!!! I got my final decree last week. It took way longer than I figured it would and cost way more than I thought considering we had no kids and zero assets to split. It was, to quote Jerry Garcia, "a long strange trip."

I did learn quite a bit through it and did some things unconventionally, but in the end I had to do them my way and I'm happy to just be over it and moving forward with my life.
 

Ncmomof4

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Well, here I am almost 3 years later and I can finally say, IT IS DONE!!! I got my final decree last week. It took way longer than I figured it would and cost way more than I thought considering we had no kids and zero assets to split. It was, to quote Jerry Garcia, "a long strange trip."

I did learn quite a bit through it and did some things unconventionally, but in the end I had to do them my way and I'm happy to just be over it and moving forward with my life.

So what is the best advice you could give someone right in the middle of the insanity? What can I do to make it go smoother?
 

agouderia

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Well, here I am almost 3 years later and I can finally say, IT IS DONE!!! I got my final decree last week. It took way longer than I figured it would and cost way more than I thought considering we had no kids and zero assets to split. It was, to quote Jerry Garcia, "a long strange trip."

I did learn quite a bit through it and did some things unconventionally, but in the end I had to do them my way and I'm happy to just be over it and moving forward with my life.
Congratulations Leo!
Not to be cynical, but I always congratulate friends on finalized, successful or even just survived divorces.
It is a form of closure for a segment of your life, and whether good or bad, it is the end of one thing and should also be seen as the start of something new - so always a reason to celebrate one way or the other.
 

LeoGibson

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So what is the best advice you could give someone right in the middle of the insanity? What can I do to make it go smoother?
Well, with the caveat that all cases can be different, I think my biggest takeaway is to keep things in perspective. If your former significant other is being difficult and are lashing out, take a breath and understand that it’s just their way of dealing with the hurt of the situation. It doesn’t excuse bad behavior on their part. That’s not what I’m saying, but perhaps is something to keep in mind before being hurtful in return and saying or doing something you might regret later.
 

LeoGibson

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Congratulations Leo!
Not to be cynical, but I always congratulate friends on finalized, successful or even just survived divorces.
It is a form of closure for a segment of your life, and whether good or bad, it is the end of one thing and should also be seen as the start of something new - so always a reason to celebrate one way or the other.
Thank you!!!

I don’t think it’s cynical at all. I understand and embrace that sentiment fully. At the end of the day it’s what was necessary and I look forward to what’s ahead and I want the same for her. I wish her a good life and hope she finds exactly what she wants and needs just as I hope the same for myself.
 

Ncmomof4

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Well, with the caveat that all cases can be different, I think my biggest takeaway is to keep things in perspective. If your former significant other is being difficult and are lashing out, take a breath and understand that it’s just their way of dealing with the hurt of the situation. It doesn’t excuse bad behavior on their part. That’s not what I’m saying, but perhaps is something to keep in mind before being hurtful in return and saying or doing something you might regret later.
Thank you! I really needed to hear that. I need to make sure I'm looking at things from another angle as well. And maybe then I will not be as mad at his behavior. I do not want to live my life with feeling of anger.
 

Mel KM

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I didn’t know exactly how to talk to people here about this, but since this thread is here it seems applicable. Jack and I decided to take a break a couple of weeks ago and I moved out. But I found out some thing s today and I guess we’re not getting back together. I’m not sure if we technically count as having been in a LTR, but it feels like it to me. Now I’m living in this tiny crappy apartment far away from work and friends, all my family is out of state, and I feel completely and utterly alone. I guess I don’t know what to do.
 

littlefairywren

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I didn’t know exactly how to talk to people here about this, but since this thread is here it seems applicable. Jack and I decided to take a break a couple of weeks ago and I moved out. But I found out some thing s today and I guess we’re not getting back together. I’m not sure if we technically count as having been in a LTR, but it feels like it to me. Now I’m living in this tiny crappy apartment far away from work and friends, all my family is out of state, and I feel completely and utterly alone. I guess I don’t know what to do.
I'm so sorry, honey. I know that feeling, have been through it more than once, and my best advice is to take it one day at a time. Be kind to yourself, and take as much time as you need to mourn the loss of your relationship. It will get better...just hang in there.
 

Ilegalpat

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I didn’t know exactly how to talk to people here about this, but since this thread is here it seems applicable. Jack and I decided to take a break a couple of weeks ago and I moved out. But I found out some thing s today and I guess we’re not getting back together. I’m not sure if we technically count as having been in a LTR, but it feels like it to me. Now I’m living in this tiny crappy apartment far away from work and friends, all my family is out of state, and I feel completely and utterly alone. I guess I don’t know what to do.
If you were living together, that should count. Do you have anyone to talk to? How hard would it be to move?
 

Mel KM

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If you were living together, that should count. Do you have anyone to talk to? How hard would it be to move?
It wouldn’t be terribly hard to move. I’m full blooded Comanche and I actually grew up on the res in Throckmorton. I’ve thought of going back there. My mom and brothers live in Oklahoma, which I also considered. I’m not sold on that yet though. I love north Texas, and it’s where my job and my friends are. Things will probably get better once I move closer to work and I won’t have to drive for an hour to see all my friends.
 

Mel KM

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I'm so sorry, honey. I know that feeling, have been through it more than once, and my best advice is to take it one day at a time. Be kind to yourself, and take as much time as you need to mourn the loss of your relationship. It will get better...just hang in there.
Thank you! Everyone on dimensions has been so sweet! I’ll be honest… I was kind of expecting my posts to fly under the radar. But I couldn’t have been more wrong! ❤ It helps so much just knowing people care :)
 

RVGleason

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Hi @Mel KM,

I’m sorry this happened to you. Wishing you well and that happiness comes your way again and soon.

Blessings, 🙏💖

RV
 

dwesterny

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I was dating a girl from Canada before covid started, I'm in the US right by the border. The border shut March 20th or so of 2020. I had to drive her home in a rush because she was staying at my place when it all happened. We tried to stay together without being able to see each other but between her losing her apartment during covid and having to move 4 hours away with family and all the stress it didn't work. She started seeing someone else a little while back. The border opens next week again for the first time in 18 months but we're not going to see each other.
 

LeoGibson

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I was dating a girl from Canada before covid started, I'm in the US right by the border. The border shut March 20th or so of 2020. I had to drive her home in a rush because she was staying at my place when it all happened. We tried to stay together without being able to see each other but between her losing her apartment during covid and having to move 4 hours away with family and all the stress it didn't work. She started seeing someone else a little while back. The border opens next week again for the first time in 18 months but we're not going to see each other.
I’m sorry to hear that. Last year was really tough on long distance relationships. My girlfriend lives in Ohio and I’m in Texas but we were able to see each other twice last year and this year things are pretty wide open here where I am. I can only imagine how hard it was for cross border relationships. Hope things get better for you this year!
 

SSBHM

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Thank you! Everyone on dimensions has been so sweet! I’ll be honest… I was kind of expecting my posts to fly under the radar. But I couldn’t have been more wrong! ❤ It helps so much just knowing people care :)
I recommend eating cupcakes! They can make you feel better and give you extra energy too! :)
 

loopytheone

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I was dating a girl from Canada before covid started, I'm in the US right by the border. The border shut March 20th or so of 2020. I had to drive her home in a rush because she was staying at my place when it all happened. We tried to stay together without being able to see each other but between her losing her apartment during covid and having to move 4 hours away with family and all the stress it didn't work. She started seeing someone else a little while back. The border opens next week again for the first time in 18 months but we're not going to see each other.
I'm really sorry to hear that.
 

wow42

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I didn’t know exactly how to talk to people here about this, but since this thread is here it seems applicable. Jack and I decided to take a break a couple of weeks ago and I moved out. But I found out some thing s today and I guess we’re not getting back together. I’m not sure if we technically count as having been in a LTR, but it feels like it to me. Now I’m living in this tiny crappy apartment far away from work and friends, all my family is out of state, and I feel completely and utterly alone. I guess I don’t know what to do.
If you’re still feeling hella down my remedy to a breakup is putting yourself out there! Go window shopping or actual shopping if you can. Sit some where public, like a cafe or library, with headphones and a journal. Don’t stay home, get out if you physically can because those walls can hold so much loneliness. Hope my advice helps ❤ Breakups suck but the world can be a beautiful place for the broken hearted
 

BigElectricKat

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I didn’t know exactly how to talk to people here about this, but since this thread is here it seems applicable. Jack and I decided to take a break a couple of weeks ago and I moved out. But I found out some thing s today and I guess we’re not getting back together. I’m not sure if we technically count as having been in a LTR, but it feels like it to me. Now I’m living in this tiny crappy apartment far away from work and friends, all my family is out of state, and I feel completely and utterly alone. I guess I don’t know what to do.
One of the things I’ve learned over the years is that break-ups happen for a reason. Sometimes the reason(s) are obvious: he/she cheated, lied repeatedly, stole, drugs, etc. Sometimes the reasons are less discernable. Either way, there are lessons to be learned from every relationship; long-term or short.

Some people will give the advice of “Just get back out there”. I would advise to get yourself time to look at what went wrong (or right) and to decide how and when you “jump back in the pool’ as it were.

While my current relationship is not ending due to anything negative, I still have to consider the entirety of it; what was good (dang near everything!), what was not-so-good (hmm… can’t think of anything off the top of my head), what did I learn (wouldn’t you like to know?), and did I grow from the experience?

This long-winded response is really just my way of saying that it’s okay to take the time to take stock of yourself and your recent break up before venturing forward in life. Chances are things will fall into place for you soon. I wish you the very best!
 

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