The Fa Trap?

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alienlanes

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For some people the word "fetish" implies some level of objectification and vicimization and for those people I think then fat admiration becomes a sort of moral quandary: Do I objectify? Am I the victim? Am I good or am I bad? The questions get asked because then the levels of guilt and possible blame need to be sorted out....There shouldn't be any quilt and there shouldn't be any blame, there shouldn't be a moral quandary but for some people, there it is.
The debate over the meaning of "FA" is bad enough... the debate over the meaning of "fetish" is a bottomless can of worms :p. After two years of Dims debates I've given up on it; if you ask eight people to define "fetish," you'll get eight different answers, plus it's a word which, like you said, tends to carry a lot of negative connotations. I try to avoid using it.

"Fat Admirer" might have been a bad choice of words on the part of whoever invented it, since it reads as if the focus of admiration is fat-as-object rather than fat-person-as-person. But in practice, it's useful shorthand for "person who prefers a fat sexual partner."

Although, as we're discussing in that other thread, the question then becomes "what is 'fat'"? Turtles all the way down, I tell ya :confused:.

It seems to me that the underlying question SuperO is asking is: "Is fat admiration limiting?" I've never thought of it as a limiting thing. If anything I've learned that there is a very wide margin of desire. Too wide for my liking but I'm learning to accept it because if it weren't so wide a lot of us would get left out.
I understood SuperO's question as being about the term, not the desire that the term refers to. Would people who identify as FAs and FFAs be better off not having a word to describe themselves, because that word ends up confining them?

I think the answer is no, but that might be because the boundary between "FA" and "not-FA" isn't a problem for me. Sexually, I'm only attracted to fat women, and as far as I can tell this is an immutable biochemical/neurological fact. I don't worry about violating my FA status by becoming attracted to a thin woman, because I don't become attracted to thin women. Q.E.D.

I see what SuperO is getting at, though. If were "bi-sizual" or found myself in a relationship with a thin woman because I was overwhelmingly attracted to her personality/intelligence, it could be an awkward experience, simply because the FA/BBW community is a major part of my social identity -- I'm involved in the online community, I go to bashes, etc. I don't know how I would navigate this situation, were it ever to come up.
 

alienlanes

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Edit: It really is a continuum. The start, the end, these things only matter to the person feeling the desire. I think as objects of desire we sometimes get caught up in finding fixed points in that continuum because we want to know where we are on it...and we can get confused whenever we meet FAs with a different set of points from the last one....but I think maybe what matters most is that the continuum exists. The points, maybe not so much...
This is a really good way of putting it :bow:.
 

olwen

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The debate over the meaning of "FA" is bad enough... the debate over the meaning of "fetish" is a bottomless can of worms :p. After two years of Dims debates I've given up on it; if you ask eight people to define "fetish," you'll get eight different answers, plus it's a word which, like you said, tends to carry a lot of negative connotations. I try to avoid using it.

"Fat Admirer" might have been a bad choice of words on the part of whoever invented it, since it reads as if the focus of admiration is fat-as-object rather than fat-person-as-person. But in practice, it's useful shorthand for "person who prefers a fat sexual partner."

Although, as we're discussing in that other thread, the question then becomes "what is 'fat'"? Turtles all the way down, I tell ya :confused:.



I understood SuperO's question as being about the term, not the desire that the term refers to. Would people who identify as FAs and FFAs be better off not having a word to describe themselves, because that word ends up confining them?

I think the answer is no, but that might be because the boundary between "FA" and "not-FA" isn't a problem for me. Sexually, I'm only attracted to fat women, and as far as I can tell this is an immutable biochemical/neurological fact. I don't worry about violating my FA status by becoming attracted to a thin woman, because I don't become attracted to thin women. Q.E.D.

I see what SuperO is getting at, though. If were "bi-sizual" or found myself in a relationship with a thin woman because I was overwhelmingly attracted to her personality/intelligence, it could be an awkward experience, simply because the FA/BBW community is a major part of my social identity -- I'm involved in the online community, I go to bashes, etc. I don't know how I would navigate this situation, were it ever to come up.
I just feel like it's impossible to talk about the term without talking about the inherent desire because some people will inject that fetish aspect into it, when decrying the term. They either see the fetish aspect or they see it as limiting...I don't know...fat admiration and fat desire aren't mutually exclusive to me...

....if an FA were to date a thin person, but their social circle was all fat people and other FAs would they even bother to bring that person to a bash or whatnot...oh my, it's like reverse hiding if that makes sense...Awk-ward.
 

Haunted

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I just feel like it's impossible to talk about the term without talking about the inherent desire because some people will inject that fetish aspect into it, when decrying the term. They either see the fetish aspect or they see it as limiting...I don't know...fat admiration and fat desire aren't mutually exclusive to me...

....if an FA were to date a thin person, but their social circle was all fat people and other FAs would they even bother to bring that person to a bash or whatnot...oh my, it's like reverse hiding if that makes sense...Awk-ward.
I often feel like i overdo it at times, like i obsess over her physically or i objectify her to the point that it becomes tiresome, she maintains that she loves the attenton and understands the obsession cause she feels similar feelings toward me. I sometimes feel a bit creepy about it but it's ok cause she's mine and i can objectify her however i see fit !!!!! :smitten:
 

Victim

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If someone puts a label on me and then sees that I don't conform to their ideal, THEY have the problem, not me.
 

olwen

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I often feel like i overdo it at times, like i obsess over her physically or i objectify her to the point that it becomes tiresome, she maintains that she loves the attenton and understands the obsession cause she feels similar feelings toward me. I sometimes feel a bit creepy about it but it's ok cause she's mine and i can objectify her however i see fit !!!!! :smitten:
Exactly. You care about her so it seems like the objectification aspect should be irrelevant.

Anyway, even if we were talking about thin people desiring other thin people would the word objectification even come up? Probably not, but it gets injected in there when talking about fat people and it shouldn't always.
 

Haunted

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Exactly. You care about her so it seems like the objectification aspect should be irrelevant.

Anyway, even if we were talking about thin people desiring other thin people would the word objectification even come up? Probably not, but it gets injected in there when talking about fat people and it shouldn't always.
Thats a good point maybe cause BBW's are just so much better that they must be worshipped and objectified LOL
 

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I really just see the label as a point of reference. I know that FAs male and female are people who see desire and attraction from a similar perspective to my own. So, if we have to have a label in order to find each other, talk to each other and share the thoughts, feelings and experiences that many of us have in common, I don't see the problem with the label. I don't feel FA means anything in particular about what weight ranges or activities each person has and I don't think there are "true FAs" or "good FAs" based on activity. The only thing that makes an FA bad is being a jerk, not being a fetishist in my opinion. (Says the fetishist.) I think of "FA" more as a catch all for those of us who either exclusively prefer partners that are fat or have fat people included in our range of attraction(bi-sizuals). Using the label just makes it easier to identify each other in my opinion. But I don't think we should all try to live by some FA code or standard. That just seems silly to me. And I think there is far too much hand wringing over the whole issue sometimes. Honestly, at the end of the day, in terms of attraction or relationships, or what have you, most of us (FAs and non-FAs) are just going to know that we are attracted to the people we find attractive. You're not really going to stop and think about it if it happens to you. Chances are, if an FA for some reason really did find themselves attracted to a particular thin person and it was so strong that they decided to have the relationship with the thin person, they would be focused on the relationship, not on whether or not they were "betraying" anything or anyone. Or at least that's how things should be if the relationship was a good one.
 

Baba Fats

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I don't much like the term Fat Admirer. "Admire" is such a spineless, wishy-washy, gray flannel sort of word. It conveys nothing at all of the passion I feel. Still, I remember a time in my life when that passion didn't have a name - before NAAFA, before Dimensions, long before the 'Net, when it was easy to believe that I was the only one in the world who felt this way. Say what you will about the tyranny of labels, a name I dislike is better than no name at all.

People know me as hardcore FA. Did you know that I think Jennifer Aniston is hot? I really do, but I don't know why.
Funny.
I've got a theory. Jennifer Aniston is, rather famously, a slightly chubby actress who has been on a perpetual starvation diet since she landed her role in Friends. Women who lose weight inevitably lose lean mass along with fat. They don't have the same look as a naturally skinny woman - they're softer, curvier, and more feminine, because their slender silhouettes still contain a higher proportion of fat tissue. That makes them more attractive to the camera than a woman who is all sinew and bone. I think that's why so many of Hollywood's favorite actresses are glamorexic, starving to maintain a weight they weren't designed for - they simply look sexier than women who were born to be thin. Of course, this perpetuates an altogether unrealistic image of what a woman's body looks like, but Hollywood was created to market illusion, and if you offered me Aniston's annual income to spend my days in a fog of hunger, I must admit that I'd be sorely tempted. But I wouldn't do it for a penny less ...
 

Fuzzy Necromancer

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An FA trap is when you dig a pit, cover it over with leaves and branches, and put some pictures of Rebecca on top of the leaves.
 

Blockierer

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can it be a problem to be labled or label yourself an FA?
When I say we are a FA/SSBBW couple everybody in the SA-community knows the meaning. I think the term FA is precise and I love to use this designation.

is there a trap in the designation?
I dont think so. The term FA stands for a sexual preference, it will not change. As an FA you have to love or hate this preference, I love it. I think nobody expects of me that I find everything relating to fat positive.

can the term emphasize the feeling that a guy is somehow abnormal?
I'm soon 54 and I haven't met someone on this planet who is "normal". What is normal? Perfect, (mentally) healthy, averaged or what else? I have no clue.

would you feel more comfortable just being thought of a a guy who thinks thinks fat girls are cute and sexy?
Outside the SA-community the people think - I hope so - I am guy who thinks fat women are sexy.

or do find extra spice in the idea of getting off on the quirkiness and maybe the taboo factor of likeing something that western society says your not supposed to?
I have to admit I find it arousing that others maybe find my admiration of fat women strange, perverted, ridiculous or funny. Sorry, I do not expect that others do understand FAness. :blush:
 

Still a Skye fan

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I never knew that I was an FA or what a BBW was until I stumbled upon this site many years ago (sometime in 1994-1995).

I don't feel trapped or labeled, I've never hidden my preferences from the "real world".

Yes, a big gal is appealing to me but I'm able to find gals of any size appealing...I've had a crush on a short/petite gal pal of mine ever since I met her about 10 years ago.


Dennis
 

qwertyman173

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An FA trap is when you dig a pit, cover it over with leaves and branches, and put some pictures of Rebecca on top of the leaves.
I had this vision when I saw the thread title :D

The way I see it is that you do not have to be restricted to liking one type of woman. I would consider myself a FA, but I also find some slimmer women attractive. And I do not believe that if you consider yourself a FA that you are committing a crime if you go with a thinner woman, as long as you love her.
 

altered states

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can it be a problem to be labled or label yourself an FA?

I've found almost no one outside this forum and a few similar ones knows what an FA* is. "Chubby Chaser" sounds like something from the '50s, and isn't used much either, outside John Waters' films. And like a lot of people who've responded, I hate labeling myself as anything. I've never fit in anywhere, in any group, and somewhere around the time I turned 30 I began to see this as a positive thing and I've been a lot happier since. I hate the term "fat admirer" anyway, and can't really put my finger on why.

* Anyone who's spent any time in the UK knows "FA" stands for "fuck all" - i.e., "nothing" - and is usually prefaced by "sweet": "She went through my wallet while I was sleeping and left me with sweet FA."

In another thread I came across someone trying to console a broken-hearted woman by promising she'd find her own "sweet FA"... and I did a bit of a double-take.


is there a trap in the designation?

Yes. Some people in my life are aware of my preference and a few question why I'm with a "thin" woman (5'1" and 160 pounds...). So here's my choice: 1) affirm my preference and alienate my GF, who's not hung up on her size but isn't exactly eager to define herself publicly as "fat," or 2) make her feel better by indicating my preference is conditional, but feel like a sellout.

can the term emphasize the feeling that a guy is somehow abnormal?

I would think so, though this by itself isn't a bad thing. I agree with another poster who suggested normalcy (if such a thing really exists) is overrated. I can't speak for women, but I've gotten drunk with guy friends and heard some pretty freaking weird "preferences." I consider some of my other related quirks - being a feeder, etc - to be abnormal however.

would you feel more comfortable just being thought of a a guy who thinks thinks fat girls are cute and sexy, or do find extra spice in the idea of getting off on the quirkiness and maybe the taboo factor of liking something that western society says your not supposed to?

I used to think that I was somehow subversive for liking fat women. It felt punk rock, to use the term du jour. I also liked basking in the good feelings of a few female friends who knew I was an FA, who considered me some sort of cool, enlightened species of male. Again, though, this touched a small but sensitive nerve with my GF ("Does my FA boyfriend make me look fat?"). She used to "out" me a lot to people we knew but does less of it lately, in direct contrast to her having gotten a bit bigger over the years. Make of that what you will. But to answer the question, yes, obviously I would like it if being an FA (or whatever) was more accepted. I think it would be healthier all around.
 

olwen

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.........I've got a theory. Jennifer Aniston is, rather famously, a slightly chubby actress who has been on a perpetual starvation diet since she landed her role in Friends. Women who lose weight inevitably lose lean mass along with fat. They don't have the same look as a naturally skinny woman - they're softer, curvier, and more feminine, because their slender silhouettes still contain a higher proportion of fat tissue. That makes them more attractive to the camera than a woman who is all sinew and bone. I think that's why so many of Hollywood's favorite actresses are glamorexic, starving to maintain a weight they weren't designed for - they simply look sexier than women who were born to be thin. Of course, this perpetuates an altogether unrealistic image of what a woman's body looks like, but Hollywood was created to market illusion, and if you offered me Aniston's annual income to spend my days in a fog of hunger, I must admit that I'd be sorely tempted. But I wouldn't do it for a penny less ...
Um, what?

As far as I'm concerned, Jennifer Aniston is in no way shape or form chubby and she never has been. Actresses starve themselves because they won't get good parts if they don't. It has nothing to do with being attractive for the camera. The camera doesn't care. The people behind the scenes put pressure on them to loose weight.
 

Green Eyed Fairy

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You know, there does seem to be a LOT of pressure on the FAs...at least that I have noticed on this site. All this stuff about being "True FA"...as if finding someone that weighs less than XYZ is soooo ~BAD~. I don't get it......fat women and men can be attractive......does that mean that thin people can't be either??
1. I find many thin people attractive.....so who the heck am I to tell others they are a "traitor" or "not real" if they do also????? What a hypocritical attitude to fall into. (THAT seems like more of the trap, Felecia, than having to feel guilty for what you like/want).
2. I am not as big as some people here.....I am also bigger than some others......does that make me any less or more attractive than them by automatic default??????
THAT is one of the main things I resent about the FA expectations I read here....if he sees/likes/dates a woman smaller than what someone else here thinks he should prefer, is he really wrong for that??? Do all "True FAs" have to meet size requirements on the women they are "allowed" to date?
The idea of size acceptance seems to slip, at times. We have to respect people of all sizes...and not make any man feel badly for his preferences...even if it means he might not find "only XYZ" beautiful.


P.S. On another note....I read that Jennifer Aniston weighs about 105 lbs....where she is "slightly chubby" at, I can't tell you. If you like how Jennifer A is built....then just say that. No need to make her out to be "chubby" to excuse your attraction, IMO.
 

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i was talking to a friend of mine the other night who is an FA. he said if he hadn't found all of the information online he would have just gone about his life just thinking that he was a guy who liked fat girls--no big deal....

See, I have never bought that line. Like, "la de da... hah. I never noticed she weighed 600 pounds. I just like women." Sorry, no go. If a man is a FA he knows and is acutely aware of it from an early age.
 

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...After two years of Dims debates I've given up on it; if you ask eight people to define "fetish," you'll get eight different answers, plus it's a word which, like you said, tends to carry a lot of negative connotations....

It's actually simple. What turns someone on is healthy, normal sexuality. What turns someone else on is a fetish.
 

Sugar

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See, I have never bought that line. Like, "la de da... hah. I never noticed she weighed 600 pounds. I just like women." Sorry, no go. If a man is a FA he knows and is acutely aware of it from an early age.
So...if someone likes a wide variety does that negate their FA status?

I'm asking because I don't know how it works for men, but for me...I like a little of everything so I don't particularly feel like a FFA. Yet, there are plenty of plump men I'd go out with.
 
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