From early childhood, I can recall events that somehow, had a lasting effect on me and the way I view my own body, and those of others. This was long before puberty and the awakening of any sexual drives. For me, it was the enchantment of a story. A classic. A fairy tale in fact. We all know the story of Hansel and Gretel, and how they were lured into the clutches of the witch by their hunger and greed. Well, for me, something connected with me when the story described the feeding and fattening of Hansel, albeit that is was leading to a potentially fatal end in the witch's oven. There, upon first reading of this story, was the first notion of this strange and inexplicable force, that has been a part of me ever since. The fact remains that I wanted to be in Hansel's position, but unlike Hansel tricking the witch with the bone, I would have succumbed to the feedings and allowed myself to become fat. Admittedly, in the story scenario, I would have accelerated my doom, but the principle fact was that I somehow didn't care - I wanted to get fat. I still don't understand what this thing is that drives my desire to this day? It is like a force that compels me towards my dream of becoming really fat, even though all the medical advice is against that. There is definitely something pleasing and alluring about watching myself growing bigger, seeing new bulges, finding clothes getting tighter and feeling the softness of growing layers of fat. I see other people who are fat or becoming fat, and it just reinforces my own desires, but what is it that has such a powerful hold and makes those of us who want to gain weight and get fatter? It is inexplicable, and the it is a powerful force, but what is it? Does anything I have said strike a note of recognition in anyone else here? I don't think it's just a sexual thing, it goes a lot deeper than that. I would like to know if anyone else has any thoughts on this?