The Official Joke Thread :D

Discussion in 'Forum Games' started by Green Eyed Fairy, Mar 16, 2007.

  1. Dec 31, 2018 #881

    wrenchboy

    wrenchboy

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    What do you call an elf with a bad attitude?
    A go fuck yours elf
     
  2. Dec 31, 2018 #882

    wrenchboy

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    I saw an ex girlfriend across the hall at a museum today but didn't go talk to her.
    There was too much history between us.
     
  3. Dec 31, 2018 #883

    wrenchboy

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    What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?

    "Arghhghgrhh"
     
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  4. Dec 31, 2018 #884

    Shotha

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    Q. What's grey and comes in buckets?

    A. An elephant.
     
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  5. Mar 9, 2019 #885

    wrenchboy

    wrenchboy

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    Wurlitzer and Xerox merged resulting in reproductive organs.
     
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  6. Mar 10, 2019 #886

    CPProp

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    Clockwork - wind me up

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    What do you call a chap with a contraceptive on his nose?

    Fuck nose
     
  7. Mar 11, 2019 #887

    Shotha

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    Q. Why don't you ever see Santa Claus in hospital?

    A. Because he has private elf care.
     
  8. Mar 11, 2019 #888

    docilej

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    How to make holy water?
    ---gotta boil the hell out of it !
     
  9. Mar 11, 2019 #889

    CPProp

    CPProp

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    Clockwork - wind me up

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    Yesterday I bought a dog from a blacksmith.
    after two hours he made a bolt for the door.
     
  10. Mar 11, 2019 #890

    Unbasher

    Unbasher

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    What do Russians call it when they forbid their kids to watch TV?

    Nyetflix.
     
  11. May 14, 2019 #891

    LumpySmile

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    On old maid gets to itching down there, so she goes to see a doctor. After an examination, the doctor informs her she has crabs. "What do you mean I have crabs? I'm an eighty year old virgin. I've never been with a man in my life. There's no way I could have crabs. I want a second opinion!" So she goes to see another doctor who comes to the same conclusion, and gives her the same news. "It's impossible I have crabs. I'm an eighty year old virgin. I've never been with a man in my life. There's no way I could have crabs. I want a THIRD opinion!" So she finds a third doctor, and after a quick examination he says, "You're absolutely right ma'am. You do not have crabs." The old lady replies, " I knew I didn't have crabs. I'm an eighty year old virgin. I've never been with a man in my life. There's no way I could have crabs. So tell me doctor, what's wrong with me?" The doctor says, "You've got fruit flies. Your cherry's rotten."
     
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  12. May 14, 2019 #892

    Unbasher

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    Ew!!!!!
     
  13. May 15, 2019 #893

    Funtastic curves

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  14. May 15, 2019 #894

    LumpySmile

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    A none too bright young man gets the idea in his head he wants to be a cowboy. So he buys himself a western outfit and goes looking for work. He meets an older ranch hand who suggests he hire on at a sheep ranch instead to learn the business on smaller critters. So the young feller agrees and next thing he knows he's in the saddle, riding the range with the older hand looking for stray sheep.

    After a bit they come upon a sheep with its head caught in a snow fence. The older hand says, " Now here's what you do when you find something like this." Then the older hand walks up to the sheep, drops his pants, and proceeds to have sex with the stuck sheep. After he finishes, he buttons back up and says to the young feller, "Alright. Your turn."

    So the young feller gets off the horse, drops his trousers, bends over and sticks his head in the fence too.
     
  15. May 15, 2019 #895

    Unbasher

    Unbasher

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    Don't get a discount cirumcision. It's a rip-off.
     
  16. May 16, 2019 #896

    wrenchboy

    wrenchboy

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    I had a bad day today. I accidentally locked my keys in my car today.

    What made it really bad was walking into Planned Parenthood and asking for a coat hanger.
     
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  17. May 16, 2019 #897

    Unbasher

    Unbasher

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    Damn, that's dark. How about this one: I got kicked out of the hospital. Apparently STROKE PATIENTS HERE means something entirely different than I thought.
     
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  18. May 16, 2019 #898

    Shotha

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    This is a true incident. At the local hospital, where I grew up in England, the used to be a sign outside the entrance to one of the wards. It read:

    MATERNITY WARD
    NO ACCIDENTS PLEASE
     
  19. May 16, 2019 #899

    Unbasher

    Unbasher

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    :D :D :D

    Also a true story: I gave my students the assignment to write about an accident they've had or witnessed. One of them spoke up: I was an accident. Can I write about that?
     
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  20. May 16, 2019 #900

    wrenchboy

    wrenchboy

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    No it wasn't dark. It was during the day! Lol!
     

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