The Official Joke Thread :D

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Unbasher

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What does the cannibal order in a restaurant?
- The waiter.

And what do you find in a cannibal's shower?
- Head and shoulders.
 

Unbasher

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Mom, my boyfriend has dandruff, how do I help him?
- Give him head and shoulders.
- How do I give him shoulders?
 

wrenchboy

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somewhere on the road
I love no arms and no legs jokes.
True story. I have a friend who has a below the knee amputation.

He would say that his perfect woman would be named Eileen and work at IHOP.
They would have many children who had no arms and no legs.
Floating in the water Bob
Hanging on the wall Art
Found on a beach Sandy
Avid book reader Paige
The sweet tooth Candy
The child that is going to be an alcoholic Brandy
Of course we can't forget the mentally challenged twins that keep getting caught in the window covering Curt and Rod
 

Unbasher

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Dec 23, 2018
Messages
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Location
Germany
Speaking of self-deprecating humor: I have a paraplegic student. When we were discussing the final exam, which would last over three hours, I groaned and said, "This is going to be a real challenge for my bladder."
The paraplegic grinned and offered: "Would you like one of my catheters?"

Awesome comeback :)
 

Unbasher

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Dec 23, 2018
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Honey, I have a confession to make. I used to be a Christian.
- That doesn't bother me, sweetie.
- I'm relieved. I much prefer being a Christine.
 

wrenchboy

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somewhere on the road
Bed Time Prayer For Men


As I lay me down to sleep

I pray for a woman whos very cheap

One whos sexy blonde and long

Who notices that shes mostly wrong

One who sucks and doesn't speak

And promises to do so once a week

I pray that she is very randy

One like that would come in very handy

Opens her legs and lies on the floor

And once I'm done she begs for more

Oh send me a woman who won't play with my mind

Who knows what she wants and thats lots from behind

One who will make love till my body's a twitchin

And bring me a beer when she comes from the kitchen

I pray that she will last right up to the end

And won't complain when I do her best friend

Thanks in advance and since you know I can't wait

I will screw all the rest because it's never too late

Amen
 

Shotha

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The Vatican has been developing a new range of communion wafers. The Pope has announced that they are now completely satisfied with the new range of communion wafers and later this year they will be distributed for mass consumption.
 

TwoSwords

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Yoda: "How went Princess Leia's honeymoon?"

Yoda: "A Han's-on experience it was! Eh-heh-heh-heh!"
 

Unbasher

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Dec 23, 2018
Messages
420
Location
Germany
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A few days later he called me and told me it was the most violent book he'd ever read.
 
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