The Official Joke Thread :D

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Unbasher

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Dec 23, 2018
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Germany
Speaking of which, what do a hand grenade and a wife have in common?
Once you pull off the ring, boom! Your house is gone.
 

Dan DeLeon

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May 4, 2019
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76
Location
California
During a word game played by the illustrious Algonquin Round Table Wits, member Dorothy Parker (writer, poet, critic, and wit extraordinaire) was challenged to use "horticulture" in a sentence. Her clever reply is immortal:

"You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think."
 

Shotha

DM Supporter
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May 16, 2011
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New Zealand
I was telling a friend, who was very posh, that I had a Sanskrit exam the next day.
She replied, "I do hope that you parse."
 

Unbasher

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Dec 23, 2018
Messages
421
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Germany
Son, you're adopted.
Huh, I wonder who my real parents are.
WE are your real parents but your adoptive parents will be here in a minute to pick you up.
 

Bama

Active Member
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Jun 30, 2016
Messages
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Location
Texas, U.S.A.
Son, you're adopted.
Huh, I wonder who my real parents are.
WE are your real parents but your adoptive parents will be here in a minute to pick you up.
That's a good one. That's some Rodney Dangerfield type stuff right there.
 

Unbasher

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Dec 23, 2018
Messages
421
Location
Germany
Woman: Do you have any batteries? – Shop assistant [crooking his finger at her]: Come this way. – If I could come this way, I wouldn't need any batteries.
 

CPProp

Clockwork - wind me up
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In the shadows of the cuckoo clock
And then there was the couple who were so hard up that she decided to go on the streets.

After 3 hours she came back in, exhausted.

"Get anything?" he asked. "Yes, £5.25"

"What mean b***er gave you 25p?"

"All of them..."
 

Unbasher

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Joined
Dec 23, 2018
Messages
421
Location
Germany
" I thought nothing could happen in a car during a thunderstorm."

Chantal, 14, now pregnant
 
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