The Reality Of Dating An SSBBW

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Volt01

VOLKSWAGEN DRIVING SHORTSTACK LOVING BADASS
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I've not only thought about it, I've lived it. I know what the issues are and how to take measures to avoid them. Also I hear you on the type of car we should drive. I'd love to own a Mini Cooper cause it'd be fun and fast to drive. But I realize my dream girl would either be uncomfortable or not fit, (I like 'em really big), so I have to have a car to accommodate her need for comfort and space. I am also what I call house-broken as I cook, bake, can do chores around the house, but limited in the electrical dept. So if anyone has any questions about my talents, just ask. I'm experienced with women upto 600+ but am always willing to learn new things.
hey i drive a classic volkswagen beetle, ill try and make it work
 

DragonFly

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Back on topic is a great idea. Before you guys make any kind of decision or change what you are doing, read through this thread.

One thing that I have experienced is that I get between 40 and 80 requests for messages on Instagram every week. These are all men, many trying to pass themselves off as American Soldiers that are stationed overseas. It is a scam, I’ve read about it, saw the news clips about it, heck I’ve watched the show catfished. So that means the likelihood of me engaging with someone from IG is null.

Many supersized women myself included have horror stories about how we have been treated, dumped, used, and just not had good luck with the guys. I was made fun of all through school and even I to college I was an outcast. Unfortunately when you approach me you are paying the price of the ones that did not do it nicely.
 

BigElectricKat

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Back on topic is a great idea. Before you guys make any kind of decision or change what you are doing, read through this thread.

One thing that I have experienced is that I get between 40 and 80 requests for messages on Instagram every week. These are all men, many trying to pass themselves off as American Soldiers that are stationed overseas. It is a scam, I’ve read about it, saw the news clips about it, heck I’ve watched the show catfished. So that means the likelihood of me engaging with someone from IG is null.

Many supersized women myself included have horror stories about how we have been treated, dumped, used, and just not had good luck with the guys. I was made fun of all through school and even I to college I was an outcast. Unfortunately when you approach me you are paying the price of the ones that did not do it nicely.
And here lies the conundrum we face: On the one hand, we have guys who are looking for love, companionship, and relationships with lovely women of size but can't seem to find them anywhere. They are willing to do most anything right and decent in the spirit of togetherness but for some reason the apple of their eye remains elusive.
On the other hand, we have many, many women, both young and more mature alike, that have been jaded by similar experiences as what DragonFly has alluded to: crappy catfish stories, scammers, and outright jackasses. I get it. Most people are vulnerable when it comes to affairs of the heart and most times your fears are doubled when/if you are a BBW/BHM and every iteration thereof. It's hard to trust when your trust's been broken, kicked, and stepped upon so many times. Us guys just have to be patient and show our true selves as much as possible. We all have to take risks; even though there's a chance of getting hurt (again). What's the alternative? Being alone when you know good and damn well you don't really want to be? Just keep swinging ladies and gentlemen. Just keep swinging!
 

VVET

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Found out that my wife's cousin (who planned our trip to Las Vegas & The Grand Canyon) had very little idea of what handicapped access is. She asked if you could get a scooter on an Cadillac Escalade(yes after lifting the 187# scooter about 3 feet), a tour bus(yes, but you still had to climb the stairs on & off of it) ((My wife fell once getting off)) afterward I had to help her get into bed, as the beds were tall & she's short, & hurting after the fall. Also there were excellent cabs for loading scooters/wheelchairs, for going around town or back to the airport. Also to note, anyone going to Hawaii, we highly commend Access Aloha, for anyone needing handicapped travel on Oahu.
 

happily_married

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Some things I haven't seen on here before:
(Disclaimer: I only weigh 369, but I've been fat all my life and this is some little things that I've found to be important)


-Showers. Sometimes they're too tiny. I've told an ex before that I couldn't shower at his place because it was a little tiny plastic thing--set into the corner. It really really wasn't going to happen, ever. and he griped when I only took showers at my place and never kept stuff with him. So if you have a shower, make sure that it's a big tiled one with a shower curtain, and not a little corner one made out of molded plastic. And if you got an apartment with a Garden Tub, congrats, it's suddenly useful.

-he shoved me into a chair once--he went down the path of being "nice"--giving me a place to sit--without getting that tiny metal lawn chairs and I DO. NOT. MIX. My thighs hurt as soon as my butt hit the seat, and then when I stood I had to pry the damn thing off my ass. I'm glad I didn't break it because then that would have been really horrible--I'd have had to pay for this guy's shitty lawn chair because my ex refused to listen to me when I told him "No, this isn't going to work."

-Towels. Get big ones. Trust me, the tiny cheap ones from Wal-mart are not going to cut the cheese--find a brand that makes nice big, fluffy towels, and invest in 3 or 4. I use only one, some women use more.

-Air Conditioning--Central Heat/Air is best, because window units do cool the room but....they cool only one room. If you're 3 bedrooms away that room will never be proper cold and you'll have to deal with the loud-ass air conditioner every time it kicks on. Invest in a good central air unit, change the filter on a regular basis.

-Comfy Desk Chair/Comfy Couch--the best desk chairs have no arms on the sides for me. I loved the simple mesh ones they had in the college computer labs. For chairs, I really like the 1.5 chairs--the ones that are kind of huge, because I can tuck my feet up into them.

-Don't be a douche when she goes clothing shopping. I can't tell you how many eye-rolling whining guys have immediately started griping when I suggest we stop by Layne Bryant so I can grab some undies from their 5 for $25 pile. Also, I wear cotton undies because that's what's comfy. No I will not switch to thongs because thongs made for fat women are never comfortable for me. Respect her choices and realize that she's in comfy clothes for her FOR A REASON.

---also dealt with an ex who complained about my "style" and wished I would dress more like 'all the other girls'--he didn't get why I wasn't wearing the same clothes as them until I explained that they don't make hip and trendy clothing for fat girls, unless they're at a premium that I can't afford.

-If you're into weight gain, respect her wishes to not get any larger. I can't tell you how many guys have gone "but why don't you want to get to 500lbs?!" when they only want to date me "sometimes" and have no interest in a long-term relationship--but I've already explained that I'm happy at the size I am, and I'm not about to gain weight for this one guy when it would impact EVERY part of my life--from the clothes and underwear I wear to the car I can drive.
It's important to realize that it may be your fetish, but she has her own life--I'm happy at the size I am, I don't need to be any bigger, but guys insisting that I need to gain weight make me -extremely- uncomfortable about talking to anyone who's into feedism.

I hate to turn a guy away by saying "it's not like dating a normal girl, who happens to be fat" but...it really isn't. Once you get above 200lbs you're no longer an XL or a straight size or a size you can find anywhere--you're into clothing that has to be purchased from special stores--and then when you reach the upper realms of Layne Bryant you have to special order clothing online. So no, dating a 400 lb girl is not the same as dating a 120 lb girl--society treats the 400lb girl very differently, and you're going to have to make concessions for a woman that society doesn't like very much.
The guys lamenting no BBWs available in their areas, I’d you read nothing else, read @DragonFly post above and read the post I’ve quoted here.

Between the defenses some women construct for the reasons she lays out and the day to day challenges larger girls face (see the post I quoted) you definitely need to be ready to 1) navigate through a complex minefield of emotional issues and 2) be ready to settle in for the long haul when helping her deal with daily frustrations.

The member I quoted hasn’t posted in some time, but it may as well have been my wife posting what she did. Every single one of her frustrations are things I’ve seen my wife grapple with too.

It isn’t always fun. It isn’t always glamorous. It damn sure isn’t always sexy. It’s a lot to deal with at times. And just “liking fat girls” is not going to be enough to get you in. Each person is unique and may not be motivated by the same things that other bigger girls value.

Like I said, it’s a complex minefield. And even once you find the one you’re not done. At that point you’re only getting started!
 

BigElectricKat

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The guys lamenting no BBWs available in their areas, I’d you read nothing else, read @DragonFly post above and read the post I’ve quoted here.

Between the defenses some women construct for the reasons she lays out and the day to day challenges larger girls face (see the post I quoted) you definitely need to be ready to 1) navigate through a complex minefield of emotional issues and 2) be ready to settle in for the long haul when helping her deal with daily frustrations.

The member I quoted hasn’t posted in some time, but it may as well have been my wife posting what she did. Every single one of her frustrations are things I’ve seen my wife grapple with too.

It isn’t always fun. It isn’t always glamorous. It damn sure isn’t always sexy. It’s a lot to deal with at times. And just “liking fat girls” is not going to be enough to get you in. Each person is unique and may not be motivated by the same things that other bigger girls value.

Like I said, it’s a complex minefield. And even once you find the one you’re not done. At that point you’re only getting started!
You make a good point. Folks (guys) are generally looking at the prospect of dating a SSBBW with an eye toward primarily the sexual side of things. But as you point out, there's a lot more that goes into being in a relationship than just sex. You have to be prepared to deal with all of the other aspects of living with/dating someone who is larger than life. You have to go into it with "a servant's heart" and be prepared to do more than buy meals and flowers (although I'm sure many would appreciate those gestures).
 

DragonFly

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You make a good point. Folks (guys) are generally looking at the prospect of dating a SSBBW with an eye toward primarily the sexual side of things. But as you point out, there's a lot more that goes into being in a relationship than just sex. You have to be prepared to deal with all of the other aspects of living with/dating someone who is larger than life. You have to go into it with "a servant's heart" and be prepared to do more than buy meals and flowers (although I'm sure many would appreciate those gestures).
You guys both make good points.
 

Sidhuriel

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Conventional wisdom holds that men aren't attracted to SSBBWs. Well, every time I see one in Walmart, she's got a kid or two in the cart. Kids don't make themselves :)
Indeed. I never had trouble finding love as a fat girl. I think as long as someone can look beyond cultural expectations and has the confidence to follow their dreams, they will happily date anyone of a body type they desire and there's plenty of love for SSBBWS and BBWS to go around.
 

GeeseHoward

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Exeter uk
You make a good point. Folks (guys) are generally looking at the prospect of dating a SSBBW with an eye toward primarily the sexual side of things. But as you point out, there's a lot more that goes into being in a relationship than just sex. You have to be prepared to deal with all of the other aspects of living with/dating someone who is larger than life. You have to go into it with "a servant's heart" and be prepared to do more than buy meals and flowers (although I'm sure many would appreciate those gestures).
This is absolute gold and completely sums up everything perfectly. You're completely right in what your saying about initial dating, people don't entirely commit at that point and a lot of the future fore-planning can be taken for granted.
 

Jimevil2000

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I was chatting about this tonight and felt like it should be a post lol

It has been said that you can tell if a man is TRULY an FA by the type of car he drives. It is a snap judgement call i suppose, because if the guy can only afford a ford fiesta, well what can ya do...but economics aside...i think it's a relatively good indicator (in a comical sort of way lol). I mean, if a guy is serious about having a relationship with a supersized woman it just wouldn't be smart to own a tiny car.

This train of thought of course led to other issues. I'm sure this has been a topic before, but i haven't read it..so here goes again i suppose :) You have to wonder with all these fellas who claim they want a supersized woman.. do they REALLY know what they're getting themselves into? Are they up for the job? Or is it just a fantasy that they play out in their mind without thinking of any of the realities?

I dated a guy once a few years ago..we went to a music festival and had to walk for miles upon miles. I was about 375 at the time..and wasn't in bad shape for that size, but miles of walking is HARD. I would have to sit down periodically because of cramps in my legs and sore feet...and eventually he got tired of it!!! My response? well.. "either ya deal with it or maybe i should go on a diet" (i was bluffing of course LOL) but that type of unsympathetic response shouldn't come from a man who claims to love supersized women.

Men who are interested in SSBBW's should realize that, after a certain size, we're not able to do things like that. We can't walk into any restaurant and fit in the booth. Some of us like (or need) to be dropped off at the front of the store..and i personally have to ride in the cart and would not want to be with a man who would be embarrassed by that. We sometimes need help getting up from a low chair..or help getting into a high vehicle.

I know i've only touched on very few of the issues that SSBBW's have to think about and deal with on a daily basis, but i'm tired lol. Fortunately for me my man thinks of these things, but God knows i had previously spoken to a lot of men who were quite clueless about these types of issues and the realities of dating an SSBBW.

So my question is...fellas have you really thought about what the reality of dating an SSBBW is like? Please do tell :)
This is true for any relationship. They all have obstacles to overcome. Yes, there are issues specific to being a ssbbw or a mature ssbbw, but like any relationship you work through them or you get the boot!
 

TheStaunton

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Hobart, Tasmania
This is absolute gold and completely sums up everything perfectly. You're completely right in what your saying about initial dating, people don't entirely commit at that point and a lot of the future fore-planning can be taken for granted.
Think also a lot of people fall in love with the fetish, but not the person....that's kind of an internet thing

It's a good reminder to keep in mind the requirements, and always love the person, and take care of them
 

Pauloburgess

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I was chatting about this tonight and felt like it should be a post lol

It has been said that you can tell if a man is TRULY an FA by the type of car he drives. It is a snap judgement call i suppose, because if the guy can only afford a ford fiesta, well what can ya do...but economics aside...i think it's a relatively good indicator (in a comical sort of way lol). I mean, if a guy is serious about having a relationship with a supersized woman it just wouldn't be smart to own a tiny car.

This train of thought of course led to other issues. I'm sure this has been a topic before, but i haven't read it..so here goes again i suppose :) You have to wonder with all these fellas who claim they want a supersized woman.. do they REALLY know what they're getting themselves into? Are they up for the job? Or is it just a fantasy that they play out in their mind without thinking of any of the realities?

I dated a guy once a few years ago..we went to a music festival and had to walk for miles upon miles. I was about 375 at the time..and wasn't in bad shape for that size, but miles of walking is HARD. I would have to sit down periodically because of cramps in my legs and sore feet...and eventually he got tired of it!!! My response? well.. "either ya deal with it or maybe i should go on a diet" (i was bluffing of course LOL) but that type of unsympathetic response shouldn't come from a man who claims to love supersized women.

Men who are interested in SSBBW's should realize that, after a certain size, we're not able to do things like that. We can't walk into any restaurant and fit in the booth. Some of us like (or need) to be dropped off at the front of the store..and i personally have to ride in the cart and would not want to be with a man who would be embarrassed by that. We sometimes need help getting up from a low chair..or help getting into a high vehicle.

I know i've only touched on very few of the issues that SSBBW's have to think about and deal with on a daily basis, but i'm tired lol. Fortunately for me my man thinks of these things, but God knows i had previously spoken to a lot of men who were quite clueless about these types of issues and the realities of dating an SSBBW.

So my question is...fellas have you really thought about what the reality of dating an SSBBW is like? Please do tell :)
I think that at first? A lot of us don’t.

I had to learn a bit. Stairs, walking, booths in restaurants, bars, anything really.

I am 40 now, so not young, but grown. I learned a lot about being respectful of physical needs when I was young.

I am mindful to balance as best as I can being respectful of needs but not treating a Lady’s weight as a disability.
 

maxi333

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I'm a thin guy and wouldn't want that to have an effect on my lady if she is a ssbbw.. do you think that it's a problem?? I find bigger women so dam sexy
 

maxi333

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Back on topic is a great idea. Before you guys make any kind of decision or change what you are doing, read through this thread.

One thing that I have experienced is that I get between 40 and 80 requests for messages on Instagram every week. These are all men, many trying to pass themselves off as American Soldiers that are stationed overseas. It is a scam, I’ve read about it, saw the news clips about it, heck I’ve watched the show catfished. So that means the likelihood of me engaging with someone from IG is null.

Many supersized women myself included have horror stories about how we have been treated, dumped, used, and just not had good luck with the guys. I was made fun of all through school and even I to college I was an outcast. Unfortunately when you approach me you are paying the price of the ones that did not do it nicely.
Dang that's sad to hear that you had difficulties like that.. I imagine it must be tough being objectified. Its a difficult line, some people find big women sexy, but then isn't it the same for all women when guys have a particular preference?
 

DragonFly

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Dang that's sad to hear that you had difficulties like that.. I imagine it must be tough being objectified. Its a difficult line, some people find big women sexy, but then isn't it the same for all women when guys have a particular preference?
I wasn’t really being objectified I was being preyed upon. Considered less than and so desperate that I would send money to a stranger just for a few compliments. In school I was bullied, threatened, harassed, and basically left to defend myself. There was no anti-bullying campaigns. I was fat and unattractive and it was my fault because I was lazy and did not have any willpower. Two older girls were threatening to kill me, parents didn’t seem to feel like they should do anything, and the school counselor blamed it on me.
My expierences and the experiences of many of the largest of women here are nothing like how a thin woman may be objectified.
From cat fishing to outright abuse the story of large women is very different.

And ghosting..... not just a young people thing, I have been ghosted by men well into their 50s. I’ve actually given up the search, gone into retirement from the dating scene. The juice is not worth the squeeze 🤪
 

DazzlingAnna

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I wasn’t really being objectified I was being preyed upon. Considered less than and so desperate that I would send money to a stranger just for a few compliments. In school I was bullied, threatened, harassed, and basically left to defend myself. There was no anti-bullying campaigns. I was fat and unattractive and it was my fault because I was lazy and did not have any willpower. Two older girls were threatening to kill me, parents didn’t seem to feel like they should do anything, and the school counselor blamed it on me.
My expierences and the experiences of many of the largest of women here are nothing like how a thin woman may be objectified.
From cat fishing to outright abuse the story of large women is very different.

And ghosting..... not just a young people thing, I have been ghosted by men well into their 50s. I’ve actually given up the search, gone into retirement from the dating scene. The juice is not worth the squeeze 🤪
This is so sad to read.
I've made some similar experiences in my life. I can relate very well to a lot of what @DragonFly wrote.
I guess everybody is going through a tough time in school and life - but once you've learned that being fat is the reason for being treated like that - things keep going.

As a result of my personal experiences over many years for me there was absolutely no doubt that I AM unattractive because I was fat and lazy and without any willpower. .. etc etc and they can treat me however they want. I don't deserve better.

People in general and men in specific had to try hard to convince me that they didn't lie when they were saying I was beautiful or something.
In fact I didn't believe any of this for many, many years. (they were giving compliments to get something else (money, work to be done, ...) from me - that's what I was thinking)

This definitely hinders dating as a fat woman (that I've always been), same as it hinders to lead a healthy relationship.

Up to now I still feel sometimes that I have to give back more and that I have to be extremely grateful that people spend time with me. 🙄 I know this is a wrong attitude - and it is already changing...
 
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AmyJo1976

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Life can be very hard at times for a woman of size, as specially an SSBBW when the majority of society views you in a negative manner. There are men out there that truly appreciate us though, you just have to be willing to put yourself out there to be found. And there is always great support from all the lovely people here on Dims! :)
 
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