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lille

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Being away from him makes me feel like the ground has been ripped out from under me. I feel strong and happy and whole when I'm with him and now that I'm not I feel shattered and lost.
 

Saisha

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Being away from him makes me feel like the ground has been ripped out from under me. I feel strong and happy and whole when I'm with him and now that I'm not I feel shattered and lost.

Focus on the love between you, feel it in your heart and soul, let it gently overflow throughout your mind and body and know he is feeling the same....he is always with you and you are always with him....

and maybe eat some ice cream, that might help in a pinch for a second or three :)
 

lille

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Focus on the love between you, feel it in your heart and soul, let it gently overflow throughout your mind and body and know he is feeling the same....he is always with you and you are always with him....

and maybe eat some ice cream, that might help in a pinch for a second or three :)

I've been trying to keep busy and I've been listening to music by the band we saw when I was there.
 

Librarygirl

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I confess I've been taken by surprise by the profound effect a new BHM friend has on me. He's kind of been an acquaintance for nearly a year, but we just got chatting this past few weeks as he's been coming into my library more often. Sad thing is that he is going back home once he finishes his Masters in a couple of weeks. He is SO cute, funny and sexy and his German accent and extreme politeness only add to the charm. He's big and tall and BEARDED! Sigh...And it's not like I can throw myself at him as he's mutual friends with people I know at work and I occasionally come across his dad professionally. Not sure what to do, but if I don't do anything, tomorrow might be the last time I see him before he goes.
 

agouderia

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I confess I've been taken by surprise by the profound effect a new BHM friend has on me. He's kind of been an acquaintance for nearly a year, but we just got chatting this past few weeks as he's been coming into my library more often. (1) Sad thing is that he is going back home once he finishes his Masters in a couple of weeks. He is SO cute, funny and sexy and his German accent and extreme politeness only add to the charm. He's big and tall and BEARDED! Sigh...And it's not like I can throw myself at him as he's mutual friends with people I know at work and I occasionally come across his dad professionally (2). Not sure what to do, but if I don't do anything, tomorrow might be the last time I see him before he goes. (3)

1) German men don't just ask women out on dates. They start out by trying to establish a friendship via common personal or professional interests/friends etc. and might move on from there. It's only often difficult to see where friendship ends and interest in a relationship starts.....
What you write already sounds rather promising. So now it's your turn to show you reciprocate, try to move forward with establishing a friendship.

2) Those actually are advantages - use them. Talk about mutual friends/acquaintances, what his father has worked on in your library, etc. etc. Fits into above named approach.

3) If he's leaving soon - ask him exactly when. (Germans love precise times, dates, measurements, it won't come across as odd).
Then prepare an 'Ausstand' for him. Ausstand is the traditional German workplace farewell party for someone leaving the job. Normally they do it themselves, but you knowing of the custom and doing it for him would definitely be highly appreciated.
Plus - it's a personal gesture but a typically professional thing to do, so you won't lose face either way.
Ausstand mostly is cake (homebaked is always best) with coffee/tea and some alcohol (sherry/port would work well) or salty snacks (salmon sandwichs, cheese puffs & the like) with sparkling/wine / champagne.

Viel Glück!
 

Librarygirl

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Agouderia, you are a star!! Thank you so much for your thoughts and advice. Given what you have said about starting with friendship (and he does seem to have a kind of polite reserve), we chatted a bit today and I made sure to say I hoped I'd see him before he left when I had to go off to do a talk. I didn't see him at the end of the day, but messaged him on FB to check in and see how things are going with his dissertation, mention that I hope to see his father during his upcoming visit and also to make a casual suggestion of coffee as it is hard to chat in the Reading Room. Nothing that couldn't just be seen as friendship though. So we will see. That way I can hopefully find out exactly when he is leaving and if there might be a possible chance for 3). I only regret letting my own German slide so much, but hope that that too might be an excuse to spend time with him (I've already said I could do with the practice!). These things are fraught..esp. as bizarrely I first met his parents and heard about him through the friend I've long been in love with, but who has a long-term girlfriend. But after so much heartache there, it is so exciting to delight in seeing my new German friend and come over all silly like a teenager whenever he is in the Reading Room.:)
 

loopytheone

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Librarygirl, you have amazing taste I have to say, he sounds awesome! I love the german accent and a BHM too! Hopefully things go well for you. =)

As for my confession, I confess that my ex left a comment on one of my pictures on deviantart. Perfectly nice, normal comment. And all I could think was 'I have no interest in hearing from you, I've moved on and you are in the past' so I blocked him and deleted his comment. Feel pretty good about that!
 

Librarygirl

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Librarygirl, you have amazing taste I have to say, he sounds awesome! I love the german accent and a BHM too! Hopefully things go well for you. =)

Thank you : ) . He is awesome! It may end up as no more than friendship, but I'm going to do my best to make the most of the time he has left in England. I just melted when he gave me a little wave and a smile while I was helping another reader....I embarrassingly found myself struggling to get a DVD player to work! He has kind of invited me to a party for the end of his course and made it clear he will be back to use the library for leisure rather than study in the next week or two...So I think this is good?

As for my confession, I confess that my ex left a comment on one of my pictures on deviantart. Perfectly nice, normal comment. And all I could think was 'I have no interest in hearing from you, I've moved on and you are in the past' so I blocked him and deleted his comment. Feel pretty good about that!

Good for you!! It's a good feeling when you realise someone like this from your past can no longer affect you - a great sense of freedom. And one I know only too well from a bad past experience.
 

shandyman

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I felt brave yesterday and it back fired
I asked out a woman who I get on very well with and have had a crush on for a while. She said she liked everything me including my eyes, beard, sense of humor ect. However she turned me down because I am far too big for her.
It has left me feeling really dispondant
 

LeoGibson

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I felt brave yesterday and it back fired
I asked out a woman who I get on very well with and have had a crush on for a while. She said she liked everything me including my eyes, beard, sense of humor ect. However she turned me down because I am far too big for her.
It has left me feeling really dispondant

Why do you feel despondent? You showed some brass and took a risk. You should be proud of yourself for that fella. Hey, in football, as you silly folks like to call soccer, does every shot on goal make it through the net? So, this one wasn't for you, and from her perspective, you weren't the one for her. So you hold your head up and move on, thankful that you didn't waste each other's time and prepare for your next shot on goal with hopefully a lady that you both click with each other. But be happy that even if you didn't get this one, hey at least you're in the game and not sitting on the side just watching.
 

Surlysomething

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I totally agree with LG. Way to go for putting yourself out there!

You really wouldn't want to be with someone who wasn't into you, would you? Confidence shines through too and women find that very attractive.

You're the man today...you took a chance! :)

I felt brave yesterday and it back fired
I asked out a woman who I get on very well with and have had a crush on for a while. She said she liked everything me including my eyes, beard, sense of humor ect. However she turned me down because I am far too big for her.
It has left me feeling really dispondant
 

shandyman

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I just feel a little be silly for trying, I know that probably sound stupid, but I feel like I went against my better judgement. I suppose there is always a next time!
My confidence is very strange. When it comes to talking to strangers or asking someone out in a social setting then I am useless. However I can very happily stand up in front of 400 at a conference and present my research and lecture to 100 students.
Thank you for your comments, I'll learn from what has happened and take it on board if or when I try again.
 

MsBrightside

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I just feel a little be silly for trying, I know that probably sound stupid, but I feel like I went against my better judgement. I suppose there is always a next time!
My confidence is very strange. When it comes to talking to strangers or asking someone out in a social setting then I am useless. However I can very happily stand up in front of 400 at a conference and present my research and lecture to 100 students.
Thank you for your comments, I'll learn from what has happened and take it on board if or when I try again.
I admire your courage to put yourself out there, too. I suppose it's good that she was honest with you (although IMO it was a bit rude if she actually gave voice to something specific that she doesn't like about you--who does that to someone who asks her out?); but I wonder sometimes if the women who turn down a date with a BHM are always being honest with themselves. In most cases (except for the "How you doin'?" style of bar pick-up attempts) when someone asks another person out, he or she has had some encouragement to think that the other person might respond positively: shared interests, body language, a frisson of physical awareness, a history of pleasant interactions (as in your case), etc. I think that at least some of the time, the woman who turns down a date with a BHM really IS attracted to him (which is why he picked up on her signals and asked her out in the first place), she's just been conditioned to automatically reject such a thought, or else she's afraid of what others might think. I know this doesn't really help you or other BHM's that might find themselves in your situation, it's just a reminder that there's nothing wrong with you; she might be the one letting her preconceived notions or insecurities stand in the way of what could be something really fantastic! Unfortunately, a BHM might take such a rejection as a reason to start doubting his instincts, making him wary of approaching others in the future.

Just so you'll know that the type of thing I'm describing is real, I admit that I was guilty of something similar once, although not with a BHM. I turned down a date with a terrific guy, for whom I felt an instant attraction (which I'm sure he realized on some level, hence the fact that he asked me out), but I was too shy and insecure to accept. He was an MD/Ph.D student and was absolutely brilliant (smarter than me, for sure), he did community volunteer work in his spare time, and, although he wasn't "ripped" (which is not my preference anyway), he had a lean, wiry physique that seemed to me like a rebuke to my own imperfect body (at the time I was quite thin, really, but that, of course, does not equal perfect). I'm not saying that you should ask her again, but if the guy that I'm talking about had asked me again, once I had time to consider, I would have said "yes." I've always regretted answering him the way I did, and he quite naturally avoided me after that, so it was an opportunity lost forever.

(Whew! Sorry this post is so long, but because I feel like such a dork for commenting on every single post in the voice thread, I'm going to be somewhat sneaky and seize this chance to tell you how much I enjoyed yours, especially when you said eee-volution. I used to work in the research field as well, rather like you and Melian--it's great to know that there are some other science geeks around here. :D Also, I'm glad your back is feeling better after your fossil-collecting mishap.)
 

biglynch

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I just feel a little be silly for trying, I know that probably sound stupid, but I feel like I went against my better judgement. I suppose there is always a next time!
My confidence is very strange. When it comes to talking to strangers or asking someone out in a social setting then I am useless. However I can very happily stand up in front of 400 at a conference and present my research and lecture to 100 students.
Thank you for your comments, I'll learn from what has happened and take it on board if or when I try again.

Actually buddy I think you totally went with your better judgement. Everything pointed to go for it and you did. Sure the result was not as hoped but hey thems the breaks sometimes.
 

lille

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This course load is going to be tough, but I thin I'm going to enjoy it. Now I'm off to read Wilhelm Reich's "The function of the orgasm" for class on Thursday.
 

Tad

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This course load is going to be tough, but I thin I'm going to enjoy it. Now I'm off to read Wilhelm Reich's "The function of the orgasm" for class on Thursday.

I'm thinking that class could increase its enrollment just by posting the reading list..... :p
 
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