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BigChaz

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My boyfriend is practical and thinks it's stupid to pay for a name and so is planning on getting my engagement ring at a local family run jewelry store. As much as I love the idea of a custom ring he designed for me, there's a piece of my that has my heart set on a ring from Tiffany's. I remember going in the NY store as a kid (a kid who didn't really have much interest in jewelry) and being amazed. It's just like Holly Golightly says in the novel (which I fell in love with when I read it for school), you feel like nothing bad could ever happen there. There's one in the mall by me and even though I'm a broke grad student the man in the fancy suit always greets me and they let me try on rings and act like I'm important. It's an experience. Plus they only use conflict free diamonds and try to use the least environmentally damaging mines. I just don't know how to explain it to him without sounding like a spoiled brat who just wants the fancy name for the name brand's sake.
Out of curiosity, of the rings you have looked at at the family run store vs the Tiffany's store, have you compared the price of similar rings? If so, what kind of difference was there?
 

lille

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Out of curiosity, of the rings you have looked at at the family run store vs the Tiffany's store, have you compared the price of similar rings? If so, what kind of difference was there?

He hasn't actually started ring shopping yet so I'm not sure. The engagement is still a while off, we want to have lived together for a while first. We've just been talking about it and it definitely is the plan for the future. His family is pushing for him to do it asap though because us living together without even being engaged is scandalous. His dad is convinced we're secretly already engaged and hiding it. Last time he visited them his mom and grandma kept trying to give him rings so he could propose now.

But even without directly comparing, I've seen articles where people have compared Tiffany's to other places and it is definitely more expensive.
 

LeoGibson

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My boyfriend is practical and thinks it's stupid to pay for a name and so is planning on getting my engagement ring at a local family run jewelry store. As much as I love the idea of a custom ring he designed for me, there's a piece of my that has my heart set on a ring from Tiffany's. I remember going in the NY store as a kid (a kid who didn't really have much interest in jewelry) and being amazed. It's just like Holly Golightly says in the novel (which I fell in love with when I read it for school), you feel like nothing bad could ever happen there. There's one in the mall by me and even though I'm a broke grad student the man in the fancy suit always greets me and they let me try on rings and act like I'm important. It's an experience. Plus they only use conflict free diamonds and try to use the least environmentally damaging mines. I just don't know how to explain it to him without sounding like a spoiled brat who just wants the fancy name for the name brand's sake.
I completely understand where you are coming from and that it's not so much about the ring itself or what it costs, but it's everything else that you connect with it in your mind about rings and weddings and such. However, I might add that not only in the matter of practicality and financial concerns, there is another option when it comes to diamond rings. Even though they may use 'conflict free" diamonds and they may try to use the least environmentally damaging mines, just the very nature of the business and the scant few players that control all of the worlds diamonds, at least indirectly you will still be paying into the system that contributes to these practices. If you truly want to do no harm then perhaps looking at lab created diamonds. Completely indistinguishable from naturally occurring diamonds and totally ethical and sustainable. I would just caution to make sure they are type IIa CVD diamonds and not anything called diamond simulant as those are usually moissanite or CZ. They typically run about 30% less that natural diamonds.

A lot of people talk about it taking the "emotion" out of the engagement or whatever the hell that is supposed to mean, but to me it's complete horseshit. The ring itself is the symbol, the rock sitting on it is purely for decoration purposes only and has about as much "emotion" as a piece of gravel from your driveway! :D

As I said above, I do understand your other reasons for wanting a Tiffany ring, and it's not wrong either to want it. I just wanted to throw out there that there are other options as well. Good luck!
 

fritzi

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My boyfriend is practical and thinks it's stupid to pay for a name and so is planning on getting my engagement ring at a local family run jewelry store. As much as I love the idea of a custom ring he designed for me, there's a piece of my that has my heart set on a ring from Tiffany's. I remember going in the NY store as a kid (a kid who didn't really have much interest in jewelry) and being amazed. It's just like Holly Golightly says in the novel (which I fell in love with when I read it for school), you feel like nothing bad could ever happen there. There's one in the mall by me and even though I'm a broke grad student the man in the fancy suit always greets me and they let me try on rings and act like I'm important. It's an experience. Plus they only use conflict free diamonds and try to use the least environmentally damaging mines. I just don't know how to explain it to him without sounding like a spoiled brat who just wants the fancy name for the name brand's sake.
Sorry girl - but you sound like the cliché of the advertisement victim brat!

Having something personally made for you, that is unique and no one else has is the most precious thing there is today in times of mass production. (Which Tiffany is by the way, no matter how exclusive a touch they give themselves...)

Grow up, live your own life - don't try to replicate that of a fictional character who probably is of your grandparent's generation!
 

Yakatori

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[I put that subject line there before I realized someone else posted between LG & I. So, just to to add: fritzi, with all due respect, and even as much as I normally enjoy many of your insights, I just don't feel like that's constructive here. For one thing, even as I'm not so, so into this kind of thing, even I realize that Tiffany's is not just-another brand here. They command more for what they do because, generally, they're pretty good at it. Both the designs and the service, the whole experience. So, no shortage of people perfectly willing to pay for that. Likewise, just because something's custom-made, doesn't necessarily make it a better fit for whoever it's being made for:]

"...family is pushing for him to do it asap though because us living together without even being engaged is scandalous. His dad is convinced we're secretly already engaged and hiding it. Last time he visited them his mom and grandma kept trying to give him rings so he could propose now.."
Sort of suspecting this is really the deeper, underlying issue. Without this, possibly the whole thing just resolves itself. Still:

"...conflict free diamonds and try to use the least environmentally damaging mines. I just don't know how to explain it to him without sounding like a spoiled brat who just wants the fancy name for the name brand's sake."
I'm personally kind of skeptical at the whole idea of a conflict-free diamond. I don't believe it exists, in truth. [Aside, of course, from what LeoGibson was talking about]

If stuff like that is what's truly important to you, then you can't do any better than any kind of second-hand jewelry. This could be something from his own family, of some sentimental value (great-grandmother's, grandmother's, mother's ring, etc..) It's kind of an old-school tradition, you typically see more as the groom proposing has/had some strong relationship with a family member who's now deceased. Or that there's some story or history to the piece itself. Although, actually, it could also be your own ring, from your own family; that's not totally unheard of either. It also bears mentioning that there's, additionally, a myriad of other ways purchase used rings, anything from the most conventional-looking diamond engagement ring to something with more of a vintage-look to actual antiques. And so, another principle advantage being that, unlike your more traditional retail purchase, this will tend to hold more of its value a bit better; that is, providing you find a good deal from a reputable merchant.

Of course, for an engagement ring, and for most people, that's all totally besides the point. Which is why, really, the most practical thing of all is for you to just tell him exactly what it is you really want. And then he just goes out and buys it precisely for that reason, makes it worth every penny. The how or why of it is sort of immaterial since the whole point of any kind of diamond is its unadulterated extravagance.

The real challenge is in better determining exactly what it is you want. So, if it's only a matter of it being from Tiffany, getting that bag & box, there's some more modestly priced rings available there. (Like any retailer, they're going to compete in as broad a section of the market as they practically can, without compromising their brand). Particularly if it isn't necessarily a traditional engagement ring that you want from there; as they sell all kinds of rings (& bracelets, earrings, pendants, etc…& are always coming up with new designs.) Alternatively, if it's just the style of their traditional setting that's most important to you, there are lots of jewelers who can produce something similar enough, but without the actual Tiffany-branding on it. Likewise, and for a fraction of the original cost, you can also indeed buy a bona-fide & certified/stamped Tiffany ring & setting second-hand/used as well. With the original box/bag or whatever other packaging. And, if I'm not mistaken, they will actually service it the same (re-fit, polish, etc...) as if you bought it directly from Tiffany? Because, after all, there are some people who purchase & return or re-sell even some of highest quality jewelry for any of a number of reasons (impulse purchase one thing, end up going with something else).

There are so many options and variations, and especially given the money involved, it's well worth it to try to have some open-ended discussion about it; because, ultimately, you will find that will tend to generate more ideas than obstacles. (e.g. looking at designs, in general you get a more particular idea for a type of vintage ring that you can buy used. Or, looking at all kinds of rings (for sale), you get a better idea of just how you want your own to be designed.)
 
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Dr. Feelgood

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A lot of people talk about it taking the "emotion" out of the engagement or whatever the hell that is supposed to mean, but to me it's complete horseshit. The ring itself is the symbol, the rock sitting on it is purely for decoration purposes only and has about as much "emotion" as a piece of gravel from your driveway! :D
Although engagement rings go back to antiquity, diamond rings became a status symbol for the rich in the 19th century, with the opening of the diamond mines in South Africa. The popularity of diamond engagement rings fell off in the 1920's, and even more during the Great Depression. In 1938, the DeBeers corporation began an all-out advertising campaign to convince the public that a diamond engagement ring was an absolute necessity. They were the ones who coined the phrase "a diamond is forever," and it has paid off for them: something like 80% of all engagement rings sold today feature diamonds. As Leo points out, the sentiment comes courtesy of DeBeers. :)
 

tankyguy

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Although engagement rings go back to antiquity, diamond rings became a status symbol for the rich in the 19th century, with the opening of the diamond mines in South Africa. The popularity of diamond engagement rings fell off in the 1920's, and even more during the Great Depression. In 1938, the DeBeers corporation began an all-out advertising campaign to convince the public that a diamond engagement ring was an absolute necessity. They were the ones who coined the phrase "a diamond is forever," and it has paid off for them: something like 80% of all engagement rings sold today feature diamonds. As Leo points out, the sentiment comes courtesy of DeBeers. :)
[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5kWu1ifBGU&feature=player_detailpage#t=0[/ame]

It's all true.
:p
 

Xyantha Reborn

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Here is my two cents (as a girl who went through it)

This only seems like a big deal now, but to be honest its a really short lived thing. You only notice your engagement ring for the first few months - after that you really don't see it or feel it except when it slams off something and you are like 'omg did my diamond break?' :doh: After that, you don't even notice it. The only people who are going to notice your engagement ring/comment on it are within the first 3 or so months. After that, no one sees it or cares anymore either.

Personally, I would have punched my guy in the throat if he wasted money on something so frivolous - but that is my own beliefs, not yours! If the ring is important to you, that's totally cool - but I will mention this because its the feedback I've given to all my girlie's as they get engaged.

Our mother in law gifted us an heirloom, small diamond ring (because I refused to allow him to purchase one, and my fingers swell so I rarely would wear it anyway). We did a small, very economical wedding. Within a year after our marriage we bought our first house. I can tell you, more people are awed by a house than a ring, and more people look at my husband with that 'wow he must be a good provider and love her' look when they see that, than any ring.

If you want a ring from a certain place because of your own reasons, that's ok. I wanted a small wedding for my own selfish reasons - and that is ok! And it's ok even if it is a 'spoiled' thing! Just make sure that he realizes this is just something you really want - and try to understand that for him to want to custom make you a ring is very romantic, and probably means more to him than a big box store diamond does for you.

Also - just a thought. From your other posts you sound very dedicated. This probably wont be your only opportunity to have a pretty ring; you can always consider proposing to him that you would love a custom ring, but will want to buy a diamond ring from Tiffany's in future.
 

Tad

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A few quick thoughts.

Your situation is tougher than if he really hadn't thought about it. He has, and has an idea he thinks would be romantic. Which doesn't line up with yours. One of you will have to give up your plan. Good marriage practice on how to work that out. :p

A back up idea for Tiffanies could be your wedding bands. After all, you two get to shop for those together, so you could actually be part of that experience. And as they are generally less expensive, the premium might be easier to bear.

Bit if the Tiffany part really is an important part of the engagement ring to you, ease do explain it to him in short, clear, sentences. That the grandeur of the ring matters less to you than the provenence, that for you this is a key part of the experience you have dreamed of.

And failing all else, make it clear that for your twentieth anniversary you want that dreamed of ring!
 

lille

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First of all, thanks for all the replies, I was just venting a bit and totally didn't expect all this.

I completely understand where you are coming from and that it's not so much about the ring itself or what it costs, but it's everything else that you connect with it in your mind about rings and weddings and such. However, I might add that not only in the matter of practicality and financial concerns, there is another option when it comes to diamond rings. Even though they may use 'conflict free" diamonds and they may try to use the least environmentally damaging mines, just the very nature of the business and the scant few players that control all of the worlds diamonds, at least indirectly you will still be paying into the system that contributes to these practices. If you truly want to do no harm then perhaps looking at lab created diamonds. Completely indistinguishable from naturally occurring diamonds and totally ethical and sustainable. I would just caution to make sure they are type IIa CVD diamonds and not anything called diamond simulant as those are usually moissanite or CZ. They typically run about 30% less that natural diamonds.

A lot of people talk about it taking the "emotion" out of the engagement or whatever the hell that is supposed to mean, but to me it's complete horseshit. The ring itself is the symbol, the rock sitting on it is purely for decoration purposes only and has about as much "emotion" as a piece of gravel from your driveway! :D

As I said above, I do understand your other reasons for wanting a Tiffany ring, and it's not wrong either to want it. I just wanted to throw out there that there are other options as well. Good luck!
Yeah, I definitely agree that all mining is does harm the environment and that even if a particular diamond is "conflict free" it's still contributing to the diamond industry as a whole. I have actually considered a non-daimond ring. However, my favorite stone is opal and I'm afraid it would be too fragile for an engagement ring.

And you totally get it, I'm not someone who can take the emotion out of something. I am a deeply emotional person, that's just part of who I am. I attach great sentimental value to things and that's why I'm drawn to Tiffany's. Being in there makes me feel like a princess. Which is a big deal because I have struggled with extremely low self esteem for a long time.

Sorry girl - but you sound like the cliché of the advertisement victim brat!

Having something personally made for you, that is unique and no one else has is the most precious thing there is today in times of mass production. (Which Tiffany is by the way, no matter how exclusive a touch they give themselves...)

Grow up, live your own life - don't try to replicate that of a fictional character who probably is of your grandparent's generation!
So, first off, I'm not trying to replicate a fictional character. Holly was nota happy person and I in no way would ever want to be her. However, the book and the movie both resonated with me and I connect them to a specific time in my life and specific feelings. Also, the fact that the character is from my grandparent's generation has nothing to do with it. The fact that people can still connect with the characters, even decades laters is what makes something a classic.

As for something unique and made for me, I do agree that it is special and that is why one of the other options I am considering is having ring with something other than a diamond.

[I put that subject line there before I realized someone else posted between LG & I. So, just to to add: fritzi, with all due respect, and even as much as I normally enjoy many of your insights, I just don't feel like that's constructive here. For one thing, even as I'm not so, so into this kind of thing, even I realize that Tiffany's is not just-another brand here. They command more for what they do because, generally, they're pretty good at it. Both the designs and the service, the whole experience. So, no shortage of people perfectly willing to pay for that. Likewise, just because something's custom-made, doesn't necessarily make it a better fit for whoever it's being made for:]

Sort of suspecting this is really the deeper, underlying issue. Without this, possibly the whole thing just resolves itself. Still:

I'm personally kind of skeptical at the whole idea of a conflict-free diamond. I don't believe it exists, in truth. [Aside, of course, from what LeoGibson was talking about]

If stuff like that is what's truly important to you, then you can't do any better than any kind of second-hand jewelry. This could be something from his own family, of some sentimental value (great-grandmother's, grandmother's, mother's ring, etc..) It's kind of an old-school tradition, you typically see more as the groom proposing has/had some strong relationship with a family member who's now deceased. Or that there's some story or history to the piece itself. Although, actually, it could also be your own ring, from your own family; that's not totally unheard of either. It also bears mentioning that there's, additionally, a myriad of other ways purchase used rings, anything from the most conventional-looking diamond engagement ring to something with more of a vintage-look to actual antiques. And so, another principle advantage being that, unlike your more traditional retail purchase, this will tend to hold more of its value a bit better; that is, providing you find a good deal from a reputable merchant.

Of course, for an engagement ring, and for most people, that's all totally besides the point. Which is why, really, the most practical thing of all is for you to just tell him exactly what it is you really want. And then he just goes out and buys it precisely for that reason, makes it worth every penny. The how or why of it is sort of immaterial since the whole point of any kind of diamond is its unadulterated extravagance.

The real challenge is in better determining exactly what it is you want. So, if it's only a matter of it being from Tiffany, getting that bag & box, there's some more modestly priced rings available there. (Like any retailer, they're going to compete in as broad a section of the market as they practically can, without compromising their brand). Particularly if it isn't necessarily a traditional engagement ring that you want from there; as they sell all kinds of rings (& bracelets, earrings, pendants, etc…& are always coming up with new designs.) Alternatively, if it's just the style of their traditional setting that's most important to you, there are lots of jewelers who can produce something similar enough, but without the actual Tiffany-branding on it. Likewise, and for a fraction of the original cost, you can also indeed buy a bona-fide & certified/stamped Tiffany ring & setting second-hand/used as well. With the original box/bag or whatever other packaging. And, if I'm not mistaken, they will actually service it the same (re-fit, polish, etc...) as if you bought it directly from Tiffany? Because, after all, there are some people who purchase & return or re-sell even some of highest quality jewelry for any of a number of reasons (impulse purchase one thing, end up going with something else).

There are so many options and variations, and especially given the money involved, it's well worth it to try to have some open-ended discussion about it; because, ultimately, you will find that will tend to generate more ideas than obstacles. (e.g. looking at designs, in general you get a more particular idea for a type of vintage ring that you can buy used. Or, looking at all kinds of rings (for sale), you get a better idea of just how you want your own to be designed.)
I appreciate your idea of a second hand ring, but I just don't think that's an option for me. I don't know his family that well yet (and while I like his grandmother, a lot of the rest of his family aren't great people) and so wearing a ring from one of them would make me feel like I'm wearing someone else's ring and I think I would feel similarly about one purchased second hand. Also, I'd be afraid that it was sold due to a divorce and I don't want a ring with that sort of energy attached to it.

I have looked at a variety of Tiffany's rings in a wide price range and I actually saw one that I love that's about $5.2k. The same ring would be cheaper form somewhere else, but it's not as crazy priced as some of the other rings I looked at. And I have considered doing a non-diamond ring, which would also make things more affordable. I definitely don't want the traditional Tiffany setting because it's set really high and that style ring wouldn't fit well with my lifestyle. I need something with a lower profile if I don't want to constantly be taking it off and putting it back on.

I do agree that I do need to sit down and talk with him about it. I guess I get nervous about talking about rings with him unless he brings it up because I don't want him to feel like I'm rushing things. I'm moving in with him in three months and we want to live together for a while before getting engaged.

Although engagement rings go back to antiquity, diamond rings became a status symbol for the rich in the 19th century, with the opening of the diamond mines in South Africa. The popularity of diamond engagement rings fell off in the 1920's, and even more during the Great Depression. In 1938, the DeBeers corporation began an all-out advertising campaign to convince the public that a diamond engagement ring was an absolute necessity. They were the ones who coined the phrase "a diamond is forever," and it has paid off for them: something like 80% of all engagement rings sold today feature diamonds. As Leo points out, the sentiment comes courtesy of DeBeers. :)
I am well aware of the origin of the diamond engagement ring and the fact that it's really just the result super successful marking.

I have seen this before. However, knowing all this doesn't undo a lifetime of social conditioning.

Here is my two cents (as a girl who went through it)

This only seems like a big deal now, but to be honest its a really short lived thing. You only notice your engagement ring for the first few months - after that you really don't see it or feel it except when it slams off something and you are like 'omg did my diamond break?' :doh: After that, you don't even notice it. The only people who are going to notice your engagement ring/comment on it are within the first 3 or so months. After that, no one sees it or cares anymore either.

Personally, I would have punched my guy in the throat if he wasted money on something so frivolous - but that is my own beliefs, not yours! If the ring is important to you, that's totally cool - but I will mention this because its the feedback I've given to all my girlie's as they get engaged.

Our mother in law gifted us an heirloom, small diamond ring (because I refused to allow him to purchase one, and my fingers swell so I rarely would wear it anyway). We did a small, very economical wedding. Within a year after our marriage we bought our first house. I can tell you, more people are awed by a house than a ring, and more people look at my husband with that 'wow he must be a good provider and love her' look when they see that, than any ring.

If you want a ring from a certain place because of your own reasons, that's ok. I wanted a small wedding for my own selfish reasons - and that is ok! And it's ok even if it is a 'spoiled' thing! Just make sure that he realizes this is just something you really want - and try to understand that for him to want to custom make you a ring is very romantic, and probably means more to him than a big box store diamond does for you.

Also - just a thought. From your other posts you sound very dedicated. This probably wont be your only opportunity to have a pretty ring; you can always consider proposing to him that you would love a custom ring, but will want to buy a diamond ring from Tiffany's in future.
I'm so glad you were able to have the wedding you wanted. And I know you mentioned not noticing it after a while, but I am a chronic jewelry fidgeter. I rarely wore it in the past and currently I really only wear the necklace my boyfriend got me for our 1 year anniversary, a bracelet made from the tail hair of my favorite horse, and occasionally my sweet 16 ring, which used to be my mom's. I had a necklace that I wore every day for three years in the past (it was also a 1 year anniversary present) and I still fidgeted with it daily.

A few quick thoughts.

Your situation is tougher than if he really hadn't thought about it. He has, and has an idea he thinks would be romantic. Which doesn't line up with yours. One of you will have to give up your plan. Good marriage practice on how to work that out. :p

A back up idea for Tiffanies could be your wedding bands. After all, you two get to shop for those together, so you could actually be part of that experience. And as they are generally less expensive, the premium might be easier to bear.

Bit if the Tiffany part really is an important part of the engagement ring to you, ease do explain it to him in short, clear, sentences. That the grandeur of the ring matters less to you than the provenence, that for you this is a key part of the experience you have dreamed of.

And failing all else, make it clear that for your twentieth anniversary you want that dreamed of ring!
The wedding band is a good idea and I really appreciate your advise on how to bring it up with him.

After reading every one's responses I think that part of my resistance to the custom ring from the little family run store, is that it's the same place where he designed/bought the ring that he proposed to his ex-fiance from. (That disaster of an engagement is also part of why we definitely are trying not to rush things.)
 

Xyantha Reborn

- Actually Very Tame!
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Lol! Everyone did chime in, didnt we? I can get that, definately! Ex's can bring out some pretty strong feelings.

Unrelated...my own frustration is that my new team requires so much hand holding that i am in meetings 7 hours a day. I have to work overtime and over my lunches just to keep on top of emails. I should be answering emails that i was told to get answered by end of day friday...but i am not. I know it means i am going to be farther behind on monday.

Right now i cannot trust most of my team to follow up and even answer the tasks correctly, so beyond my "normal" job i am basically micromanaging emails (about 500 a DAY!) And trying to move them away from emails. Why people feel the need to email when we sit together is beyond me. And if you want signoff, email is the last resort - there are so many tools out there that work better...

I am hoping as my style becomes apparent, and i help them develop skills to manage their own workload, this can lessen in time...IC that im finding babysitting them a little frustrating, and demeaning to all of us...
 

Tad

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The great white north, eh?
Xyantha--what was their previous boss like? (if there was one person in your role before). Sometimes people get trained in a particular behavior to the point where it is automatic. Kind of like, the fence isn't there anymore, but they are so trained to stay in this field that they still don't go over there where the grass is greener.

And my confession: I'm so frustrated that my wife refused to start taking iron supplements again for months, despite showing all of the symptoms she'd had previously with really low iron levels. It took booking a blood donation appointment and having them reject her because her hemoglobin was far too low for her to start back up again. Months of her being tired all the time, falling asleep early in the evening, not wanting to do much.....argh! I know the iron supplements are a hassle (there is a bunch of 'do take it with this, don't take it with that' which makes the timing of when to take them annoying), but seriously, if you feel about like you are a week into a cold for MONTHS, please do something about it!

/vent

With that out of the way, I'm glad she's finally accepted that she needs to be taking them again.
 

Yakatori

Hard to say, really...
Joined
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That is, even though I've posted it before, I feel it's particularly relevant here:

... my new team requires so much hand holding...
When I'm getting ready in the morning (just out of the shower and drying-off, starting to get dressed) I like to listen to this a couple of times, just set it on repeat. To help get me in the zone, the right frame of mind.

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XOfoe7i4VK8[/ame]

2.5 times is just about right. Any more and I'm too 'up.' Have to then dial-it back down a bit, pump the breaks.
 

Xyantha Reborn

- Actually Very Tame!
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Xyantha--what was their previous boss like? (if there was one person in your role before). Sometimes people get trained in a particular behavior to the point where it is automatic. Kind of like, the fence isn't there anymore, but they are so trained to stay in this field that they still don't go over there where the grass is greener.
LOL Yakatori

Absolutely Tad - there are a bunch of contributing factors.
  1. My team was only formed a few months ago - roles and responsibilities are still unclear to them
  2. They all came from operational, not project backgrounds - they are not used to having to switch rapidly and fluidly from one task to another based on rapidly shifting priorities, and are used to meandering through the day. They don't really understand deadlines, per say.
  3. The team got overstaffed in preparation of massive work (now come) in that interim they got used to slacking off
  4. They aren't used to my management style. At their level, when I assign them a task and due date I expect it to be done - if there are issues, I expect to be informed...they tend to go right up to that due date and then go "oh"
  5. Most of them are not self motivated
It's just hard right now because it means I have to review the emails, provide direction, feedback, and dates, and cc myself. I put that email in a folder and then review that folder to see what was done. In the short term I need to be patient, supportive, and a little hand holding...as time goes on, they need to support themselves though.

It's just hard because despite being left leaning, I do have some right leaning mindsets...one of which is if you can't do the job at the pay you are getting, step aside because there are many more ready, willing and able...

Don't like it in myself, and I have to struggle to be patient and realize not everyone can climb the ladder. You actually need mild seat warmers to just keep the cogs rolling....
 

fat hiker

Well-Known Member
Joined
Oct 25, 2005
Messages
1,562
Location
Ottawa, ON
I have actually considered a non-daimond ring. However, my favorite stone is opal and I'm afraid it would be too fragile for an engagement ring.
Unless you do something really tough on the hands (endless dishwashing, personal stone engraving, frequent wrench use), opals will stand up fine. My wife wears opals regularly - birthstone, favourite stone - in rings, necklaces, and earrings, and they take lots of use and abuse without trouble. She's had the metal setting of a ring fail before the opal in it was damaged.
 

Yakatori

Hard to say, really...
Joined
Mar 22, 2011
Messages
2,418
Location
New York
"IC, I am not used to perusing a promising dating site profile and going "damn, wish I were 7 years younger." When did this happen?! :eek:"
You don't really need a reason to not consider dating someone; especially if you just know that you wouldn't give it a fair go, better that you don't. However, maybe just stop to think a bit more specifically or concretely what's changed about about you in the last seven years, how are you actually different and how that most directly corresponds to the person you're looking at, outside of just the number of years you've both been alive.

7 years is a long time for people who're either just starting out or more towards the very end of things. But, when you have lots of other stuff in common, it's not such a substantial age difference.

More so, you learn things about yourself, what you really want, and develop with each relationship that comes and goes. Everything builds off of whatever came before it. So, the people you end up leaving behind do as much to prepare you for whatever's coming next.

And, after all, you meet someone just one time, that's just one date. Out of a countless numbers of other outings or experiences that ultimately make up something more consequential. So, just keep it all in perspective, what's really the worst that could happen?

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2N32PIYVHc&list=RDj2N32PIYVHc[/ame]

"You actually need mild seat warmers to just keep the cogs rolling...."
Indeed, you are clearly management material.
 
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MsBrightside

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jul 5, 2014
Messages
744
Location
,
Tad, I hope your wife is doing better with her iron supplements.

Xyantha, I hope your coworkers get a clue sometime soon. The situation you describe does sound pretty frustrating.

ODFFA: Aw, you're still just a young'un. At least you (unlike some of us) aren't old enough to be their mom. :p

My confession: I lost the diamond from my first engagement ring. Around the time my fiancé and I became engaged, his employment contract was terminated; and, although I suggested we could just forego the rings entirely or get them later, he insisted on giving me one and bought it for $30. The setting was very high, probably to make the "stone" (a rather generous description :p) look more prominent. I worked in a science lab at the time and stretched latex gloves over it every day for a few years, but the setting eventually loosened enough for the tiny diamond to fall out. This is one of the reasons I actually prefer to wear inexpensive jewelry: if I lose it I don't feel nearly as guilty!

However, for someone more responsible than I, jewelry (and an engagement ring in particular) can be a treasured keepsake; and choosing a quality piece becomes much more worthwhile.
 

Tad

Dimensions' loiterer
Joined
Sep 29, 2005
Messages
13,225
Location
The great white north, eh?
I confess that I was pretty cheap on the engagement ring front. Not nearly to the degree that MsBrightSide's fiancee was forced to, but not nearly what the jewelry ring industry would suggest either--IIRC it was under two weeks wages for me at the time, and I was still working my first job after graduating university so wasn't making all that much.

It would have been bigger, but after graduation it had taken six months to find work ('91 was a bad year to graduate, there was very little hiring going on) so by the time i started work I was in some debt. I'd just about cleared that off a year and a bit later, so decided to rent a car at Christmas to go see my GF....and ended up totaling the car while trying to drive through a blizzard (I made it to less than five minutes from her parents house, after about five hours of blizzard). Because I was under 25, the insurance deductible was close to three weeks salary, plus there were some (fairly minor, but it all adds up) expenses around my broken collarbone.

When I was ring shopping the following Summer, I was still paying off that debt, so in essence every penny I spent on the ring was landing on my credit card at 19% interest. The ring is for a lifetime, but I didn't want to start our life together with too much debt.

I'd probably make the same decision again, but whenever I look at that ring, I still mentally wince at how much the setting is compensating for the small stone.
 
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