...And that's where the story gets complicated.
Long story short. There was this girl. It's been a year since we first met. We were in love, we had to split (for the most awful reasons), we don't talk any more. I've made it pretty clear to her that I don't want us talking again. I think it'd be better for all involved if we never saw each other again.
Yet also...she's started a blog charting her weight loss. And this is profoundly unsettling to me, for two reasons.
Firstly...I don't think she needs it! She's 20, perfectly healthy, of about 180-190 pounds, trying to slim down to 130 pounds, or thereabouts. The way the blog is structured, she seems to be fixated on it; constantly posting about her guilt trips that she's eaten too many calories, etc. (Note: her current partner is very dominant and controlling. I don't think that figures into this, but it may do.)
Secondly...well, it's purely selfish. I don't want her to do this. It's uncomfortable to me to think of it. I fell in love with her for her sunny personality, her bright imagination, and, yes, for her curves. It's an odd feeling to imagine the face I fell for, dissolving and changing into something different. As much as she hurt me, I still love her - in some way - and don't want her to do this to herself...because it'd be like losing another part of her. Like the one I loved never existed.
So my approach is the same as always - silence, not getting involved. I don't want to talk to her about it. It's more my problem than hers. I'm prepared to keep on just ignoring her and forget about it, but I also feel she needs to know she really is beautiful. She's had self-esteem problems before and this might help or it might hinder, I don't know.
I'm not posting this for advice, more because I cannot at all talk about this with anyone I know, for fear of sounding strange or not getting it out right. If I'm being honest, I'm mostly typing this so as to externalise it. I've been trying to move on since we split up, and that's had its ups and downs for various other reasons. And there's no hope in hell of us ever getting together again. But finding this out - that stings. It really does.
But also, I'd like to know if anyone thinks I'm doing the wrong thing, not letting her know? Has anyone gone through something similar - and how did you approach it?
Thanks for reading, and letting me confess my silly thoughts...kudos to all. : )
Long story short. There was this girl. It's been a year since we first met. We were in love, we had to split (for the most awful reasons), we don't talk any more. I've made it pretty clear to her that I don't want us talking again. I think it'd be better for all involved if we never saw each other again.
Yet also...she's started a blog charting her weight loss. And this is profoundly unsettling to me, for two reasons.
Firstly...I don't think she needs it! She's 20, perfectly healthy, of about 180-190 pounds, trying to slim down to 130 pounds, or thereabouts. The way the blog is structured, she seems to be fixated on it; constantly posting about her guilt trips that she's eaten too many calories, etc. (Note: her current partner is very dominant and controlling. I don't think that figures into this, but it may do.)
Secondly...well, it's purely selfish. I don't want her to do this. It's uncomfortable to me to think of it. I fell in love with her for her sunny personality, her bright imagination, and, yes, for her curves. It's an odd feeling to imagine the face I fell for, dissolving and changing into something different. As much as she hurt me, I still love her - in some way - and don't want her to do this to herself...because it'd be like losing another part of her. Like the one I loved never existed.
So my approach is the same as always - silence, not getting involved. I don't want to talk to her about it. It's more my problem than hers. I'm prepared to keep on just ignoring her and forget about it, but I also feel she needs to know she really is beautiful. She's had self-esteem problems before and this might help or it might hinder, I don't know.
I'm not posting this for advice, more because I cannot at all talk about this with anyone I know, for fear of sounding strange or not getting it out right. If I'm being honest, I'm mostly typing this so as to externalise it. I've been trying to move on since we split up, and that's had its ups and downs for various other reasons. And there's no hope in hell of us ever getting together again. But finding this out - that stings. It really does.
But also, I'd like to know if anyone thinks I'm doing the wrong thing, not letting her know? Has anyone gone through something similar - and how did you approach it?
Thanks for reading, and letting me confess my silly thoughts...kudos to all. : )
