Things A Fat Girl Would Like To Be Able To Say

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Aust99

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Consider, Mermaid, that not all of us are dreaming about jeans sizes, bigger or smaller. Some of us have other dreams. For example, I'd love to hear another fat woman be able to say honestly and openly, "I like myself for who I am. I may have tough days when self-acceptance is hard, but most days, I'm happy with who I am, whether I wear a size 18, 28 or 36."
oh, well i understand your point and i didn't mean to generalize.
Sorry, but this bothers me... She is entitled to her own opinion and that is obviously something she would like to say.... It can be different from yours...


We are about size acceptance here, all sizes, right? Even smaller ones.
 

thirtiesgirl

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Sorry, but this bothers me... She is entitled to her own opinion and that is obviously something she would like to say.... It can be different from yours...


We are about size acceptance here, all sizes, right? Even smaller ones.
My issue is not with her size or her desire to lose weight. It's with her assumption that all fat women (or women who feel that they're fat) have a desire to lose weight and fit in smaller jeans. Some of us are quite happy with our size and the clothes we wear, and have no desire to lose weight. What I wrote was for young Mermaid to consider. When she first started posting on this forum, she seemed confused about how fat women can feel confident and find ourselves attractive, since she didn't feel that way herself. One of the ways I do it, and many other fat women, too (based on the numerous fat positive blogs I read), is that we've developed confidence in who we are as individuals and love the clothes we wear. Perhaps if she let go of some of her assumptions about fat women, she might start to find some of that confidence for herself.
 

blueeyedevie

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What would make my day great...OH MY GOSH, They have my size jeans 34-36 and OMG there in the washes I want...OH and they are on sale.... LOL
 

AmazingAmy

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someday i would love to try on a pair of dark blue jeans and say, " omg, these jeans are so big on me i will have to buy at size 14." (i wear an 18)
haha, but we can all dream, i guess.
My issue is not with her size or her desire to lose weight. It's with her assumption that all fat women (or women who feel that they're fat) have a desire to lose weight and fit in smaller jeans. Some of us are quite happy with our size and the clothes we wear, and have no desire to lose weight. What I wrote was for young Mermaid to consider. When she first started posting on this forum, she seemed confused about how fat women can feel confident and find ourselves attractive, since she didn't feel that way herself. One of the ways I do it, and many other fat women, too (based on the numerous fat positive blogs I read), is that we've developed confidence in who we are as individuals and love the clothes we wear. Perhaps if she let go of some of her assumptions about fat women, she might start to find some of that confidence for herself.
I disagree, I don't think Mermaid was making ANY sort of assumption. The context of her "but we can all dream, i guess" was simply a whimsical gesture of desiring such things in general, whether it be finding a nice pair of jeans, meeting the right man, winning the lottery, or accepting ourselves. You took a casual "if only" and twisted it into a generalisation/judgement of fat women that wasn't there at all. Despite Mermaid using "we", she was simply (and quite frankly, clearly) speaking out loud for herself. It's you who has assumed a hell of a lot about Mermaid to have even interpreted such an inconsequential phrase as ignorant, thirtiesgirl.
 

thirtiesgirl

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I disagree, I don't think Mermaid was making ANY sort of assumption. The context of her "but we can all dream, i guess" was simply a whimsical gesture of desiring such things in general, whether it be finding a nice pair of jeans, meeting the right man, winning the lottery, or accepting ourselves. You took a casual "if only" and twisted it into a generalisation/judgement of fat women that wasn't there at all. Despite Mermaid using "we", she was simply (and quite frankly, clearly) speaking out loud for herself. It's you who has assumed a hell of a lot about Mermaid to have even interpreted such an inconsequential phrase as ignorant, thirtiesgirl.
It really isn't an inconsequential phrase, Amy. In her brief time on this forum, Mermaid often expressed a lot of self-doubt and dislike of her body, including her desire to fit in smaller clothes. That doesn't speak to self-acceptance and self-love, in my opinion. I'm all for being able to freely express one's dissatisfaction with one's body in a safe place, but with the number of times Mermaid seemed to do so in her brief time on this forum, it seemed to me that there was something else going on. Her posts gave me the impression that she really wasn't here to participate in discussions about size acceptance, but was here to fish for compliments and male attention. When she discovered that most of the guys here spend more time on the paysite board, and the rest of the boards are populated by more women who are here to discuss size acceptance, she stopped posting here and instead joined another 'BBW' site where she could potentially obtain more male attention. Some of her posts on the other site echoed the complaints she'd written here - how she's unsatisfied with her body, dislikes being fat, no one finds her attractive, etc. More fishing for compliments and male attention, imo. I don't know if she got what she wanted from the other site, but she hasn't been back here, so I guess it maybe worked for her.
 

gobettiepurple

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It really isn't an inconsequential phrase, Amy. In her brief time on this forum, Mermaid often expressed a lot of self-doubt and dislike of her body, including her desire to fit in smaller clothes. That doesn't speak to self-acceptance and self-love, in my opinion. I'm all for being able to freely express one's dissatisfaction with one's body in a safe place, but with the number of times Mermaid seemed to do so in her brief time on this forum, it seemed to me that there was something else going on. Her posts gave me the impression that she really wasn't here to participate in discussions about size acceptance, but was here to fish for compliments and male attention. When she discovered that most of the guys here spend more time on the paysite board, and the rest of the boards are populated by more women who are here to discuss size acceptance, she stopped posting here and instead joined another 'BBW' site where she could potentially obtain more male attention. Some of her posts on the other site echoed the complaints she'd written here - how she's unsatisfied with her body, dislikes being fat, no one finds her attractive, etc. More fishing for compliments and male attention, imo. I don't know if she got what she wanted from the other site, but she hasn't been back here, so I guess it maybe worked for her.
In the name of fat girl solidarity . . . can we not point fingers and assume that someone has a dislike for their body. Who are we to judge whether or not mermaid has any dislikes about her body. We define self-acceptance and love on our own terms. whether or not your threshold for both was met by mermaid is irrelevant.

I think Dims is full of self-doubt, and that's a natural propensity in women. We all go through periods of hating or loving our bodies, as people of every size do - but Dims should be a place free from the sort of negativity that you seem to perpetuate. There are so many things I could say about your post, I mean literally I could go line by line and refute or dismiss everything that you have said, but fortunate for you I have neither the time or the inclination to do so.

If Mermaid is on here "to fish for compliments" in the midst of a reality that tells her everyday that she is ugly and fat, who are you to say anything against that? Its really none of your business why she is on here. Perhaps she left because people like you pushed her out . . . is dims going to become a place where the select few tell others "your not fat enough" or "you arent dedicated to the movement enough", because if that is the case, I will take a hasty exit.

thirtiesgirl, you are a very nice person from what I have met with in the real world - don't subjugate others to make a point. Its unbecoming of a lady and it doesn't lead to making more friends.
 

thirtiesgirl

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In the name of fat girl solidarity . . . can we not point fingers and assume that someone has a dislike for their body. Who are we to judge whether or not mermaid has any dislikes about her body. We define self-acceptance and love on our own terms. whether or not your threshold for both was met by mermaid is irrelevant.
I'm not 'pointing fingers,' Bettie. Mermaid wrote several posts on not liking her body herself when she joined this site. It was obvious she was new to the idea of size acceptance and was in the process of learning, but rather than sticking around to discuss size acceptance and continue learning more, she chose to join another forum where there's less conversation about size acceptance (much less, in fact) and more of a sexual/appearance-oriented nature.

I think Dims is full of self-doubt, and that's a natural propensity in women. We all go through periods of hating or loving our bodies, as people of every size do - but Dims should be a place free from the sort of negativity that you seem to perpetuate.
Yes, I'm the negative one here. *eyeroll* Bettie, you've missed my point. As I wrote in my last few posts regarding Ms. Mermaid, I have no issue with her choice to express her lack of confidence or her desire to lose weight, and I agree that it's good for fat people to have a place where they can express their doubts in a safe environment. I don't believe Mermaid was sincere in trying to overcome her doubts and learn to love her body, though. As I wrote, she was simply expressing those things to get compliments and attention. That is what I take issue with.

There are so many things I could say about your post, I mean literally I could go line by line and refute or dismiss everything that you have said, but fortunate for you I have neither the time or the inclination to do so.
Fortunate for me? Bettie, you make me smile. Please, feel free to write whatever you'd like to write about me and make me feel less fortunate. I'd love to read it.

If Mermaid is on here "to fish for compliments" in the midst of a reality that tells her everyday that she is ugly and fat, who are you to say anything against that?
Nor did I. I never said she was wrong for doing so. I've done the same thing myself in my younger years, joining internet forums or bulletin boards, looking for some male attention. Sometimes I found what I was looking for; sometimes I didn't. If I didn't find what I was looking for as quickly as I'd like, I didn't hang around the forum, much as Mermaid has done. I've heard much the same complaint from you and other women here, that there aren't enough men on this site and "too many women."

Its really none of your business why she is on here. Perhaps she left because people like you pushed her out . . . is dims going to become a place where the select few tell others "your not fat enough" or "you arent dedicated to the movement enough", because if that is the case, I will take a hasty exit.
Yes, Bettie, I'm the big bad wolf. I'm the reason Mermaid left. *eyeroll*

thirtiesgirl, you are a very nice person from what I have met with in the real world - don't subjugate others to make a point. Its unbecoming of a lady and it doesn't lead to making more friends.
Who's judging who, here? "Unbecoming of a lady?" Is this 1952? You've yet to get to know me in the real world. The times I've talked with you in person, you've largely spent it speaking negatively of people on this site and that you're disappointed that there aren't enough men who post here. I'd be interested to hear your explanation of how that's "becoming of a lady."
 

gobettiepurple

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Who's judging who, here? "Unbecoming of a lady?" Is this 1952? You've yet to get to know me in the real world. The times I've talked with you in person, you've largely spent it speaking negatively of people on this site and that you're disappointed that there aren't enough men who post here. I'd be interested to hear your explanation of how that's "becoming of a lady."
Its interesting how, when someone cuts you to the quick, you immediately lash out with claws and lethally charged rhetoric. All the other criticism, I can take. However, I have never said anything to the affect of what has been quoted above. Do you want to throw down doll, because be my guest. I do not think I am alone in my exasperation for the way in which you treat people on these boards.

How dare you post about my behavior as "unbecoming of a lady" as you obviously don't understand what sort of behavior people will not tolerate. I was nice in my word choice in the above post, and "unbecoming of a lady" was a nice way of saying "stop being a B_%#" - because I would never say that to you or anyone.

Its fortunate for you that on this site you can hide behind your relative anonymity and post whatever you feel like it without regard for others feelings or perspectives. Truthfully, I think you are making more enemies than friends, but utimately its your opinion, which matters little to some of us.

In truth, its really was my mistake for thinking that you could take some criticism that you so liberally dish out to everyone. I apologize for overestimating you, and it will never happen again. I hope you find whatever fulfillment you are looking for on these boards.
 

Aust99

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Bringing the thread back on track -

"Wow... these heels are amazing, I've been standing in them all day and my feet don't even hurt. Who wants to go dancing??"
 

thirtiesgirl

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Its interesting how, when someone cuts you to the quick, you immediately lash out with claws and lethally charged rhetoric. All the other criticism, I can take. However, I have never said anything to the affect of what has been quoted above. Do you want to throw down doll, because be my guest. I do not think I am alone in my exasperation for the way in which you treat people on these boards.
As do you, Bettie, as do you. As you've said to me in person, you don't like the fact that there aren't enough men on these forums and that there are "too many women." When I mention that I have an issue with Mermaid joining the forum with what seems like similar intentions - that she's looking for male attention and doesn't really want to participate in discussions about size acceptance - you lash out at me. You may couch it in 'niceties,' but, Bettie, you're still lashing out. I'd rather have you show your true face and call me a bitch than play these passive-aggressive games, but it seems that you adhere to the Stepford Wife mentality of playing nice on the surface, but speaking ill behind others' backs.

I'd also rather see you participate in some of the size acceptance discussions on this forum, rather than just sticking to the Southern California threads and making an occasional appearance in other threads, lately just to go after something I've posted. You seem to enjoy telling me how wrong I am, that I'm "making enemies," and that my opinion doesn't matter to anyone. Keep in mind, hon, that's your opinion, which you're certainly entitled to, but I think your energy would be much better spent actually participating in some size acceptance discussions and maybe learning a thing or two. You're young, still on the journey, and hopefully intelligent enough to see that there's still more for you to discover.
 

spiritangel

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Id like to say that I am Awesome wonderfull and sexy and if you cant handle it

f... off

and so are tons of the amazing women on this forum cp, Aust, Amy and gobettie amongst them
 

msbard90

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I'd also rather see you participate in some of the size acceptance discussions on this forum, rather than just sticking to the Southern California threads and making an occasional appearance in other threads, lately just to go after something I've posted. You seem to enjoy telling me how wrong I am, that I'm "making enemies," and that my opinion doesn't matter to anyone. Keep in mind, hon, that's your opinion, which you're certainly entitled to, but I think your energy would be much better spent actually participating in some size acceptance discussions and maybe learning a thing or two. You're young, still on the journey, and hopefully intelligent enough to see that there's still more for you to discover.
Who on earth are you to tell someone where they should or should not post? Just stop. You're making a fool of yourself. You're no saint yourself and for you to go on telling people how to behave and that they are "still on the journey" makes you sound like such a jackass, fyi. Since when did you know so much about size acceptance? Since when was the "journey" of accepting yourself for who you are merely based on the participation of Dims or based on age? I think you have a lot of "discovering" to do yourself.
 

thirtiesgirl

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Who on earth are you to tell someone where they should or should not post? Just stop. You're making a fool of yourself. You're no saint yourself and for you to go on telling people how to behave and that they are "still on the journey" makes you sound like such a jackass, fyi. Since when did you know so much about size acceptance? Since when was the "journey" of accepting yourself for who you are merely based on the participation of Dims or based on age? I think you have a lot of "discovering" to do yourself.
I'm not telling Bettie where she should or should not post. I'm saying that I'd like to see her participate more in other forums. I think she has a lot to contribute and a lot to learn and it would be a good experience for everyone. That's a little different than saying "you must post here" or "you must post there." I'm in no way taking away her choice. Bettie is also 25 years young and, from my estimation, is still relatively new to size acceptance. Not new to being fat and dealing with the experiences of growing up fat in Southern California, but relatively new to some of the tenets and theories of size acceptance. I would not attempt to discount Bettie's experiences of growing up fat, especially in Southern California, having done so myself. But, based on Bettie's age and from what I've read from her, I believe there's still more to be learned about size acceptance, and also that her own perspective on some of the size acceptance issues discussed here would be valuable. I've been reading about size acceptance and participating in size acceptance discussions since I was about her age, and I'm older than Bettie by several decades (sad to admit). I *do* know a thing or two about the tenets and theories of size acceptance because I've spent time educating myself about them. I've also spent time reflecting on which theories work for me and which I choose to reject. I think I'm pretty well informed on the subject because I don't just look at it from the perspective of my own experiences growing up as a fat kid and a fat teen. I've read a lot of other people's perspectives on the subject, which has helped me develop and define mine. I wonder if others here could say the same.
 

isamarie69

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As do you, Bettie, as do you. As you've said to me in person, you don't like the fact that there aren't enough men on these forums and that there are "too many women." When I mention that I have an issue with Mermaid joining the forum with what seems like similar intentions - that she's looking for male attention and doesn't really want to participate in discussions about size acceptance - you lash out at me. You may couch it in 'niceties,' but, Bettie, you're still lashing out. I'd rather have you show your true face and call me a bitch than play these passive-aggressive games, but it seems that you adhere to the Stepford Wife mentality of playing nice on the surface, but speaking ill behind others' backs.

I'd also rather see you participate in some of the size acceptance discussions on this forum, rather than just sticking to the Southern California threads and making an occasional appearance in other threads, lately just to go after something I've posted. You seem to enjoy telling me how wrong I am, that I'm "making enemies," and that my opinion doesn't matter to anyone. Keep in mind, hon, that's your opinion, which you're certainly entitled to, but I think your energy would be much better spent actually participating in some size acceptance discussions and maybe learning a thing or two. You're young, still on the journey, and hopefully intelligent enough to see that there's still more for you to discover.
First off, I can not believe all this hoopla over a girl that is not even posting here anymore, secondly, that she would be happy to state shes not a size 18 but actually a size 14 (which is still a plus size btw) I for one will step up right here right now and say yes I am proud of who I am and except my weight as being a part of me, but yes its true I would rather have not dealt with being over weight or all the issues that come with it. Wanting to be thinner is not lashing out at size acceptance and should not be lumped and generalized as such. As woman we are always wanting to do things to alter our apperance, be it coloring our hair, wearing make up, styling our hair, or even wearing high heels to make us feel taller or because we think it makes our legs look better, we wear pantyhose because we want our legs to even and smooth, basicly as woman we all do something to alter our apperance in some way. Wanting to be a size smaller or even a size bigger for whatever reason is our right and we have a right to voice it where ever we want, and should not be pointed at and made feel like our choices are less important!

Thirdly and most importantly its not right to bring private outside disscussions that any of us have here and blab them on the boards, I do not remember ever hearing Gobettie dogging anyone or personally attacking them, The only thing I have heard Bettie say is that it sometimes bothers her when she has something intellegent to post and people here get clicky and just step over her post completely. And I agree with her on this fact because its happend to me in the past too. Which could be why she has chosen to post mostly in the West threads, I feel I have begun doing tohe same thing. As for an interest in mens attention on the board we have several threads that are infact threads to get mens attention or vice versa so don't say it doesn't go over well here. I can remember when you first started posting on Dims and within your first week you were "fishing for compliments" on the crush thread. With that and some of the conversation we had when we met the first time leads me to believe you as like many woman post and hope for male attention. I on the other hand will stand up and say I like the male attention and if I didn't I would not post on the cleavage thread, as you have also posted on in the past. And need I remind you you only joined the boards in June of this year, and I don't know internet years but it was not that long ago.

Also this was posted via my phone so please overlook my errors! :)
 

CastingPearls

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Last time I checked, the BBW forum was supposed to be a protected forum (I know, I KNOW, why bother but.....) I never thought it might have to be protected from OTHER BBWs or fat women (for anyone who objects to labels.)

I asked this before but why does anyone (general ANYONE) need to invalidate anyone else in order to make a point? And when that is pointed out over and over and over again, the answer is always 'not me, not me, you don't understand cos you're young or stupid or male or uneducated or frivolous cos you come here to hang out for shits and giggles rather than attempt to save the world like ME ME ME GODDAMN I'M HOT SHIT you peasants) and it's said SO passive-aggressively by someone who loathes passive-aggression that all credibility is completely lost especially because of the hypocrisy and when THAT'S pointed out we're all fucking drones or Stepford Wives. That's not directly insulting? THAT'S not offensive? Why not?

This is a good thread. Yeah, it might be lighthearted and not the least bit educational or activist but I for one would like it to not hit the land of Dims Limbo via lock-down. I'm not even going to ask if we can all just get along. I'm saying shut the fuck up cos I'm sick of this stupid petty bullshit.
 

gobettiepurple

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Last time I checked, the BBW forum was supposed to be a protected forum (I know, I KNOW, why bother but.....) I never thought it might have to be protected from OTHER BBWs or fat women (for anyone who objects to labels.)

I asked this before but why does anyone (general ANYONE) need to invalidate anyone else in order to make a point? And when that is pointed out over and over and over again, the answer is always 'not me, not me, you don't understand cos you're young or stupid or male or uneducated or frivolous cos you come here to hang out for shits and giggles rather than attempt to save the world like ME ME ME GODDAMN I'M HOT SHIT you peasants) and it's said SO passive-aggressively by someone who loathes passive-aggression that all credibility is completely lost especially because of the hypocrisy and when THAT'S pointed out we're all fucking drones or Stepford Wives. That's not directly insulting? THAT'S not offensive? Why not?

This is a good thread. Yeah, it might be lighthearted and not the least bit educational or activist but I for one would like it to not hit the land of Dims Limbo via lock-down. I'm not even going to ask if we can all just get along. I'm saying shut the fuck up cos I'm sick of this stupid petty bullshit.
I agree with Casting and Isamarie . . . if thirtiesgirl would like to ask the moderates to take out our skirmish and start an "anti-bettie" campaign on another thread, I would gladly take on the challenge. Also, I agree that I myself have participated in the muckraking that thirtiesgirl perpetuates and it was never my intention to do so. I felt so bad when I read what she said about Mermaid, who has since left the boards, which at the time of post I did not know. I happen to be a champion of the underdog, so in the future, I will read all posts thoroughly in order to have full knowledge at the time of post.

In short, Mods please get this crap out of here and if thirtiesgirl would like some more intellectual sparring than by all means bring it on.

This is one of the main reasons I do not post anything of interest on these boards, if its not people ignoring my posts, its that people misinterpret and take me a little too literal or take offense over a simple opinion, however strongly worded or right it might be.

And you are right thirtiesgirl, it is my opinion, and the opinion of several other ladies who pm, repped or stuck up for me, that your bullying tactics are sort of getting old. Perhaps thats one of the reasons mermaid left, because she didnt like all the opinions that kept running up against other opinions, each claiming to be truth and disregarding the others as misinformed or stupid. I will probably soon make a hasty departure as well, that is to say that Dims just isnt what I thought it would be.
 

Mishty

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Jes

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Consider, Mermaid, that not all of us are dreaming about jeans sizes, bigger or smaller. Some of us have other dreams. For example, I'd love to hear another fat woman be able to say honestly and openly, "I like myself for who I am. I may have tough days when self-acceptance is hard, but most days, I'm happy with who I am, whether I wear a size 18, 28 or 36."
Is this your confession, 30s? Because you can make it. And you shouldn't have to face judgement about it. But then Mermaid gets to make hers, too. And she shouldn't have to be judged, either. No one wants a nun's ruler to come out and give anyone a whack here.
 
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