Things to consider about FAs:

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stan_der_man

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Things to consider about FAs:
This is the companion list to the FA code of conduct. This is a list of things that fat people should think about when they interact with the FAs in their lives. Things that help FAs to be comfortable with their preference:

Here's my contribution...

1.) Don't always think that you (the fat person) are going to crush or injure a smaller FA. The human body is really quite remarkable in many ways. Constantly dwelling on that can get old after a while, and even seem condescending to a FA. Let the FA have input on what they can handle, then proceed with caution if you are not sure.

2.) Don't automatically assume that a FA has malevolent motives. Having a FA offer to purchase an ice cream cone doesn't necessarily mean that they are trying to stuff you full of food. A simple "no thank you" is adequate.


Please add to the list...
 

Tooz

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I really need to pay attention to #1. I kind of struggle with that sometimes. As for #2, well...even if they were, I wouldn't get all angry at them. I'm pretty chill about those sorts of things. >__>

Okay, so...I can't think of #4. ;_;
 

chunkeymonkey

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Just want to give a shout out to the FA's........Thanks for being you.
I used to think FA's were all the same,I have found out from experience there are multi dimensions of a FA.
The first being... FA's have feelings to, Most Fa's are misunderstood.
They are not all selfish some love to pamper the girls and seeing them happy.....*fantasy dream* FA rubbing my feet and feeding me grapes and bringing me the margarita....... foot rubs, booze,mmmmmmm
I found a double pleasure of a FA......I Love massages and they love fat(and I have more than a roll or two...ok maybe more) so I am open for a fair trade.
Not all FA's will share their food.I am getting better at ordering my own dessert.
Love the FA's
 

liz (di-va)

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Ya know, I never really worry about #1. Figure that's part of what y'all are here for...ifyouseewhatImean. And that y'all will speak up if necc...
 

Green Eyed Fairy

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3.) Just because a man is an FA don't automatically assume that he will find you attractive. Not all 'normal' men fancy all 'normal' sized girls. So don't accuse them of not being a 'real' FA if they don't fancy you. (Yes, I've seen this happen)
Lol- that is almost as bad as someone saying a member of the opposite sex MUST be gay just that person doesn't find them attractive.
 

Green Eyed Fairy

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Ya know, I never really worry about #1. Figure that's part of what y'all are here for...ifyouseewhatImean. And that y'all will speak up if necc...

You know, I worry about that, too. But I think if the guy told me flat out he digs fat ladies instead of letting me figure that out on my own, I would think he likes my fat and not worry so much about it "crushing him" (read offend him somehow). Yeah, it comes down to my own insecurities again. :blush:
 

Violet_Beauregard

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STAN! Yet another fantastic thread!!

I always worry about #1..... I think that's just a fat thing.

#2...not so much....




Things to consider about FAs:
This is the companion list to the FA code of conduct. This is a list of things that fat people should think about when they interact with the FAs in their lives. Things that help FAs to be comfortable with their preference:

Here's my contribution...

1.) Don't always think that you (the fat person) are going to crush or injure a smaller FA. The human body is really quite remarkable in many ways. Constantly dwelling on that can get old after a while, and even seem condescending to a FA. Let the FA have input on what they can handle, then proceed with caution if you are not sure.

2.) Don't automatically assume that a FA has malevolent motives. Having a FA offer to purchase an ice cream cone doesn't necessarily mean that they are trying to stuff you full of food. A simple "no thank you" is adequate.


Please add to the list...
 

liz (di-va)

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You know, I worry about that, too. But I think if the guy told me flat out he digs fat ladies instead of letting me figure that out on my own, I would think he likes my fat and not worry so much about it "crushing him" (read offend him somehow). Yeah, it comes down to my own insecurities again. :blush:
naw, dude, I *don't* worry about it. really never occurs to me, except occasionally in fun ways (hah). (everybody has insecurities--that's just not where mine lie.) I think most dudes like it, whatever size.
 

knottyknicky

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#1 rarely occurs to me...i might ask if everythings okay and gauge their reactions, but I rarely think i'll crush them, because I know one of my favorite parts about intimacy is having weight on me as well :)
 

loggamatt

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Number 4 (a controversial one perhaps) - If you lose a lot of weight it WILL be some sort of issue. If you're in a loving relationship with the FA and he's a good person he will probably get over it, but don't expect it not to be an issue.

Some BBW seem to expect a guy to love their size when they love their own size, but the minute they want to lose weight expect the guy to suddenly wish that they're thin as well. It really amazes me how much it seems to shock some BBW that it can bother FAs when they lose weight. It's as if some BBW think that deep down we'd find them more attractive if they were thinner regardless of what we say, and the whole FA thing is just a big charade.

I suspect I'll be accused by some of superficiality... so just to clarify, I'm not saying that a FA should leave a BBW partner if she loses weight. I make no comment on that extreme of the situation. I am merely saying that BBW should not expect it to be a non-issue.

*braces himself for being flamed* :)
 

bigplaidpants

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Number 4 (a controversial one perhaps) - If you lose a lot of weight it WILL be some sort of issue. If you're in a loving relationship with the FA and he's a good person he will probably get over it, but don't expect it not to be an issue......

*braces himself for being flamed* :)
Loggamatt....I'm not gonna flame you. :) I think you bring up an important reality for FA's. And, it can be a real tension in FA/BBW (or FFA/BHM) relationships in my experience. But, I DO think its a tension, not a deal breaker. Its a tension that is important to fat/size attraction. Moreover, it is a tension like many in the whole business of erotic attraction and mutual respect. To some degree, some tension lies deep within most or all erotic relationships. Just, for FA's....the issue is size/fat.

While, I'm not going to plumb that tension here. I think it's been tried to varying degrees of failure before. :( I will say that the problem of "wanting more/having enough" in terms of size/fat is something that FA's have and NEED to become responsible for. That's my soapbox. I'm not one-sided about the issue. Ultimately, healthy and whole relationship needs dynamic ongoing erotic energy. But, ultimately love and attraction must broaden beyond fat/size. (Catch the irony? :D )

As James has often said, FAism is a whole package. For FA's it starts with size/fat....and the attraction endures. But, love and attraction eventually demands so much more. And, it should.

Sorry, if I'm preaching. I'll leave it there.
 

loggamatt

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BPP - Very well said, I agree entirely.

As you say, it's a very big debate that I don't really want to get too deep into either. There's a middle ground in this tension where I think most healthy relationships exist. That some BBW (the minority though, in my experience) don't even see that it should be an issue at all is my only reason for mentioning it.
 

magnoliagrows

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Number 4 (a controversial one perhaps) - If you lose a lot of weight it WILL be some sort of issue. If you're in a loving relationship with the FA and he's a good person he will probably get over it, but don't expect it not to be an issue.
Of course. You bring up an important issue. I think it's an issue that couples deal with in many areas. For instance, a person in a relationship may decide they don't want kids after all. Or maybe a person decides that in order to follow his/her dreams he/she needs to quit a job and travel to the other side of the country to go to school. Anytime, someone in a relationship changes "the rules" so to speak, it is going to be an issue. Hopefully mutual respect and love will either pull the relationship through or allow it to end congenially. I don't think that an FA's desire to be with a big person is any less important than any other issue that faces a couple. It should be given just as much respect as any other deep desire.
 

rabbitislove

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5)If you feel uncomfortable with comments complimenting your body from the FA/FFA or the general touching of your belly - put it out there. We don't want to get off at the expense of your comfort zone.
 

love dubh

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No disembodied discourse!

None of that "I'd love to hug/kiss so-and-so's thigh/belly/arm flap."

Why don't you want to hug/kiss SO-AND-SO? And then specify the areas that you want to love on....

I've heard it said...and it's REALLY creepy... >___>
 

AnnMarie

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Liking this....

#1, I never worry about anymore, the only check in is "can you breath?" :) That just seems like common courtesy. :)

#2, I like ice cream... never hold back that offer. I'll tell you if I'm in the mood.

#3, EXCELLENT point Em. I find that a lot of women are put off by, or assume they're not, what some FAs want. FAs are as wide ranging in their interests as any guy into "normal" size girls. Some dig the belly, some dig the ass, some dig the "fat all over" girls, some dig super big legs, or thin faces or fat faces, etc. To internalize every comment or assume that because a guy doesn't prefer you, for whatever reason, he's not really an FA, or you're not a worthy fat girl is just crazy. Lid for every pot.... just keep plugging along until all the things you've got find a boat to float. :)

#4, great point Matt. I know it sounds awful, but it's true. If I weigh 400 and I drop to 325 or so, I don't expect my "guy" (don't have one) to freak out. On me, that weight isn't a HUGE difference or deal breaker. If I drop to 200... well, I'm a different girl. The reasons behind the loss can be a bigger issue than the loss itself as well. Health can be one thing, but unhappiness in your body outlook just on the surface level can be a whole different ball of wax. Most FAs are very unhappy when paired with an insecure, body-loathing partner.

Great thread... keep it up. :)
 

Webmaster

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Liking this....

#1, I never worry about anymore, the only check in is "can you breath?" :) That just seems like common courtesy.....
What actually happens is this: even a very large woman on top of you can feel light as a feather in the throngs of passion. Well, perhaps not quite that light, but it's a wonderful feeling that's simply indescribable.

HOWEVER, once the man orgasms and gradually comes down from the high, our FA superpowers seem to go away and the weight quickly seems to increase A LOT. For many of us that is the point where an inquiry or a shifting of weight, or simply switching to a position that works for both may be in order.
 

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