Things to consider about FAs:

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fatgirlflyin

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Many...many FA's like one very particular type of fat, female body.
I agree with that point. I've been told more times that I care to count that I'm not fat enough. The too fat one isn't fun either but you have to just roll with it and try to not take it personally (at least that's what I do). Everyone is attracted to different things and just because I dont happen to be that "thing" for one person doesn't mean that I'm not "it" for 10 other someones.

Maybe that's why I prefer to date people who enjoy all different body types. Because I've never really fit into any one pigeonhole that people try so hard to shove each other into.

I have to admit though that until I met my current partner, I never found myself attracted to big men. I had always dated and been with very fit, athletic men. Someone hard and angular to contrast my soft body. Since meeting him and being in a relationship with him I see myself noticing BHM's more and more. Dont know why, just know that I am. As far as women go, I am attracted to thin women just as well as fat. However, I PREFER large women. I like the feeling of her soft curvy body against my soft curvy body.

So while I can say that I enjoy people of all body types I definitely have a preference, and I can see how people would not want to feel like they were not my preference. I think that's the point that's being made with the people that are saying they want an FA and only an FA. Please correct me if I'm wrong. :)
 

crazygrad

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Lilly,
I really appreciate your post about your sister's experience and I think it illustrates an important distinction between PREFERENCE and BEHAVIOR.

I, for one, don't want to tell anyone what they can or should be attracted to or what to find beautiful. Nor do I think we should necessarily tell people there is only one way to act.

On the other hand, I'm not sure why a group of people, no matter the size, would choose to be rude to someone who doesn't look the part, so to speak. Whether its at a fat girls weekend, a cheerleader camp or a high school prom, it just seems like such a waste of energy to be nasty to someone because they don't have the magic size on their label.

So, no- I don't blame for liking what they like. And I don't hold them responsible for having a certain preference.

But I do think we can hold people responsible for how they act.
 

stan_der_man

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LOL, So what DOES tie these posts together? My life as an FA. :D

My life as an FA is complicated. ......

I put it out there hoping someone might get something out of my experience. In fantasy and reality, both are important....but reality wins out.
I can completely relate to what you are saying BigPlaid. My outlet as a FA was to make drawings of the women that I dreamed of, but rarely saw. I kept them is a case under my bed. One night I drew a particularly good drawing using pastels. I decided to spray it with fixant so it wouldn't smear, which needless to say really stank up my room. My mom burst in, probably thinking I was sniffing glue or something and discovered my drawings. She looked at them, just gave them back to me and didn't say anything. That was the day she discovered that I was attracted to fat women. From then on, I made my drawings in pencil or felt tip.

Kudos to you BigPlaid (I'm out of reps at the moment...)

Stan
 

LillyBBBW

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I totally agree crazygrad.


Lilly,
I really appreciate your post about your sister's experience and I think it illustrates an important distinction between PREFERENCE and BEHAVIOR.

I, for one, don't want to tell anyone what they can or should be attracted to or what to find beautiful. Nor do I think we should necessarily tell people there is only one way to act.

On the other hand, I'm not sure why a group of people, no matter the size, would choose to be rude to someone who doesn't look the part, so to speak. Whether its at a fat girls weekend, a cheerleader camp or a high school prom, it just seems like such a waste of energy to be nasty to someone because they don't have the magic size on their label.

So, no- I don't blame for liking what they like. And I don't hold them responsible for having a certain preference.

But I do think we can hold people responsible for how they act.
 

bigplaidpants

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I can completely relate to what you are saying BigPlaid. My outlet as a FA was to make drawings of the women that I dreamed of, but rarely saw. I kept them is a case under my bed. One night I drew a particularly good drawing using pastels. I decided to spray it with fixant so it wouldn't smear, which needless to say really stank up my room. My mom burst in, probably thinking I was sniffing glue or something and discovered my drawings. She looked at them, just gave them back to me and didn't say anything. That was the day she discovered that I was attracted to fat women. From then on, I made my drawings in pencil or felt tip.

Kudos to you BigPlaid (I'm out of reps at the moment...)

Stan
Thanks, Stan. I'm outta rep, myself.

It's hard to express how liberating it is to find others who resonate with my experiences - not only the fat fantasies I had as a kid (and I can still muster up to some degree), the erotics of food and big women, but especially the reality of life, love, and marriage. My posts above basically say it....you can try to live on one side or the other of your dreams, being angry at anyone who doesn't think you can have them or disagrees with you. But reality demands you to stand in the tension. That's where life and long-term relationships are lived, anyway.

My experience is that you can't live only through your fantasies, no matter what they are. Frankly, some of my fantasies have conflicting interests!

Anyway....thanks for the feedback. I kinda hung myself and magnoliagrows out there. I was worried we gave TMI. But, frankly, if I was a struggling FA - I would have gained from hearing my experience.
 

furious styles

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I can completely relate to what you are saying BigPlaid. My outlet as a FA was to make drawings of the women that I dreamed of, but rarely saw. I kept them is a case under my bed. One night I drew a particularly good drawing using pastels. I decided to spray it with fixant so it wouldn't smear, which needless to say really stank up my room. My mom burst in, probably thinking I was sniffing glue or something and discovered my drawings. She looked at them, just gave them back to me and didn't say anything. That was the day she discovered that I was attracted to fat women. From then on, I made my drawings in pencil or felt tip.

Kudos to you BigPlaid (I'm out of reps at the moment...)

Stan
i did that too. still do in fact! aside from the hiding.
 

MissToodles

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I can't change others preferences here, but I'll have to respectfully disagree. I've had nothing but trouble with so called "hardcore" F.A.'s. While I like my body appreciated and feeling "hot" for my s.o., I don't like it to be the dealbreaker in a relationship. I understand where both of you are coming from, sometimes I would be suspicious of someone who has such a wide net. But, I hate the feeling that my relationship is contigent on me staying a certain way. Our physicality is so mutable, who knows what I'll look like 2, 5, 10 years from now.
I'm with someone who defintely thinks "wow" when he sees me, I've been fatter, I've been borderline supersized and the size I am now. I've always been appreciated in all my phases.
He's been with women of all sizes from thin, to chubby, to bigger than me. He doesn't deingrate me, he understands my limitations, yet he sincerely is attracted to all body sizes. To him, a beautiful woman is a beautiful woman at all weights (although he admits a bias against very thin women). I can't help but feel more comfortable with someone like him. I just don't want someone so invested in my body size and staying at a certain weight to be found attractive just bothers me. But then again, what works for me, might not work for you and vice versa.
 

Green Eyed Fairy

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I can't change others preferences here, but I'll have to respectfully disagree. I've had nothing but trouble with so called "hardcore" F.A.'s. While I like my body appreciated and feeling "hot" for my s.o., I don't like it to be the dealbreaker in a relationship. I understand where both of you are coming from, sometimes I would be suspicious of someone who has such a wide net. But, I hate the feeling that my relationship is contigent on me staying a certain way. Our physicality is so mutable, who knows what I'll look like 2, 5, 10 years from now.
I'm with someone who defintely thinks "wow" when he sees me, I've been fatter, I've been borderline supersized and the size I am now. I've always been appreciated in all my phases.
He's been with women of all sizes from thin, to chubby, to bigger than me. He doesn't deingrate me, he understands my limitations, yet he sincerely is attracted to all body sizes. To him, a beautiful woman is a beautiful woman at all weights (although he admits a bias against very thin women). I can't help but feel more comfortable with someone like him. I just don't want someone so invested in my body size and staying at a certain weight to be found attractive just bothers me. But then again, what works for me, might not work for you and vice versa.
Exactly- I was married to a man that had past girlfriends much smaller than me and others much larger. I liked that about him- his ability to like people without prerequisites of their appearance.
 

bigplaidpants

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I had to quote too many posts to really just boil it down to this question:

On the side of BBW's and SSBBW's needing to clarify their preferences, I can see why making this differentiation between "hard core" and "bisizual" FA's is important. I'm not suggesting that such ideas shouldn't be made or in operation. But, I have to say, I think this is ultimately an uneasy distinction.

Am I a "bisizual FA" because I didn't marry someone over 300-400lbs? (Even though, I have regular fantasies of it?) Am I bisizual because I have feeder/gaining fantasies that I generally keep in check?...for all the reasons often posted on this board?

For me, being an FA goes beyond simply one's "appetite for women" or a specific size. That is not to detract from what SVS and AM are saying however. As SSBBW's, they have an important interest in making sure their lovers know and love every part of them.

But, for me, being an FA runs deeper. For one, it runs deep in one's erotic experience altogether. I don't know many on this board - HeatherBBW, BigBellySSBBW, edx, and others - who have had their fat fetish and fat fantasies going back into their childhood. I resonate with this. Their FAism runs over simply the object of their desire and sexual preferences. There is a FAism with a history, engrained in one's relationship with themselves, that runs deep to fat and size itself.

For me, because of this experience, I don't want to short-circuit the definition of a true FA, where a "hard core" FA is *really* a FA and a bisizual FA is only kinda a FA, simply based on the size of the BBW they love. I certainly understand its importance from the BBW's perspective. So, please, don't hear me dissenting. I just think FAism is more complicated.

As always, I welcome criticisms.
 

chunkeymonkey

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I had to quote too many posts to really just boil it down to this question:

On the side of BBW's and SSBBW's needing to clarify their preferences, I can see why making this differentiation between "hard core" and "bisizual" FA's is important. I'm not suggesting that such ideas shouldn't be made or in operation. But, I have to say, I think this is ultimately an uneasy distinction.

Am I a "bisizual FA" because I didn't marry someone over 300-400lbs? (Even though, I have regular fantasies of it?) Am I bisizual because I have feeder/gaining fantasies that I generally keep in check?...for all the reasons often posted on this board?

For me, being an FA goes beyond simply one's "appetite for women" or a specific size. That is not to detract from what SVS and AM are saying however. As SSBBW's, they have an important interest in making sure their lovers know and love every part of them.

But, for me, being an FA runs deeper. For one, it runs deep in one's erotic experience altogether. I don't know many on this board - HeatherBBW, BigBellySSBBW, edx, and others - who have had their fat fetish and fat fantasies going back into their childhood. I resonate with this. Their FAism runs over simply the object of their desire and sexual preferences. There is a FAism with a history, engrained in one's relationship with themselves, that runs deep to fat and size itself.

For me, because of this experience, I don't want to short-circuit the definition of a true FA, where a "hard core" FA is *really* a FA and a bisizual FA is only kinda a FA, simply based on the size of the BBW they love. I certainly understand its importance from the BBW's perspective. So, please, don't hear me dissenting. I just think FAism is more complicated.

As always, I welcome criticisms.
When I heard this topic come up a while ago about men fantasizing about bigger women and having a smaller one in reality, I always thought the guy just settled. I had a hard time understanding why a guy would marry a bbw when he really wanted a ssbbw, other than maybe he figured he couldn't hack it having a woman as large as he desired. I had many times where I became more insecure with thoughts I was not good enough even though I was reassured I was. It is funny when I explain to my best friend that one of my biggest competitors for my husband's attention is a ssbbw. Most women fear their partner will leave them for smaller and a younger someone. I became so jealous with the thoughts that he wants a 400lb woman and I am only a bit over half that. I would also ask myself " would I feel the same if my husband just decided he was gay and preferred a man?" No matter how I look at it and as much as I try to understand it and the rationales, I know I will always have these insecurities of what if and why. When I dig deep to see if this is something I can get past, I start to understand the thoughts the desires and fantasy's that he has. When I see other FA's voice their feelings on the issue, it really helps bring me to new level of understanding.
I start thinking about how people can change over time. Its no ones' fault peoples taste in things change. I know I have come through numerous amounts of fashion styles and tossed out things that i never thought I would get rid of. I think as a bbw who has been a bbw all of her life, I wait secretly for the day where I am told "its been fun,thanks for humoring me I found someone better". Growing up where FAT was considered UGLY by all my friends and family, I was just the girl with a pretty face and hair.
I thought I was never really good enough if I didn't lose weight to fit into what my friends and family thought of as normal. I thought the best way to go is be with a FA who would actually like me being FAT. He will love me for the package deal. Somewhere in my head I was only thinking about what I was wanting. I used to think if a FA loves Fat and I decided to lose weight and get skinny, he would still be happy. I thought this because when I am FAT, he will be the guy with a FAT wife, whereas if I lose weight he will have a skinny good looking wife from family and friends stand point effectively raising his standing with others who have a hard time believing his FA preference isn't an illness or fetish.
I see now that FA's and bbw/ssbbw have gone through much of the same pain mentally with the way society has come down on us for the way we are and the way we live.
 

James

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Toodles and Green Eyed Fairy - I'm agreeing with you both. Big Plaid - I'm repped out for you but I hear you also... ;)

The biggest gf I've gone out with wasnt the sexiest on account of her being 350lbs (ish?). I thought the scale was a negative thing and we agreed on her getting rid of it).

She was a cool girl but I didnt connect with her, or enjoy... ahem "horizontal time" as much as a previous gf of several years earlier who must have been a good 6 or 7 stone lighter. Ultimately neither were right for me but that was nothing to do with any size related issue.

Thats not to say that I didnt find her more or less outwardly attractive - both were fat. Both were sexy. I have nothing bad to say about either... but its the person that you are making love to is what makes the feeling incredible, amazing or just average... not some kind of numeric sexiness barcode???
 

Brenda

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""But, for me, being an FA runs deeper. For one, it runs deep in one's erotic experience altogether. I don't know many on this board - HeatherBBW, BigBellySSBBW, edx, and others - who have had their fat fetish and fat fantasies going back into their childhood. I resonate with this. Their FAism runs over simply the object of their desire and sexual preferences. There is a FAism with a history, engrained in one's relationship with themselves, that runs deep to fat and size itself.""

I firmly believe a very large percentage of fat woman just happen to be fat. It was not intentional, it just came about for a thousand different reasons. Most of us do not find the fat itself sexual while, we naturally like any sized woman sense our sexual power in relationship to our bodies. So even if a man with your ingrained desires enters a relationship with a very fat woman he may find she will not share the same sexualization of fat.

Your saying being a fa is basically at the core of who you are as a sexual being makes me wonder why those with similar sexual tendencies would not seek out a like minded partner. To me I would imagine it as a partner telling a woman after a few years that he has a deep passion for petite, slender woman at the core of who he is but don't worry I love you anyway. It seems fraudulent and cruel to the partner who may try to accommodate the desires but realize she just can't bring her body to a state of extreme thinness or fatness. And in all truth even is she could attain the desired body, she could never attain the sexual connection to the fat or the thinness.

While I understand that those in relationships with folks who do not share the eroticism of fat can be in love and have all sorts of other wonderful componets of a relationship. It just seems to me that there will be a huge vacuum and sooner or later the desire to have it filled will emerge.

Brenda
 

AnnMarie

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For me, because of this experience, I don't want to short-circuit the definition of a true FA, where a "hard core" FA is *really* a FA and a bisizual FA is only kinda a FA, simply based on the size of the BBW they love.
Okay, for MY use and definition of bisizual, it doesn't apply to FAs at all. It applies ONLY to a guy who would date a size 6 or a 36 just as easily. That is NOT an FA in my definition of an FA.

An FA likes fat women, degrees of fat are fine and don't make him less of one - he might like anywhere from 200-500lbs... fine. He's still an FA if fat women are his preference. Within that group, he may have a stronger attraction toward a woman of 250-325lbs, whereas the 375-450lbs variety would be on a more case by case basis. Fine. He's still an FA if he treats the women accordingly (see about a million of my/Misty's old posts on FAs if you don't understand what "accordingly" means.)

Bisizual, as my use, means simply a guy who'd date "anyone" - really small to really big.

Just had to clear that up, because I don't consider bisizual to be anything to describe FAs and it actually made me bristle to read it.
 

SoVerySoft

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...Am I a "bisizual FA" because I didn't marry someone over 300-400lbs? (Even though, I have regular fantasies of it?) Am I bisizual because I have feeder/gaining fantasies that I generally keep in check?...for all the reasons often posted on this board?

For me, being an FA goes beyond simply one's "appetite for women" or a specific size. That is not to detract from what SVS and AM are saying however. As SSBBW's, they have an important interest in making sure their lovers know and love every part of them....
I think I'd like to elaborate more on my perspective.

I don't consider an FA who only lusts for SSBBWs to be more of an FA than a bisizual FA, but I do think he has specific tastes. My body has things going on that a smaller BBW doesn't share. I have creases, folds, bulges, and parts that exist only because of my extreme size.

My comfort zone is knowing that the guy I am with enjoys that, and doesn't expect me to be a fluffy soft larger version of a thin woman. It is almost like I am another species.

Also, I have limitations, and it helps for me to know that a guy I am with has experience with some of the challenges that face a SSBBW.

When I was midsize I was not that different from a thin woman - but my parts were bigger and softer. But even then I had trouble being with a guy who was accepting of my size simply because he liked ME. I still needed someone who wanted to be able to grab a handful of belly, and be happy about it.

Once I knew there were FAs, I couldn't settle for less.

My last serious boyfriend told me he has been with and enjoyed women of all sizes. While it made me a little leery, I got past it once I learned that his deep down preference is for supersize, and his lust for me was more than obvious. Maybe I resolved it in my mind by assuming that he was just working his way up to me, and my body was what he really wanted. :p

And to address your question, Plaid, are you bisizual because you are with someone who is one size, but you fantasize about another size? I don't think so.

To me, bisizual is someone who is equally drawn to different extremes, usually thin and fat. I don't know if it comes into play as much for different size bbws, to me. I think a fat-loving man can enjoy all flavors of bbws, it is only disconcerting when a guy likes thin and fat.

I think lots of people fall in love with someone who might not be our physical ideal - even though we are completely attracted to them. For example - a man who marries a woman with large breasts, but his fantasy might be extreme breasts. Enormous breasts will still turn his head and fuel his fantasies, but his (simply) large breasted wife is his love and his reality.
 

Sweet Tooth

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Maybe it's just me, but there's no way realistically I could get all of my needs or fantasies fulfilled in one person. Obviously some characteristics are more important, and I chose my man based on those things. Sometimes I think the only way I'd have been always 100% happy and satisfied would have been to marry a shape shifter and/or personality chameleon... although it's good for me not to get my own way all the time. :D

This isn't to say people shouldn't marry or date one with whom they find a significant level of love and attraction, of course. I'd just say that it's a realistic view, but reality may have very little to do with someone's fantasy partner.
 

bigplaidpants

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Brenda, AM, & SVS - Thank you for your helpful replies. I like to introspect, and I confess I'm a bit embarrassed. :blush: After I posted, I realized my questions and response came out of anxiety. "Was I a true FA?!?" :eek: Your responses clarify my misinterpretation.


....Most of us do not find the fat itself sexual while, we naturally like any sized woman sense our sexual power in relationship to our bodies....

While I understand that those in relationships with folks who do not share the eroticism of fat can be in love and have all sorts of other wonderful componets of a relationship. It just seems to me that there will be a huge vacuum and sooner or later the desire to have it filled will emerge.

Brenda
You clarify a couple of separate, but deeply related issues. I'm really impressed by how you say bring them such clarity. :bow: To really address them would require more autobiography for me - something of which I've already spread alot of on this thread. I don't assume anyone is particularly interested in more (or even what I've put up already). If you want to my response to them, I'd be happy to PM you.

Okay, for MY use and definition of bisizual, it doesn't apply to FAs at all. It applies ONLY to a guy who would date a size 6 or a 36 just as easily. That is NOT an FA in my definition of an FA....

Just had to clear that up, because I don't consider bisizual to be anything to describe FAs and it actually made me bristle to read it.
:blink: Sorry I made you bristle. LOL Your clarity about your feelings about FA's and your preference for them has been something I've admired. It helps put clarity and positivity on a sense of fat eroticism and sexuality that I think is needed and a benefit to everybody. Perhaps my "newbie-ness" on this particular issue is showing. Thanks (again) for clarifying your meaning.


I think I'd like to elaborate more on my perspective.

I don't consider an FA who only lusts for SSBBWs to be more of an FA than a bisizual FA, but I do think he has specific tastes. .... And to address your question, Plaid, are you bisizual because you are with someone who is one size, but you fantasize about another size? I don't think so. .....
SVS, I appreciate for your generous reply. You seem to be generous all around. :D Your response is as forthcoming as it is warm. And I trust, from what you've included from my quote, that my call for attention didn't overshadow what I heard you saying.

Perhaps it goes without saying: This thread has really brought home to me the uniqueness of experiences and perspectives swarming around FAism and "the fat life." Being both lovingly and erotically DEEPLY DESIRED for who we are, body and soul, ties us together, it seems.

It may sound gushing, but it's been a privilege to plumb these issues with you. Talking across the FA-SS/BBW gap has been as rewarding as enlightening.
 

rainyday

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To really address them would require more autobiography for me - something of which I've already spread alot of on this thread. I don't assume anyone is particularly interested in more (or even what I've put up already). If you want to my response to them, I'd be happy to PM you.
Blogs in the Clubhouse are where many of us share this type of thing.
 
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