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buttercup40

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Hi,
Im not sure what to say here.This is all very new to me.Ill start by telling how I got here.I met the most wonderful men about four months ago and over the past 6 weeks Ive been being introduced to all of this.I am a big girl,5' 8" about 230 lb. I have never had a person be so excepting of me before my boyfriend.He truly loves me for me, but heres the thing and this where you guys come in.He wants me to get bigger.This was completely crazy to me because Ive spent my entire life trying to get smaller and had finely come the point in my life where I had excepted myself.Well, to try to make a long story short and try to get some sound advise heres the deal. I have gained 15 lb in the past month for him and he is very happy.That was the original goal but now he wants me to gain more.Ive tried to tell him I have to be happy to. He treats me so well,he spoils me like crazy and I want to make him happy but I dont know how to get across to him how I feel.Anyone out there have any good advise for the FNG please feel free.Thanks :)
 

ucapaliuca

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Unfortunately his desire for you to gain weight could snowball which would likely be a bad thing. Remember that you're in charge of your body. Be honest about what you feel and remind him that a relationship is a sort of contract between two people.
 

Rowan

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If you are not comfortable with weight gain (it's not for everyone, know its not for me) then you need to tell him that and be firm about it. It would be the same as if he were pressuring you to lose weight. Its wonderful that he treats you well, but dont let that guilt you into doing what he wants you to do. You need to make you happy first.

just my two cents.
 

Fuzzy Necromancer

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Tell him that you like him a lot, and enjoy being with him, but it's your body, and you can do with it what you like. Tell him that you want him to respect you as another human being, and respect your right to control your own lifestyle and appearance. Tell him that this constant pressuring to gain weight hurts your feelings and is damaging to the relationship.
 

Gspoon

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You are who you are.

You know when you have had enough. Should you feel the need that that is enough and you aren't comfortable gaining anymore, then don't. He doesn't control you, you control you.

I am sure you want to make him happy, but if stop, he should be happy with what he has gotten, if you gain anymore that is. Tough, he should be happy that you even considered gaining. Stopping isn't the wrong thing to do, trust me. I know when a girl says stop, it means stop.

Need anymore help, be sure to post here and we'll help you out!
 

wrestlingguy

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If you are not comfortable with weight gain (it's not for everyone, know its not for me) then you need to tell him that and be firm about it. It would be the same as if he were pressuring you to lose weight. Its wonderful that he treats you well, but dont let that guilt you into doing what he wants you to do. You need to make you happy first.

just my two cents.
Double it, and make it four cents, as I echo Rowan's comments. You don't say how old (or young) you are, and that could be an important part of this discussion. One thing, regardless of age, is that relationships are mutually beneficial for both parties. If only one person pushes the relationship cart all the time, it starts to suck, and the relationship typically withers & dies.
 

Totmacher

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I'm pretty much on board with the gyst of everyone else's advice: nobody can tell you what to do with your body better'n you can. Welcome to the board, btw.
 

bexy

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just to echo everyones thoughts again, and say that whilst big is beautiful, so is confidence, something you seem to have recently gained but may lose if u gain more weight u dont want to.

15lbs is a lot to gain in a month, and if it carried on like that you would be a LOT heavier this time next year, that has serious implications on your daily life, you have to buy a whole new wardrobe for a start lol! but seriously it can affect your day to day life and if u have already struggled with your appearance it doesnt sound to me that gaining more, especially so rapidly would be a wise move.

perhaps try to talk to him. he seems like a lovely guy, explain ur happy where u are now but u are still a bbw and more than happy to partake in weight gain talk and play on a fantasy/fun level, but nothing further?

best of luck, let us know, and welcome to the boards!
 

Phaddy

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I agree with what everyone above has written. It is your body. No matter what makes someone else happy, you have to be happy with who you are and how you feel. I don't need to explain to you how weight affects how you feel physically. I also don't need to explain to you how weight can affect how you feel emotionally, regardless of how anyone else feels about it. Encouragement can be fun and it sounds as if you are enjoying the positive feedback and support. That said, this trend can lead to very real problems and difficulties.

There is an old adage, "be careful what you wish for, because your dreams can come true." My personal psyche makes me always be an encourager. When I go out to dinner with my wife, or with any other woman for that matter without any romantic interest or even fantasy, I will always suggest appetizers and desserts. I love women indulging their appetites. No doubt about it - this is a fetish. If control were left to me, my wife would have a permanent stomachache and even business lunches would take three hours. Luckily, I understand that I do not have control over anyone else (sometimes not even myself) and don't have the right to do much more than cajole and occasionally beg. The reality is that I do not need or even really want others to consume to fulfill my fantasies.

Here is the question that I think you need to figure out: Is there a need for there to be real weight gain for your boyfriend to be happy or is there only a need for the fantasy of weight gain? After years of experimentation, with my wife wanting to make me happy but not wanting to really gain weight, we have found a pattern that works. She uses eating as a way of flirting with me. She makes a point of having something "extra" and responds positively when I ask about picking up some kind of dessert or treat. She indulges me by making a feature of indulging her appetites. The trick is she does this with me. Its kind of like sex: she could do it by herself but instead decides to do it with me. The result is that she doesn't really have to eat alot in the course of the day to make somewhat of a display for me. I understand that this is an illusion of sorts, since there is no apparent shift in consumption. It is just that she doesn't bother eating a lot until she can have an extra piece of pie or another bowl of ice cream to feed my fantasies. It is kind of like she is always on the verge of gaining weight without having to endure the real ramifications.

In the beginning of our relationship, my wife had a certain chubbiness about which she was self-conscious. Like you, she had never been with anyone before for whom the chub was part of the attraction (part being highly critical for the long term success of a relationship). She had been with people who were attracted to her regardless of her weight, but she had never been with someone who expressed as much enthusiasm for her belly as her breasts. It took a while for her to find a balance between her socially ingrained image imprint and a boyfriend who got excited when her pants were too tight. I have to make a conscious effort when in conversation with "straight" people (non-weight fetishists) to remember that complementing a woman for her muffin top is often not taken positively.

As my wife became more comfortable with herself with the influence of seeing herself through my eyes, we experienced a phenomenon which repeated an experience that I have had in several other relationships. Instead of continuing to gain weight, the lifting of the negativity had the opposite effect: my wife unintentionally lost weight. Maybe it is the type of woman to whom I am attracted, but the common thread in all of my relationships has been the tendency to stabilize weight or even lose a few pounds. Through therapy we have figured out that a component of the extra weight was often a self-punishment due to the extra weight. I am sure that there are other people at this site familiar with the somewhat contradictory influence of feeling fat being a stimulation to binge.

My point: my wife has found the way to satisfy my fetish without having to actually gain weight. She makes an effort to stay chubby, which she admits after actually having gotten relatively thin at one point being more comfortable for her. But she doesn't actually gain weight. She uses eating as a way of turning me on and hits all of the right buttons for me, except one: she hates the feeling of tight clothes. She'll put on a tight pair of jeans to come over to ask me if I would like to fool around, but she gets out of them as quick as possible.

I hope that things work out for you. The important thing is to not confuse what a guy says with what he really necessarily wants. They are not always the same thing. Your boyfriend may be just as happy with you always gaining the same 15 pounds and not another 15 pounds. If it is a good relationship, he will not want you to gain more than you would have done on your own pursuing your own long term interests.
 

Russ2d

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I'm not sure this should be on the erotic weight gain board but hey I will shoot...

Buttercup first thing, do not look to internet boards for answers to your relationships. Nine times out of ten the feedback you're going to receive is pure dribble, as has been the responses to you here- except perhaps for Bellylicious.

Your boyfriend has wants and needs and you have wants and needs and both are important. The answer is real simple- talk to your boyfriend and hash out what you and he want, what you and he are willing to do or compromise on, or not.

Again the answer is not here but with you and your boyfriend sitting down to talk -as close intimate couples do.
 

LoveBHMS

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I'm not sure this should be on the erotic weight gain board but hey I will shoot...

Buttercup first thing, do not look to internet boards for answers to your relationships. Nine times out of ten the feedback you're going to receive is pure dribble, as has been the responses to you here- except perhaps for Bellylicious.

Your boyfriend has wants and needs and you have wants and needs and both are important. The answer is real simple- talk to your boyfriend and hash out what you and he want, what you and he are willing to do or compromise on, or not.

Again the answer is not here but with you and your boyfriend sitting down to talk -as close intimate couples do.
Advice such as "It's your body and your choice" is not dribble.

Her boyfriends wants and needs are important, but not more important than the OP's physical and mental health and well beingn.

There is no way she should compromise on something so vital as her health.

Gaining 15 pounds in a month is a lot of weight. She also says she agreed to do it, but also that she does not want to gain any more. Once she says 'no more' than it's 'no more' Full stop.

An internet message board is populated with people. Whether or not their advice is good or sound, it's still advice coming from actual humans who may even have been in the OP's situation, given the nature of this thread. Considering that people who are BBW's, FA's, or into weight gain are the ones who post here, it's not so unusual for her to seek their advice. And she STILL was told that if she doesn't want to gain any more, she shouldn't.
 

Rowan

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I'm not sure this should be on the erotic weight gain board but hey I will shoot...

Buttercup first thing, do not look to internet boards for answers to your relationships. Nine times out of ten the feedback you're going to receive is pure dribble, as has been the responses to you here- except perhaps for Bellylicious.

Your boyfriend has wants and needs and you have wants and needs and both are important. The answer is real simple- talk to your boyfriend and hash out what you and he want, what you and he are willing to do or compromise on, or not.

Again the answer is not here but with you and your boyfriend sitting down to talk -as close intimate couples do.

for your information...it's bexy...not belly...and my advice is not dribble...or drivel either...so there :p
 

Aurora

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If he really is a great boyfriend, he's going to respect what you wish to do with your body. I'm a big fan of weight gain myself, but of course it's not for everyone. I'm not an advocate of gaining weight for anyone but yourself. If you enjoy it and it makes you happy and others enjoy it too it's one thing, if you're doing it to please someone else and you don't gain any pleasure in return it's another. Examine your feelings on it carefully. In any case I hope all goes well. :) Welcome to Dims!

~Aurora
 

SoVerySoft

No fat no flavor
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I'm not sure this should be on the erotic weight gain board but hey I will shoot...

Hey Russ,

I think this is the best place for her question. It was the one place where people who see both sides of the issue can respond to her.

I believe it was originally posted on the Main Board where I think the responses would have been harsh. I suppose the general Weight Board was an option too. It was a tough call where to put it.
 

Ruby Ripples

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I'm not sure this should be on the erotic weight gain board but hey I will shoot...

Buttercup first thing, do not look to internet boards for answers to your relationships. Nine times out of ten the feedback you're going to receive is pure dribble, as has been the responses to you here- except perhaps for Bellylicious.

Your boyfriend has wants and needs and you have wants and needs and both are important. The answer is real simple- talk to your boyfriend and hash out what you and he want, what you and he are willing to do or compromise on, or not.

Again the answer is not here but with you and your boyfriend sitting down to talk -as close intimate couples do.

How rude and insulting of you about the other posters, so .... its actually DRIVEL not dribble that you meant. Get your insults right if you must insult.
 

FaxMachine1234

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I'm not sure this should be on the erotic weight gain board but hey I will shoot...

Buttercup first thing, do not look to internet boards for answers to your relationships. Nine times out of ten the feedback you're going to receive is pure dribble, as has been the responses to you here- except perhaps for Bellylicious.

Your boyfriend has wants and needs and you have wants and needs and both are important. The answer is real simple- talk to your boyfriend and hash out what you and he want, what you and he are willing to do or compromise on, or not.

Again the answer is not here but with you and your boyfriend sitting down to talk -as close intimate couples do.
Yeah, always beware of the guy posting on the internet board who says you can't trust people posting on internet boards.

And I concur with Rowan on this one; you need to draw the line clearly.
 

fatlane

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Yeah, always beware of the guy posting on the internet board who says you can't trust people posting on internet boards.

And I concur with Rowan on this one; you need to draw the line clearly.
Beware of guys telling you to beware of guys telling you to beware.

Beware of me, too.

With that in mind, sometimes you need to draw a line with a pencil, and sometimes you need to draw a line with a .44 and say, "I want you to hurt for me" as you lick your lips.
 

Kortana

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I'm not sure this should be on the erotic weight gain board but hey I will shoot...

Buttercup first thing, do not look to internet boards for answers to your relationships. Nine times out of ten the feedback you're going to receive is pure dribble, as has been the responses to you here- except perhaps for Bellylicious.

Your boyfriend has wants and needs and you have wants and needs and both are important. The answer is real simple- talk to your boyfriend and hash out what you and he want, what you and he are willing to do or compromise on, or not.

Again the answer is not here but with you and your boyfriend sitting down to talk -as close intimate couples do.

Hey Russ- did you not read that she is very new to the whole thing and really has no one to turn to? How many post have you written giving advice? So I guess from now on we should scroll downpast your posts cause its dribble anyway?

There are many people on this board that wouldn"t have gotten through the confusion and insecurity of this lifestyle without the others that have been there first!

BUTTERCUP, I would love to agree with the others when they say it's your body do what is best for you- but I can defintely see it is easier said than done. You obviously care about him enough that you are seeking help from others. You don't want to lose him but you don't want to do what's not comfortable to you. Defintely talk to him about it but keep an open mind, you never know,you may enjoy some of the fantasy aspects together without actually gaining weight. My boyfriend is the same however I realized I don't want to intentionally gain but dam its nice to eat what I want and know he is not looking at me going "do you really need that".
 

Mack27

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Just tell him you don't want to intentionally gain any more weight but that you're not going to diet either, and if you happen to gain a little here and there its no biggie for you.

That line worked on me when my ex said it.
 
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