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Those who have done both: Which is harder, coming out as F/FA or as non-heterosexual?

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mathfa

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Sep 29, 2019
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I've always thought it important to educate myself on the challenges other people face. I myself am an FA, but am for all intents and purposes straight (maybe like a 1 on the Kinsey scale, at most), so I only have experience with one side of things.

Those of you who are F/FA, and who are not heterosexual (bi, pan, homo, ace, anything that's not the majority counts), which part of your sexual orientation have you faced more prejudice/intolerance for? Or, have the people in your life been accepting of both? Obviously I know that F/FA is not necessarily something that you "come out" about in quite the same way, so it's not quite a fair question, but still, I would be interested to hear your stories, if you feel comfortable sharing them.
 

thespian

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Oct 2, 2006
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Without a doubt, coming out as bi was easier. While I never hid either, I hardly ever got pushback or snide remarks regarding my orientation. I still get comments about being an FA. mostly passive/aggressive BS. That's because people still feel it's socially acceptable to deride fat people, less so for those in the LGBTQ+ community. In fact, the most pushback I ever got about being bi was from the community itself. But that's another story.
 
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Lear

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Oct 21, 2005
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Honestly, as an asexual it was much harder to come out as Ace. People can wrap their heads around finding something specific or different attractive, even if they don't agree. Not feeling sexual attraction to other people is so foreign I've been told it's not real before. There's something most LGBTQ+ people don't have to deal with, outright denial that what you came out as even exists.
 

NewJoe

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Nov 5, 2020
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I can't speak to coming out as gay; I'm a cis-gendered hetero guy who has always been attracted to BBW/ssBBWs. It was not easy being an FA when I was young (I'm in my early 60's now). I felt every bit the need to be closeted as my many gay friends at the time.

My high school sweetheart was an ssBBW. I was a very athletic guy who competed internationally in sports. I'm tall and decently good-looking (or was, back in the day.) The amount of kidding and cruel comments I heard once people in my high school found out I was dating this woman, was beyond belief. My more thoughtful friends tried to be understanding: It's her personality, right? Because she's funny? Are you in love with her mind? (She was a very good student.) The answer was 'yes' to all of the above, of course. But somehow they could not get their heads around the notion that I was physically *really* attracted to such a woman.

It's certainly gotten better since then. High school is a terrible time for most of us, even some of us jocks!
 

extra_m13

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cannot speak for both but as an FA i think it is easier for me to do that, because well, i happen to like curves, and a fat lady who overeats and is ok with it, the rest probably have to deal with bigger issues more moral stuff and such
 

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