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Actor4hire

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It sucks to feel like there's a double standard. I will respond more sensibly to your posts later today. For now, I just wanted to point out:



I'm totally amused by the expectation that this will be a shocking statement here :p

People really don't call each other fat on the board. We may talk about our own fat our what it's like to be fat, but we dont for the most part (or at least I dont) call each other fat.
 

Jon Blaze

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I never intended for what I wrote to start a brewhaha, but if that's where it goes, so be it. The only reason I wrote what I wrote is because somebody earlier in the post wanted to hear more from the BHM in regards to the lack of BBW FA's. So I wrote, what I wrote and I stand by it 100%.

I think this board is a great place for people of size to feel safe and accepted. But there is a HUGE (No pun intended) double standard when it comes to BHM and BBW's on this board.

It is ok for a large woman on this board to state that she does not find large men attractive. I would venture to say that the 70% of the women on this board probably fit into that group. But if a large guy were to write in a post that he doesn't find large women attractive, all hell would break loose!
I think it lies in how you do it. You can say you don't find them attractive, but there's no reason to be non tactful about it. From what I've seen, the women that don't like larger men have almost always been tactful about it, and simply used the same comments that some FAs of all sizes have said about thin people: They can't help what they're attracted to. You can't force someone to be attracted to you, no matter how much you want them to be.

If you're a dick about it: Expect to get shit on. If not, then you have every right to ramble.

And just like you may have with some thin women if you don't like them: They probably have experiences that didn't make them happy, which if you think you have no obligation to like thin women in the same token, you have no right to try to oppose that on another person.


I also just don't get why there are so many large women who will only go for slim, athletic type of guys. Isn't the true meaning of this place is to be a place of size acceptance? A place where the inside is just as important if not more important than the outer appearance of ones body?

First and foremost: Yes. This board covers a lot of things, including but not limited to: Size Acceptance. But the notion that size acceptance goes as far as dating is completely false. They are UNRELATED! I can wholeheartedly accept someone I don't find attractive. I can be friendly and respectful.

Turning someone down because you don't find them attractive is a whole lot different than yelling that statement at the top of your lungs, and not only doing that, but possibly believing that trait makes them "Unattractive" on other levels non physical.

It lies in how I treat them: Not in the fact that there's something that doesn't allow me to date them.
They're two completely different things (One is for dating [Fat Admiration], and one is for body acceptance and/or discrmination fighitng [Size Acceptance]), and while the board was founded on the the former, and the issues CAN cross each other (But they aren't the same thing) it's grown to encompass many things, but again: Don't confuse the two. And I'm not saying this because I'm a thin FA: I'm saying this because I'm also an activist. Watch your words. You aren't making any sense by using that term in that way.

Plus you just called all the women shallow too, when last time I checked, having a physical preference isn't the same thing as having that be the only thing you care about.

So I take it you like women of all sizes like I do right? No? Then how come you're not shallow in the same token? :p


"Dick move guys... Dick move." :p


To come out as a large woman and state that you have no interest in large guys due to the fact that they are FAT (there I said it) is doing a total dis-service to the board and to what everyone here is fighting for.

What if there was no Dimensions?? What if there wasn't a place for large ladies to be idolized?? (Which is what this board basically is) Then what??? Would you just not be another fat lady who finds that they are outcasts in the dating pool???
No. If there wasn't a place for larger women to be idolized, then this would just be an underground thing, and it still kinda is. You sound as if society has made some far reaching improvement in this.


Sadly, this is what a lot of fat men deal with. There is a small amount of women out there who are FA's, for that we are happy. But to see so many large women on this board be so against dating us due to our size (which we share in common mind you) makes no sense to me what so ever.

As I stated in my first post, I am no longer a true BHM. I lost over 100 pounds over 15 years ago. If I were to bump into the women who are on this board, who say they don't date large guys, I doubt there would be to many that would think of me as to fat to date.

But I do know what it's like to be over 380 pounds at one time. I do know what it's like to try and find somebody who loves you for who you are (which I have been fortunate enough to find) And I just think that if more large women would give big guys a chance, they may just find out that there is a whole lot more than what is on the outside.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander...

PEACE!
That makes no sense. You're trying to force them to be attracted to something, when you realize that you potentially have no control over what you're attracted to. Why don't you tell all the FAs that don't like thin women to just "Try a couple out?" even though some of them probably have already? I mean it's only sounds about the same... I mean it sounds exactly the same. :bow:
 

Green Eyed Fairy

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Bi-sizual BBW representing.....

I hail from North Carolina...if that has some deep meaning....



I like what I like....I don't apologize for any time spent with a chubby/fat man....and I got over apologizing for being a fat woman a long time ago. I still bang skinnies.....and don't give two shits if someone doesn't like it or not. Take me how I come..... ;)
 

Actor4hire

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Well to come out and say anybody pulled a "dick move" is wrong all in itself. None of the guys who were pointing out the bias towards fat women on the board ever called out anybody in particular. You don't have to agree with what I or anybody else said, but to say "dick move" shows a lack of class...

And I am just wondering, are you a BHM???
 

Jon Blaze

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Well to come out and say anybody pulled a "dick move" is wrong all in itself. None of the guys who were pointing out the bias towards fat women on the board ever called out anybody in particular. You don't have to agree with what I or anybody else said, but to say "dick move" shows a lack of class...

And I am just wondering, are you a BHM???
Apparently you didn't read half my post.

That's a line from a parody DBZ. I wasn't completely serious about using, hence my :p at the end of it, but I'll kind be about it. I apologize because you're offended by it.

Regardless of that:

It still isn't right for you to call them shallow, when you haven't said whether or not you feel that FAs are obligated to be bisizual like Greeny and I. If you think they aren't obligated, then guess what? That's a double standard.

And where did I say anything about calling people out in particular? I said "Non tactful." Something can be in bad taste without a name being mentioned.
 

Carrie

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Size acceptance and wanting to bone someone are two completely different things. There are BHM here, on this board, who prefer thin partners - does that mean they are against size acceptance? I don't think so. And I don't get the slightest bit offended when one of them states his preference for a thin partner. Why should I? It's not a personal affront to me; it's just the way he rolls (no pun intended :p). Attraction is a very visceral thing, with very little, if any logic. You want to do who you want to do, and that's about it. All the compassion and understanding in the world isn't going to change something as elusive and uncontrollable as attraction. Of course someone who states their preference in an obnoxious manner is, well, obnoxious, and may well be the anti-size acceptance devil, but just having a preference doesn't make it so.
 

Actor4hire

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Apparently you didn't read half my post.

That's a line from a parody DBZ. I wasn't completely serious about using, hence my :p at the end of it, but I'll kind be about it. I apologize because you're offended by it.

Regardless of that:

It still isn't right for you to call them shallow, when you haven't said whether or not you feel that FAs are obligated to be bisizual like Greeny and I. If you think they aren't obligated, then guess what? That's a double standard.

And where did I say anything about calling people out in particular? I said "Non tactful." Something can be in bad taste without a name being mentioned.

JB,

When you say "Dick move guys, dick move" I took it as saying that the guys who were speaking out on the issue were being "dicks".

Maybe I just look at this board a little different than others. I would like to think this is a place where everybody is open to other people of size (or lack there of) and would be willing to free their minds enough to at least go on a date with a large guy.

Obviously there is more too attraction that just the size of somebodys body. I know that I am attracted to both large and small women. A persons face, smile, personality etc., play a large role in what I find attractive.

But I personally would never say "I just don't date fat girls" or "I just dont date thin girls" And I sure as heck wouldn't say I don't date fat girls when I am on a board that is supposed to be about size acceptance.

To answer your question. I think that everybody on the board, whether they are fat, thin or inbetween, should be open to dating people of all size & especially people of size, seeing that this is a place where we can all be safe as one.

If this was a place where another minority group (although fat people are becoming the majority) came together to show support & you have people on the board saying "Sorry, I only date outside of my minority", wouldn't that be defeating the purpose of being on the board?

This is what the history of Dimensions is "Dimensions originated as the newsletter of a "special interest group" of NAAFA, the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance. NAAFA, which was founded in 1969, fights against the discrimination fat people are subjected to in our society"

IMO, for a fat man to be discriminated against due to his size, is against the principals that Dimensions was founded upon. Also IMO, (And several other BHM seeing the responses I have received in my inbox from the first post I wrote) that saying that you wont date somebody because of there size is discrimination & thus sets a double standard...
 

Carrie

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Maybe I just look at this board a little different than others. I would like to think this is a place where everybody is open to other people of size (or lack there of) and would be willing to free their minds enough to at least go on a date with a large guy.

Obviously there is more too attraction that just the size of somebodys body. I know that I am attracted to both large and small women. A persons face, smile, personality etc., play a large role in what I find attractive.

But I personally would never say "I just don't date fat girls" or "I just dont date thin girls" And I sure as heck wouldn't say I don't date fat girls when I am on a board that is supposed to be about size acceptance.
That is a very fair point, and I always think that if people can keep an open mind, they might be surprised at whom they find attractive, with a little time and getting to know someone. For some people, the physical attraction can build as an emotional tie builds (that's how it works for me), but that doesn't happen to everyone. For some people it's either instant attraction, or not at all. It's very possible that many people who say "I only date thin" or "I only date fat" are part of that group and know it, and that's okay. Different strokes and all that.
 

William

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Speaking of NAAFA when I use to look at the older material on their website it was obvious that NAAFA was just as much a Fat Admiration Group as it was a Fat Rights Group and Fat Admiration of that time had nothing (zero) to do with Fat Men.

So that is the Fat Acceptance and Fat Admiration that Fat Men deal with today. NAAFA has stripped a lot of the old stuff off the website, but it does not have nearly the influence it had when that mindset was created.

William


JB,

When you say "Dick move guys, dick move" I took it as saying that the guys who were speaking out on the issue were being "dicks".

Maybe I just look at this board a little different than others. I would like to think this is a place where everybody is open to other people of size (or lack there of) and would be willing to free their minds enough to at least go on a date with a large guy.

Obviously there is more too attraction that just the size of somebodys body. I know that I am attracted to both large and small women. A persons face, smile, personality etc., play a large role in what I find attractive.

But I personally would never say "I just don't date fat girls" or "I just dont date thin girls" And I sure as heck wouldn't say I don't date fat girls when I am on a board that is supposed to be about size acceptance.

To answer your question. I think that everybody on the board, whether they are fat, thin or inbetween, should be open to dating people of all size & especially people of size, seeing that this is a place where we can all be safe as one.

If this was a place where another minority group (although fat people are becoming the majority) came together to show support & you have people on the board saying "Sorry, I only date outside of my minority", wouldn't that be defeating the purpose of being on the board?

This is what the history of Dimensions is "Dimensions originated as the newsletter of a "special interest group" of NAAFA, the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance. NAAFA, which was founded in 1969, fights against the discrimination fat people are subjected to in our society"

IMO, for a fat man to be discriminated against due to his size, is against the principals that Dimensions was founded upon. Also IMO, (And several other BHM seeing the responses I have received in my inbox from the first post I wrote) that saying that you wont date somebody because of there size is discrimination & thus sets a double standard...
 

undrcovrbrothr

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edx said:
Actually *this* board is about BHM (fat guys) and female fat admirers (women who are attracted to fat guys), although none of the Dimensions boards have ever been all that exclusive, so long as you are friendly to the topic at hand.

About your broader point, Dimensions has always accepted that not all fat people prefer fat partners. There has never been any objections to that point, and I don't think you are going to be able to change it now. So yes, it is perfectly fine for fat folk to talk about thin folk that they are attracted to, although they should try to do it in the right board (a BBW talking about the thin guys she adores on this board is probably in the wrong place, although conversation can take odd turns). And because conversations are interesting when they are inclusive, sometime there are even thin people talking about their thin crushes, and that is cool so long as they are being respectful of the other posters on the boards.
The person who created this site is thin. A man, often depicted in a wetsuit. A wetsuit wearin' German speaking thin man who prefers fat women and is in fact married to one. I am not certian it was his intent in the founding of this site to prevent his own wife from participating here due to her poor choice of spouse.
Please don't hurt me, yall!!!!! LOL I was just curious as to see how the debate would run, and I didn't expect the loaded gun to be pointed at me as if I was saying nobody should be participating who is not exactly in this category, it was more devil's advocate!

See what happens when I stick my foot in a raging river? I get sucked in because I wanted to see how the water felt...ugh. I have no hangups as far as preferences go; just interested in seeing how the discussion went.

Carry on, people, carry on.. I retire. ;)
 

William

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Hi Lilly

A lot of people outside of Fat Acceptance and Admiration do have a preference and Fat on a body is not it!!

I think that some Fat People date thin because it make them feel better about themselves. I think that some Fat People date thin because they do not want to think of themselves as settling for another Fat Person. These of course are the extreme cases.

The rest of us learn and unlearn what we preferrer from our parents, families, friends growing and what we experience becoming adults.

I think that everyone here has a preference, but some people's preferences are wide and they acknowledge by the way they describe themselves "they created the word bi-sizual :)"

I think that far more BHM are "Bi-sizual" than BBWs because even here on Dimensions there are so many BBWs who never hardly even use the acronym BHM let alone express any attraction to Fat Men or even show support. They operate on Dimensions as if Fat Men do not even exist.

Out on the main boards when a BBW makes a neutral or non-supportive statement about Fat Men, if you look at the her posting history she is most likely never have posted on the BHM/FFA Board.

I have always enjoyed BBWs who are active on the BHM board because unconditional support of BHM and their respect and support for the thin FFA here. There has been some true Size Acceptance here.

William


Yes, that's it. Most people have no prefference one way or the other so very few will label themselves as ffa.
 

William

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Hi

I do not mean to be harsh and there are BHM that stay on the BHM/FFA Board, but a lot do visit the other boards.

As a Fat Person I am interested in all Fat People Issues and I have visited Fat Websites geared for all different types of fat people.

I just do not understand people on Dimension who totally segregate themselves here on Dimensions. I understand that some BHM may feel slighted on other boards on Dimensions, but I have never let that stop me from adding my input here and there.

William

:::Snip:::
 

LillyBBBW

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Hi Lilly

A lot of people outside of Fat Acceptance and Admiration do have a preference and Fat on a body is not it!!

I think that some Fat People date thin because it make them feel better about themselves. I think that some Fat People date thin because they do not want to think of themselves as settling for another Fat Person. These of course are the extreme cases.

The rest of us learn and unlearn what we preferrer from our parents, families, friends growing and what we experience becoming adults.

I think that everyone here has a preference, but some people's preferences are wide and they acknowledge by the way they describe themselves "they created the word bi-sizual :)"

I think that far more BHM are "Bi-sizual" than BBWs because even here on Dimensions there are so many BBWs who never hardly even use the acronym BHM let alone express any attraction to Fat Men or even show support. They operate on Dimensions as if Fat Men do not even exist.

Out on the main boards when a BBW makes a neutral or non-supportive statement about Fat Men, if you look at the her posting history she is most likely never have posted on the BHM/FFA Board.

I have always enjoyed BBWs who are active on the BHM board because unconditional support of BHM and their respect and support for the thin FFA here. There has been some true Size Acceptance here.

William
I'm not certain if any of that is true or not. It can't be proven one way or another, we can only speak on our experiences. My experiences have been that fat men can be adamantly against being involved with fat women for some of the same reasons you mentioned above. It's something I've always assumed which has made me timid about approaching fat men or paying compliments. I've found in the past that doing so often made a few of them uncomfortable. Is it because they just don't have a preference for fat woman or is it some psychological aversion based on their own self image being fat? I don't know, all I know is the bottom line: I didn't get his number. :D

Is it a bad thing? I can't say. If a fat man, or any man for that matter, doesn't want to go out with me I don't think he should be shamed or chastised over it unless he's a meanie puss who says something nasty. The bottom line is that I'm not his preference. The reasons don't really make that much of a difference in my view.
 

William

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Hi Lilly

I may have to change my statement, I was thinking of alll the BBWs on Dimension and maybe (I am guessing) 90% do not post anyway :)

What I am saying now is that of the BBW that actively participate on Dimensions many of them do connect with the BHM/FFA Board and many male FAs put in a good word here also.

Still the rest of Dimension has a ways to go before it is supportive of BHM as the BHM/FFA board is.

William




I'm not certain if any of that is true or not. It can't be proven one way or another, we can only speak on our experiences. My experiences have been that fat men can be adamantly against being involved with fat women for some of the same reasons you mentioned above. It's something I've always assumed which has made me timid about approaching fat men or paying compliments. I've found in the past that doing so often made a few of them uncomfortable. Is it because they just don't have a preference for fat woman or is it some psychological aversion based on their own self image being fat? I don't know, all I know is the bottom line: I didn't get his number. :D

Is it a bad thing? I can't say. If a fat man, or any man for that matter, doesn't want to go out with me I don't think he should be shamed or chastised over it unless he's a meanie puss who says something nasty. The bottom line is that I'm not his preference. The reasons don't really make that much of a difference in my view.
 

Actor4hire

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Hi Lilly

I may have to change my statement, I was thinking of alll the BBWs on Dimension and maybe (I am guessing) 90% do not post anyway :)

What I am saying now is that of the BBW that actively participate on Dimensions many of them do connect with the BHM/FFA Board and many male FAs put in a good word here also.

Still the rest of Dimension has a ways to go before it is supportive of BHM as the BHM/FFA board is.

William

Thank you William for clearing this up. This is really one of the main things I mean't to point out in the beginning, but I went off on a different tangent.

The BHM part of this site can be a ghost town for posters. Very few members ever take a second to look at the posts/issues that BHM deal with and talk about.

Thank you to all the BBW's & thin FFA's who take time to read and post. I post on all parts of the website, not just the BHM boards. I just wish more BBW's would do the same.

I know that Dimensions was started years ago by skinny men and there admiration for fat women, but the board has evolved (so I would like to think) over the years to include different sexes, sizes & sexual orientations. Maybe it's time that the posters on the board evolve too...
 

Surlysomething

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Thank you William for clearing this up. This is really one of the main things I mean't to point out in the beginning, but I went off on a different tangent.

The BHM part of this site can be a ghost town for posters. Very few members ever take a second to look at the posts/issues that BHM deal with and talk about.

Thank you to all the BBW's & thin FFA's who take time to read and post. I post on all parts of the website, not just the BHM boards. I just wish more BBW's would do the same.

I know that Dimensions was started years ago by skinny men and there admiration for fat women, but the board has evolved (so I would like to think) over the years to include different sexes, sizes & sexual orientations. Maybe it's time that the posters on the board evolve too...
And i've tried to encourage more BHM to post outside of the BHM/FFA board on a CONSISTENT basis. It goes both ways.
 

Weeze

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No one loves BHM.
That's right.

Can we look at the first couple pages of this thread please?
god, people. don't be so sensitive. you like what you like, and you really can't help it. I don't understand why we have to have essentially the EXACT SAME ARGUMENT all the time. Guess what? BHM and BBW can be couples. I'VE SEEN IT DONE! I LIVE WITH A PAIR!* Can we move on now? Please? Actual meaningful, discussion that we haven't had twenty times before. GO.




Oh and by the way, if you SERIOUSLY think Blaze was calling you a dick, you're really, really wrong. I don't think he would say that to ANYONE, even if they were in fact acting like a dick.






*yes, i'm talking about my parents :p
 

Jon Blaze

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JB,

When you say "Dick move guys, dick move" I took it as saying that the guys who were speaking out on the issue were being "dicks".
Not really, and you established that you are bisizual, which changes this a bit. I'm just use to people saying this sort of thing NOT being bisizual (Causing me to swiftly jam my foot in their ass for that double standard :p). I apologize for that as well.

Maybe I just look at this board a little different than others. I would like to think this is a place where everybody is open to other people of size (or lack there of) and would be willing to free their minds enough to at least go on a date with a large guy.
Well we have to remember this is board about "Plus size women and their admirers," that evolved to "Plus sized people and their admirers." Dimensions really isn't a bisizual site, although bisizuality does have its place here. That doesn't mean that anyone has any obligations though. As I said before: A large percentage of the bbws that don't like bhms have already tried just as a large portion of FAs may in the past have tried to date thinner partners. For some people like you and I, it is possible for us to find sexual appeal in a variety of sizes, and for some others they can't. There's no reason in slandering or forcing those people, just as there's no reason for slandering them for what they may like.

Dims has made leaps and bounds, even with bisizuality. I got reamed when I mentioned it on the old boards, but now most posters see that it has a place, but it's no law.

Obviously there is more too attraction that just the size of somebodys body. I know that I am attracted to both large and small women. A persons face, smile, personality etc., play a large role in what I find attractive.

But I personally would never say "I just don't date fat girls" or "I just dont date thin girls" And I sure as heck wouldn't say I don't date fat girls when I am on a board that is supposed to be about size acceptance.
The first paragraph: I agree, but even someone that my be exclusive to a bodytype can consider the other criteria. That's where I thought you were in the wrong in the previous post. You implied that having a preference/exclusiveness made someone shallow, when that is not so.

The second paragraph: I also agree, but again: Dims is a board covering more than just Size Acceptance. It's original role was about Fat Admiration, and that's pretty much the nerve center with other things thrown in. It just can't be Size Acceptance, and to be honest: It doesn't have a very good rep on most Size Acceptance sites sans Fat Admiration being thrown in. They hiss at me when I mention it in the fatosphere. :p


To answer your question. I think that everybody on the board, whether they are fat, thin or inbetween, should be open to dating people of all size & especially people of size, seeing that this is a place where we can all be safe as one.

If this was a place where another minority group (although fat people are becoming the majority) came together to show support & you have people on the board saying "Sorry, I only date outside of my minority", wouldn't that be defeating the purpose of being on the board?


This is what the history of Dimensions is "Dimensions originated as the newsletter of a "special interest group" of NAAFA, the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance. NAAFA, which was founded in 1969, fights against the discrimination fat people are subjected to in our society"

IMO, for a fat man to be discriminated against due to his size, is against the principals that Dimensions was founded upon. Also IMO, (And several other BHM seeing the responses I have received in my inbox from the first post I wrote) that saying that you wont date somebody because of there size is discrimination & thus sets a double standard...
I respect your opinion, but again you are confusing issues.

NAAFA, just like the NAACP and GLAAD for example have nothing to do with the goal of getting people to find the groups sexually attractive. Their main goals in all cases is to fight discrimination, and in many cases promote equality for all people on the basis of what the movement is about.

The NAACP didn't start because a bunch people decided that people of color aren't attractive. It started because people of color over the years were oppressed, separated, prejudged, attacked, maimed, and more. Their goal isn't to force people to find people of color attractive: It's to give them equal rights.

GLAAD is exactly the same, EVEN when it's basis is on sexual preferences. This is the mission of GLAAD:
"The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) is dedicated to promoting and ensuring fair, accurate and inclusive representation of people and events in the media as a means of eliminating homophobia and discrimination based on gender identity and sexual orientation."

Where's the part where they are trying to force people to change their orientation?

It's about the right to choose: Not about force.

Please don't think I've have not had to deal with something like this. When I was a junior in high school, one of my friends whom I was attracted to turned me down because of my ethnicity. It did hurt (I cried even), but I have no right to try to force her to like me, as well as others.

So just as Carrie said: Accepting someone and wanting to bwN them are two different things. I can accept someone and be respectful to them without wanting any sort of sexual action to happen. It's right to call me and anyone else out when we are disrespectful towards people that they don't prefer on the same subject (I.e. "Ewww skinny/fat girls are disgusting!"- There's nothing right about that), but we are no more just in trying to force them into something they don't want to. That doesn't mean bisizuality isn't cool (In fact it's really cool :cool: ;) Haha ), or shouldn't be promoted, but that regardless: It won't work for everyone.
 
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