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CastingPearls

Go Big Or Go Home
In Remembrance
Joined
Apr 11, 2010
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all i can say to the defending FAs in this thread is that ignorance must be bliss. a lot of women here are too nice to say it but here i go. some guys have been here for years with the same old sob story. some have a lot of problems mostly self inflicted. sometimes other guys only get their warped half of the story since those types of guys are not trying to date FAs or showing that side of themselves to their fellow admirers. if i were you i wouldn't associate myself with such. empathy among FAs is a nice supportive thing but sometimes you need to be more cognizant about exactly who you are empathizing with. some opinions here are not really opinions but knowledge. the things already known about them can rub off on you. we aren't allowed to talk specifics here. but suffice it to say if you were a BBW you'd be agreeing with us whole heartedly. i can bet you most of the women here have either had a bad experience or knows someone who has.
I'm not too nice to say it.

I've been here for over a year now and have talked at length with scores of guys who like fat chicks. Those guys range everywhere from professional athletes and those in various forms of entertainment and media to brilliant artists, doctors, engineers, accomplished musicians and captains of industry. Also the typical everyman just trying to make a buck and the open opportunist who has nothing to show for himself except for a 'way wid da laydeez'

Some of them are full of shit as to their accomplishments, but many have provided enough proof (YouTube videos of them performing on TV or in concert, for example) for me to know some of them are who they say they are. A very few of them are honest and real and stand the test of time. I can count them on one hand, two in particular I trust implicitly.

A few of those men never ever post here but are content to lurk and I capture their eye. A few of them strut like they own the place, and still manage to keep both a low-profile and collect us like pretty seashells pretending they care or would like to if only, if only, if only.

As to our own behavior, in believing and trusting them, we have only ourselves to blame but many of us do not speak up especially when they say offhandedly that the one they used to talk to they could destroy with enough evidence he's collected against her.

He will paint the women he talks/talked to as unstable, stalkers, paranoid and misinterpreting his more than honorable intentions. And he will continue to behave this way and get away with it, because he only lets you (all of you) see the public face, the dims face, the face he has cultivated with much care and dedication for years, not unlike a role-playing game.

The internet is a playground for manipulators (of both genders of course) so don't tell us women that we don't know what we're talking about. Be very careful when you threaten or smear us because you may have a lot more to lose than you think we do, and don't you ever try to censor us because we will eventually find a way to expose you.

As for me, I know who my friends are, men and women, because some women will throw another under a bus for a kind word or attention from a man. But if I have learned anything from my own mistakes, it is to own up to MY OWN behavior and promise myself that I will not run down that path blindly again. To guard against my own vulnerability and call bullshit when I see it regardless of the consequences are lessons painfully learned, but not in vain.
 

LalaCity

Well-Known Member
Joined
Mar 4, 2007
Messages
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Because it works. It always works. When I use compassion towards others, I never regret it. Even if the person treats me like total crap, I still feel really good for showing compassion.

This has actually happened here. When I came to Dims after a few months break from it, I saw there were a select number of BBW saying that being FA is about nothing more than physical attraction. I got a tad offended and tried to argue, saying they are capable of more feelings than that, and somehow, that led to me being accused of being one of those FAs who treats women like objects and doesn't care about who they are and naturally, that ticked me off even more. Because I've never been accused of objectifying women before going onto Dims. I was So I kept trying to argue until everything I said was taken as an insult to a woman's worth as a person. At that point, I realized there isn't too much of a point to taking this any further than it already was, so I spent my next contribution to the thread talking about how I do not think women are objects, what I actually meant by any of the points I was trying to make, the fact that I believe women and men are equal and should be treated equally, and apologized for whatever I said that was found offensive. Lo and behold, it worked. No one really apologized back to me, but I take the fact that no one continued to argue with me as one of the best apologies I'll ever receive from this site, and I'm happy about it. :D

All I'm saying is that a little bit of compassion goes a long long way. And if you still feel that doing so is giving up your personal power as a woman, try to think of it is going above him rather than stooping down to his level.

And in all fairness, you can tell he didn't mean what he said. If he really viewed women as objects and didn't care about what they said or thought as people, then the things that the women in his life said and did to him would not have hurt him this badly.

I do agree with you, however, that he's been posting a bit much on this forum, and that it is pretty annoying, but if you feel we can't completely help the guy, we could at least get him turned to the right direction. I mean, where else is he going to go? If he seeks help from people elsewhere, he's most likely going to get something like this: "Your problem is that you choose to go out with fat women because you don't have the self-esteem to go for thin and sexy women." which in turn will make him feel even worse. As a FA and as a person.

People of Dims should expect sad, hurt men and women to wash up on our shore and want some TLC. The world is not often very kind to FAs or BBW/BHM and some people just need some help and support that they can't get elsewhere. I think it's important that people of Dims should focus on making this site into more of a community. After all, we are an online COMMUNITY, right? :)
I do have compassion -- but I honestly get tired of feeling like I have to coddle men who make these clueless and not very evolved pronouncements about preferring the company of inanimate objects to "whining" women. This line has been used for so long to demean woman -- I'm done excusing it. Why should I?
 

mossystate

flicks a booger on conrad
Joined
Mar 7, 2006
Messages
10,071
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I
do remember that. My point there was that I've seen some women on Dims who accuse certain guys of being sexually objective, and even after the guy tries to tell her he's not (though I suppose he could be lying), she still insists he is, and that is repeated a lot on this site. And that the pattern is a broken record, not the woman. I didn't mean to offend anyone by it. I'm very sorry that I hurt your feelings, Mossy.
Uff-da ( Vajojo can correct me on the spelling ). You didn't " hurt my feelings ". You ticked me off, slightly, with your not connecting dots you really need to be connecting, especially if you want to be above...anything.



It's nice to know you think that, but I'm not exactly sure that all women are on the exact same boat. I'm not saying I demand them to stop. I was just expressing that I had a bit of a problem with it. BTW, I didn't say you were saying that. In fact, I wasn't aware you had a problem with me until now.
You are gonna make me cry wee tears of frustration. lol People in this thread are having a bit of a problem with the OP, or at least what he has deposited. And, what I said was not about you...not really.

.
.
* leaves a pen *

I'm not just saying women should do it. I do think it wasn't right that he said what he said, but I don't think we'll make the situation any better getting all worked up about it.
You mean because it's not something that includes a group you are part of...so let's just be all cool and stuff? I mean, I know you would never take anybody to task who was saying ' fas ' are nothing but whining scum that should learn to keep their mouths shut. No. You would bring that person to your bosom and teach them. And no need to tell me, " no, I wouldn't like it, and after I told them to fuck off, I would feel horrible...satisfied and heard...but horrible...and I would go do Community service as a penance ". ;)

No, I've just seen him post about 5+ threads in the past week. It personally annoys me. And I can tell by what I've seen from these threads that he is a troubled man who needs help. Something needs to be done instead fighting, because I don't think he's stable enough for that.
Now, I am not referring to me, so keep that in mind...k? You have said that the world can be tough on some people, including fat people, which includes fat women. So, fat women ( an example ) are to swallow some very vile things which are not unlike a million other words they have been told to swallow that have perhaps added to some of their own ' instability ' when it comes to just navigating the world.........all because some guy comes along who wants to spew in their direction so he can feel better and get ' suuport ' ? Oh, I don't think so, Fox. Your " troubled man " is troubling other human beings ( different degrees ) and soiling this same place that is to be about lifting each other up...according to you. Are you messaging him in private? Are you telling other men/fas to do the same? Do what you find to be the right thing...and leave others to do the same.



And anyway, I'm not sure how he could go on about mentioning his personality problems with his past two relationship without mentioning they were fat, because from what he said, they were both pretty hung up on their size and that caused a lot of emotional problems in the relationships.
:doh:

Ever stop to think that there is a reason why a person might take the one thing about another...a struggle...and make most if not all of the problems in the relationship about that. And I am not even talking about the OP here, although it wouldn't be the first time somebody did just that. And did you see how you talk about his problems...and then immediately bring it back to ' their ' problems? We know next to jack about his situation...but the words he chooses to use, and the tone...tells me the surface ain't been scratched. So stop going right to ' fat/fa ' mode and not make everything about that.


I don't mean to offend you or anything but now I think you're trying a little too hard.
Errrr...not even sure what the heck this means...but...OK! lol


I'm not really trying to force anyone to do anything. I'm really just making suggestions as to how we could take care of the situation.
We? I am not part of a we. I post as Mossystate, as Monique. If you did more of the same...well, except you would be posting as Fox...you might not stay stuck in a groove that you think seems positive, but is really just not owning what you and what others put out here.



Saying that is not attributing people to what they are. It's just acknowledging the fact that fat people aren't as often treated as well as thin people. It's true, I see it every day. I'm not saying that fat people and fat admirers should be seen only for what they are by saying they have it tougher than the norm. I'm actually saying the opposite.
Ummmm.

My clothes are dry.
 

Pitch

Well-Known Member
Joined
May 5, 2011
Messages
230
Location
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I'm not too nice to say it.

I've been here for over a year now and have talked at length with scores of guys who like fat chicks. Those guys range everywhere from professional athletes and those in various forms of entertainment and media to brilliant artists, doctors, engineers, accomplished musicians and captains of industry. Also the typical everyman just trying to make a buck and the open opportunist who has nothing to show for himself except for a 'way wid da laydeez'

Some of them are full of shit as to their accomplishments, but many have provided enough proof (YouTube videos of them performing on TV or in concert, for example) for me to know some of them are who they say they are. A very few of them are honest and real and stand the test of time. I can count them on one hand, two in particular I trust implicitly.

A few of those men never ever post here but are content to lurk and I capture their eye. A few of them strut like they own the place, and still manage to keep both a low-profile and collect us like pretty seashells pretending they care or would like to if only, if only, if only.

As to our own behavior, in believing and trusting them, we have only ourselves to blame but many of us do not speak up especially when they say offhandedly that the one they used to talk to they could destroy with enough evidence he's collected against her.

He will paint the women he talks/talked to as unstable, stalkers, paranoid and misinterpreting his more than honorable intentions. And he will continue to behave this way and get away with it, because he only lets you (all of you) see the public face, the dims face, the face he has cultivated with much care and dedication for years, not unlike a role-playing game.

The internet is a playground for manipulators (of both genders of course) so don't tell us women that we don't know what we're talking about. Be very careful when you threaten or smear us because you may have a lot more to lose than you think we do, and don't you ever try to censor us because we will eventually find a way to expose you.

As for me, I know who my friends are, men and women, because some women will throw another under a bus for a kind word or attention from a man. But if I have learned anything from my own mistakes, it is to own up to MY OWN behavior and promise myself that I will not run down that path blindly again. To guard against my own vulnerability and call bullshit when I see it regardless of the consequences are lessons painfully learned, but not in vain.
Can you hear me clapping through the internet? Because I am.
 
Joined
Sep 2, 2008
Messages
15,770
Location
Sydney, Australia
I'm not too nice to say it.

I've been here for over a year now and have talked at length with scores of guys who like fat chicks. Those guys range everywhere from professional athletes and those in various forms of entertainment and media to brilliant artists, doctors, engineers, accomplished musicians and captains of industry. Also the typical everyman just trying to make a buck and the open opportunist who has nothing to show for himself except for a 'way wid da laydeez'

Some of them are full of shit as to their accomplishments, but many have provided enough proof (YouTube videos of them performing on TV or in concert, for example) for me to know some of them are who they say they are. A very few of them are honest and real and stand the test of time. I can count them on one hand, two in particular I trust implicitly.

A few of those men never ever post here but are content to lurk and I capture their eye. A few of them strut like they own the place, and still manage to keep both a low-profile and collect us like pretty seashells pretending they care or would like to if only, if only, if only.

As to our own behavior, in believing and trusting them, we have only ourselves to blame but many of us do not speak up especially when they say offhandedly that the one they used to talk to they could destroy with enough evidence he's collected against her.

He will paint the women he talks/talked to as unstable, stalkers, paranoid and misinterpreting his more than honorable intentions. And he will continue to behave this way and get away with it, because he only lets you (all of you) see the public face, the dims face, the face he has cultivated with much care and dedication for years, not unlike a role-playing game.

The internet is a playground for manipulators (of both genders of course) so don't tell us women that we don't know what we're talking about. Be very careful when you threaten or smear us because you may have a lot more to lose than you think we do, and don't you ever try to censor us because we will eventually find a way to expose you.

As for me, I know who my friends are, men and women, because some women will throw another under a bus for a kind word or attention from a man. But if I have learned anything from my own mistakes, it is to own up to MY OWN behavior and promise myself that I will not run down that path blindly again. To guard against my own vulnerability and call bullshit when I see it regardless of the consequences are lessons painfully learned, but not in vain.
I can't rep you right now, Lainey, and this post is most definitely worthy. This is one of the reasons you are so dear to me.
 

Jes

is oddly aroused
Joined
Oct 3, 2005
Messages
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You admit fully that you're very introverted, you don't talk to women, you don't go out and you don't date. But somehow, this is a woman's fault? And other men are the 'lucky' ones? Maybe they just work for it a little bit, like the rest of us who want to find someone do, eh?

Look, Sven, I don't think anyone wants you to be miserable, but to be happy, you need to take some real responsibility for your own happiness. If you want a well-adjusted partner, then you need to be a well-adjusted partner, and you can't do that by sitting at home and complaining (using very unflattering comparisons, I might add).

Women aren't social workers--they need you to bring something to the table, too. And only you can do that, so either decide if you're giving up or not, but please don't blame your decision on other people.

View attachment dysfunctiondemotivationalposter.jpg
 

Fox

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jul 28, 2010
Messages
378
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You admit fully that you're very introverted, you don't talk to women, you don't go out and you don't date. But somehow, this is a woman's fault? And other men are the 'lucky' ones? Maybe they just work for it a little bit, like the rest of us who want to find someone do, eh?

Look, Sven, I don't think anyone wants you to be miserable, but to be happy, you need to take some real responsibility for your own happiness. If you want a well-adjusted partner, then you need to be a well-adjusted partner, and you can't do that by sitting at home and complaining (using very unflattering comparisons, I might add).

Women aren't social workers--they need you to bring something to the table, too. And only you can do that, so either decide if you're giving up or not, but please don't blame your decision on other people.
This is true. You do deserve to be happy, but staying inside and growing cold is not the way to go about it. Women do need a strong-minded man, and you're never gonna be able to love somebody if you can't love yourself first. You can't really respect anybody if you don't respect yourself. Just chillax, bro. You gotta lot of time to find the right person. I think you should just take time to find yourself first. Learn from what you've gone through in life and move on. You cannot change the past so you should work on changing the future instead.

And yeah, I really didn't address this at first, because I didn't think that's what you needed right away, but don't compare women (or any people for that matter) to objects. I know you're upset, and I've had a number of female friends who who have done the same thing with men, and while I try to show them I care, like I did with you, and while they usually don't mean it cause they are upset, it should not be a thought you carry with you for the remainder of your life.

As I said before, if you keep your chin up, one of these days you'll meet a lady who's gonna make you say "Screw cars!". You just need to be patient, and confident. :)
 

pickleman357

Christian/Fattism Solider
Joined
Nov 15, 2005
Messages
554
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^^Oh, well, isn't that a pity. Maybe I'm depressed, too. Why should I have suck up the sexist remarks that make me feel worse about myself? Where is your compassion for the other people who frequent this board?

The OP made two previous threads about needing support. He got a lot of lovely, helpful replies and nobody gave him a hard time until he spewed a bunch of stupid sexist crap.

Why should I have boundless compassion when I feel totally disrespected? Why should anyone who feels insulted whenever this kind of demeaning language is trotted out?
Is he talking about you specifically?
Are all women perfect?
Do you think he was born thinking that women are a pain?

No. Its obviously only been the women that he has actually met that has led him to this point.

All I'm saying is that I don't see how slapping him across the face is going to help him realize that there are good women out there.


I'm not sure what "this" is. What I am referring to is his asanine comments about women.

If he had taken a completely different approach and just said he was hurting because a woman hurt him, fine. But he had to go and make sexist comments.
I am not going to shut up and let that shit slide. Not now & not ever.
So... does that mean that next time a woman comes on here and complains how all men are pigs, I get to tell her that she's a sexist bitch and to STFU?

Just clairifying

His post has red flags waving all over the place; in fact, they aren't waving so much as they are frantically snapping, rolling, and screeching for notice. If YOU cannot see THAT, I ... well, I wouldn't weep for you (as I couldn't muster that much emotional investment in a complete stranger) ... but I could probably squeeze out an exasperated sigh. Maybe two.

Electronic coddling is NOT what he needs.

And asking the target group that's just had a big e-dump taken all over them to be "understanding" is in itself another rollicking red flag.
Question; would you be able to write a politcally correct, shakespearian poem after accepting the fact that you'll never get to see your kids again?

What do you think his mental state was when he wrote that? I don't think it was calm and happy. It was probably really angry, and therefore became an angry post. And I rather have depressed people come on here and say stupid, offencive things and ask for help, then say.. become and alchoholic and go driving... or.... kill a bunch of people with a gun. As stupid and painful as his post was, he could be doing much worse things.


You admit fully that you're very introverted, you don't talk to women, you don't go out and you don't date. But somehow, this is a woman's fault? And other men are the 'lucky' ones? Maybe they just work for it a little bit, like the rest of us who want to find someone do, eh?

Look, Sven, I don't think anyone wants you to be miserable, but to be happy, you need to take some real responsibility for your own happiness. If you want a well-adjusted partner, then you need to be a well-adjusted partner, and you can't do that by sitting at home and complaining (using very unflattering comparisons, I might add).

Women aren't social workers--they need you to bring something to the table, too. And only you can do that, so either decide if you're giving up or not, but please don't blame your decision on other people.
That's basically what I said too, but you worded it much better! :)

Sort out your life Sven! I'll be here to help ya if you need it.
 

bigmac

Well-Known Member
Joined
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Messages
10,349
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...

Women aren't social workers--they need you to bring something to the table, too. And only you can do that, so either decide if you're giving up or not, but please don't blame your decision on other people.

Yes!!! Just remember that this works both ways.
 

Jes

is oddly aroused
Joined
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Yes!!! Just remember that this works both ways.
Well, the proof that I remembered this is that I included the word 'too' in my original sentence. I don't know why you didn't see fit to bold that but your not bolding it doesn't mean I didn't type it!
 

superodalisque

Well-Known Member
Joined
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I do have compassion -- but I honestly get tired of feeling like I have to coddle men who make these clueless and not very evolved pronouncements about preferring the company of inanimate objects to "whining" women. This line has been used for so long to demean woman -- I'm done excusing it. Why should I?
me too. after someone has been told the same thing a billion times and they keep repeating the same old mistakes i won't waste my sensitivity anymore.
 

pickleman357

Christian/Fattism Solider
Joined
Nov 15, 2005
Messages
554
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LalaCity said:
I do have compassion -- but I honestly get tired of feeling like I have to coddle men who make these clueless and not very evolved pronouncements about preferring the company of inanimate objects to "whining" women. This line has been used for so long to demean woman -- I'm done excusing it. Why should I?
me too. after someone has been told the same thing a billion times and they keep repeating the same old mistakes i won't waste my sensitivity anymore.
Well maybe its true then?

I'm not trying to down play your frustrations at all, but men and women are quite different.

Guys can recharge better when doing something with an inanimate object like a car, video game, or even chair looking out the window. Just focusing on that for a time will help them over all.

Denying them that will only frustrate them and drain them out even further. Leading to a lack of concentration and enthusiasm in life.

But if he gets that relaxation time and he's still doing to same old same old, then yeah, boot his ass to the curb.
 

luvbigfellas

Has lips like morphine
Joined
Oct 25, 2010
Messages
725
Location
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I'm not too nice to say it.

I've been here for over a year now and have talked at length with scores of guys who like fat chicks. Those guys range everywhere from professional athletes and those in various forms of entertainment and media to brilliant artists, doctors, engineers, accomplished musicians and captains of industry. Also the typical everyman just trying to make a buck and the open opportunist who has nothing to show for himself except for a 'way wid da laydeez'

Some of them are full of shit as to their accomplishments, but many have provided enough proof (YouTube videos of them performing on TV or in concert, for example) for me to know some of them are who they say they are. A very few of them are honest and real and stand the test of time. I can count them on one hand, two in particular I trust implicitly.

A few of those men never ever post here but are content to lurk and I capture their eye. A few of them strut like they own the place, and still manage to keep both a low-profile and collect us like pretty seashells pretending they care or would like to if only, if only, if only.

As to our own behavior, in believing and trusting them, we have only ourselves to blame but many of us do not speak up especially when they say offhandedly that the one they used to talk to they could destroy with enough evidence he's collected against her.

He will paint the women he talks/talked to as unstable, stalkers, paranoid and misinterpreting his more than honorable intentions. And he will continue to behave this way and get away with it, because he only lets you (all of you) see the public face, the dims face, the face he has cultivated with much care and dedication for years, not unlike a role-playing game.

The internet is a playground for manipulators (of both genders of course) so don't tell us women that we don't know what we're talking about. Be very careful when you threaten or smear us because you may have a lot more to lose than you think we do, and don't you ever try to censor us because we will eventually find a way to expose you.

As for me, I know who my friends are, men and women, because some women will throw another under a bus for a kind word or attention from a man. But if I have learned anything from my own mistakes, it is to own up to MY OWN behavior and promise myself that I will not run down that path blindly again. To guard against my own vulnerability and call bullshit when I see it regardless of the consequences are lessons painfully learned, but not in vain.
And this is why we adore you, Lainey. :bow:
 

HeavyDuty24

Come on rise up
Joined
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Messages
3,038
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Today
I have learned to accept things and I cannot change people but i can change myself, today and yesterday i got really hurt by two people who i thought where my friends but they where not,so i don't want nothing do with them and i accepted it,also i accepted that other FAs have all the luck, and I don't, people say i am sexy and handsome but to be honest i am dreadfully shy of women,sex and the bbw dances. i am not trying to be down its just a fact of life for me. i found more fun to be alone than to be around people sometimes, and yes sometimes, I prefer a car than a girlfriend yes they both a pain in ass. but the car i can fix,it don't talk back it don't whine, it don't cry when it needs attention and other things. So i accepted that i don't go out,i don't date. i don't need false people who think their stuff don't stink. i have accepted that i cannot see my kids at all and i am a loner who don't talk much and very quiet and shy and i have accepted that
i learned i couldn't change people a long time ago.you can't change people,either adapt to them or you can just move on.but you can however change yourself true.but if people don't want to change there not,trying to change someone is a waste of time really.there going to be who they want to be in the end.only time a person will change is if they want to and or are ready to.
 

Jes

is oddly aroused
Joined
Oct 3, 2005
Messages
12,517
Location
,
The internet is a playground for manipulators (of both genders of course) so don't tell us women that we don't know what we're talking about. Be very careful when you threaten or smear us because you may have a lot more to lose than you think we do, and don't you ever try to censor us because we will eventually find a way to expose you.
If only we had a place where we could share notes about our experiences and warn other women about the bad apples...

oh. right.
 

CastingPearls

Go Big Or Go Home
In Remembrance
Joined
Apr 11, 2010
Messages
15,157
Location
,
If only we had a place where we could share notes about our experiences and warn other women about the bad apples...

oh. right.
If you think about it, some bad apples are women and that kind of uh hypothetical place would never be safe from one sharing their experiences because of all those rotting apples and the friends of those rotting apples who use no discernment or wisdom when adding them.

Yeah.
 

D_A_Bunny

www.peaceoneday.org
Joined
Nov 22, 2007
Messages
2,454
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If only we had a place where we could share notes about our experiences and warn other women about the bad apples...

oh. right.
If you think about it, some bad apples are women and that kind of uh hypothetical place would never be safe from one sharing their experiences because of all those rotting apples and the friends of those rotting apples who use no discernment or wisdom when adding them.

Yeah.
Just thought this was worth repeating. Yes, yes and yes again. The above is definitely worth repeating.
 
Joined
Sep 2, 2008
Messages
15,770
Location
Sydney, Australia
If you think about it, some bad apples are women and that kind of uh hypothetical place would never be safe from one sharing their experiences because of all those rotting apples and the friends of those rotting apples who use no discernment or wisdom when adding them.

Yeah.
Rep, rep, reppety rep....when it finally lets me have at you again.
 

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