Trust Issues

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Tracyarts

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Oct 3, 2005
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" Or could it be that he showed you how trustworthy he was AFTER the falling out with your friend? Because he was the one there giving you support in your time of need/hurt? "

Well, the trustworthiness was there all along in the back of my mind. My rational mind knew that he had never done anything to betray my trust. I was just constantly looking for proof and reassurance of it because of the mind games and emotional manipulation that woman used on me. She had never approved of my relationship with him and made it clear that she wanted me to break it off with him. But, we tend to trust our friends, especially ones like this woman who I had known for many years, so it took a long time to realize what she was doing. I assumed that she and I could just agree to disagree about him because she did seem to settle down and be less hostile about the relationship after a while and actually seemed to finally accept that it wasn't what she would choose for herself but it was what I wanted. Which is where I probably slipped up and let my guard down. But once I was rid of her, there was no more need for proof and reassurance of his trustworthiness because she was no longer there to push my buttons and plant those little seeds of doubt.

In all honesty, getting that woman out of my life was a weight off my shoulders and a huge relief. The friendship had turned toxic. There wasn't much sadness involved. It was more of a "ding dong the witch is dead" kind of feeling. After it was all said and done, he and I were able to really talk about how she manipulated me and how her own issues (she had a lot of problems, especially in her own relationship) were probably the reason why she acted the way she did.

The creepy part is that since we stopped talking she posts on an internet forum I belong to and will occasionally take a vicious pot-shot at this man and my relationship with him without calling me out directly. She will post these "I have a friend who..." type rants that are clearly aimed at me and that get very emotionally intense to the point where you can just sense the rage behind them. I guess she can't stand not having the last word? Who knows... It's just more proof of where her mind is at.

The whole situation was just yucky and a hard lesson to learn about trusting people just because they are long-term friends.

Tracy
 

Green Eyed Fairy

Funky Faerie Queene
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Tracy...."With friends like these, Who needs enemies?"


I know where you're coming from.....I have had some friendships that left me more wary the next go around.
 

littlefairywren

Wren aka ISFJ
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I keep coming into this thread and start to make a post, but nothing ever sounds right in my head let alone when I put it into words so I just end up leaving again. But I thought I would try and give it a go...

Even though it sounds odd, I get teary and quite churned up when I try and understand my feelings about trust.

Men are my greatest obstacle as far as trust is concerned, but there are women who I know should not be trusted either. I don’t like that I am like this, but it is more of a self preservation mechanism I guess. Most people think I am fairly carefree and easy, and that is all good. But to trust anyone completely, means letting my guard down and that means exposure to getting hurt.

But one day, I would love to meet a man that I could do that with. Like free-falling...just let go and know that he would be there to catch me. I just don’t know how to get to that place though :(
 

Lovelyone

Fat, and loveable!
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Dec 30, 2005
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I totally identified with your posting. I put up the walls, too. I think its okay to have the walls up cos anyone who cares enough about you will work around them--but when they do, give them a chance. You will take down a brick or two as your trust in them develops. I still have issues trusting anyone and am suspect of the least little bit of nicety (since every time some handsome guy has been nice to me, he's pretty much broken my heart). Its hard not to become bitter and jaded in regard to that. Its hard to open up to a new love when the last 5 times you did someone ripped you open and shredded your heart like the shreddy paper in a gift bag. Hopefully what you learn from it is what you DONT want from a lover/relationship/boyfriend/husband.

As I get older I have learned and come to realize that hurt happens. It happens to everyone. It happens when you trust, and when you don't--it happens when you have the walls up and when you don't (which kind of defeats the purpose of having walls up in the first place)...and it can strike you out of the blue when you think everything is wonderful and peachy and nothing can hurt you--but mostly I learned that to feel the pain from being hurt means that you are capable of great love, and I don't think that's all that bad of a thing to know.

I've become less and less trusting as the years and assholes I've "dated" have gone by. I use that term loosely b/c most of them (all but one) just wanted sex and not an actual dating relationship. Each one of them was a painful lesson that has added a new layer to the wall which now guards me. I hate that this has happened but I guess it's good b/c now I won't get hurt again...I hope.
 

enxtc

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Jun 8, 2008
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I think that most women in general have trust issues. Some of us have more then others. I would like to know how one goes about resolving them. In past relationships, of all kinds, I have tried to be trusting and ended up getting hurt. So, right now, I have a wall that is so big and so deep, nothing will get through.
I also thought that when there was love, there would as be trust. I found out the hard that, that isn't true. The more in love I fell, the more he made me mistrust him. The one person, who told me that he loved me and would never hurt me, ended up doing more damage to my trust issues then I ever thought possible.
I have just started a new relationship with a man, who is also having trust issues. We are both afraid of putting any trust into the other. I wish I could find a way that he and I could work on it together. I am open to any ideas.
I don't know if he is Mr. Right but, I would like for both of us to try before we give up.
 

calauria

La Negra Hermosa
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Sep 29, 2006
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i have a very difficult time trusting...i really don't trust, anymore..i think i've given up on it and just locked myself up and thrown away the key....it has been a very hard life and i'm very emotionally exhausted..i think i need some rest.....
 

Green Eyed Fairy

Funky Faerie Queene
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Sep 18, 2006
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i have a very difficult time trusting...i really don't trust, anymore..i think i've given up on it and just locked myself up and thrown away the key....it has been a very hard life and i'm very emotionally exhausted..i think i need some rest.....
Indeed....I know the feeling. Hope you get your second wind soon :)
 

Tracy

Fat & Sassy
Joined
Jun 15, 2007
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I have trust issues. I trust no one. Male or female! Never really stopped to think why I feel this way about people. Maybe I need to focus on that area of my life a little bit. :confused:
 

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