I think this notion of a double standard is interesting. I'd like to know where it comes from. It certainly doesn't come from traditional Christian morality, since Christianity has always taught that both men and women must remain virgins until marriage.
Virgin Roll Call
- Thread starter rg770Ibanez
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pdgujer148
Breakfast Messiah
I lost my virginity @ 14 OR 15.
Bad memories. It was awkward, loveless, and embarrassing. My motivation was peer pressure, her motivation was proving to herself that she wasn't gay.
Drunk on 3.2 beer. In a field. Terrified. 20 minutes of awkwardness. Just putting on a condom and retaining an erection was an ordeal.
It hurt for her. I had no idea if I was indoors our out.
We didn't talk much after that. She was a 117 pound track runner; I was a closet FA. I was a man, she was attracted to women.
The experience turned me off of sex for almost a decade. To the extent that I passed over a person who is very likely a soul-mate simply because I did not want to deal with the humiliation again.
Not to imply that this is A VERY SPECIAL EPISODE of the "Virgin Roll Call". I have no idea if my experiences are typical or atypical. I'm a weird bird. I accept all variations of sexual expression, but remain conservative at a personal level.
My advice is to loose your virginity with someone you love and trust. It doesn't matter if you are 20 or 50. Make sure you care about your partner before you have sex with her.
All the same, there is no shame in experimenting and enjoying your youth,
I will point out that there is a slight lie being spent by the folks that prefer experience. Every person has a different set of toggles and switches. It isn't so much important that you know them from experience than it is that you have the imagination to flip them and the humility to hold your hand when they don't work as planned.
Bad memories. It was awkward, loveless, and embarrassing. My motivation was peer pressure, her motivation was proving to herself that she wasn't gay.
Drunk on 3.2 beer. In a field. Terrified. 20 minutes of awkwardness. Just putting on a condom and retaining an erection was an ordeal.
It hurt for her. I had no idea if I was indoors our out.
We didn't talk much after that. She was a 117 pound track runner; I was a closet FA. I was a man, she was attracted to women.
The experience turned me off of sex for almost a decade. To the extent that I passed over a person who is very likely a soul-mate simply because I did not want to deal with the humiliation again.
Not to imply that this is A VERY SPECIAL EPISODE of the "Virgin Roll Call". I have no idea if my experiences are typical or atypical. I'm a weird bird. I accept all variations of sexual expression, but remain conservative at a personal level.
My advice is to loose your virginity with someone you love and trust. It doesn't matter if you are 20 or 50. Make sure you care about your partner before you have sex with her.
All the same, there is no shame in experimenting and enjoying your youth,
I will point out that there is a slight lie being spent by the folks that prefer experience. Every person has a different set of toggles and switches. It isn't so much important that you know them from experience than it is that you have the imagination to flip them and the humility to hold your hand when they don't work as planned.
fiddypence
Fast Feedist
I'm still a virgin, 24 years old. It's not really the plan, it just seems to work out that way.
I dated someone who wouldn't have sex with me for religious reasons. I dated some other people who I was attracted to enough to have sex with.
I've had opportunities to take advantage of drunk women but that never seemed appealing.
It is what it is.
I dated someone who wouldn't have sex with me for religious reasons. I dated some other people who I was attracted to enough to have sex with.
I've had opportunities to take advantage of drunk women but that never seemed appealing.
It is what it is.
I will never commit to another person again unless we are sexually compatible.
Platitudes aside, personal experience has convinced me that it is essential to my happiness. I'm a highly sexual and sensual being and need someone willing to explore and experiment and have the stamina to do so very often. I'm not for the passive or faint-of-heart. In fact, it repulses me.
Although experienced and knowledgeable I did not do the 'actual deed' until well into adulthood, so I'm neutral about the virginity thing. Do what's best for you.
Oh and honeymoon sex can be but isn't always wonderful. We were exhausted from our wedding, the resort screwed up our reservations and put us in an alternative low rate room for the first night, it was freezing cold and we fell asleep with our clothes on. And I have enough friends to know my experience isn't unique.
Platitudes aside, personal experience has convinced me that it is essential to my happiness. I'm a highly sexual and sensual being and need someone willing to explore and experiment and have the stamina to do so very often. I'm not for the passive or faint-of-heart. In fact, it repulses me.
Although experienced and knowledgeable I did not do the 'actual deed' until well into adulthood, so I'm neutral about the virginity thing. Do what's best for you.
Oh and honeymoon sex can be but isn't always wonderful. We were exhausted from our wedding, the resort screwed up our reservations and put us in an alternative low rate room for the first night, it was freezing cold and we fell asleep with our clothes on. And I have enough friends to know my experience isn't unique.
JoeVanHalen
Well-Known Member
<<< still waiting to be deflowered 
gobettiepurple
I'm your huckleberry
If we look at the history of christianity, then yes it was taught that men and women should remain chaste until marriage. however, if we look at it from the socio-political historical standpoint, it was in fact the woman remaining a virgin that was emphasised. Marriage in the past few centuries was not about love - it was about titles and proptery ownership. Men were allowed much more power over their own bodies and what they did with them. A betrothal contract could be voided if a women was not a virgin upon entering the marriage bed - but the door did not swing both ways, at least in the past.
I am not sure what the origin of the double standard could be traced to - but I think it has more to do with men having more control and power do what they pleased, while women until recently lacked that right. Of course, as seen in historical texts and novels [like the Scarlet letter and Balthasar and Magdelena, its not that sex outside of the marriage didn't occur - its always been there [obviously, since the bible frequently talks about adultery and prostitution] but the level of social acceptance and social tolerance has changed.
In the modern age, and with the remnants of the sexual revolution deeply entrenched in out Sex and the City obsessed, pleasure seeking hedonistic age, that virginity seems like a dirty word. Whenever it happens to come up in conversation, people stare at me like there is something wrong with me, or they ask silly questions about how its possible. I just smile, because while they think I don't know what I am missing, I know exactly what they are missing.
KittyKitten
Nerdysillysweetspicysaucy
<Peeps head in thread and quickly bounces out>
rg770Ibanez
goochmaster
I need to be able to leave this thread soon!
Finding that "special someone" takes wayyyy too long.
Finding that "special someone" takes wayyyy too long.
isamarie69
Live and let die!!!
How long do i have to go with out sex to be reconcidered a virgin?
I can promise that the sex won't be the best you will ever have but the overall experience is unforgettable.
Your Plump Princess
Just dancing with shadows
What counts as losing ones virginity?
umm... I'm not recommending one way or the other but my first time was something to forget... It's not a regret but as I didn't love him or really have any feelings other than friendship for him... I think I kinda just got it over and done with....
So... I have have had AMAZING sex since with people I've loved and people I've lusted after and all those experiences were great... don't regret a thing.
So... I have have had AMAZING sex since with people I've loved and people I've lusted after and all those experiences were great... don't regret a thing.
Same here. I wish I wouldn't have been in such a damn hurry. Of course, then I wouldn't have a daughter either, so I guess maybe it happened for a reason.
willowmoon
Don't Panic!
Exactly -- at least there was definitely a very positive outcome out of it!Same here. I wish I wouldn't have been in such a damn hurry. Of course, then I wouldn't have a daughter either, so I guess maybe it happened for a reason.
Totally. I read somewhere that the double standard comes from the whole issue of land and inheritance. Men owned the land - women gave birth to the babies. In the past there were no paternity tests so the only way a man, or a family, could be sure that their land and riches were passing onto offspring of their actual flesh and blood was if the mother of these children came to her marriage bed as a virgin. This is also why, according to this book, virginity was not that big a deal to cultures that believed in communal ownership e.g. the Khoi, the San, a number of the African tribes and some of the Native American tribes. In fact in many of these cultures, to this day, a woman who has not proven her fertility by having a baby (even if it is by somebody else) would find it harder to snare a husband. This theory has 5million holes in it but does offer an interesting perspective.
Haha! Yeah, I'd have to say that I am looking rather forward to that!See... great things come out of all sorts of situations.... and, you can have all the loving yet still hot sex with your man now...:kiss2:
