Discussion in 'Main Dimensions Board' started by AmyJo1976, Jan 5, 2019.
I've a (somewhat) funny gummy bear story that I'll tell in the appropriate forum some time.
The forum has become a desert
Any suggestions for bringing back the crowds. This software/ format is far superior to other sites.
Yes it is. And thank you for the work. I haven't any specific ideas though.
In essence 'the wall' or newscroll atyle of site (Facebook being the big one, but in the fat world I'm talking Feabie/Grommr) has replaced sites having chat rooms. It doesn't have quite the speed and immediacy of a chat room, but handles multiple conversations better, is easier to moderate, and still has some degree of immediacy, along with a bit more permanence. And for more direct conversation people can use any of a number of direct messaging options instead of private chat rooms.
I think having a chat room and forums both here used to kind of nudge chatters towards the forums, helping to keep the forums active. I think the web forum format doesn't give enough quick gratification hits to make them very appealing when people ae just feeling sociable. And the portion of the population that prefers communicating in full paragraphs seems fairly small :-/
And a couple of other thoughts. For one, this site seems to be seen quite frequently as an FA oriented site, making it less appealing to many bbw. For two, I think the site became more predictable as we tried to make it safe for all, but a lot of people crave surprise and the stimulation of the new or even the aggravating.
This is a great forum and is extremely well run. For the most part the membership is very bright articulate and inclusive and as mentioned in an earlier post is some what like a family. Personally I am trying to participate more rather than lurking and I am the benefactor, thank you
I’ll be honest I come here every so often check boards, etc...
But the online world has become very volatile. And now with every interaction being potentially used to destroy people’s personal lives on simple disagreements over political opinions, whatever... I feel it’s not worth the risk to be as present as I once was.
Goes for many outlets online...
As for attracting new blood, I honestly don't have anything to suggest other than to tell your friends and neighbors . Dimensions has a stigma and as long as that is still floating out there in cyberspace, it will be a massive roadblock to overcome.
What is the stigma?
Too focused on the pay site models. Hyde Park was a problem as well. Too cliquey. Past moderators using their positions to silence. I have seen comments on multiple you tube videos regarding size acceptance referring to the "mean old women of Dims".
It may not be true now but that is the impression this place has left on former posters and lurkers.
Thank you for the clarification I had no idea. Currently I find it very inclusive. TKS
"Mean old women of Dims" is not an argument, let alone a legit one. It's a label - and a misogynist one as such.
It's just the virtual world's equivalent of the age old male claimed prerogative to evaluate the worth of women, how they look, act, what they say.
And it seemlessly fits in to the fact that women are 60-130% more likely to become victims of cyber-bullying (2018 data from the WHO and Eurostat).
If they were mean, old and women, that's a description. Now if those critics claimed that they were mean BECAUSE they were old women then you might have a point.
Going back to 2005 and earlier, there was indeed a group of older females who ran this place as though it was there own personal playground. Where they always mean? Not always but they could get nasty. Could I see where they were verbally bash the leaving hell out of poster who dare to disagree with them? Yes. Would those same women and their white knights then proceed to dog pile relentlessly on said offender? More than I care to remember.
And not all of the older women of Dims were or are mean. In fact, I am friends offsite with a number of them. But to act like there wasn't a vocal segment here at one time who acted in such a way is just disingenuous.
I never experienced that going back to 2008, but it is what it is. The stuff I’m referring to is the response that came to you in how you described your experience. People cannot just be people anymore. Everything and everyone have suddenly become ‘ists’.
YES! YES! YES ! YES!
THANK YOU for speaking truth!!!!
Certainly, Conrad tried to keep some modicum of fairness, but ultimately 3rd wave feminism mostly destroyed what 'could have been' an honest communication between male FA's and fat women (the main audience groups on this site), just as it destroyed NAAFA (originally started by FA's and other husbands of fat women). I do not intend to discount homosexual FA / fat sexuality, but it has never been the main focus of Dimensions and related organizations. Consider: until it is generally considered 'normal' for a man to be sexually attracted to a 400+ pound woman (and we remain a LONG way from that point), it will likewise be considered abnormal for homosexual attractions to such fat people (in some ways even more so as things currently stand for male/male homosexual interactions).
Regardless, at the end of the day, we are left with the harsh reality that being fat is inherently unhealthy, and this has always been the Achilles heel of our ‘movement’. As a lifelong male FA who is about to turn 50 years of age and is starting to deal with some issues like high cholesterol and blood pressure, I am now seeing first hand some of the issues that super obese people deal with in due course (and almost always at a much younger age than myself).
I would like to think we would be here as a support system for one another, but as Lord Shegorath posted, too many seem to prefer to use the internet for personal attack/character assassination, regardless of the actual intention of the site. I always thought it was so sad that, as fellow outcasts from general society: we FA’s and fat people have not done a better job of joining forces – but I remain hopeful things could still improve on that front!
I don’t blame ourselves or our group; I think it was a method of control introduced by subtle algorithms in search databases, etc. that pushed internet traffic to the site that would change the audience of certain groups.
In the same way in which futanari started tearing its ‘ugly head’ in expansion related fetish material...
Given that FAs are quite literally an ancient group of population that conjures images of the Venus of Willendorf- what better way than to explain most FAs are men who enjoy the exaggerated features of a female body... Expansion fetish was essentially modern day interpretation of such an attraction.
That people didn’t do enough to curtail this insanity when it started is the reason why so many in our communuty have either fallen silent or removed themselves.
I always hate it when anyone brings up this "mean old of women of Dims" thing (which I too have seen in posts about the site)...because it *is* misogynistic. First, because those same people don't also include the poor behavior of a lot of the male population of the site, a great deal of which was the cause for righteous indignation on the part of ladies. Also, why are the men allowed to state an adverse opinion and be respected but women can't always feel safe to have a strong opinion here (just like in actual life) without being labeled a bitch or "mean old lady." It's just cliched and tiresome. We should be way past that as a site and a society (but here we are).
That being said, did I have some problematic interactions with women on Dims in the past? Yes. Were we in most cases able to talk that out? Yes. In some cases, we weren't. Sadly, we women can be extremely hard on each other. Did I have some problematic interactions with men on Dims in the past? Yes. Were we in most cases able to talk that out? No. Because most of that was inappropriate boundary-crossing that there's no going back from.
BUT, and this is where I really wanted to go with this post, overall my experience on Dims was wonderful. I met more wonderful people than terrible. I think it had the same issues you'd have with any message board. HOWEVER, I was one of those people who stayed out of Hyde Park. (I have no interest in coming home at the end of a long day and reading things that make me angry or arguing with someone whose viewpoint I will never change.) I know some people fucking LIVED FOR IT, though. And the drama and mess and biases from the political board unfortunately bled over into the rest of the site. People couldn't just keep their disagreements civil and confined to that space. It inevitably infiltrated the whole space, and then those of us who were trying to have a supportive, positive space filled with interesting and fun conversations, had to watch people taking jabs at each other and being shitty to each other.
Just some random thoughts on what I read above.
The problem is they can't articulate (without being misogynistic) what a woman's age has to do with it or why it should be mentioned when talking about their behavior...like if they were mean young women it would somehow be better/ok/tolerable. People say "mean old lady" because older women are seen as having less worth, and it's just another adjective that can be used to insult and belittle them. That's how it's misogynistic.
Not unlike when people, in anger, talk about that "fat bitch" who cut them off in traffic (or whatever). What does her weight have to do with the behavior that pissed someone off? Nothing. But fat women are seen as having less worth and fat in general is still one of the most vile things a person can be in the minds of many. They say it in anger to further try to belittle and insult. (See how I brought it back around to da fatz?) #MessageBoardingForProfessionals
Well, I've come here much more often because of the updates sent to my email, thank goodness that's a thing. I go on Feabie for the newsfeed, and try my best to avoid the people that would treat men like the plague. I think that, maybe, once Feabie's community gets a little worse, trolls sending nudes, women reacting with hate to all men, and that wripping finally tearing it apart, people may want a more civil place, which would be here, I'd hope.
Separate names with a comma.