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agouderia

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I always hate it when anyone brings up this "mean old of women of Dims" thing (which I too have seen in posts about the site)...because it *is* misogynistic. First, because those same people don't also include the poor behavior of a lot of the male population of the site, a great deal of which was the cause for righteous indignation on the part of ladies. Also, why are the men allowed to state an adverse opinion and be respected but women can't always feel safe to have a strong opinion here (just like in actual life) without being labeled a bitch or "mean old lady." It's just cliched and tiresome. We should be way past that as a site and a society (but here we are).
This! Thank you WVMountainrear!

I think all of us will here will have met lovely men and women on Dims - as well as run into off-putting FAs and mean old women.

If things have and are going wrong here - there definitely is not exclusively one demographic to blame.
 

WVMountainrear

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This! Thank you WVMountainrear!

I think all of us will here will have met lovely men and women on Dims - as well as run into off-putting FAs and mean old women.

If things have and are going wrong here - there definitely is not exclusively one demographic to blame.
Truth! I've met some of the most empowering and inspirational women here, and I've met (and in some cases dated) some incredible men here. I focus on that when I think about Dimensions for the most part because my life has been so enriched for the people I've met. ❤ And there are trolls and people you don't get along with everywhere. And they don't just look like one thing.

I hope the changes being made help the board come back to life.
 

TwoSwords

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I know that I'm not the only one that's noticed the lack of members that participate here. And I don't really expect the ones that have already gone to see this and give input. I just wonder, what happened? Seems like there has been a drop in the last few years and hardly anyone is on here anymore. Is there a reason for that? I would hate to see such a beautiful place for discussion simply fade away. It worries me and I hope that it does others here as well. Please, any input would be appreciated. Maybe it would help turn things around for the better :)
Different groups of members seem to have utterly opposed understandings of what these boards should be for. In an ideal world, of course, we'd all be able to state our viewpoints and that would be that, but there will always be some radicals who aren't happy unless they can silence those who disagree with them, or at least do a bunch of name-calling to drive the other side off. The thing is, when you drive *anyone* off, the number of people present decreases, and when there's only one side in a discussion, what's the point of even talking? Nothing kills conversation quite like open war.
 

TwoSwords

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The problem is they can't articulate (without being misogynistic) what a woman's age has to do with it or why it should be mentioned when talking about their behavior...like if they were mean young women it would somehow be better/ok/tolerable. People say "mean old lady" because older women are seen as having less worth, and it's just another adjective that can be used to insult and belittle them. That's how it's misogynistic.
I think this is just the sort of claim that would be extraordinarily difficult to support.

1. The word "mysogynistic" means "reflecting or exhibiting hatred, dislike, mistrust, or mistreatment of women." This means women in general, mind, not just specific women who've treated you badly.

2. A person's age never effects whether or not they are a woman. No one starts out as a man, then later becomes a woman, due to getting older, or vice versa.

C. So the mentioning of age is not relevant to the issue of mysogynism.

This is also the kind of name-calling I was talking about in my last reply.

Not unlike when people, in anger, talk about that "fat bitch" who cut them off in traffic (or whatever). What does her weight have to do with the behavior that pissed someone off? Nothing. But fat women are seen as having less worth and fat in general is still one of the most vile things a person can be in the minds of many. They say it in anger to further try to belittle and insult. (See how I brought it back around to da fatz?) #MessageBoardingForProfessionals :D
This is thought policing, plain and simple. You can't find anything really wrong with using these words, so you're pretending to know what the other person is thinking, to incriminate them for no misdeed.
 

WVMountainrear

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I think this is just the sort of claim that would be extraordinarily difficult to support.

1. The word "mysogynistic" means "reflecting or exhibiting hatred, dislike, mistrust, or mistreatment of women." This means women in general, mind, not just specific women who've treated you badly.

2. A person's age never effects whether or not they are a woman. No one starts out as a man, then later becomes a woman, due to getting older, or vice versa.

C. So the mentioning of age is not relevant to the issue of mysogynism.

This is also the kind of name-calling I was talking about in my last reply.



This is thought policing, plain and simple. You can't find anything really wrong with using these words, so you're pretending to know what the other person is thinking, to incriminate them for no misdeed.
1. I think you're confusing a misogynistic person with a misogynistic statement. Certainly a misogynistic person demonstrates a dislike, hatred, disrespect, etc. of all women. A misogynistic statement, however, is contextual and can be isolated.

2. This is reverse logic. We're not talking about ageism, so the age isn't the operative factor here. The fact that people attach adjectives to statements about women that have things to do with their appearance or other factors irrelevant to the situation is the operative factor.

C. (Your switch between numbers and letters, not mine). I respectfully disagree with your conclusion based upon the above.

Now, the thought policing thing. I think that phrase gets tossed around a lot, but it doesn't really mean anything. I'm not telling anyone they can't think as they wish. Let's take the example I used above. A woman cuts you off in morning traffic on your way to work. When you get to the office, you start ranting about "the fat bitch" who cut you off in traffic. For what other purpose would one insert the word "fat" into that sentence? Surely, your co-worker doesn't need that information to empathize with your frustration. I understand that you, as someone hearing someone make that statement, may not infer any hate or misogynism from it. I, however, would. It's not thought policing. We're all just allowed to (and to a certain extent must) make reasonable inferences about what we see, hear, and experience. When I hear a statement like that in such a context, I infer the speaker has a problem with fat people or women, or, at the very least, thinks "fat" is a very negative thing just from the context in which he/she chose to use it.

I also didn't call anyone any name.

I apologize if my statements rubbed you the wrong way (which, obviously, they did). Like I also tried express in my above posts, I like to be involved in supportive, positive spaces where there is fun and interesting conversations. I would rather carry that message forward from this and hope you do too.
 
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Tad

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Were there some members who did policing of the boards? I'd say there were.

Were a lot of them women who had enough life experience to recognize problems and call them out? Yes, not all were, but not surprisingly a lot were. (And that life experience by no means = 'old', a twenty year old can have been through a lot, a forty year old can be blissfully ignorant)

Were they a negative for the boards? I don't think so, overall. I mean, were some people driven without any real chance of learning better? Sure. But for the most part they called out a lot of problem behavior, attitudes, and statements, and made a lot of people think about assumptions, language, and behaviour. There were occasions of piling on, but also an incredible number of times where they explained the issue to yet another person who stumbled in here with some pretty ill ill informed opinions.

Personally I suffered a few attacks that I thought were unwarranted (Yes, I still remember one member posting that she knew what I truly thought and felt). Overall, however, I learned a lot and became both a better person and a more aware person because of them (I may have far to go still, but I think I have come far)

Overall I miss that part of the population.
 

LordSheogorath

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TwoSwords is 100% right, and it’s having seen this issue over and over again that’s really driven so many away.

I think I speak for many of us in that if I’m going to kill time (read waste) doing something not entirely productive after or before a long ass day of hard work, studying, etc... I would rather spend it in an environment where reality is what it is, and I’m not criticized or unjustly ridiculed for my position on a societal abstract that will not even add anything to my life.

Dimensions became a pissing contest for social warriors just as so many other forums and places of what was once a safe haven for free speech.
 

DragonFly

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TwoSwords is 100% right, and it’s having seen this issue over and over again that’s really driven so many away.

I think I speak for many of us in that if I’m going to kill time (read waste) doing something not entirely productive after or before a long ass day of hard work, studying, etc... I would rather spend it in an environment where reality is what it is, and I’m not criticized or unjustly ridiculed for my position on a societal abstract that will not even add anything to my life.

Dimensions became a pissing contest for social warriors just as so many other forums and places of what was once a safe haven for free speech.
I would really like you to take a look around and see if you find Dimensions to be a different place. There has been a huge effort to make changes, the people behind the scenes are a mix of old and new. I know I’ve personally tried to staff the welcome wagon. I’d bake cookies and shove them through my Ethernet cable if it were possible. As I plead my case here, I haven’t found any other forum that is where we are at right now. The other forums I have visited seem to be very commercial and kink oriented, or are as you described like the “ Old Dimensions”. Right now there is a lot of room on Dimensions to participate, without necessarily running into the previous types of interactions.
 

BouncingBoy

Formerly known as Dragorat
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I'd love to reply to different quotes in this topic but there are too many to actually quote.So I'll just ramble on here & try to make my points.1st off Dimensions was one of the very 1st sites I connected with when I 1st came on line.I was an avid reader& collector of the magazine....lol.There has always been a varying level of people on here arguing about 1 thing or another.That's only natural!I look at this place as a family.Not everyone gets along all the time!Concerning the "mean old ladies"....Yes there were some here who seemed to try to rule the roost(Mods & non-Mods) BUT a lot of the complaints were NOT really warranted.The ones complaining about the "mean old ladies" had usually said something that brought that side of the ladies out(& I don't just mean a simple disagreement)!We had some who were literally banned from the chat because they couldn't leave well enough alone & admit they were wrong even when given facts against their arguments!There were also "mean old men"(me being 1 of them....If you can believe that....lol).We would also put "trouble makers" in their places.Yes some may have thought of this as being mean but it was usually to keep things civil! I would LOVE to have chat back.We had some of the most enjoyable conversations.We also had some very heated ones but for the most part we all survived!I'm not saying there weren't a few power hungry people but you learned to deal with them.It's better to avoid confrontation than to get upset about the outcome.Those still here that know me know I'm a very honest,open-minded person.As I said earlierThis to me is family & I love you all(as much as I can without getting in trouble....lol)!
 

Super Fan

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I come back and the most popular forums are listed as private - so no one can see them, then you ask why few people are coming back -- OMG why not let the members see and read what they want to see & read without making them go through hoops?
 

DragonFly

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I come back and the most popular forums are listed as private - so no one can see them, then you ask why few people are coming back -- OMG why not let the members see and read what they want to see & read without making them go through hoops?
If you are referring to the opt in, that is about changing laws and us staying compliant. Just follow the link on the opt in message and the Admin can make those areas open to you.
 

goodman4ssbbw

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Nov 11, 2017
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I know that I'm not the only one that's noticed the lack of members that participate here. And I don't really expect the ones that have already gone to see this and give input. I just wonder, what happened? Seems like there has been a drop in the last few years and hardly anyone is on here anymore. Is there a reason for that? I would hate to see such a beautiful place for discussion simply fade away. It worries me and I hope that it does others here as well. Please, any input would be appreciated. Maybe it would help turn things around for the better :)
I disappeared for a while. Glad to be back. Have actually met someone through this site.
 

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