What is it for you?

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balthyes

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I can't find a general, non-gender-specific place to post this, but I would like input from anyone.

In my post history, you will find that for me (cis-hetero female), this is a fetish. Some have said it's definitely a kink.

What is it for you?
 

FFAscinated

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I actually had to look up the difference. If we "define our terms" as "a kink is something you like to do or have present for sex" and "a fetish is something you need to do or have in order to be aroused', (in case anyone else is as clueless as I.)
I've been thinking of my thing as "a fetish of the mind", but maybe it's more of a kink of the mind; I'm honestly not sure.
I'm not out in RL, have never participated in the scene, and am currently sexually inactive after a happy 50 year marriage to a self-described "light, little fella". But I fantasize about BHMs.
 

loopytheone

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Me being an FA is a preference, in my opinion. A strong preference, but a preference none the less.

My love of fat and watching fat move and feeling and admiring it... I could say that's a fetish/kink. But being attracted to a certain person is never a fetish, in my opinion. You can have a fetish for a thing, not for a person.
 

balthyes

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I actually had to look up the difference. If we "define our terms" as "a kink is something you like to do or have present for sex" and "a fetish is something you need to do or have in order to be aroused', (in case anyone else is as clueless as I.)
I've been thinking of my thing as "a fetish of the mind", but maybe it's more of a kink of the mind; I'm honestly not sure.
I'm not out in RL, have never participated in the scene, and am currently sexually inactive after a happy 50 year marriage to a self-described "light, little fella". But I fantasize about BHMs.
I'm quite interested in how people use these terms for themselves. Generally when I see people use "kinky" it's to do with nonnormative sexual or erotic *acts*, like dom/sub or consensual nonconsent. For me, I have a fat fetish but don't really engage in specific acts, like feeding for example.
 

balthyes

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Me being an FA is a preference, in my opinion. A strong preference, but a preference none the less.

My love of fat and watching fat move and feeling and admiring it... I could say that's a fetish/kink. But being attracted to a certain person is never a fetish, in my opinion. You can have a fetish for a thing, not for a person.
Oh absolutely. A fetish is attraction to a particular thing, not to a person.

That's interesting you see it as a preference for you. For me it's something entirely different from other preferences I have.
 

extra_m13

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for me... it is a fantastic world. so a bit more than a fetish and a kink. as a kink... seeing a lady overeating definitely gets me going. the fetish involves more things for me. the gaining is such a beautiful thing to witness, the joy that there is in being with a fat lady, simply delicious. i havent explored it all of course and i would not be really into hard core stuff probably but a soft feeding and some tight clothing , outgrowing clothes and showing off are things that make the fetish all the better for sure.
 

balthyes

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A preference with an added optional kink (feedism). Fat admiration can be a fetish in my opinion. But it depends on how it's expressed. A fetish with consent or mutual interest isn't inherently harmful.
Oh I am for sure not suggesting a fetish is inherently harmful, or a disorder.

I know the DSM-5 only classifies paraphilias as disorders if they cause harm or distress (to the subject or the object).

I agree that feedism is a kink.
 
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balthyes

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for me... it is a fantastic world. so a bit more than a fetish and a kink. as a kink... seeing a lady overeating definitely gets me going. the fetish involves more things for me. the gaining is such a beautiful thing to witness, the joy that there is in being with a fat lady, simply delicious. i havent explored it all of course and i would not be really into hard core stuff probably but a soft feeding and some tight clothing , outgrowing clothes and showing off are things that make the fetish all the better for sure.
I will never find anything more satisfying than an enthusiasm for food and the body that comes with that. Outgrown clothes are definitely an area of interest for me!

Interested in how you are using the terms "kink" and "fetish" though...
 

luckyfa

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I am wondering why these labels are so important. Are there even universally agreed definitions of them? Are there meaningful distinctions between them that help you to tell the one from the other?

As far as I am concerned, I started dating my later wife when she weighed a bit less than 155 lbs. The fact that she was a bit chubby would almost have prevented me from dating her. But I liked her and so we got together. I knew that I somehow liked fat people because I was fascinated by a fat cousin’s belly, but I was into conventionally sized girls.

It so happened that my wife gained about 45 lbs within in the first 5 or 6 months of our relationship. I didn‘t do anything to bring it about other than just letting it happen. When her doubly belly started emerging, I was absolutely thrilled and this was my defining moment as fat admirer. But my fat admiring hadn‘t yet been exclusive the way it would become later on.

Despite countless diets, she got fatter and fatter, up to 285 lbs within the first 10 years of our relationship. The fatter she got, the more loss anxiety I felt when she went on yet another diet. The fatter she got, the more exclusive my desire/preference/kink/fetish (whatever) became.

So what is it? I don‘t know and I dare say I don‘t care.
 

Donna

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I am wondering why these labels are so important.
Oh my God, yes! Why?

My knee jerk theory is that it is because some fat admirers are ashamed of their preference/predilection and constantly trying to justify and/or label helps to assuage their shame. In their eyes, we are part of the "other", so we need to be put into a compartment.

I wonder if it's important to those fat admirers who are also fat, or is it endemic of thin FA/FFA? I'm an SSBBW, but I'm also an FFA, and honestly, I don't give a rip why I'm attracted to fat men and women.

I understand the desire to discuss for the sake of discussion. This IS a discussion forum after all. But the incessant need for some to pigeon hole and/or justify their attraction is very off-putting and insulting to those of us who are the subject of said attraction and discussion.
 
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balthyes

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Oh my God, yes! Why?

My knee jerk theory is that it is because some fat admirers are ashamed of their preference/predilection and constantly trying to justify and/or label helps to assuage their shame. In their eyes, we are part of the "other", so we need to be put into a compartment.

I wonder if it's important to those fat admirers who are also fat, or is it endemic of thin FA/FFA? I'm an SSBBW, but I'm also an FFA, and honestly, I don't give a rip why I'm attracted to fat men and women.

I understand the desire to discuss for the sake of discussion. This IS a discussion forum after all. But the incessant need for some to pigeon hole and/or justify their attraction is very off-putting and insulting to those of us who are the subject of said attraction and discussion.
I'm sorry it's insulting to you.

I also have to admit (being new to this forum) to forgetting that this is not just a place for admirers and/or fetishists.

I'm a thin FFA. I'm not sure what you mean about labels assuaging shame.

As for pigeon-holing attraction...

I guess this is complicated for me.

I have noted over the years people talking about "not minding" a fuller figure, and I have noted people fetishizing a fuller figure. I have also seen people have a preference but nothing more for a fuller figure.

I am endlessly interested in what drives attraction and what attraction is for me.

What is it if I strongly desire a fuller figure in a partner (and an enthusiasm for food), if it gives me something "extra" that I don't get in a thinner man?

I have experienced fat-fetish sites before coming here, and I find the "kinks" (intentional gaining, being a "feeder", funnel-feeding) uncomfortable.

But a fat boy definitely does something different for me than anyone else 🤷

I try really hard not to fetishize the objects of my attraction, but don't I have a fetish??
 
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jello4me

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I love the heavy softened alabaster midsection on a woman, best just beyond young, say age mid - late 30’s is best, a sink of calorie laden goo hanging over her panties, a double belly of cellulite mottled blubber. To know she has given up and given in to her food desires. To know inside herself that she will never be thin again, but can please a man who lusts for her slightly older and much heavier fat body. To watch her struggle on stairs, tired, breathing heavy, and going to avoid exercise and grow bigger and bigger. Eating another snack.
 

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