HottiMegan, I just now read your post from a few days ago. I believe you need some professional help with what's going on in your head and in your life. If you are taking medications for mood or anxiety, etc. I fear they are not working as they should. A doctor needs to deal with this and you need counseling by a medical doctor.
I know you & your family have been up and down this road before - but this is different - this time you are the one in need. If you were sick with a fever and broken out in spots all over wouldn't you get help? If you suddenly stopped seeing wouldn't you immediately go to a hospital? If everyone in the room is watching a TV show and the picture and sound are normal - but you cannot see any colors and cannot understand the language, would you suspect something is wrong with your sight and hearing or processing?
A valuable, vivid, beautiful and loving mom like yourself is worth everything you can do to get help - as a wise person once said - you are worth more than rubies or diamonds.
I completely agree.