What is making you SAD right now...

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Yakatori

Hard to say, really...
Joined
Mar 22, 2011
Messages
2,418
Location
New York
But choose them carefully. And only speak for yourself.

Generally, people do not ask for your help with something; ask you about it, how to go about doing it; without wanting your approval, at some level. Sometimes even more so, more deeply, the less explicit or direct they are in asking for it.

And so, if you can't do so honestly, better you didn't.

Instead, try to use more "I" sentences, when talking about your own reservations. As in, "I'm worried that/It seems to me like...something's not right here, that I'm not getting the whole story, here ." -versus- "She's no good, and you're about to make the biggest mistake of your life."

Here's a few others, for good measure:

"I need know where this is coming from, why is this 'a good idea' right now?" "I don't understand why you/we can't..."

Obviously, this is no guarantee, everyone will necessarily make their own decisions and live their own life. But, sometimes, initiating some actual dialogue can help to begin to put an apparently complex situation into some kind of better perspective. Either way, you will certainly feel better for at least having done your own part, being heard as your true self.
 

Victoria08

Well-Known Member
Joined
Oct 21, 2011
Messages
768
Location
,
So I used my words, and then I got them thrown back in my face.
Living a few thousand miles away from your sibling makes it pretty damn hard to give them the reality check they need.
But thank you for your advice, nonetheless.
 

lostinadaydream

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jun 25, 2007
Messages
258
Location
Germany
Where to write else but here?

What makes me sad at the moment is that one of the most beatiful fat girls around I know recently did a WLS. She didn't seem to think of that like I knew her, but now she did. She was such a stunning, beautiful woman and every pound on her were just beautiful. Well, that feels very sad to me.
 

Yakatori

Hard to say, really...
Joined
Mar 22, 2011
Messages
2,418
Location
New York
It comes with the territory of living honestly that sometimes what you have to say or give just isn't enough. Or so it seems, for the time being. Which is why, then, after you've made your point, it also helps even further to give people some time and space, to respect how we all ultimately process things at own pace. Likewise, maybe a day or two later, a follow-up tends to draw things back full-circle. I mean to just saying something like, "Hey, I realize you're unhappy about this. That you want me see to it and feel about it a certain way. Either way, no matter what, it doesn't really change anything between us. I still love you and I know you love me." So, not so specific to the more immediate issue, but more putting the emphasis where it needs to be, on the relationship-itself, between the two of you. That’s what’s really most important, that’s the value that ultimately endures and is actually worth some sustained investment.

Try to leave a voicemail in lieu of a text or email. That is, if they don’t pick-up the first time you call.

This will encourage looking at the whole situation a little more deeply and from a wider perspective, albeit on their own terms. And, perhaps, to pick the previous dialogue at some more opportune moment.

This isn’t over. So don’t give up.
 

Allie Cat

Well-Known Member
Joined
Dec 1, 2005
Messages
4,574
Location
Pittsburgh, PA
I've been getting close to another girl at work and we've been talking about our relationship and closeness and stuff. Today, she was fired. She'd been being harassed by some of the men on her team, and last night she flipped out at one of them. After she went to her supervisor for help, they decided to fire her instead of helping her.

I'm sad, angry, and severely disappointed.
 

Snow Angel

Southern Chick
Joined
May 9, 2014
Messages
274
Location
Female
I hate being sick I have 101.2 fever now but hope I can kick this cold or whatever it is in the butt.
 

canadianbbw4u

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jul 15, 2007
Messages
179
Location
,
I'm totally sad today.

My b'f went back to work out of town today. He works 17 days on and 4 off. He is about 6 hours from home while working. He was home this weekend and I was soo happy. On Saturday that all ended. My mom had to take her sister to the hospital cause she was "lost/confused". They did some tests at the hospital and a few hours later they told her she had brain cancer. I feel sooooo sad for my mom. She only found out a few months ago that her brother has cancer also and he's not doing good. So now she is going to lose a brother and sister. I am a wreck. I hate seeing people in pain. My poor Granny... OMG...
I am just sitting here crying all alone.
 

Marlayna

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Joined
Oct 31, 2011
Messages
1,277
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,
All the snow in NY is bumming me out. I'm sick of shoveling, and if we get any more, I'm gonna lose my mind. :(
 

Ho Ho Tai

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jun 9, 2006
Messages
1,943
Location
,
Facing the fifth Valentines Day in a row when I'll be snuggling up to my big, fluffy..........pillow:-(
This story just appeared today (Sunday, Feb. 14, 2016) in our local paper.
While I get my satisfy, There are many who do not - one reason why I love to offer hug-exchanges with many that I meet.

There was quite a bit of this sort of thing in the '70s, only not as inhibited.

Feeling lonely? Some Minnesotans turn to snuggling with strangers

Feeling a need for physical contact, Minnesotans are cuddling up with strangers.
By Aimee Blanchette Star Tribune
February 14, 2016 — 8:30am


Courtney Perry, Special to the Star Tribune A pillow commanded "Hug Me" as Becky Shipman, Thomas Stout and Diane Long snuggled during a "cuddle party" at a home in south Minneapolis.

After a few hours of conversation in a room at the Super 8 motel in Roseville, Marissa Weiss fell asleep with a man’s arm around her waist.
The man, however, was not her boyfriend. In fact, they had met only hours before. Weiss, 22, was a “professional snuggler.” For $80 an hour, she would cuddle, comfort and caress for a fee.
 

canadianbbw4u

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jul 15, 2007
Messages
179
Location
,
I'm totally sad today.

My b'f went back to work out of town today. He works 17 days on and 4 off. He is about 6 hours from home while working. He was home this weekend and I was soo happy. On Saturday that all ended. My mom had to take her sister to the hospital cause she was "lost/confused". They did some tests at the hospital and a few hours later they told her she had brain cancer. I feel sooooo sad for my mom. She only found out a few months ago that her brother has cancer also and he's not doing good. So now she is going to lose a brother and sister. I am a wreck. I hate seeing people in pain. My poor Granny... OMG...
I am just sitting here crying all alone.

STILL SAD......... My uncle is not doing good at all. They don't think he has many weeks left if that. My Auntie had brain surgery last month for her cancer but she also has lung cancer and they told her yesterday that she has 2 years. This is the exact same thing they told my uncle 6 months ago. :mad::mad:
 

Ruby Ripples

Dis Member
Joined
Aug 30, 2006
Messages
3,489
Location
,
STILL SAD......... My uncle is not doing good at all. They don't think he has many weeks left if that. My Auntie had brain surgery last month for her cancer but she also has lung cancer and they told her yesterday that she has 2 years. This is the exact same thing they told my uncle 6 months ago. :mad::mad:
So sorry to read this news. I think giving timescales is very difficult when it comes to cancer, but obviously most people want to have some idea.

My very good friend and neighbour had a pain in her neck up to her mouth and mentioned it to the GP a few weeks ago when in seeing her about something else. Turns out she has cancer in her throat, but she also has secondaries in her kidneys and liver. This is a lovely, lovely woman who wouldn't hurt a fly. She is so kind-hearted and puts everyone before herself. She has survived a quadruple heart bypass, two hip replacements (titanium hips so now has worse pain than before due to the negative ion trouble), and ovarian cancer which she miraculously survived despite her idiot doctor sending her home for twelve months telling her it was referred pain from her hips.

I'm really glad that she isn't medically very savvy, so she is hopeful of recovery and is bravely undergoing her chemo and has chosen a nice wig. I have a cry about it often because I don't think she can recover from this, but I hope with all my heart that her positive attitude will help her through somehow.
 

Tad

mostly harmless
Joined
Sep 29, 2005
Messages
13,179
Location
The great white north, eh?
Two sads today, one delayed from last weekend and one more current.

=====================

The delayed one was that last weekend, out in Vancouver, the band Spirit of the West played their last concert. The guys are in their fifties now, and have had some health problems, but why we know that this was truly the last show is that the front man has early onset Alzheimer’s. On this last tour he’s performed with an IPad in front him with the lyrics on it, because even on songs they’ve done so many times, he was forgetting words at times.

In part I’m sad because it is sad to see anyone losing themselves so early (and I lost a grandfather to Alzheimer’s, so it always echos that for me, and makes me wonder if it will turn out to be heritable – will my father get it, will I get it?). But also…. Because they are the ‘band that got away’ to my wife and I. When we were first together they played once or twice each year at the University where she was still a student, and we both loved the band and really wanted to go see them…. But something always came up. When we were long distance they would play mid-week when I couldn’t get there, or they were playing the weekend we had to be elsewhere for a family birthday, later when we were living together down there we even had tickets for one show but my wife (then fiancée) came down with pneumonia a few days ahead of time. And it kept going on like that. There were opportunities for one of us to see them, but we wanted to do it together, and we always figured one of these times we’d catch them …. Then they stopped touring for the most part.

We sort-of-kind-of saw them once, the core of the band did a tour playing with various symphony orchestras, and we saw part of that show (it was free and outside, so we took our kindergarten aged son and got him to put up with some of the show. But it wasn’t the music as we’d first loved it, it didn’t have their usual stage energy, and we couldn’t spare more than about a third of our attention for the show. But we hoped after that occasion that they’d do some tours of the Summer festival circuit and we’d catch them, and while they did do some more touring, never where we could catch them.

And now we never will.

=====================

The more current one is a parenting one. The boy got advanced (provisional) acceptance at a couple of universities, and maybe that gave him some false confidence? Maybe he just hit the combination of courses and teachers where the way he’s been doing things was no longer good enough? Whatever the cause, despite understanding the material he got horrible mid-term marks in his physics and vectors classes – I think they are actually the two worse marks we’ve seen on a high school report card from him.

He’s already working on turning things around, but the situation only really came to light shortly before these marks went in. He should be able to get both marks up somewhat, hopefully at least enough to hold his provisional acceptances, but he may have kissed goodbye to some small scholarship that is based on high-school average. And more critically, there was one more school he’d applied to, the one that is by far the harder to get into, which hadn’t made a decision on him yet – their timeline was clearly designed to let them look at mid-term marks. Well, he won’t be getting in there now. He hadn’t been sure he wanted to go there, but he certainly would have like to have had the option.

He was doing a good job of covering up the issue. We’d talk regularly about what he was doing in his classes, and he could explain it all clearly. We’d ask about homework and he said that he was doing it at lunch now. Which he was, sort of – he’d skim through the questions, go ‘yup, I know how to do that one, and that one, and that one ….” And would quickly scribble down answers for some of them, without really working things through properly. And sure enough he forgot how to do one thing on a vectors test, he did things sloppily on physics tests where he gave away huge numbers of marks because he wasn’t making it clear what he was doing and why, he made mistakes on both because he just hasn’t done enough good practice.

I’m kicking myself for not demanding to review his homework, but he’d been pretty good last term, and is 18, so I took his word for it that he was on top of things. Just frustrating that he’s cost himself some opportunities and a lot of stress, and still a little worried that he won’t get the physics mark pulled up enough (their teacher is notorious within the school for being a tough marker)
 

Xyantha Reborn

- Actually Very Tame!
Joined
Jul 23, 2014
Messages
2,839
Location
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I may have lost a friend by giving too honest of an opinion. People don't seem to get that you can still adore a person while finding them frustrating, or you can love them as a friend without feeling that they are perfect. They also forget that i like to play devil's advocate, and if they chose to put someone on a pedestal i may take the other side of the arguement just as easily as if they were tearing them down, and i was to raise them up.

Bah.

Edit: on a different note: people who are so sensitive that they need to be handled with kid gloves is exhausting. I've been so shy that i took almost everything as a rebuff, and finally some people sat me down and told me how exhausting it was for them to keep babying me. I didn't get it until i came out of my own shell, but now i really get it. Makes me sad because i'd like to pretend it isn't exhausting but it is, and now i get why they had to tell me "we love you so shut the frack up and accept it, biznatch!"
 

x0emnem0x

Words.
Joined
Oct 29, 2008
Messages
2,407
Location
Midwest
The weather sucked today. Rain and clouds made me depressed, which brought on a bout of anxiety and made shit hit the ceiling. On top of that Jon has been busy with whatever today and super distant, and almost everyone I have talked to seems super un-phased by the fact that I'm having a hard time right now. Which is just frustrating in itself, because I'm always caring way too much about everyone else and making sure they're alright...
 
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