What is making you SAD right now...

Dimensions Magazine

Help Support Dimensions Magazine:

Tracyarts

Well-Known Member
Joined
Oct 3, 2005
Messages
2,370
Location
, Female
Social isolation. The fact that I'm a medically high risk person living in an area where hardly anyone takes the pandemic seriously, so I have to stay home to protect myself. It's been hard. I miss being around people and going out and doing normal things.

Financial uncertainty. My husband's independently owned company is in the process of being sold to and absorbed by a large corporation. His HR director called and talked to him about it and said his name was on the recommended list to stay on with the new company, but he won't know for sure until the end of the month when he's either laid off or offered a new employment contract. So, in the meanwhile he has been looking for Plan B options. I'm not physically or mentally up to working outside of the home now, but ineligible for any kind of disability benefits, so aside from selling random crafted items and selling things I don't want anymore, I'm kind of useless in terms of helping build up the emergency fund. It's not completely dire, we won't end up homeless if he's not kept on with the new company, but we may have to struggle for a while until he finds something else. And I'm too old and sick to face it as well as I could in the past.
 

Tracyarts

Well-Known Member
Joined
Oct 3, 2005
Messages
2,370
Location
, Female
Well, this is bullshit. The new owner laid off *everybody* from my husband's company this morning and said that they will invite select employees to interview for their old jobs in early 2021. So that's that. My husband said nope, he's not wasting his time waiting around to be invited back, he's taking the opportunity to look for something else. We're okay for now, and should make it through this just fine, but it's still a big disappointment. We had hoped the new company would at least keep everyone on until the end of the year.

This isn't pandemic economic depression related. Insurance companies are doing fairly well now. This is corporate bullshit, not a case of "we had no choice".
 

Tad

Dimensions' loiterer
Staff member
Global Moderator
Library Mod
Joined
Sep 29, 2005
Messages
13,809
Location
The great white north, eh?
That sucks, Tracy. I agree with him, sounds better to find a new place than to work with a place with that sort of attitude :-/
 

Munchausen

Dedicated Amateur
***
Joined
Apr 12, 2010
Messages
179
Absolutely what @Tad said. If they don't care about people now, they likely won't in the future either. And like you said, @Tracyarts, insurance companies should be doing fairly well, so your husband should hopefully be able to find something better.

I do very much wish that there was pressure on companies to treat workers better.
 

penguin

Fnord
DimensionsModel
***
Joined
Dec 17, 2010
Messages
5,527
Location
Brisbane, Australia
As I’ve mentioned elsewhere, depression has been a right beast this week and today was worse. Since it’s just my daughter and me today, I decided to forgo the Christmas dinner I had planned because I didn’t feel up to cooking (or doing the cleaning that would be required before and after). There’s plenty of food for her to graze on, and she’s happy playing games and stuff while I’ve spent the afternoon in bed.

You know things are bad when you have all your favourite foods and you don’t have any appetite, and when you finally do start eating you’re no longer in the mood for it.
 
Joined
Sep 30, 2016
Messages
1,886
Location
Coamo, Puerto Rico, USA
As I’ve mentioned elsewhere, depression has been a right beast this week and today was worse. Since it’s just my daughter and me today, I decided to forgo the Christmas dinner I had planned because I didn’t feel up to cooking (or doing the cleaning that would be required before and after). There’s plenty of food for her to graze on, and she’s happy playing games and stuff while I’ve spent the afternoon in bed.

You know things are bad when you have all your favourite foods and you don’t have any appetite, and when you finally do start eating you’re no longer in the mood for it.
My best hopes you will be better soon.
 

Barrett

OMG, Becky, look at his belly.
Joined
Oct 9, 2007
Messages
576
Location
SC
As I’ve mentioned elsewhere, depression has been a right beast this week and today was worse. Since it’s just my daughter and me today, I decided to forgo the Christmas dinner I had planned because I didn’t feel up to cooking (or doing the cleaning that would be required before and after). There’s plenty of food for her to graze on, and she’s happy playing games and stuff while I’ve spent the afternoon in bed.

You know things are bad when you have all your favourite foods and you don’t have any appetite, and when you finally do start eating you’re no longer in the mood for it.

I've dealt with chronic deep depression my entire life, so I understand how you feel.
It is actually the driving force behind my 100+ pound weight gain this year.

But while comfort-eating is a big thing for me, depression can also kill my appetite just as easily. I've actually dropped 13-15 pounds since I crossed that weight-gain milestone back in October, because my appetite has fallen off.

I'm guessing the recent change in the "tone" of this depression cycle is rooted in a kind of PTSD that I'm still feeling from 2016.

My dad was diagnosed, out-of-the-blue, on a Sunday night in early November 2016 with Stage 4 lung cancer that had metastasized to his brain (they stopped counting the tumors in his head when they hit 25; there were many more than that).
He and my mother divorced in 1984 and he had been playing "hermit" since he retired in 2014 (he lived alone), so nobody had a clue that he was even sick, prior to my sister getting a surprise call from his next door neighbor, who was also in the dark and had gone over to help my dad after he had fallen and couldn't get back up (the tumors in his head had destroyed his ability to balance and he was weak from not eating for who knows how long.)

He underwent brain surgery two days later, on Election Day, to remove three big tumors that were blocking the spinal fluid from leaving his brain.
After that, he was in and out of the hospital all through that holiday season.
He was still in post-op physical therapy on Thanksgiving Day, but we ended up being forced to bring him home because he couldn't complete his sessions and they needed the bed. So we had to care for him at home, which was a 24/7 ordeal (my mother moved in with him and I slept there) because he couldn't stand or do much of anything else without assistance. Even communicating was almost impossible, because his head was still loaded with tumors and his speech had devolved almost to complete gibberish (he couldn't find the proper words). Unfortunately, he never regained any of his prior strength, despite the docs giving him "maybe a year," if he made it through radiation and chemo. His last radiation treatment was a few days before Christmas, and we were going to let him recover for three weeks before starting chemo, but he went back into the ER via ambulance on Christmas Eve night because he had slipped into V-Fib and couldn't catch his breath.
We stopped treatment late on Christmas Day and they put him on a morphine drip, and he passed away in the hospital two days after Christmas. He was 67.
I've had... difficulty... with the holiday season ever since.

We aren't having family dinner today out of caution for COVID (my sister and her husband and my mother are high-risk), but my mother and I are having roast turkey breast and thighs, with dressing and turnips, and I plan to eat the hell out of that because I'm just flippin' hungry right now after not eating much all week.
 

DazzlingAnna

It's not a bug, it's a feature.
Supporting Member
Joined
Nov 2, 2019
Messages
1,477
Location
Germany
@Barrett : 2016 has been the worst year in my life. Not even close to 2020. Similar circumstances with both of my parents. For me, only a few events could make any year worse than 2016.

***

Today I was celebrating and eating the Christmas lunch (which used to be the bigger deal than dinner in our family tradition) alone. All over sudden everyone else wasn't hungry anymore.

I am trying to see the positive aspects - more very good food for me.
 
Joined
Sep 30, 2016
Messages
1,886
Location
Coamo, Puerto Rico, USA
@Barrett : 2016 has been the worst year in my life. Not even close to 2020. Similar circumstances with both of my parents. For me, only a few events could make any year worse than 2016.

***

Today I was celebrating and eating the Christmas lunch (which used to be the bigger deal than dinner in our family tradition) alone. All over sudden everyone else wasn't hungry anymore.

I am trying to see the positive aspects - more very good food for me.
You always have the right words, Anna!

I'm also struggling with depression but it's nice to have friends here to share with.

I just know about gaining weight due to depression. Before my graduation from college in 1996, my weight was about 220 to 230 pounds. Due problems with discrimination, I began to eat more to cope with my feelings of unworthiness. Now I'm 354.

In the ending of last year, I knew someone here who made me feel very high but due to a misunderstanding, it (the problem, not the lady) made me feel like I'm very miserable. I'm trying to fix the whole mess but it seems like things doesn't gonna work.

Now I deal with my depression by listening and sharing good music (mostly from the 60s to the 90s) with some of you. Here is one of those:

 

penguin

Fnord
DimensionsModel
***
Joined
Dec 17, 2010
Messages
5,527
Location
Brisbane, Australia
I’m not sure that sad is the right word for what I’m feeling, but I couldn’t find another thread more suitable for it. I recently opened up and shared some things with the guy I’m involved with, about stuff that happened when I was with my daughter’s father. Stuff I hadn’t told anyone else, even my closest friends. It took years for my mindset to change from “he mistreated me” to “he abused me”, and I did tell some of my friends about the emotional abuse and manipulation and the physical intimidation and threats. But the rest of it, I kept to myself (even now I’m having trouble putting a name on some of what he did, with “sexual coercion” being the closest, but there were definitely times he did things I didn’t want to do).

I’ve been thinking a lot about things that happened during our relationship and how some of it still affects me. My brain is being oh so helpful by pulling out the files on all these other incidents and dumping them on the table. “There was this...and that...don’t forget when he did...” We broke up in 2003 but he continued to manipulate me for another two years, and then he made life hell after I got pregnant to him in 2006, and for years after our daughter was born.

I guess I never tried to process things properly before, just shoved them under the mental rug. But I can see how much all of that still affects me, how I usually keep a barrier up, and how terrifying it can be to let someone get close. There’s a jumble of memories and feelings and I guess it’s good to work through them, but it’s a bit overwhelming, especially when mixed with other stuff going on in my life. It does make me want to shove those thoughts away and never think of them again, but I know I need to deal with them.
 
Joined
Sep 2, 2008
Messages
19,356
Location
Australia
I’m not sure that sad is the right word for what I’m feeling, but I couldn’t find another thread more suitable for it. I recently opened up and shared some things with the guy I’m involved with, about stuff that happened when I was with my daughter’s father. Stuff I hadn’t told anyone else, even my closest friends. It took years for my mindset to change from “he mistreated me” to “he abused me”, and I did tell some of my friends about the emotional abuse and manipulation and the physical intimidation and threats. But the rest of it, I kept to myself (even now I’m having trouble putting a name on some of what he did, with “sexual coercion” being the closest, but there were definitely times he did things I didn’t want to do).

I’ve been thinking a lot about things that happened during our relationship and how some of it still affects me. My brain is being oh so helpful by pulling out the files on all these other incidents and dumping them on the table. “There was this...and that...don’t forget when he did...” We broke up in 2003 but he continued to manipulate me for another two years, and then he made life hell after I got pregnant to him in 2006, and for years after our daughter was born.

I guess I never tried to process things properly before, just shoved them under the mental rug. But I can see how much all of that still affects me, how I usually keep a barrier up, and how terrifying it can be to let someone get close. There’s a jumble of memories and feelings and I guess it’s good to work through them, but it’s a bit overwhelming, especially when mixed with other stuff going on in my life. It does make me want to shove those thoughts away and never think of them again, but I know I need to deal with them.
Just a bit too relatable 😢

(((((penguin)))))
 
Joined
Sep 30, 2016
Messages
1,886
Location
Coamo, Puerto Rico, USA
I’m not sure that sad is the right word for what I’m feeling, but I couldn’t find another thread more suitable for it. I recently opened up and shared some things with the guy I’m involved with, about stuff that happened when I was with my daughter’s father. Stuff I hadn’t told anyone else, even my closest friends. It took years for my mindset to change from “he mistreated me” to “he abused me”, and I did tell some of my friends about the emotional abuse and manipulation and the physical intimidation and threats. But the rest of it, I kept to myself (even now I’m having trouble putting a name on some of what he did, with “sexual coercion” being the closest, but there were definitely times he did things I didn’t want to do).

I’ve been thinking a lot about things that happened during our relationship and how some of it still affects me. My brain is being oh so helpful by pulling out the files on all these other incidents and dumping them on the table. “There was this...and that...don’t forget when he did...” We broke up in 2003 but he continued to manipulate me for another two years, and then he made life hell after I got pregnant to him in 2006, and for years after our daughter was born.

I guess I never tried to process things properly before, just shoved them under the mental rug. But I can see how much all of that still affects me, how I usually keep a barrier up, and how terrifying it can be to let someone get close. There’s a jumble of memories and feelings and I guess it’s good to work through them, but it’s a bit overwhelming, especially when mixed with other stuff going on in my life. It does make me want to shove those thoughts away and never think of them again, but I know I need to deal with them.
It is something that happens to me. In this recent years, I have been opened myself to remember and sharing things that happened to me when I was In my teens.

Some people here knows my most terrible experience in some kind of abuse I have suffered when I was about 14. A thing I have had hidden inside me for decades and never had the guts to tell anyone. Even never told to a psychologist.

At the time I entered senior high school, my mother also entered in a relationship with a poor excuse of a man. A drunken, a brawler, and a sex pervert. And also I can add a manipulator.

He was part of our lives until I grew up enough to fight with him. In addition, I suffered many intents of abuse because of my fatness. Specially for the size of my breasts.

Most of my memories of senior high school years are the ones of a living hell.

Recently I met someone here who made me remember the times before my life was turned in a whole mess.

She made me remember a girl who was my first FA awareness. I tried to tell her how wonderful she made me feel. Even I researched for her outside here and told her how I did it.

She told me she was not mad at me for that. Then I told her some of my most terrible experiences. Not the whole thing. She promised me to write a more longer message soon but still I am waiting more than a month ago.

I think she is scared about me and perhaps she was right. I was not perfect and I have a very hard backstory.

For years I used to feel myself like a monster. Then for my physical appearance but by now for my life itself.

I'm sure I'm not interested in approaching a woman or anyone to make damage to her. It isn't on my heart.

In this days, I remember some of my friends who gave me the chance to prove I'm not a monster.

Some of them passed away. It's the reason I am not in the mood to celebrate. I just want to thank all of you at Dims including you, @penguin for giving me the chance to share with someone like me. I just want someday you will find someone who appreciate you no matter your past experiences!
 

penguin

Fnord
DimensionsModel
***
Joined
Dec 17, 2010
Messages
5,527
Location
Brisbane, Australia
I used to tell myself that things happened with him because I was “young and dumb”, but that’s not true. Whatever faults I had and problems I caused in the relationship, he was still manipulative and abusive. I believed that no one else would want me or love me, that that would be the only relationship I’d have. I have long since been able to convince myself that wasn’t true, but other issues linger.

Hugs to @Colonial Warrior and @littlefairywren.
 

Barbsjw

Well-Known Member
Joined
Feb 21, 2020
Messages
355
Location
Vermont
I'm disappointed that a campus event I always participate in, the Next Step diversity conference, will either be cancelled or go virtual this year.
 
Joined
Dec 7, 2011
Messages
2,766
Location
USA
I used to tell myself that things happened with him because I was “young and dumb”, but that’s not true. Whatever faults I had and problems I caused in the relationship, he was still manipulative and abusive. I believed that no one else would want me or love me, that that would be the only relationship I’d have. I have long since been able to convince myself that wasn’t true, but other issues linger.

Hugs to @Colonial Warrior and @littlefairywren.
It takes time to get over a traumatic experience, some longer than others, but it's possible. I think most of us sisters, as specially the older ones have had similar experiences in our life. I try to look at it as a growing experience because you'll see it coming the next time before it's too late. We are all here to support you, as specially in a time of need :)
 

Latest posts

Top