What is your SA (size acceptance) history?

Dimensions Magazine

Help Support Dimensions Magazine:

If you are fat, when did you become that way?

  • I was born fat (sung to the tune of "Born Free")

  • I became fat as an adult


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olivefun

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David,
thanks for taking the time to write the long post. It takes a tremendous amount to spill so much here.
There is a lot I want to say to you.
I guess the big thing is that the numbers don't really mean a lot. You rattle of lots of them, the amount you weighed, the amount your ideal woman weighs. Many of us don't feel comfortable sharing that info. Lately I weigh about 320 and am very active, go swimming and dancing and ride a bike as my primary mode of transportation when the temperature permits. I love to move my flesh.
Be open, which it sounds like you are being from your missive.
If I were an FA, I would likely find the self-loathing hard to take that I have encountered with many women of my size.
Keep beginning and believing, you will no doubt make a wonderful woman happy. A part of being human is the ability to surprise and be delighted too.
:kiss2:
 

Kingplaya4

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Olive,

Thanks for responding. Yeah, I did spill a lot here, it's kind of funny, but some of it I guess I realized before but never fully comprehended until I actually wrote it down. (If that makes any sense).

I'm honestly not really hung up on numbers, like if I happened to find out somehow a girl was above or below what I stated as ideal it really wouldn't matter to me. I guess the one thing I'm not completely settled on is what exactly is my ideal, and numbers give me a mental picture of what I want. So it has nothing to do with the number, its what the number represents in my mind.

I mean if I was dating a girl yeah I'd probably be curious what she weighed, but I probably wouldn't ask her for months because for one it might embarass her, and two although I'd be lying to say it meant zero to me it really isn't that important.

If you'd like to write me any more feel free to email at DaveduFresne80@yahoo.com.


Later,

David
 

blackdog

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I haven't had a chance to read through all the threads, but there is no limit to my SA. It's mental rather than physical to me.
a confident BBW comfortable with her and a little attitude is attractive to me. I've been with women 300+, it was there attitude that pulled me in, comfortable and confident.

As for someone else, I think the same applies, long as your happy ,comfortable and accept yourself, it's all good.
 
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This thread really got me thinking about when it was that I discovered that I was an FA. I always thought it began in fifth grade when I had a crush on a girl named Laura who was just about the fattest girl in my entire fifth-grade.

However, after thinking hard about this, something remarkable happened to me as I recalled an incident which happened to me when I was about eight years old which I am beginning to wonder how much of an effect it had on making me an FA.

In short, I was verbally or perhaps I should say emotionally molested by an older BBW.

Again, I say that this is remarkable because I had completely forgotten about this incident until now and I'm still trying to sort out my feelings as I write this.

At the time of this incident, I was a research patient in something called The Institute of Muscle Disease in the upper West side of Manhattan. Without getting into all the details, suffice to say that I --and a few other kids like me-- would live there year-round while they used us as human guinea pigs in hopes of finding a cure for our muscle/nerve related diseases. Anyway, as all of us research patients were young boys under the age of 12, occasionally you would get people on the outside who would volunteer to spend time with us once a week and play games, watch TV or just sit and talk. One of these volunteers was a 19 year old heavyset girl, as I remember it, who used to always look at me in a way that made me feel uncomfortable. I didn't think anything about this until one day when I was alone in my bedroom playing with matchbox cars (I used to have a kick-ass collection back then) when she started talking to me about making a birthday card together for one of the staff people. I asked her why she only wanted to involve me in this project and not the others when she started telling me about how much she loved me and how she found me very attractive and did so ever since the first time she met me!

Needless to say I found this very strange and made it a point to avoid her whenever she would visit us as a volunteer.

Now that I look back at the situation, I remember something a psychologist acquaintance once told me that sexual fetishes are frequently formed as a result of the first sexual experience we have being of an unusual nature. Well, the incident I described above was certainly my first sexual experience and it was definitely unusual so I can't help but wonder if that molestation made me the FA that I am today.
 

Chimpi

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My oh my those are not only interesting stories, but LONG ones. I don't think I've read so much in a very, very long time. Thanks for sharing everybody. I am going to put my story in, and I do apologize, I have to put it into 2 seperate posts because it is so long. So, bare with me.

The historical adventures of Chimpi.

Well it all begins, June 26, 1984. I popped out of my moms Yoohoo. Sorry, but it is the truth. For those of you who have come from the Stork, I commend you in the less-painfull fashion. Anyway. Moving on. I was born into the family of 3 people, a mother, a father, and a brother. The mother and father were both hippies, and neither one of them large in any way. The brother, long story short, has never been large (except once Chubby). The motherly figure and the fatherly figure raised Chimpi very well, methinks. I have come such a far distance from where I thought I'd be and from where I was.
I was born and raised in Marshall, Michigan. To the said family. Throughout the years of living there, I was a big kid. I wasn't necessarily fat, just sorta-kinda chubby. The older I got, the chubbier/fatter I became. My mother started gaining a lot of weight too. During the time of late Elementary School, early Middle School, I started gaining more weight. I wasn't necessarily obese, but definately a fat boy. :D I remember one of my best friends, Rob, would make fun of me, from time to time. One situation stands out from others. My father had purchased a basketball hoop for our garage, because my brother and I (and friends as well) loved to play. I remember not getting any shots in it one day playing with my brother, who happens to be named Kris, by the way, and with my friend, Rob. Well, I was back, waiting for one of them to throw me the ball to try and do Nothin'-but-net again, when Rob threw the ball, and it zoomed passed me. His exact words were, "I bet if it was a hamburger you'd catch it." I was shocked.
It didn't really offend me too much. But, it was nonetheless shocking. I started to become insecure. Not just because of the weight, but because I was a smart kid who was always copied off of and who was teased every now and then about the weight from the "cool kids"... you know, the ones that beat up the other kids and insulted every person they could find. Yeah, those cool kids.
So anyway, my mom I would say was at least 300 pounds by Middle School years. I always thought she was beautiful. We never talked about the weight issue, that I could remember, but I wasn't the healthiest little butthead. I dreaded gym class, because we had to run, and we had TESTS on stretches. The farther you could stretch, the better score you were given in class. That's just not right...
I liked a few girls from that period, but none were really fat for our age. Just cute. :) I'm not into the "hot" girls, and never was.
So then the big thing happened - the parents divorced. I was given a choice, since my brother and I were 10 years or older (I was 11, he was 13). We either would choose to continue living in Michigan with our father, then move with him a year later to Ohio where we would live with him and his new wife... or, we could choose Florida, to live with mom and her new husband. Yeah, what kind of decision is that!? Talk about pressure...
So, we chose dad for the time being. Long story short, one summer, on vacation down to Florida to visit mom and said step-father, we decided to stay in Florida. The father figure got extremely upset. I am the sensitive brother, my brother is the overly protective one. My father put me in the middle of it, and my brother went off on him (over the phone of course). And, since then, since I was 12 years old, I have not spoken a word to my father, and vice versa.
So ends that part of the story. Really has nothing to do with Size Acceptance (not directly anyway). So the moral of that part is, I now lived with my mom, and never visited my father. Just to clear it up, it was my brothers and my decision to stay in Florida. We were on the way to the airport....

Now, my mom being the woman she is, is extremely accepting. She was (and still is... in a way) a psychologist. She was a hippy. She did not support war. She does not support guns in a home with children. She does not support the death penalty. She supports womens rights and womens choice. And, since I lived with her, and learned under her, that is how I am. Not only that, but I do not judge others, unless I get to know them. There's always a limit for me, as an individual, on what I can and cannot take from a person. Anyway. I was still a hefty kid. I loved to eat. I knew that. My brother gained some weight, to become chubby, because he was so depressed from the divorce situation that he dropped out of school and lived at home, all day and every day, without friends.
So I lived with a large mother, and with a chubby brother. I did not see a problem with it. The older I became, the more I became friends with everybody in school - the computer nerds, the goths, the teenyboppers, the band nerds (of course, I was a major band nerd), the gangsters, the whiggers, whatever area you can possibly think of, I had friends there. So I was fairly well liked. No one really went against me. I think a lot of it had to do with my size (because I was always taller than everybody, and was still fat). I was a very quiet and shy person in school. I never ate lunch, and I never talked in or out of class throughout the rest of Middle School. I hardly even talked in band class. Weird.
So anyways, I still have yet a ways to go.
Back in my Middle School years was when I started getting a lot of friends, but not necessarily ones that I would hang out with (outside of school and band rehearsals and such). I would usually come home and get on the computer and play games. Well, come 7th grade, I started looking online. I became very aware of the internet community, and learned my way around quite well. I became a vivd see-er of all things internet. And then, one day, I'm not sure what season or what day of the week or exactly what year, but I looked up something to the effect of "Fat Women".
Now, as I said, I was in band. In band class, there was this clarinet girl, named Danielle, who was extremely large for our age. I didn't even know it, but looking back now, I don't think I've ever had a bigger crush on anybody. She was absolutely gorgeous, in a cute sort of way. Again, I am not attracted to "Hot". Cute is better.
She was easily obese for our age and size range. Anyway. So, I discovered many, many online sites that dealt with the fat proportions of women. A few being, Dimensions Magazine (of course), Cindy G's Flabulous Site, SSBBW Anna's Homepage, and others. Those were the first ones off of the top of my head that I can easily remember. That's where it all started.

I would really like to do a Moulin Rouge effect here. Zoom through the motion and get the point across in a fast and informative manner, but I cannot. So, I'll continue on the path I have chosen.
I learned of the terms "BBW" and "SSBBW" quickly. I thought they were snappy and cool. I did not speak a word of it to anybody in my family or any friends at all. It was my little secret. My get-away.

Throughout many, many years, I have seem many, many sites. I was disappointed when Cindy G stopped updating her site. (Boo, Cindy) I remember the old Dimensions Board, a long time ago. I did not Register, nor did I really read too many "posts", but I certainly did watch. It was interesting. A community of people who supported the way they were! Now that's what I was talking about.

Okay, so 8th grade passes. I still liked Danielle. Never acted upon it. I was way too extremely shy, and not even open to the idea of dating any girl, especially a "fat one". ... Stupid me. If only...

So 9th grade comes along, high school. My oh my, high school.
The great thing I remember about 9th-10th grade was 1 girl - Rachel Goldman. Who was 2 years older than I was. But a very good size hispanic girl. Man I had a crush on her. Again, I never acted upon it, but boy oh boy did I like her. She had no idea. I had never, and still haven't, spoken a word to her. I would go throughout the first year of high school scoping out the larger ladies in the school. Some not-so-large, some extremely large (who of course were all older than I was). This all lead directly back to me being insecure about myself. Was I ever to figure out what the hell was going on?
I would still go home and look for updates on any sites that I visited. Some days there were lots, some not so many.
This is the chapter in my life where a lot of life was cut-off, and a lot of life was fullfilling. The cut-off parts were the family, and the fullfilling was band, of course. Ha. I had so many friends in band class, that it is rediculous. Then, I would go home, and not utter a word to my brother or much to my mother. None of us really talked to each other. So I'd stay in my room and go on my computer and live inside my head. I never spoke about this "FA" or "BBW" thing I had learned about.
 

Chimpi

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There were a few big girls in high school that I liked, but I never had the courage to ask any of them out until 12th, yes 12th, grade. She is someone that I'll never forget, in a good and a bad way. We went out for 1 week. Exactly 1 week. I learned nothing. I got nothing out of it, other than knowing that I preferred bigger girls. That started the second half of the learning. High school ended, and I had only been with her. Not only that, but she was the only one that I even talked to. Danielle went to my high school, but she got down to the size of a grape. I was extremely disappointed. Had she stayed the way she was, I think I would have definately asked her out a LOT sooner. Oh well.
Not to mention I got my nickname, Chimpi, from my Chemistry and AP Chemistry teacher, Ms. Chipi, who happened to be a chubby BBW Cuban lady who I had a huge crush on. I think one of the main reasons I went from Chemistry to AP Chemistry and not into Physics was so I could have another year with her. I'm a stinker...

So I took a year off after high school. This year was filled with a few things - Playing America's Army online ALL the time, putting up a profile on Match.com, and learning more about size acceptance. Not that I knew anything about it too much as it was... Anytime I would go on Match.com, I would always search for the bigger women, whatever age. I was determined to be happy. I now knew what I liked, and was getting quite comfortable with it. Not only that, but I was still large myself.

That's another story. I was in marching band, concert band, symphonic band, and jazz band. You'd think I'd be skinny, but I sure wasn't. I was one of the biggest kids in my school in band. Hehe. I didn't mind, but I was still quite insecure about it, marching around the field with fat moving around. It really is hard to deal with sometimes - especially when you easily get out of breath and you have a trumpet solo to play.
Back in Middle School, I first heard about Drum & Bugle Corps. I learned MUCH more about it throughout High School, and was determined to someday march and be the best I could be... So, I worked my ASS off in High School in my music section. I was easily one of the best players in the county, if not the state. I never made All-State, but I always had a really bad day at tryouts. Oh well. I never lost any weight throughout high school. Not a pound, methinks.
One day, I heard that Magic Of Orlando Drum & Bugle Corps was coming back. They had taken off a few years, I guess because of not having any finances. I was excited. They centered in Orlando, Florida, which was the closest good-and-yet-not-so-good Drum Corps. Boston Crusaders did most of their camps and tryouts in Miami, which was much closer, but I wasn't ready for them. I wanted experience first. So, I tried out for Magic, and made upper-lead part. Wow, that was great. Playing the top part on lead my first year, with about 24 other trumpet players in the section. That was great. Not only that, but I knew my marching, and I knew my marching well. However, I was one of the biggest kids in the Corps. There were people counting on me to lose weight and get in shape to be one of the best... one notably as Ben Harloff. A very, very reknowned horn player (featured soloist in Blast!). It was too much. I had school, my home life, AP class/test, and DCI all to deal with, and it was too much. I was such a hard worker, but it was too much. I broke down. I couldn't take it. I broke down, got a 1 on my AP test, passed school with C's (which I hate), dropped out of DCI, and just shut myself off.
So the year after comes about, and I was so insecure, so depressed, so unsure, that I cut everything off. Friends thought I'd died. I didn't talk to anybody. I had AIM names that nobody knew who I was. I would just watch people all day long, that is if I was not playing America's Army. And I searched on Match.com all the time. I always searched for Big ladies. I was very attracted to them. I had seen so many sites by then online, and learned of so many people that I still look up to (Cindy G, AnnMarie, Heather, Anne, and many more) very much. But again, I was in my own world. I had no one to express it to (no ones fault but my own). So, there was one day, I came across a girl I thought was decently attractive on Match.com, and I decided to Mail her. I think she was the first I went after. I didn't think I was good enough for her. She seemed stuck-up, but hey, a guys gotta start somewhere with the big ladies, right? So, I went after her, and VERY long story short, she's Erin, the one I am still with. :)
She didn't open me up to anything BBW or any of this online community or size acceptance. I actually informed her of it. She was planning on getting the gastric bypass surgery, but decided not to since I have raised her self-esteem to such high levels. :) I'm glad for that.

I've learned that, just from learning on my own, that I have come so far, and can teach a world of good stuff, but have so much still to learn. I do not know if she is the one I will end up marrying, and I have told her that. She is/was my first real relationship, and it has been 2 1/2 years. I know I'm too inexperienced to know. I know that much.
Not only that, but I now work full-time, have mended my hard working skills to very good standards, and like who I am very much. On my year off, I was down to about 180 pounds. Now, I'm back up to about 280 pounds. I didn't eat. Now, I do. I eat very well. I love to eat. Why change that?
However, I do have one thought for a job I wouldn't mind ... something in the army. I won't go into detail. But, it's always there, and I do have a huge urge to get into extraordinary shape to become this, so that I can be as good as anybody at it. It's always an option...
I have never outright told my co-workers that I like fat women. For that matter, they haven't asked. But, every last one of them has seen Erin, and has seen another girl I had interest in (who isn't as big as Erin, but still a size 26/28), so I think they have some idea. :D I'd be glad to say "Yes" to a question of "Do you like fat women or something?". *shrugs* Only one co-worker, a very, very sweet lady, has a link to my MySpace, where I'm very open about myself. Feel free to read if you like.

I am still growing. Still unwinding. My Size Acceptance history is still in the making. All I know is, I have a long way to go.

And now, this January, I got internet back (I had been without it for 2 years), courtesy of my mom as a Christmas gift (4 months of DSL), and I decided to join Dimensions Forum (which had gotten its new look), and now I get to communicate with the very people I admire. The very people I want to get to know, and to help grow with. Who knows...


I think I'm done now. Thank you for reading.

That is Chimpi's Eptic Tale.
Please send all donations to my Rep box! :D Kidding of course.

By the way, there's no way I could get away with a longer story. I once explained it in real life to a girl I had interest in, and it took 3 hours... to explain the whole situation orally. That was insane. There's no way I'm typing it all out. :D

Again, I apologize for having to put it into 2 posts. :)
 

Egbert Souse

South America, probably.
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I'm glad this thread rolled around again.

Back in November when Saucy originally posed the question, i interpretted "SA history" as meaning when we first discovered a size acceptance organization, so my own history started when i was well into my 20's.

I seem to have misinterpretted.
As far as when i discovered my attraction to females of substance, that occured at the same time i discovered i was attracted to females, which was considerably before my 20's. I think the only strong attraction i still have that came to me any earlier was my attraction to great music, which happened equally automatically (or "from within", if you will).

I regret my confusion.
 
S

saucywench

Egbert Souse said:
I'm glad this thread rolled around again.

Back in November when Saucy originally posed the question, i interpretted "SA history" as meaning when we first discovered a size acceptance organization, so my own history started when i was well into my 20's.

I seem to have misinterpretted.
As far as when i discovered my attraction to females of substance, that occured at the same time i discovered i was attracted to females, which was considerably before my 20's. I think the only strong attraction i still have that came to me any earlier was my attraction to great music, which happened equally automatically (or "from within", if you will).

I regret my confusion.
No worries, Egbert; I'm glad you made it back over here, regardless.

Part of the problem is that, in wanting to learn from visitors to these forums how it was that they arrived here (and their personal history behind that), I had to pose my query in broad terms. Judging from the responses to the original post, I don't seem to have been too far off the mark, which is great. I think we can learn a lot from one another through our shared commonalities, although we each bring our own unique experiences to the table.

One thing I do regret is my exclusion in my poll of what seems to be a significant portion of our community. I only realized later that I was too narrow with my selections. When I used the two choices of either being born fat or becoming fat as an adult, I was coming from my own experience--that of being fat my whole life. Because of that, I was subjected to ridicule and taunting from a very early and impressionable age, which I feel played a major role in my development. I contrast that to those who became fat in adulthood--people who were allowed a (more or less) normal development. I think the differences are significant in how the two groups view (or, before discovering size acceptance, viewed) themselves and their relation to everything outside of themselves. Or maybe it's just me, as there are other factors aside from fat that contributed to me feeling like an outsider. Nevertheless, I left out a significant portion of fat folks who became fat during other periods of development, from toddler to adolescent to teen. It wasn't my intention to exclude these people, I mainly wanted to get some visual representation of what I see as a significant difference--those who went through their most significant periods of development relatively unscathed by comments because they were not yet fat, and those of us whose development was hampered significantly as a result of such unprovoked and harsh comments. Suffice to say, those I unintentionally excluded have their own stories to tell, and perhaps it is their "in-between" stories where I might find some answers.
 

Egbert Souse

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saucywench said:
Or maybe it's just me, as there are other factors aside from fat that contributed to me feeling like an outsider.
Naturally, being an "it's always about me"-type person, i zeroed in on the FA experience.

It's not just you, though. No doubt, the varying histories of individuals plays a big roll in shaping (no puns intended) all this, i've had this discussion with others for a good many years and the concensus seems to be that the chronology is a significant factor.
(sorry that's such a convoluted sentence but it's too early to figure out how to clean it up).

In short, i think you're onto something.
 

Egbert Souse

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Role....ROLE!

(maybe it was an intentional pun in a kinda unintentional Freudian way)
 
S

saucywench

Chimpi said:
One situation stands out from others. My father had purchased a basketball hoop for our garage, because my brother and I (and friends as well) loved to play. I remember not getting any shots in it one day playing with my brother, who happens to be named Kris, by the way, and with my friend, Rob. Well, I was back, waiting for one of them to throw me the ball to try and do Nothin'-but-net again, when Rob threw the ball, and it zoomed passed me. His exact words were, "I bet if it was a hamburger you'd catch it." I was shocked.
It didn't really offend me too much. But, it was nonetheless shocking. I started to become insecure. Not just because of the weight, but because I was a smart kid who was always copied off of and who was teased every now and then about the weight from the "cool kids"... you know, the ones that beat up the other kids and insulted every person they could find. Yeah, those cool kids.
First off, Chimpi, thank you for your thoughtful and detailed post. Please don't apologize for the length, as this was just the sort of response I was aiming for.

I selected to quote the part of your story above because I think it is illustrative of a point I wanted to make. Yes, I know that there are innumerable ways that kids can be cruel to one another, ways that aren't related in any way to size or weight. I certainly don't condone bullying or taunting in any form (I might add that I am loathe to witness this in adults, as well), nor do I dismiss the fact that people who are not fat have childhood traumas that they struggle with in adulthood. However, this is a size acceptance forum, and it is within those parameters that I want to make my point.

The point being, you seem to want to downplay the impact of the thoughtless and cruel remark that your brother made. You say that (at the time, presumably) it "didn't really offend me too much." Yet, you were shocked. And you followed this with the remark that you started to become insecure. I think this is very telling, inasmuch as to how what may seem like offhand and casual remarks can influence our self-esteem, especially during a pivotal time in our development.

There is so much that I want to say in response to this; so much that I am overwhelmed, and at a loss as to where to begin. Primarily, it angers me deeply that such unprovoked ridicule is so widely accepted, and is virtually considered as a "rite of passage." It is hard enough as an adolescent or teen to find our way without such negative influences. The differences in types of ridicule, though, are profound. Most nonfat children are able to shake off torments suffered during their development and advance into adulthood, as I mentioned, relatively unscathed. They exhibit no outward signs of having been so victimized. Yet fat children, fat adolescents, or fat teens remain subject to ridicule far into adulthood. How many of us can continue to shake such things off and appear unaffected by it? Speaking for myself, it took me years and years of introspection, coupled with my introduction to this community, before I was able to recognize that the problem lay not within myself, as I had accepted for so long, but within those who felt compelled to put me down to build themselves up. And, even with that recognition, it is still a battle to overcome. The one advantage that I can claim through this road to self-acceptance is that I can now more easily equate those who, in adulthood, continue in their (societally acceptable) intolerance of people who happen to be of larger mass with those of small minds and smaller hearts. It is from this viewpoint that I make my decisions on whether people are worth getting to know or not. Sad to say, the older I get, the fewer people there are that I feel are worth knowing. I don't consider this realization as cynical so much as it is realistic.
 

Chimpi

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saucywench said:
First off, Chimpi, thank you for your thoughtful and detailed post. Please don't apologize for the length, as this was just the sort of response I was aiming for.

I selected to quote the part of your story above because I think it is illustrative of a point I wanted to make. Yes, I know that there are innumerable ways that kids can be cruel to one another, ways that aren't related in any way to size or weight. I certainly don't condone bullying or taunting in any form (I might add that I am loathe to witness this in adults, as well), nor do I dismiss the fact that people who are not fat have childhood traumas that they struggle with in adulthood. However, this is a size acceptance forum, and it is within those parameters that I want to make my point.

The point being, you seem to want to downplay the impact of the thoughtless and cruel remark that your brother made. You say that (at the time, presumably) it "didn't really offend me too much." Yet, you were shocked. And you followed this with the remark that you started to become insecure. I think this is very telling, inasmuch as to how what may seem like offhand and casual remarks can influence our self-esteem, especially during a pivotal time in our development.

There is so much that I want to say in response to this; so much that I am overwhelmed, and at a loss as to where to begin. Primarily, it angers me deeply that such unprovoked ridicule is so widely accepted, and is virtually considered as a "rite of passage." It is hard enough as an adolescent or teen to find our way without such negative influences. The differences in types of ridicule, though, are profound. Most nonfat children are able to shake off torments suffered during their development and advance into adulthood, as I mentioned, relatively unscathed. They exhibit no outward signs of having been so victimized. Yet fat children, fat adolescents, or fat teens remain subject to ridicule far into adulthood. How many of us can continue to shake such things off and appear unaffected by it? Speaking for myself, it took me years and years of introspection, coupled with my introduction to this community, before I was able to recognize that the problem lay not within myself, as I had accepted for so long, but within those who felt compelled to put me down to build themselves up. And, even with that recognition, it is still a battle to overcome. The one advantage that I can claim through this road to self-acceptance is that I can now more easily equate those who, in adulthood, continue in their (societally acceptable) intolerance of people who happen to be of larger mass with those of small minds and smaller hearts. It is from this viewpoint that I make my decisions on whether people are worth getting to know or not. Sad to say, the older I get, the fewer people there are that I feel are worth knowing. I don't consider this realization as cynical so much as it is realistic.
Thank you for enjoying it. :) It didn't take too long. *shrugs* Plus, it was a very short version.. heh

Also, it was not my brother that said that comment to me, it was my friend, Rob. I'm not sure if he was mad at me, or he was just having fun, or whatever, but he said it anyway. Yes, it was shocking, because he had never said it to me before. I didn't exactly keep playing basketball at that point. It wasn't "Accepted" from me. I continued to clobber his butt in wrestling when we wrestled. :)

But you are right, ridicule, even out of the parameters of fat children, teenagers, young adults, and adults happens all-too-often. But, as a simple connection, you cannot have the good without the bad. There has to be ridicule in order to grow. Look at all the responses so far, not only in this thread, but all over the boards. Look at the fat nicknames thread. Almost everybody has been made fun of for being overweight. It just... is.

I can speak only from my point of view, and I respect my own point of view. Yes, it did start to make me feel insecure. It wasn't what triggered everything, it was just the first insult in that area that I had been given. There were just a FEW others made by other kids in Middle School that said it, but again, most kids liked me, so no one really made fun of me. If they did, it was because I was a band nerd. My view has always been "Take me as I am or get the **** out of my face.", to sum it up. I'm not the type that's going to snap back and lash out for insulting me, but I'll just walk away or go about my business. I have better things to do.
"Hey, fatso. LOSE SOME WEIGHT."
Oh MY GOD!!! YOU HAVE SUCH A CREATIVE INSULT. Holy ****, I've never been called fatso before. Oh man. You sure are smart.

... That's how I always think out the outcome of an insult. Of course, that's what makes me so strong-willed, is the ability to shake it off. Of course I'll think about what they said, because everybody is a human being, but those who insult have absolutely nothing to debate about, and shouting back at them or lashing out just isn't worth it. It's not going to make them wake up. Sooner or later, they'll mess with the wrong person, and something will happen, but until then, they're a useless cause.


To be honest, I've never witnessed kids making fun of a fat woman in public. I've never had the pleasure of it, and I say pleasure, because if I did, I wouldn't let it go. There would be a random outburst by yours-truly. Just to help defend that woman. A man I might help, but I dunno. I do not belittle woman. I'm intimidated by a lot of woman, and a lot of men, but I'm not attracted to men. :p

The fact is, life is going to stay it's course. Fat kids are going to be made of because they're fat. The sad part is, the parents aren't necessarily doing a great job if the kids remain depressed because of it. Sure, the kids at school can affect another kid because of the weight issue, and cause extreme insecureness, but, without the parents help, the kid will become another lost cause. They'll look at Weight Loss Surgery or weight loss in general as their only way out. To be thin is the best way... isn't it? That's what everybody is teaching these days...
It's so messed up....

But you have a great head on your shoulders saucy. :) Thank you for the reply.

EDIT: I would also like to add that, my supervisor at work is short. He's very short. Not short like you, Tara, but short. I always make fun of him for it (He's cool... he doesn't mind). One day, I said "Man, you sure can't reach that instrument, can you?" He whipped back "You're about as wide as I am tall". It was the best comeback I've EVER heard. I knew he was joking. I didn't take any offense to it, and we laughed it off. Insults like THAT are worth it.
 

gooddad

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I've been a lurker here for a couple of weeks and I just recently posted my first response in another thread but as a way to introduce myself I think this may be the right place.

I've been an FA for as long as I can remember and unlike some folks I know the reason why and I've never tried to hide it or shy away from it. My family knows it and my friends know it.

When I was born my grandmother on my father's side lived with and she did until I was fourteen. My parents were both very trim, tall and attractive people, but my grandmother wa the quintessential "gramma", she was short and fat. I was her first grandchild and her favorite, she would hold me as a small child and play with and she was the built in babysitter for me and my sisters and brother when they came along. Anyway, she was very open and not at all modest when it came to here body so much so that as a small child, until I was maybe 8 or 9 she would shower and afterwards while getting ready for bed she would be naked and powder herself while I sat in her room to talk to her. Now at that age I obviously didn't have an sexual urges or questions other than the typical "where do babies come from" kind of curiosity. But I am convinced that this closeness and immodesty left an "imprint" on me that is permanent. I remember her large belly, huge breasts, and thick thighs but not in a sexual way, just in a "motherly" sort of way. The way warm apple pie smells and brings fond memories (no inference to American Pie intended) back. Anyway in High School I always dated heavy girls that were soft and plush and after ward in the Marines and into my grown-up life I always sought out bigger girls.

Then I went and married a skinny girl, I guess sometimes you can't help who you fall in love with. Anyway she didn't stay skinny long, after our third child came along she got up to 180, at 5'2" she was pleasingly plump but she hated it. No matter what I said or did she was always complaining. We eventually divorced, not because of the complaining but she just wasn't a happy person in general and there were many other factors involved. So now I have dated a few women who would be classified as SSBBW's and each one has had a varying view on the whole topic of this discussion. I've found the ones who are accepting of their weight are much happier in general than those who are looking to lose some, a lot or all of their weight. I realize there may be health issues for some and you should take care of yourself but I don't think anyone in here is getting out alive so I think I'd rather be happy and fat (by the way I'm 6'2", 230, not really fat but I've definitely got some extra storage) than thin and miserable.

You only go around once and there are no do over's. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
 
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gooddad said:
Anyway, she was very open and not at all modest when it came to here body so much so that as a small child, until I was maybe 8 or 9 she would shower and afterwards while getting ready for bed she would be naked and powder herself while I sat in her room to talk to her. Now at that age I obviously didn't have an sexual urges or questions other than the typical "where do babies come from" kind of curiosity. But I am convinced that this closeness and immodesty left an "imprint" on me that is permanent.

I've heard the theory that a sexual experience doesn't necessarily have to be involving sex, intercourse, whatever. A sexual experience could be something that brings you immense pleasure (i.e. your feelings of "warm Apple pie" come to mind). Although my experience was definitely a form of sexual molestation, it still gave me pleasure because here was a woman much older than I who was attracted to me.

By the way gooddad, in was very hard for me to open up about my molestation experience and it was nice to know that my posting it here moved someone enough that they wanted to respond with a somewhat similar experience. Somewhat.
 

Jes

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Kenn, I'm glad you felt you could open up, and also that you realized that this woman was in the wrong and that you did nothing to call her declarations upon yourself. She was the adult in the situation and you were not in a position (or at an age) for her to be interacting with you in that way. I do think those early experiences shape us in ways we can't imagine, and it can be scary to realize that, all of a sudden, later in life. I also think we don't often allow men to be painted as victims of anything sexual, and that's a huge mistake.

Jennifer
 

MissStacie

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MWBBWFanMan said:
I'm not sure if this will ever get posted as it's my first attempt at posting something in here:confused: I think I first had my FA thoughts when I was about 10 and was helping the neighbor lady paint her house. THis all happened about 27 years ago and I can remember it like yesterday still. I remember seeing my neighbor climb up the ladder. She was wearing the tightest brown corduroys that made the swooshy sound when she walked. She must have been 25 years older than me and had a fat well rounded body of about 300 pounds. It was right there and then that I had my first feeling about what I find physically desireable:smitten:

I used to think there was something wrong with me for my preferences growing up in my early teens. I had all these secret crushes on all the chubby/fat girls in school and never acted on asking anyone out until I was 17. I remember going to school and hearing the torture that kids go through in high school by not feeling that they fit in. I remember that first date with a chubby girl and the grief I got for going out with a "chunker".... I never felt ashamed to be with a heavy girl, but the kids sure could make you feel bad with teasing or jabs. We only went out a handful of times and I didn't really date much after that till I had been in college a year. THats when I really started to notice more women with the extra flesh that I so adored. I dated a few girls throughout college, never really knowing why I was dating because I was so involved with my business and my education. I was in college when I discovered Dimensions Magazine Print version and I ended up buying 15 back issues! I just couldnt believe there were other people out there like me!!! It was such a wonderful feeling to know that I wasn't "weird" and that there were others that shared my preferences.
After college I met a lovely bbw that I spent about 6 years with in a comitted relationship. She wasn't happy about some of the choices I made with my career and our rellationship fizzled....I guess if I really wanted to marry her, I would have. It was about this time that I discovered the whole FA/BBW scene online and I was happy to be out on the prowl looking for "fresh meat" again and ended up finding plenty of dates. It was always fun to anticipate meeting someone new and hoping that she may possibly be the "one". I was a lurker in Dimchat for a while and finally one of the great gals I met in there convinced me to put up a photo and to start participating. I did, and I want to say that I have met some of the most wonderful people in the world in there. OMG:smitten: Talk about a bunch of gorgeous women in one place:smitten: I have been fortunate enough to meet a handful of the folks in chat and hope I will meet more throughout life. The part I love most about the chatroom and dimensions in general is thet it's mostly "real" people that hang out in here. LOL...Anyone ever tried a bbw chatroom on Yahoo? I did once...Never again:mad:

LOL...Im not so sure if what I am typing is in the correct order or if it will make sense to anyone, but I just had to add something. This whole size acceptance thing is one of the most life altering things I have seen. It is so nice to be able to participate in a forumn with so many people with similar tastes and backgrounds.

As far as family and friends go I will add this. Whenever Mom asks me about new GF's or dates, she always asks me if they are "chunky"? I always reply YES....THen she asks why and I tell her thats just the way it is. I always feel sorry for the people that have skinny partners. They just have no idea whatsoever what they are missing out on. My friends know I always date fat chicks and I know that any gal I am out with gets the nod of approval from my buddies for the most part....Then there are my friends that only like skinny women....I guess I dont fit in as well with them as far as sharing preferences, but the times I go out with them as a bunch of couples there is never an issue.

I could go one forever on this subject. It's a subject that I really enjoy and love to converse on with others in here. It's just so wonderful to think about the "beauty" of BBW's/SSBBW's. Every dimple and bulge just add to it for me.

I am going to make an effort to try to come in and read/post more often. Conrad has given us this wonderful place to interact and we might as well use it. LOL...At least I know I need to start using it. It feels pretty good to write down thoughts once in a while and Im already wondering what I am going to see in this if I re-read it in a week.

Big hugs to each and every one of you that make Dimensions what it is....Even you weirdo troll people...Thank you! You add to the mix to. If it wasnt for trolls the real folks wouldnt seem real....I wouldn't change a single thing about my life in the FA/BBW scene.

Thanks everyone for just being who you are:)
Bill

Hey Bill....I've got a very single girlfriend in MN....wanna email me if you are interested??

MissStacie
reba0523@hotmail.com
 
B

bellylover

Warning - long post. For ease of reading I have divided it in chapters.

Hi all,

I have always been interested in talking about this acceptance process with others, so thank you really very much for this topic.

1. The early days
My FA awareness started when I was about 10 years old. I have always had an interest in fatness for as long as I can remember. Even as a 10 year old I could not keep my eyes of the fat kid in school. I spent most of my puberty (from 12 to 18 years) in a boys only boarding school. For me, girls where an exotic species during my time in boarding school, so I never felt this attraction to girls, simply because I didn’t know any, apart from my family. There was however one very fat kid in boarding school and I was attracted to him in a special way. In such a way that I was even wondering whether I was gay. For the record: I am not. Now I know it was just my fat admiration that attracted me, and not the boy. Although I had always been attracted to fat, I became more and more aware of this during my teenage years. I was a skinny kid (35 kg/80 lbs at age 15) and I wanted to feel what it is like to be fat. (Like someone else mentioned above, I think my skinniness might have something to do with my preference for fat, or is it the other way around: was it my attraction for fat that caused me to be unhappy with my skinniness?) When I was alone, I stuffed pillows under my clothes to see what I would look like as a fattie and I tried to stick out my belly as much as possible and on occasions I also tried to each as much as possible. I also made drawings of fat kids and of course I constantly tried to figure out how much that fat kid weighed. And by lack of the real stuff and the internet, I looked at my parents encyclopedia about ancient paintings of rubenesque women, and at the picture of the big girl in the chapter on obesity in the medical encyclopedia. I really thought at that time, that I was abnormal for having this attraction towards fat.

2. At university
At age 18, I went to university and the contrast could not have been bigger. From almost complete isolation in boarding school, I arrived at university where half of the people in my class were women. These were my first real encounters with girls and finally I learned what it was, falling in love and that I could fall in love with girls. (Until then the closest I got to falling in love was the fat kid, now I realized that was not love, but just attraction to a fat body, a male fat body by lack of females.)
Unfortunately, during my teenage years in boarding school, I had not learned to socialize with women and I was extremely clumsy with women and also extremely shy. I was to shy to approach women at a party or to ask them to dance. It was clear to me: if I was ever going to have a relationship with a woman, it would need to start off as friends and then become gradually more. I still was attracted to big women, but I live in Belgium and there are just not that many big women here, especially not at university (I don’t want to generalize, but obesity here predominantly occurs in lower social class that is not very well represented at university). In other words, among the 150 women in my class, not a single one was obese, not even chubby. I did occasionally fall in love with a skinny girl, but that was rather platonic, there was no sexual attraction.

3. Too shy to come out of the closet
Of course I did meet some big girls from time to time, in the students restaurant or at a party, but I was too shy to start a conversation or to ask them for a dance. I was just not very good in a approaching women, I am a lousy dancer and there was of course also the peer pressure. I was convinced I was the only man in the world attracted to big women and of course when friends make negative comments on fat girls in general or that fat girl that I was eyeing at, that doesn’t help either.

I remember this one really cute, quite big girl (around 300 lbs or so), that I kept meeting at dance parties. Although I had never spoken a word to her, I was really in love. And each time I thought, this time I will overcome my shyness and I will talk to her or dance with her, but each time my shyness combined with the social fear of “What will my friends think of me?” stopped me from approaching her. And at night, I would go home mad at myself because again I did not have the courage to approach the girl I was so in love with. It is difficult to describe this indefinable fear that was completely paralyzing me. Even today I sometimes wonder how life would have been for me and her if I had the courage to approach her.

4. The advent of internet
Eventually, I graduated from university without even having kissed a girl. Shortly after, I discovered the internet. It was still the time of the slow dial-ups, but a whole new world opened to me. I was not the only man in the world to love big girls, there were thousands and thousands others. By reading texts about FA’s and mainly by discussing with others in forums, I slowly started assuming myself as an FA. Via the internet, I saw pictures of women that were bigger than I ever could imagine and I realized that in my fantasy, I have no real weight limit. I love to read stories about feeding, not the fantasy ones, but the real life ones, and sometimes I wish I had the courage to live the lifestyle that some of these couples live. I dreamed about having a woman who completely accepts herself as a big person, who understands my attraction to fat and knows how to seduce me with her bulges and who doesn’t mind that she gets bigger, and I dreamed of living in a society that does not judge us on that.

5. Out of the closet
I realized that sooner or later, I had to come out of the closet. These FA feelings were just too overwhelming to deny. But I was still as shy as ever, so no progress. Until one day I was invited to a friends wedding and was seated next to single, big girl. This had to be my lucky day. She was pretty and we got along very well and we agreed to see each other again the week thereafter. A couple of weeks later we first kissed. It was my very first kiss and in the meanwhile we are married.

I was happy and in a way also proud at the same time: finally I had taken the step and engaged in a relationship, moreover: in a relationship with a BBW. Unfortunately, my wife does not accept her ample body. She is very unhappy with it and feels ugly and unattractive. I tried convince her otherwise, but despite my continuous efforts to help her on the way to Self Acceptance, she remains unhappy, to the point that she has undergone every FA’s nightmare: weight loss surgery. Superficies as it may seem, I was afraid that this could be the end of our relationship if the sexual attraction would be gone. The WLS wasn’t really a success. She lost about 30 lbs, part of which she has gained back in the meanwhile. I was of course happy that she remained quite big, but of course she is now even more frustrated, and this is, more than she realizes, putting a pressure on our relationship. Although by now she accepts that I do find her attractive, it is still difficult for her to accept that the parts of her body that I love most, are the parts that she hates most. I do everything possible to get her on her way to self acceptance, but I have made no progress. Although I prefer very big women, I support her as much as I can in loosing some weight, because I much more prefer her 30-40 pounds lighter and happy than this. She did express some interest in a professional photo shoot though, so I am looking in that now. I have read that this is sometimes an eye-opener and a first step to self acceptance. I hope so.

Thank you for reading my story.
 

The Kid

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Well unlike the rest of you fine people my story isn't that long. It's not that I don't have an interesting life, I'm just not as old (no offense) as alot of people here. No real life experiance.

I am not sure when I realized my preference for big girls. I think I was about 11 maybe 12 years old.

I went to my first Yankee's game, at Yankee stadium of course, it was a good game, but back to the story.

As we were leaving I was just looking around, y'know, being a carefree kid, and I saw this chubby girl, she was probably 18 or 19, not sure. She just had the cutest face I'd ever seen, everything about her was cute I was honestly thinking she was an angel. There was just something about her that was beautiful but I can't put my finger on it.

Just seeing her made me start looking more and more at BBW's and I just think there is something very sexy about a girl with some actual curves instead of just a stick figure.

That's it, like I said, not much to tell.
 

Stormy

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These stories are very interesting. Thanks for sharing them. :)

My mother was chubby when she met my father, they dated briefly but he is very anti-fat and had already broken up with her when she realized she was pregnant, so they got back together and married. My father figured since he was stuck with her anyway, and had always wanted a large family, she would have to be the one to give it to him, so they had three more children (I was #2). My mother gained weight with each pregnancy until she was up to 375 pounds (she’s 5’1”) after my youngest brother. My father decided he couldn’t deal with her fatness anymore and told her she had to get thin or he was leaving. She crash-dieted into the low 100’s and he left anyway, when I was 6. She regained a lot of weight, and has since had WLS twice. I don’t remember him ever showing concern for her health, but do remember many comments about how disgusting she was and how he couldn’t stand to touch her. He also frequently made disparaging comments about other fat people, and like while watching TV he would change the channel if they showed a fat woman.

I don’t ever remember thinking about food or my size in a normal way. In Elementary school my mother would buy each of my brothers and me a box of Little Debbie snack cakes, to be put in our school lunches for the week. I never took mine to school, but would always eat the whole box in one sitting some evening at home. I also ate large portions of other foods and have always enjoyed stuffing myself, although I felt guilty afterwards and did not want to be fat. I was very active, into soccer and running, didn’t eat that way all the time, just sometimes when alone and could get away with it, would eat less than normal amounts other times and so was just a little chubby by the end of Elementary school. I got picked on occasionally about my weight by other children, but was far from the fattest kid around so wasn’t a big target. I was interested in fat and weight gain, but it was mostly subconscious/repressed. My two best friends growing up were the fattest girls I knew, but I wasn’t aware of that having anything to do with why I liked them.

Both of my parents criticized me relentlessly over my weight. Once when I brought home school pictures my mother told me I looked like a sausage and would tell me that I was going to grow up to be the fat lady in the circus. My father was obsessed with me getting the “problem” under control while I was young and it was minor because “it would be harder to deal with later.” He would order me to lose weight, tell me no one would want to date me otherwise, etc. I lived with my mother, whenever I visited my father he would remark about how I looked fatter since he last saw me, then I would return to my mother and she would say the same thing, often when I hadn’t gained. Their divorce was bitter and this seemed to be one of their ways of finding fault with the other parent, through me. Both kept a lot of fatty, sugary, easy-to-prepare foods around their houses. I tried to ignore their nagging for awhile, then when I decided to lose weight quickly went from a recommended diet of about 1500 calories per day to less and less until I was eating nothing many days and a few hundred calories the others, running for miles multiple times per day, and diagnosed with anorexia nervosa at 13.

About that time I started getting into drugs, my food issues took a back seat to partying, I dropped out of school and moved out at 15. I still binged sometimes, ate little other times and my weight fluctuated but stayed within a relatively “normal” range. I got really into methamphetamine, in my early 20’s moved to a different state to get away from everyone I knew and quit all recreational drugs except alcohol for about five years while I went to college.

Soon after relocating I met, moved in with and eventually married an alcoholic. He never let us run out of beer, didn’t care how much I drank and we both got drunk almost every night. Besides the calories in alcohol, it tends to increase my appetite and lowers my willpower so I’m more likely to give in and binge when drunk. I gained weight until I peaked at about 300 pounds around the time I got divorced, which had something to do with my weight but we wouldn’t have stayed together anyway, and graduated. I’ve never seen myself as anything but a fat, disgusting slob, but my self-esteem was at an all-time low then, plus I had high blood pressure, high cholesterol and my feet and back hurt. I had no idea that anyone found fat attractive, and since I wasn’t aware of my own interest in fat got no enjoyment out of it, except for the eating/drinking itself, but the guilt afterwards ruined it. I dieted back down to about 150 pounds (I’m 5’9”).

tankgirl said:
size is okay.... on ANYONE but ME.
That’s where I am. When the Internet first came along I used to look at porn pictures of fat women and get excited by them but didn’t know why since I’m heterosexual, and at the same time thought they were disgusting. Then by chance I discovered SSBBW Betsy’s site and was amazed at and fascinated with this huge woman showing off her fatness and trying to get fatter. Between her site and Dimensions, which I found linked there, I started reading about stuff that turned me on more than anything ever had.

I no longer think fat is disgusting, except the fat on me when I am not fantasizing about it. I think most women look better slightly to moderately above what is usually considered normal weight, and most very thin people are unattractive. Except me; I am always too fat. In some ways my body image is worse now than when I was 300 pounds, especially nude. When I had sex then, I was very self-conscious but at least knew the man knew I was fat and was expecting to see a fat naked body. Now I’m afraid to get naked in front of anyone because I have stretch marks and loose skin which would not be expected from my clothed appearance.

There are at least two distinctly different definitions of size acceptance. I accept people of all sizes, don’t think less of anyone, or that anyone should be discriminated against based on their size, but I don’t subscribe to the idea that everyone should accept their own size whatever it is and never try to do anything to change it, although it’s fine if that’s what someone does want to do. I would be extremely unhealthy if I stopped trying to control my weight, and ate as much as I wanted all the time. My eating habits are so detached from hunger or satiation, and have been for so long, I don’t think I could ever connect them again if I wanted to. I like to eat, when I do I like to get full, like the idea of gaining weight, and actually gaining some, but don’t like to actually be very fat, also like to go hungry sometimes, can go a week on water and vitamins, and for the last several years my weight has fluctuated between about 140 and 180, usually close to 150. I know it’s not the healthiest lifestyle but think it’s my healthiest option, don’t want to deprive myself of something I get such enjoyment from (eating and gaining that is), and this place has helped me to not feel so guilty about it. I appreciate being able to witness and participate in discussion among intelligent people about fat in a positive way. I still don’t have a healthy body image, but it’s better than it was before I found Dimensions. I’ve learned a lot about my sexuality here; I was so clueless about what turned me on before, and the possibilities involving sex. Thanks. :)
 

BBW Betty

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Stormy--thanks for posting that. It took a lot of courage to do so. Glad you found the place, and I hope it can be a great, long-term source of support for you.
 

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