What really happened to Hänsel and Gretel - Part 1

Discussion in 'Fantasy/Science Fiction Archive' started by Orso, Apr 5, 2013.

  1. Apr 5, 2013 #1




    Well-Known Member

    Feb 26, 2006
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    (~BBW, Magic, Eating, Romance, ~MWG ) - The old, traditional story with one or two new twists

    What really happened to Hänsel and Gretel
    By Orso di Monte Ribelli

    The night was pleasantly cool, in the old, quaint biergarten lindens were in full bloom and Max was relaxing. He read his paper at the international conference on the study of fairy tales just that afternoon, so he was enjoying the ambiance of the picturesque and charming small German town in Hesse where the meeting was held. The place was well chosen, because brothers Grimm lived and worked not far from there, many famous fairy tales took place just in the region and the town was very, very pleasant. The summer night was too lovely to go back to the hotel, so Max stayed and ordered another beer.

    A few minutes later two Big Beautiful Women and a man walked in the beer-garden and sat to a table close to the one of Max, who gave them a quick look full of interest. One of the ladies was approaching middle age and the other young, both were pretty, well-dressed and at ease, blond and Max was sure they were also rosy-cheeked and blue-eyed. “Just like two Big Beautiful Women from a local fairy tale, just perfect. They must be mother and daughter”, he thought. Then he saw that the middle-aged gentleman who was with them, tall and well-built, walked towards his table.

    “Good evening, professor” he said in a good English “I really liked the paper on the tale of Hänsel and Gretel you read this afternoon and, if I do not disturb, I would like to talk about it a few minutes, even if I am personally and not professionally interested in it”

    Yes, Max soon would have been a professor, he would have begun teaching at a small college in September, so he deserved the title.

    “Yes, of course, please sit down”

    The gentleman introduced himself with one of those long-winded German aristocratic names and he definitely looked it. He had longish hair, fine features and the kind of casual country elegance that seems just the effect of chance, but if you look carefully you see that everything is carefully planned and studied.

    The gentleman sat down, ordered a beer and began talking.

    “You did a masterful analysis of Hänsel and Gretel, professor, with all the references to Vladimir Propp, to Structuralism and Lèvi-Strauss and to the Aarne-Thompson classification, but there is one thing you did not take into account: Hänsel and Gretel is not a fairy tale” and he a drank a swig of beer.

    Max must have looked puzzled, because the gentleman added: “Well, it is not a fairy tale, because it is basically a true story, and at the same time it is, just let me tell what really happened.” And he drank again some of his beer.

    ‘First things first. The story took place in this region around 1660 and Hänsel was not a child but the village smith, a strapping young man, very big and very strong, so he was nicknamed Hänsel, “Little Hans”, just for contrast. Gretel was not a child either, but the most beautiful girl of the region, with long, flowing blond hair, bright blue eyes, rosy cheeks, a peaches-and-cream complexion and a gorgeous, round, soft fat body. Yes, she was what now is defined a Big Beautiful Woman – “Oh, he knows the term, interesting” Max thought – with remarkable breasts she enhanced wearing always a low-cut shirt and with an even more remarkable bottom. Gretel was not Hänsel’s sister but his fiancé, her real name was Margarete and she helped her mother – who also was a big beautiful woman, a famous beauty in her times – to run the village inn. Gretel was clever, intelligent, witty and very flirty, just like her mother was, so people crowded to have a drink in the inn and to chat and joke with the two women, occasionally trying to slap Gretel’s bottom and getting in exchange tankards of beer in the face or trays on the head. Sometimes the most hot-blooded customers had to be restrained and that was Hänsel’s task, who did it admirably, like the time he knocked out five obnoxious men from another village in seven minutes, and with lots of personal satisfaction. Fact is, Hänsel wasn’t one half as witty and clever as Gretel was, but he was quite jealous, so he was happy when he could teach a lesson to the most persistent people. But customers flocked to the inn, Gretel kept flirting a lot and sometimes people tried to sneak into the kitchen after her, so Hänsel, who spent all his evenings at the inn to keep an eye on what happened, often brooded and got more and more gloomy as the time passed.

    Big beautiful women like Gretel and her mother were quite rare in the ravaged, famished, desperately poor Germany after the Thirty Years’ War, but the two women could afford all the food they wanted and were reasonably well off because of the inn and because of the local nobleman, old landgrave Philipp Maximilian von Fetvimenlofer, who was a good friend of Gretel’s mother. The aristocrat was a very, very good friend indeed and helped very much the then-young and undernourished woman – who anyway clearly showed that she would have bloomed under the appropriate conditions – when she moved into the town with a sick husband and opened a small, sorry inn. The landgrave visited her often, took the poor family under his protection and business prospered, just like Gretel’s mother who quickly bloomed into a big beautiful woman. Actually rumourmongers said that often the old landgrave was seen sneaking in and out of the inn at night, and when Gretel was born, five months after her father’s death, the same rumourmongers were quick in showing the likeness with the nobleman. Anyway the two big beautiful women were the paragon of the beauty, present and past, of this part of Hesse and the old landgrave became a widower shortly after Gretel’s mother arrived, so nobody complained much and rumourmongers were happy to have so many rumours to enjoy.’

    ‘Unfortunately many good things come to an end and one sad day the old landgrave fell ill, very ill. Gretel’s mother tried to go and visit him in the castle, but she was forced away by the servants and came back fuming.

    “Just like I always thought. That scum of the people of the castle don’t want me to go and see the old billy-goat! That hypocrite did what he wanted with me, who had to bear his company for 25 years, he promised hundred times to marry me in secret, always postponed and now he’ll die and leave us in misery! I am sure he did not write a word about us in his will and that he did not leave anything for us, not even for you, his daughter! No, he has to show everybody that he still loves that dour, skinny, icy prig, who walked like she swallowed a stick” – actually Gretel’s mother used a much ruder expression – “and never had a kind word for anyone! And God only knows what will happen of his lands, his wealth and of us. I’ve been told that the only heir is a third or fourth nephew, let’s hope he can do something good for us”.’

    ‘Some days later the old landgrave died and everybody waited for the nephew to come and take possession of castle, lands and wealth, but no will was found. The usual rumourmongers anyway knew that the nephew, margrave Georg Emanuel von Fetvimenlofer zu Fider, was a rich, handsome and single young man.

    “Ah, von and zu! Rich, young and handsome on top of that!” the mother said to Gretel looking at her in an expressive way “Maybe there is still some hope!”

    Hans, who by chance entered silently the room in that moment, got pale, then red, then yellow, then green, then sneaked out before the two women realized and brooded even more.’

    ‘The young margrave arrived at last and he was handsome as everybody said. Very tall, as big as Hänsel and presumably as strong, he cut a great figure and many noble mothers of the region began scheming on behalf of their daughters. Anyway one of the first things the margrave did was to follow the steps of his uncle and visit the inn. He heard so many things about Gretel and her mother that he was anxious to see them and sure enough he began flirting with Gretel, who of course answered in kind. Furthermore food and beer of the inn were very good and the margrave was a good eater, so before long the he spent much of his free time in the tavern, courting Gretel, often asking the girl to sit at his table and feeding her abundantly with the best morsels from his dish. Clearly the margrave liked this play very much and Hänsel brooded like he never brooded in his whole life. Lots of customers hoped that some day or other Hänsel would lose his temper and attack the margrave, that would have been really a brawl to see and to talk about for years, but an unforeseen event happened.’

    ‘One morning Gretel went out in the woods to gather blackberries, strawberries and all other kind of berries as she often did, but this time, when she was in a lonely spot, six or seven bandits appeared and jumped at her. Gretel fought and screamed, she even managed to knock out two of the men kicking them in the groin, but everything was useless. The outlaws immobilized her, hoisted her on a horse and tied her to the saddle. Gretel, always a clever and cool-headed girl, was not much scared and to help a possible rescue left behind her a trail of beads from her necklace, pieces of cloth, anything she could use to mark her path in the deep wood. She also wondered who ordered the kidnapping, because she was sure that if the bandits were after a ransom would have chosen a better moment.

    After a couple of hours, when the group was in the thickest of the wood, Gretel saw on the path Hänsel on horseback, with bags for a long travel.

    “Surprised, Gretel?” asked the young man “Do you really think I would have allowed your mother to push you into the arms of that… that nobleman? No, never! I organized your kidnapping before that beastly man could snare you! Now we’ll go to the Free City of Frankfurt, where aristocracy has no power and all men are equal. We will marry and live happily there, far from lecherous nobility!”

    Gretel delivered a shower of curses and insults on Hänsel, saying that it was not his business to care for her virtue and that she was free to do what she wanted, but the young man just shrugged and answered calmly: “Say what you want, I know you love me, so we will marry and live in Frankfurt.”

    At this Gretel got even angrier at Hänsel and yelled that she would marry whomever she liked, but Hänsel did not even answer and the group marched on. The clever girl, however, continued to mark their road as she did before, just in case.’

    ‘Suddenly Gretel heard a strong thunder and tried to turn, but she could not move. This happened also to the men, who began yelling and cursing but fell silent when another thunder was heard, followed by a croaky voice.

    “Wonderful, you brought me just what I needed, very kind of you! You deserve a reward, so I will let you go unharmed. Quick, get lost before I change my mind and send a lightning after you!” Gretel understood: it was the witch who lived in the depth of the forest.

    The men, who could move again, ran away as fast as they could, excepted Hänsel who quickly placed himself between the witch and Gretel to protect her. The girl turned and the witch was there, a laughing old crone dressed in dirty rags. But all of a sudden, when the bandits were out of sight, the old hag turned into a lady not even middle aged, with a carefully arranged mane of black hair streaked with white and a fine face with sharp features. The newly revealed sorceress was very elegant too, as she wore a stylish green and white long robe that went perfectly with her tall height. Gretel was bewildered and thought that the sorceress would have been really beautiful if she were not so scrawny.

    The enchantress laughed at Gretel’s astonishment, made a gesture that paralyzed the couple again and spoke in a pleasant voice: “Gretel, not all the witches are old and ugly, and the good-looking ones are a peculiar lot. Now let’s move, we must hurry home because we have many things to do. Hänsel really doesn’t want to leave you, so he shall come along. I need a strong young man in the house.”

    The sorceress produced a broomstick, mounted on it, flew a couple of feet above the ground and the horses followed patiently.

    After a time the group reached the witch’s house – that was once an elegant and cheery lodge but clearly nobody had taken care of it for a long time – went into an unkempt garden and stopped. The sorceress disappeared into the house and after a moment she came out with a big book. She muttered words, did gestures, sprinkled liquids around, waved a wand, looking into the book at every step of the procedure, then she repeated the performance with different words and gestures and finally looked at Gretel.

    “Both of you can move, now. Hänsel is under my spell, so he’ll do only and precisely what I tell him and will not remember anything later on. I need you in your full senses, so I made a magic circle around the house: nobody can walk in or out of it, you included, my fair maid. Now I’ll have Hänsel giving us something to eat, then he’ll prepare a good meal and clean the house that’s a bit messy. He’ll also get a room ready for you”.

    Hänsel served them a frugal meal and after it started setting in order the house that was really a mess; the sorceress went into her apartments and locked the door; Gretel immediately tried to escape. She crossed the garden and tried a few times to get out, but every time she felt a tingling sensation that became stronger as she went farther from the house and finally downright painful, so she came back dejected and tried to find something to do until the evening meal.’

    ‘At dusk the dinner was ready, the table was set and the two women got ready to eat. Hänsel produced an enormous meal, with venison, sausages, meat, fish, pies, dumplings, side dishes, wines, sweetmeat, and put everything in front of Gretel, who attacked the mountain of food with a good appetite. The enchantress ate just a few morsels of this and that, almost only vegetables and in a very, very small amount.

    That’s why she’s so skinny – thought Gretel – she must be ill, otherwise she’d eat in a normal way, would put a good deal of meat on her bones and she’d be really beautiful”.

    “Surprised, Gretel?” said the sorceress who observed keenly the girl “I eat very little to keep me in shape, slim, pretty and elegant, I do not want to be like the fat cows you see around”.

    “Fat cows? Slim and pretty? But it’s absolutely the contrary! Skinny women are ugly and sickly! You are interesting enough, beautiful in your way, but with 100 – 110 pounds more you would be absolutely stunning! Beauty is feminine softness and abundant curves, not flat, stinging skin and bones, and no man will ever like rail-thin women!”

    “Hah, that’s what you think because your mind is tied to the current fashion. But I tell you, I know that in three centuries time the idea of feminine beauty will be just like me and even slimmer, I saw it in my magic mirror. Fat cows’ days are numbered, and I will take advantage of it!”

    She must be crazy – though Gretel – I better humour her”.

    “And how will you take advantage of a thing so far away in the future?”

    “Oh, I am sure that a clever promotion with a good testimonial, some ritzy, elegant and expensive dresses and some smooth, convincing talk will work wonders and change frames of mind and habits in a very short time. I’ll have also to show how difficult and expensive will be getting slim, so noblewomen of this land will fall for it immediately, then noblewomen of other places, then the womenfolk of bankers, wealthy merchants, doctors and lawyers, then everybody everywhere. It will be like an avalanche, getting bigger and bigger. Soon only low-class scum like you will still be balls of lard. Today Germany, tomorrow the world!”

    “Yes, sure, but what will you gain?”

    “Hah” answered the witch “I’ll give them potions to get thinner, diets not to get the weight back, pomades to take care of their face and skin, suggestions to get prettier, advice to be more elegant, patterns for their seamstresses to make luxury dresses, I will make scents and filters, draw jewels, bags, shoes and all this kind of things, for a price. A high price! And guess who will be the example, the model of this revolution? You! Here everybody thinks that you as one of the prettiest, if not the prettiest, girl of the region. When the noble ladies will see the new you, slim, elegant, well-dressed, fit, beautiful, they will immediately want to become like you!”

    “And what will I gain? And Hänsel?”

    “You, an obese whale, a heap of blubber, a serving wench? Nothing! You aren’t worth anything, you are just my tool. But wait, maybe you will get something. If you were a rich noblewoman everything would be easier. So tomorrow that idiot of the margrave will find in a corner of the library of his uncle a bundle of documents: the secret marriage act of that other idiot of the landgrave and your mother soon after your father’s death; the acknowledgement that you are his legitimate daughter, signed before the marriage; his will giving half of his wealth to you and your mother and papers showing that your family is a noble one, ruined and impoverished by the wars of religion of one hundred years ago and then by the Thirty Years War. It will be very easy to do it with my magical arts and you will profit from it. You’ll become a pretty, slim noblewoman” – and the witch laughed ironically – “and a model on top of that, so if you play your cards cleverly you’ll make a good marriage. Hänsel instead will stay here forever, or at least until I found someone stronger and younger. I told you that I need a strong man here. But now don’t waste time, eat, finish everything.”

    Gretel looked at Hänsel that was standing near them with empty eyes, preferred not to talk about his fate and changed subject. “Eat? I thought I had to become thinner, beanpole-thin!”

    “You shall be, eventually. But I must be absolutely sure that my filters and potions to slim down work, so I have to try them on a very fat woman. You are already grossly obese, Gretel, but you’ll have to gain weight, a lot of it, so eat!”

    The girl continued happily to demolish the mountain of food and preferred not to think of the future, but even her healthy appetite was not enough. Gretel was full to the brim, much of the victuals were still there and the sorceress looked at her critically
    “Hah, you didn’t even eat one half of the food. But it’s the first day, you need some training. Tomorrow you’ll do better, or else Hänsel will force-feed you. We have ways of making you eat! Today Hänsel will just give you some marzipan. You’ll eat lots of it, every day, it’s wonderfully fattening.”

    Hänsel came with a box full of marzipan cakes and fed them to Gretel. In other circumstances she would have loved it, but not this time: there was not any sensuous feeling in the act but rather a hidden menace of violence and Hänsel, empty-eyed, was a bit mechanical, neither interested in feeding her nor in her. Anyway, after a few cakes, Gretel thought that feeding was feeding, and began to find even this practice pleasant.’
  2. Apr 5, 2013 #2




    Well-Known Member

    Feb 26, 2006
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    Part 2​

    ‘Day after day passed. The sorceress, in the time between Gretel’s large meals, trained her in walking in a very odd way – aggressive strides putting one foot just in front of the other – that gave the impression of a displaced hip. Furthermore the witch insisted Gretel made an angry and spiteful face because apparently this was the way in the future all models would have presented dresses, but the girl was puzzled. This way of walking set in motion all her luscious body that quivered and vibrated in a sensuous and exciting way, but Gretel could not understand what was the use of this kind of walk when she would have been only skin and bones, without any vibrating part.

    The sorceress took also care in educating Gretel in good manners, in poetry and literature, in playing the harpsichord that was in the living room and in all the things of aristocratic life. Gretel learnt quickly and soon she began bossing Hänsel around and being capricious, in short behaving as a whimsical young noblewoman, but she was quite careful in not making the witch angry. Hänsel, when he was not cooking, worked hard cleaning, painting and re-furbishing, thus soon the house and the garden were in their former splendour. Gretel was quickly gaining weight with Hänsel’s great cooking and with the prodigious amount of marzipan she ate, so much that she actually began to think of the witch’s house as The House of Marzipan. Sometimes Gretel pretended she could not eat any other morsel just to have the fun to be fed, but Hänsel’s performance was not really great. “Better than nothing, anyway” thought Gretel in every occasion.

    The sorceress spent much of her time into her rooms working at her evil schemes, but every day she donned some odd-looking, long, baggy man-style breeches that went down to her ankles, an equally baggy shirt and went running like an insane in the woods. Every time she came back after a couple of hours, spent and sweaty, but with an odd light in her eyes.

    “Learn, Gretel – said once the witch – you also will do it, once you slim down. Running keeps you fit, healthy, slim and prevents the building up of fat!”

    Gretel shuddered at the idea. The enchantress was definitely crazy and dangerous.

    There was another kind of interruption of the witch’s work: once or twicw a week she would order Hänsel to get into her rooms and after a couple of hours both she and Hänsel would come out. Hänsel would go back to his work, the witch instead set flowers in order, sang under her voice, relaxed and sometimes she even played the harpsichord and sang in a beautiful mezzo-soprano voice. It was evident what happened in those hours, but once Gretel wanted to be totally sure, so she sneaked into the garden and went close to the window of the witch’s bedroom. She could not see anything because of the blinds, but the moanings and pantings were even too clear.

    Another thing was clear. The witch was so involved in her evil plan that she put aside all other thoughts therefore, excepted for the most usual and simple enchantments, either she had to rummage through her thick handbook and look for instructions at every step of the spell, or it was a hit-and-miss thing, more often miss than hit.’

    ‘Days passed, and so did weeks. The sorceress every now and then kept Gretel informed with the news, the most important being that her mother, who was now accepted as nobility, soon would get one half of the old landgrave’s wealth, and that the young margrave was looking for her everywhere and could not accept the idea she disappeared. He and his men always followed the trail Gretel left and explored around from the end of the traces.

    “The idiot must have a big crush on you – remarked once the witch – let’s see how he’ll like the new you! Soon you’ll be ready for the slimming potions and in a few days the obese cow will be gone forever.”

    Gretel in truth was now gloriously fat, so a day the witch told her to wear some very tight, close-fitting clothes and gave her a greenish potion.

    “Drink it, you’ll immediately lose a few inches of girth and by tomorrow at this time you will be as slim as I am. The tight dress will help in seeing the progress”.

    Gretel refused, so the witch called Hänsel and told him to open the girl’s mouth. Hänsel complied with his iron hand and poor Gretel feared to have her jaw broken, so she opened her mouth and the witch poured inside the potion, that had a pleasant mint flavour. The witch looked on eagerly.

    A couple of minutes passed and nothing happened, then a couple more. After a quarter of hour of useless waiting the witch took out the big books, looked here and there and said: “I’m on a totally new path, nobody up to now tried anything to make women slimmer, so I had to begin from the scratch. Evidently this potion did not work, I have to change it and find something else. Hänsel, be careful, Gretel has reached her optimum size for the experiment, so don’t let her gain any more weight, but don’t let her lose an ounce either. Her close fitting clothes will tell you what happens of her weight”. And the witch disappeared into her rooms.’

    ‘Days of frantic activity followed. The witch was so busy that some days she even forgot her daily run; she concocted a host of new potions, blue, red, yellow, any colour, good-tasting or foul-tasting, but to no avail. The best result the witch could get was something that made Gretel lose weight for a few days, but quickly the poundage came back.

    “This potion is good for the clients” said the witch “but not to make you slim. It’s useful because I’ll sell this stuff and a few days later the ladies will be calling for more, but I need you permanently thin, not going up and down in weight. I underestimated the staying power of fat, there is no magic against it, so we’ll do it the hard way. From this moment you stop eating, you’ll drink only water and you’ll have just a few raw vegetables, carrots, celery and so on. Hänsel will lock you in that big cage down there, otherwise you will eat anything you find in the house, I know it. You’ll stay there until I find some good system of slicing away some part of your stomach and guts to slim you down and finally you’ll become as thin as I am”.

    The witch ordered Hänsel to take care of the thing and to build a big, raging fire in a pit with a very low curb that was nearby, she needed it for her next experiment.

    Hänsel, always under the effect of the spell, locked Gretel in, left her with a jug of water and set on to build the fire. Gretel immediately drank all the water just for the feeling of having something in her tummy and thought of the sad days in front of her.’

    ‘A couple of hours later the witch ran into the garden. “They are coming! That idiot of the margrave and his men are getting near! But I’ll teach them, I’ll unleash on them the worst thunderstorm ever seen around and I’ll do it again every time they come here!”

    The witch set herself frantically to work, menacing clouds gathered around, thunders rumbled and the witch looked often in the book. In her haste, anyhow, she must have missed something, because just when she was chanting spells at the top of her voice a heavy shower of rain plummeted on them and a mighty thunderbolt fell very close by, covering everything in blue light and sparks.

    Hänsel moved one or two unsure steps, then with a wild snarl ran at the witch, whose hair stood out like porcupine quills, and lifted her in the air before she could recover from the shock.

    “Treating me like a slave, like your toy, wanting to keep me like that forever and wanting Gretel to marry some nobleman? I’ll teach you, you witch! Into the fire, where you belong!” roared Hänsel running toward the pit and he threw the witch in.

    After that the young man ran to the cage and freed Gretel. “The thunderbolt destroyed all the witch’s spells, I remember everything and I – we are free! Quick, let’s run away before the margrave comes here, we have to hurry to Frankfurt and get married, so he’ll stop chasing us!”

    “Hänsel, are you crazy? – answered Gretel – let’s go to the village and set things in order, there is no hurry to get married”.

    “No, now you’re rich nobility and he’ll be after you even more, we must be quick! And you’ll also lose weight. You’ll be healthier, more elegant and people will not run after you. And I tell you, slim women also are... eh... uh...” and Hänsel reddened as a beet.

    Gretel slapped him in the face. “You swine, you kidnap me, you have your fun with that skinny skank, you have the nerve to tell me she was great in bed and you are jealous? You’ll pay for it, Hans!”

    “Whatever, but now we must go. Either you come along or I’ll tie you and you’ll come anyway.”

    Gretel followed full of rage at Hänsel, thinking of a way to escape and to enjoy her new, rich life.

    The two passed near the pit where the fire was still burning wildly and the ground was slippery with all the water that had showered on them. Accidentally Gretel slipped, accidentally she bumped violently into Hänsel with her mighty hips and accidentally the poor young man fell into the pit.’

    ‘A couple of hours later the margrave and his men saw a two-horses cart running towards them at full speed with Gretel on it; you see, she gained so much weight that she could not climb in the saddle without help. The cart stopped near the group, the men helped Gretel down and the margrave kneeled.

    “Landgravine!” he cried with the light of love in his eyes, kissed the young noblewoman’s hand and stood up. Gretel fainted in the margrave’s strong arms with a sigh.

    When she came to her senses she babbled a confused story of witches, kidnappings, cannibalism, Hänsel and fires, broken by tears and sobs. Only later, when Gretel overcame her shock, she could tell the whole story: the old, ugly witch who lived in the wood kidnapped her and Hänsel to make the young man his slave and to fatten her for food. Just when the witch was going to roast her in a pit a sudden thunderstorm broke her spell, Hänsel gallantly fought against the witch, who magically had the strength of a lion, and managed to throw her into the fire, but the witch clung to the young man and the two fell into the pit. I told you that Gretel was a clever girl, she concocted a credible version of her adventures, she did not want to give all the explanations about the odd ideas of the witch. Indeed the thing was immediately believed and became the fairy tale, with the only change that Hänsel was fattened to be eaten and Gretel was the slave.

    Anyhow the margrave and Gretel, that now everybody called respectfully “young landgravine Margarete”, went back to the village. The young woman, with her new poundage and her newly acquired lady-like ways, was even more charming to the eyes of the fiery margrave, so nobody was surprised when the two married some months later.

    The marriage was a very happy one and Gretel showed herself a very good wife. She and the margrave spent many happy hours in their bedroom, but more important, they had much delight in the respective company and sincerely loved each other. They had lots of children and, because of the normal effects of the marriage, of the children, of the rich meals, and of the fact that the margrave took pleasure in feeding her, margravine Margarete von Fetvimenlofer zu Fider reached wondrous proportion. Judging from her clothes, that are still carefully kept, she was definitely a full-fledged Super Size Big Beautiful Woman. The margrave’s love for Gretel grew proportionally to her weight and in short Gretel and the margrave lived happily ever after and reached a ripe old age, like it is befitting in fairy tales.’

    Max, who had listened with interest drinking his beer, commented: “It is a great story, but how do you know what really happened, and with such precision?”

    The distinguished gentleman smiled: “Introductions are always useless, nobody remembers the other person’s name. I am margrave Georg von Fetvimenlofer zu Fider, – and he bowed slightly – descendant in straight line from Georg Emanuel von Fetvimenlofer zu Fider and Margarete von Fetvimenlofer, therefore I have all the information from family tradition and from the handwritten memories of Gretel herself, that anyway seem to miss some information.”

    “I am also glad to say that in our family love for big beautiful women is a continuing thing, every one of us after Georg Emanuel married a Big Beautiful Woman. For instance, at that table nearby are sitting my wife and my daughter Margarete, that obviously everybody calls Gretel. Ah, yes, another thing. Since that time in every generation there is a Big Beautiful Woman called Gretel. So my daughter is Gretel XIV”.

    Max’s eyes went wide: “You... you really mean that your daughter is the thirteenth straight-line descendant of the Gretel of the fairy tale?”

    “Of course, professor. I thought it was obvious from what I just told you”

    “I just wanted to be sure, margrave. And please, might I have the honour of being introduced to young margravine Gretel XIV?”

    “Certainly, professor, please come and sit at our table”

    * * *​
    Max and Gretel XIV married less than two years later and like in every fairy tale they lived happily hereafter. Max is an eminent professor and teaches in a famous university, Gretel is a well-known painter who also loves making illustrations for fairy-tales books. They have two clever and nice teenage children, a strapping boy who gives all the signs of being an FA and a blond, blue-eyed and rosy-cheeked girl, obviously called Gretel, who is growing into a pretty and charming Big Beautiful Woman. Of course Gretel’s and Max’s favourite tale is the story of Hänsel and Gretel.

    And the witch? Good-looking witches never really die, so she was always around, and always in connection with fashion and style, for instance as a famous ladies’ tailor, a couturier, a stylists and so on, and she continued in her violent anti-fat attitudes. Presently the witch is a self-styled dietician, a quack very popular on TV, a notorious fat-basher famous for her rabid attacks against fatness and its evil and sinful effects. Every now and then she is heard muttering “Three hundred years too late, three hundred years too late!” Nobody understands why she says so.
  3. Apr 6, 2013 #3




    Well-Known Member

    Oct 16, 2005
    Likes Received:
    Nice story...
  4. Apr 7, 2013 #4




    Well-Known Member

    Feb 26, 2006
    Likes Received:
    Thanks, I had fun writing it

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