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What really happened to Hänsel and Gretel - Part 1

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Orso

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(~BBW, Magic, Eating, Romance, ~MWG ) - The old, traditional story with one or two new twists

What really happened to Hänsel and Gretel
By Orso di Monte Ribelli

The night was pleasantly cool, in the old, quaint biergarten lindens were in full bloom and Max was relaxing. He read his paper at the international conference on the study of fairy tales just that afternoon, so he was enjoying the ambiance of the picturesque and charming small German town in Hesse where the meeting was held. The place was well chosen, because brothers Grimm lived and worked not far from there, many famous fairy tales took place just in the region and the town was very, very pleasant. The summer night was too lovely to go back to the hotel, so Max stayed and ordered another beer.

A few minutes later two Big Beautiful Women and a man walked in the beer-garden and sat to a table close to the one of Max, who gave them a quick look full of interest. One of the ladies was approaching middle age and the other young, both were pretty, well-dressed and at ease, blond and Max was sure they were also rosy-cheeked and blue-eyed. “Just like two Big Beautiful Women from a local fairy tale, just perfect. They must be mother and daughter”, he thought. Then he saw that the middle-aged gentleman who was with them, tall and well-built, walked towards his table.

“Good evening, professor” he said in a good English “I really liked the paper on the tale of Hänsel and Gretel you read this afternoon and, if I do not disturb, I would like to talk about it a few minutes, even if I am personally and not professionally interested in it”

Yes, Max soon would have been a professor, he would have begun teaching at a small college in September, so he deserved the title.

“Yes, of course, please sit down”

The gentleman introduced himself with one of those long-winded German aristocratic names and he definitely looked it. He had longish hair, fine features and the kind of casual country elegance that seems just the effect of chance, but if you look carefully you see that everything is carefully planned and studied.

The gentleman sat down, ordered a beer and began talking.

“You did a masterful analysis of Hänsel and Gretel, professor, with all the references to Vladimir Propp, to Structuralism and Lèvi-Strauss and to the Aarne-Thompson classification, but there is one thing you did not take into account: Hänsel and Gretel is not a fairy tale” and he a drank a swig of beer.

Max must have looked puzzled, because the gentleman added: “Well, it is not a fairy tale, because it is basically a true story, and at the same time it is, just let me tell what really happened.” And he drank again some of his beer.


‘First things first. The story took place in this region around 1660 and Hänsel was not a child but the village smith, a strapping young man, very big and very strong, so he was nicknamed Hänsel, “Little Hans”, just for contrast. Gretel was not a child either, but the most beautiful girl of the region, with long, flowing blond hair, bright blue eyes, rosy cheeks, a peaches-and-cream complexion and a gorgeous, round, soft fat body. Yes, she was what now is defined a Big Beautiful Woman – “Oh, he knows the term, interesting” Max thought – with remarkable breasts she enhanced wearing always a low-cut shirt and with an even more remarkable bottom. Gretel was not Hänsel’s sister but his fiancé, her real name was Margarete and she helped her mother – who also was a big beautiful woman, a famous beauty in her times – to run the village inn. Gretel was clever, intelligent, witty and very flirty, just like her mother was, so people crowded to have a drink in the inn and to chat and joke with the two women, occasionally trying to slap Gretel’s bottom and getting in exchange tankards of beer in the face or trays on the head. Sometimes the most hot-blooded customers had to be restrained and that was Hänsel’s task, who did it admirably, like the time he knocked out five obnoxious men from another village in seven minutes, and with lots of personal satisfaction. Fact is, Hänsel wasn’t one half as witty and clever as Gretel was, but he was quite jealous, so he was happy when he could teach a lesson to the most persistent people. But customers flocked to the inn, Gretel kept flirting a lot and sometimes people tried to sneak into the kitchen after her, so Hänsel, who spent all his evenings at the inn to keep an eye on what happened, often brooded and got more and more gloomy as the time passed.

Big beautiful women like Gretel and her mother were quite rare in the ravaged, famished, desperately poor Germany after the Thirty Years’ War, but the two women could afford all the food they wanted and were reasonably well off because of the inn and because of the local nobleman, old landgrave Philipp Maximilian von Fetvimenlofer, who was a good friend of Gretel’s mother. The aristocrat was a very, very good friend indeed and helped very much the then-young and undernourished woman – who anyway clearly showed that she would have bloomed under the appropriate conditions – when she moved into the town with a sick husband and opened a small, sorry inn. The landgrave visited her often, took the poor family under his protection and business prospered, just like Gretel’s mother who quickly bloomed into a big beautiful woman. Actually rumourmongers said that often the old landgrave was seen sneaking in and out of the inn at night, and when Gretel was born, five months after her father’s death, the same rumourmongers were quick in showing the likeness with the nobleman. Anyway the two big beautiful women were the paragon of the beauty, present and past, of this part of Hesse and the old landgrave became a widower shortly after Gretel’s mother arrived, so nobody complained much and rumourmongers were happy to have so many rumours to enjoy.’


‘Unfortunately many good things come to an end and one sad day the old landgrave fell ill, very ill. Gretel’s mother tried to go and visit him in the castle, but she was forced away by the servants and came back fuming.

“Just like I always thought. That scum of the people of the castle don’t want me to go and see the old billy-goat! That hypocrite did what he wanted with me, who had to bear his company for 25 years, he promised hundred times to marry me in secret, always postponed and now he’ll die and leave us in misery! I am sure he did not write a word about us in his will and that he did not leave anything for us, not even for you, his daughter! No, he has to show everybody that he still loves that dour, skinny, icy prig, who walked like she swallowed a stick” – actually Gretel’s mother used a much ruder expression – “and never had a kind word for anyone! And God only knows what will happen of his lands, his wealth and of us. I’ve been told that the only heir is a third or fourth nephew, let’s hope he can do something good for us”.’

‘Some days later the old landgrave died and everybody waited for the nephew to come and take possession of castle, lands and wealth, but no will was found. The usual rumourmongers anyway knew that the nephew, margrave Georg Emanuel von Fetvimenlofer zu Fider, was a rich, handsome and single young man.

“Ah, von and zu! Rich, young and handsome on top of that!” the mother said to Gretel looking at her in an expressive way “Maybe there is still some hope!”

Hans, who by chance entered silently the room in that moment, got pale, then red, then yellow, then green, then sneaked out before the two women realized and brooded even more.’


‘The young margrave arrived at last and he was handsome as everybody said. Very tall, as big as Hänsel and presumably as strong, he cut a great figure and many noble mothers of the region began scheming on behalf of their daughters. Anyway one of the first things the margrave did was to follow the steps of his uncle and visit the inn. He heard so many things about Gretel and her mother that he was anxious to see them and sure enough he began flirting with Gretel, who of course answered in kind. Furthermore food and beer of the inn were very good and the margrave was a good eater, so before long the he spent much of his free time in the tavern, courting Gretel, often asking the girl to sit at his table and feeding her abundantly with the best morsels from his dish. Clearly the margrave liked this play very much and Hänsel brooded like he never brooded in his whole life. Lots of customers hoped that some day or other Hänsel would lose his temper and attack the margrave, that would have been really a brawl to see and to talk about for years, but an unforeseen event happened.’


‘One morning Gretel went out in the woods to gather blackberries, strawberries and all other kind of berries as she often did, but this time, when she was in a lonely spot, six or seven bandits appeared and jumped at her. Gretel fought and screamed, she even managed to knock out two of the men kicking them in the groin, but everything was useless. The outlaws immobilized her, hoisted her on a horse and tied her to the saddle. Gretel, always a clever and cool-headed girl, was not much scared and to help a possible rescue left behind her a trail of beads from her necklace, pieces of cloth, anything she could use to mark her path in the deep wood. She also wondered who ordered the kidnapping, because she was sure that if the bandits were after a ransom would have chosen a better moment.

After a couple of hours, when the group was in the thickest of the wood, Gretel saw on the path Hänsel on horseback, with bags for a long travel.

“Surprised, Gretel?” asked the young man “Do you really think I would have allowed your mother to push you into the arms of that… that nobleman? No, never! I organized your kidnapping before that beastly man could snare you! Now we’ll go to the Free City of Frankfurt, where aristocracy has no power and all men are equal. We will marry and live happily there, far from lecherous nobility!”

Gretel delivered a shower of curses and insults on Hänsel, saying that it was not his business to care for her virtue and that she was free to do what she wanted, but the young man just shrugged and answered calmly: “Say what you want, I know you love me, so we will marry and live in Frankfurt.”

At this Gretel got even angrier at Hänsel and yelled that she would marry whomever she liked, but Hänsel did not even answer and the group marched on. The clever girl, however, continued to mark their road as she did before, just in case.’


‘Suddenly Gretel heard a strong thunder and tried to turn, but she could not move. This happened also to the men, who began yelling and cursing but fell silent when another thunder was heard, followed by a croaky voice.

“Wonderful, you brought me just what I needed, very kind of you! You deserve a reward, so I will let you go unharmed. Quick, get lost before I change my mind and send a lightning after you!” Gretel understood: it was the witch who lived in the depth of the forest.

The men, who could move again, ran away as fast as they could, excepted Hänsel who quickly placed himself between the witch and Gretel to protect her. The girl turned and the witch was there, a laughing old crone dressed in dirty rags. But all of a sudden, when the bandits were out of sight, the old hag turned into a lady not even middle aged, with a carefully arranged mane of black hair streaked with white and a fine face with sharp features. The newly revealed sorceress was very elegant too, as she wore a stylish green and white long robe that went perfectly with her tall height. Gretel was bewildered and thought that the sorceress would have been really beautiful if she were not so scrawny.

The enchantress laughed at Gretel’s astonishment, made a gesture that paralyzed the couple again and spoke in a pleasant voice: “Gretel, not all the witches are old and ugly, and the good-looking ones are a peculiar lot. Now let’s move, we must hurry home because we have many things to do. Hänsel really doesn’t want to leave you, so he shall come along. I need a strong young man in the house.”

The sorceress produced a broomstick, mounted on it, flew a couple of feet above the ground and the horses followed patiently.

After a time the group reached the witch’s house – that was once an elegant and cheery lodge but clearly nobody had taken care of it for a long time – went into an unkempt garden and stopped. The sorceress disappeared into the house and after a moment she came out with a big book. She muttered words, did gestures, sprinkled liquids around, waved a wand, looking into the book at every step of the procedure, then she repeated the performance with different words and gestures and finally looked at Gretel.

“Both of you can move, now. Hänsel is under my spell, so he’ll do only and precisely what I tell him and will not remember anything later on. I need you in your full senses, so I made a magic circle around the house: nobody can walk in or out of it, you included, my fair maid. Now I’ll have Hänsel giving us something to eat, then he’ll prepare a good meal and clean the house that’s a bit messy. He’ll also get a room ready for you”.

Hänsel served them a frugal meal and after it started setting in order the house that was really a mess; the sorceress went into her apartments and locked the door; Gretel immediately tried to escape. She crossed the garden and tried a few times to get out, but every time she felt a tingling sensation that became stronger as she went farther from the house and finally downright painful, so she came back dejected and tried to find something to do until the evening meal.’


‘At dusk the dinner was ready, the table was set and the two women got ready to eat. Hänsel produced an enormous meal, with venison, sausages, meat, fish, pies, dumplings, side dishes, wines, sweetmeat, and put everything in front of Gretel, who attacked the mountain of food with a good appetite. The enchantress ate just a few morsels of this and that, almost only vegetables and in a very, very small amount.

“That’s why she’s so skinny – thought Gretel – she must be ill, otherwise she’d eat in a normal way, would put a good deal of meat on her bones and she’d be really beautiful”.

“Surprised, Gretel?” said the sorceress who observed keenly the girl “I eat very little to keep me in shape, slim, pretty and elegant, I do not want to be like the fat cows you see around”.

“Fat cows? Slim and pretty? But it’s absolutely the contrary! Skinny women are ugly and sickly! You are interesting enough, beautiful in your way, but with 100 – 110 pounds more you would be absolutely stunning! Beauty is feminine softness and abundant curves, not flat, stinging skin and bones, and no man will ever like rail-thin women!”

“Hah, that’s what you think because your mind is tied to the current fashion. But I tell you, I know that in three centuries time the idea of feminine beauty will be just like me and even slimmer, I saw it in my magic mirror. Fat cows’ days are numbered, and I will take advantage of it!”

“She must be crazy – though Gretel – I better humour her”.

“And how will you take advantage of a thing so far away in the future?”

“Oh, I am sure that a clever promotion with a good testimonial, some ritzy, elegant and expensive dresses and some smooth, convincing talk will work wonders and change frames of mind and habits in a very short time. I’ll have also to show how difficult and expensive will be getting slim, so noblewomen of this land will fall for it immediately, then noblewomen of other places, then the womenfolk of bankers, wealthy merchants, doctors and lawyers, then everybody everywhere. It will be like an avalanche, getting bigger and bigger. Soon only low-class scum like you will still be balls of lard. Today Germany, tomorrow the world!”

“Yes, sure, but what will you gain?”

“Hah” answered the witch “I’ll give them potions to get thinner, diets not to get the weight back, pomades to take care of their face and skin, suggestions to get prettier, advice to be more elegant, patterns for their seamstresses to make luxury dresses, I will make scents and filters, draw jewels, bags, shoes and all this kind of things, for a price. A high price! And guess who will be the example, the model of this revolution? You! Here everybody thinks that you as one of the prettiest, if not the prettiest, girl of the region. When the noble ladies will see the new you, slim, elegant, well-dressed, fit, beautiful, they will immediately want to become like you!”

“And what will I gain? And Hänsel?”

“You, an obese whale, a heap of blubber, a serving wench? Nothing! You aren’t worth anything, you are just my tool. But wait, maybe you will get something. If you were a rich noblewoman everything would be easier. So tomorrow that idiot of the margrave will find in a corner of the library of his uncle a bundle of documents: the secret marriage act of that other idiot of the landgrave and your mother soon after your father’s death; the acknowledgement that you are his legitimate daughter, signed before the marriage; his will giving half of his wealth to you and your mother and papers showing that your family is a noble one, ruined and impoverished by the wars of religion of one hundred years ago and then by the Thirty Years War. It will be very easy to do it with my magical arts and you will profit from it. You’ll become a pretty, slim noblewoman” – and the witch laughed ironically – “and a model on top of that, so if you play your cards cleverly you’ll make a good marriage. Hänsel instead will stay here forever, or at least until I found someone stronger and younger. I told you that I need a strong man here. But now don’t waste time, eat, finish everything.”

Gretel looked at Hänsel that was standing near them with empty eyes, preferred not to talk about his fate and changed subject. “Eat? I thought I had to become thinner, beanpole-thin!”

“You shall be, eventually. But I must be absolutely sure that my filters and potions to slim down work, so I have to try them on a very fat woman. You are already grossly obese, Gretel, but you’ll have to gain weight, a lot of it, so eat!”

The girl continued happily to demolish the mountain of food and preferred not to think of the future, but even her healthy appetite was not enough. Gretel was full to the brim, much of the victuals were still there and the sorceress looked at her critically
.
“Hah, you didn’t even eat one half of the food. But it’s the first day, you need some training. Tomorrow you’ll do better, or else Hänsel will force-feed you. We have ways of making you eat! Today Hänsel will just give you some marzipan. You’ll eat lots of it, every day, it’s wonderfully fattening.”

Hänsel came with a box full of marzipan cakes and fed them to Gretel. In other circumstances she would have loved it, but not this time: there was not any sensuous feeling in the act but rather a hidden menace of violence and Hänsel, empty-eyed, was a bit mechanical, neither interested in feeding her nor in her. Anyway, after a few cakes, Gretel thought that feeding was feeding, and began to find even this practice pleasant.’
 

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