What would your dream lover appreciate about you?

Discussion in 'Fat sexuality' started by Tad, Jan 4, 2007.

  1. Jan 4, 2007 #1

    Tad

    Tad

    Tad

    mostly harmless

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2005
    Messages:
    12,984
    Likes Received:
    1,822
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The great white north, eh?
    First the set-up: We all like to be appreciated. I think we most like to be appreciated for those things that are important in our self-image. As an example, a guy for whom being good with tools is important and cooking is not important will respond better to appreciation for fixing the dishwasher than for making a great omelet. I’m sure psychologists and counselors have looked at this issue, but this is just my uneducated but not uninformed opinion. I see a least a couple of reasons for this phenomenon. One is that it tends to be uncomfortable to have contradictory or even clashing thoughts in our heads, for example “I’m good with tools like a man should be” and “I’m good at cooking.” Another is that I think our self-image tends to be lazy, that is it does not like to change. That is part of why as we age it is so hard to see ourselves that way. But when we are appreciated for something, we want to bask in that appreciation. To really do that however we’d have to change our self-image to add this thing into it. So we are torn, either having to update our self-image which is work and somewhat uncomfortable, or else let the praise slide past us, not taking full enjoyment for it.

    I think the same applies to our physical appearance as to our other talents. A pear-shaped woman might view her comparatively narrow waist as a sexy feature about her, and her comparatively wide hips as an unattractive feature. Finding a man who is mostly crazy for her wide hips is disconcerting: she wants his appreciation of her looks, but he is not appreciating something that she views as praiseworthy. Likewise a chubby woman might like that she has quite large breasts while her stomach is still almost flat, and tries not to think about her thighs. Meeting a guy who likes to emphasize the softness and roundness of her tummy, adores her thighs, and is only modestly interested in her breasts is bound to feel strange. Flipping it around, a guy who values that he is strong will feel a bit flummoxed by a woman who adores his big belly, while one sees himself as dapper and elegant may be nonplussed by compliment on his hairiness. Sometimes what we value may not even seem that extraordinary, but really matters to us—which makes it all the harder to get it appreciated.

    Finally the question: What would your dream lover appreciate about your body? What about non-physical attributes?

    (attached folk, this is hypothetical, you can play along too).

    Remember this is not necessarily what you think others would like about you or what you think your strongest points are, rather it is what you would like to have appreciated.

    At this moment, what comes to mind for me in the physical are: my chubby parts, the muscles in my legs, my longish fingers, my ability to chug along for long distances, and my neck (my neck is 100% unremarkable, but I’ve always wished that it was special). In the non-physical it would be: my flexibility and openness to new things, my enjoyment of fat, my imagination, my non-“macho”-ness, and my sense of duty.

    So what are yours?

    Regards;

    -Ed
     
  2. Jan 4, 2007 #2

    starwater

    starwater

    starwater

    Redhead Goddess&Newbie

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2006
    Messages:
    78
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    ,
    My dream lover would appreciate...


    Non-physical
    - my sense of humour, my impulsivity and my creativity.

    Physical - my chest, my lips, my hair... and my eyes, which I always thought were kind of ordinary. It'd be nice for someone to find them special.
     
  3. Jan 4, 2007 #3

    supersoup

    supersoup

    supersoup

    Nice to meet you beanbag.

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2006
    Messages:
    3,893
    Likes Received:
    710
    Location:
    ,
    oooooh this is a brilliant topic. i shall repost as soon as i come up with something souptastic to say.
     
  4. Jan 5, 2007 #4

    Green Eyed Fairy

    Green Eyed Fairy

    Green Eyed Fairy

    Moving Forward

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2006
    Messages:
    18,211
    Likes Received:
    2,571
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    In Your Head
    He would definitely appreciate how gd hard I work for everyone and everything...
    He would also appreciate how often I think of him- and show it.
     
  5. Jan 5, 2007 #5

    Fuzzy Necromancer

    Fuzzy Necromancer

    Fuzzy Necromancer

    Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2006
    Messages:
    1,496
    Likes Received:
    149
    Location:
    ,
    They would appreciate my firm but femanine butt, and some other aspect of my physical appearance. If they don't like my body, they're just a friend.

    They would also appreciate...my stories. My short story ideas, my monster concepts, they would enjoy hearing about the gods and goblins I make up. They would appreciate my nerdousity and literary finesse.
     
  6. Jan 5, 2007 #6

    ChrisVersion2

    ChrisVersion2

    ChrisVersion2

    0110100001101001

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2005
    Messages:
    898
    Likes Received:
    143
    Location:
    kimball.chris,
    How about just accepting who I am, and why I am the way that I am.

    -- Whoah, this is heavy. Hmmm, there must be something wrong with the gravitational pull. Someone remind me the check into that in the future.
     
  7. Jan 5, 2007 #7

    supersoup

    supersoup

    supersoup

    Nice to meet you beanbag.

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2006
    Messages:
    3,893
    Likes Received:
    710
    Location:
    ,
    physical--whatever they choose to adore about me is fine with me, whatever tickles your pickle, ya know?



    non-physical--i'd want someone who appreciates my sense of humor, my randomness, my big heart, my desire to better myself, and my complete and all encompassing dorkiness.
     
  8. Jan 5, 2007 #8

    Blondeegrldd

    Blondeegrldd

    Blondeegrldd

    Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2005
    Messages:
    319
    Likes Received:
    22
    Location:
    ,
    My legs, because I was teased far too much in high school for having thick legs. They're coming back with a vengeance.
     
  9. Jan 5, 2007 #9

    AnnMarie

    AnnMarie

    AnnMarie

    ✰cuddly and terrifying✰

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2005
    Messages:
    16,222
    Likes Received:
    1,554
    Location:
    ,
    physical = face, eyes, hair, hips, neck, thighs, calves and cankles... the gazey, light-fingered brushing good spots. :wubu:

    non-physical = my shyness, my sensitive ways, my quirky worries that amount to almost nothing, my obscure geeky knowledge, my desire to give my all when something is worth it, and my sense of humor.

    Tall order, but we'll see. I'm sure I can sucker someone into it. :batting:
     
    Tad and Chimpi like this.
  10. Jan 5, 2007 #10

    mmm12mmm

    mmm12mmm

    mmm12mmm

    Fan BBW

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2006
    Messages:
    346
    Likes Received:
    18
    Location:
    ,
    Physical: I can not prefer this or that part of the body, I perceive all in a complex. All arranges me. Special attention I give the appearance: the man should be always smoothly бритым, have an accurate hairdress, pure boots, accurate nails and dear aroma of perfum!
    Not physical: known violinist Paganini was ugly, however by all is favourite and dear, especially women! Presence of grey substance in a cranium of the man compensates External physical defects.

    edx: I thank for an interesting theme!

    With deep respect for interlocutors,

    Max
     
  11. Jan 5, 2007 #11

    starwater

    starwater

    starwater

    Redhead Goddess&Newbie

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2006
    Messages:
    78
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    ,
    I forgot those!


    Agreed. :)
     
  12. Jan 5, 2007 #12

    activistfatgirl

    activistfatgirl

    activistfatgirl

    donuts at the finish line

    Joined:
    May 21, 2006
    Messages:
    4,114
    Likes Received:
    797
    Location:
    ,
    edx, you're the best least appreciated poster, here. Remind me to rep you weekly, would ya?

    I love this topic. Makes me feel all dreamy, which I admit isn't that common as far as relationships go.

    My dream lover would appreciate and adore about me (if I could choose):

    Physical: eyes, lips, big features, hair, breasts (cause I love them), thighs (because I hate them), would love my ass and belly but not more so than other parts so I don't think "is my ass good enough for Mr. Ass Man??"

    Non-Physical: My work. They would love and be interested in my activism, and recognize it's the most important thing to me. They would love how hard working and dedicated I am, and how much I sacrifice. My background. My ideal lover would respect that my childhood was rough and love what I've done with my life (a childhood dream). They would trust my instincts. They would adore my deeply introspective but intuitive and emotional charged manner or speaking and thinking about the world...and ask my opinion about everything about the state of the world to the state of my best friend's love life, recognizing that I see all the little pieces together--and they love that! I suppose I'd like to be thought of as deep, witty, funny, smart. I'd like to be adored for being brilliant, yet sort of crazy. I want someone to adore me for being a very special bright, flickering light of my own color.
     
    mmm12mmm likes this.
  13. Jan 5, 2007 #13

    djewell

    djewell

    djewell

    el judeo

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2006
    Messages:
    378
    Likes Received:
    63
    Location:
    ,
    physical: anything that floated their boat. as long as they found me physically attractive i would be enchanted by them because for some reason compliments get to me.

    non-physical:my intelligence, and also the fact that i am not like other people, that i am naive but intensely fierce (whatever that means) the fact that i care sooooooo very deeply for other people and the world. and also my deepness. for some reason ive always felt very profound, and when people compliment this i am pleased.
     
  14. Jan 5, 2007 #14

    UncannyBruceman

    UncannyBruceman

    UncannyBruceman

    Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2005
    Messages:
    965
    Likes Received:
    134
    Location:
    ,
    What would MY dreamlover appreciate about me? Hmmm...ask her yourself.
     
    Jay West Coast likes this.
  15. Jan 5, 2007 #15

    Totmacher

    Totmacher

    Totmacher

    Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2005
    Messages:
    2,024
    Likes Received:
    118
    Location:
    ,
    Everything that doesn't need improvement. This is a dreamlover after all. Why settle for anything less?
     
  16. Jan 5, 2007 #16

    RedHotAva

    RedHotAva

    RedHotAva

    Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2006
    Messages:
    280
    Likes Received:
    24
    Location:
    ,
    Physical- I've always been roundest in the middle(which I have learned to like), but envious of pear shapes, so I love it when someone admires my ass or hips. Makes me feel pretty. I love to have my feet noticed too- they're big, but I keep them very soft and pedicured. Also love when someone appreciates the way I dress- mostly modest but still cute and preppy (I don't HAVE to let it all hang out to look good)

    Non physical- my smarts, my fierce loyalty, my generosity
     
    Tad likes this.
  17. Jan 5, 2007 #17

    furious styles

    furious styles

    furious styles

    goodbye halcyon days

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2005
    Messages:
    1,990
    Likes Received:
    703
    Location:
    ,
    my honestly...my taste..

    hmm...and my face...?
     
  18. Jan 5, 2007 #18

    lemmink

    lemmink

    lemmink

    THE PUMMEL IS COMING

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2005
    Messages:
    769
    Likes Received:
    73
    Location:
    ,
    Generally it seems to be:

    Physical: my 'exoticness'.
    Non-physical: my somewhat dominant manner. :)
     
  19. Jan 5, 2007 #19

    snuggletiger

    snuggletiger

    snuggletiger

    Clowns Fear Me

    Joined:
    May 15, 2006
    Messages:
    4,915
    Likes Received:
    318
    Location:
    ,
    Physical: I guess my smile. Maybe my 6'4" height

    Non-Physical: My sense of humor, the fact I like to make other people laugh and smile and even giggle. The fact that I try my hardest even if the results don't come out like I anticipate. That I like to be affectionate and talky.
     
  20. Jan 5, 2007 #20

    itsfine

    itsfine

    itsfine

    Miss Manda

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2006
    Messages:
    98
    Likes Received:
    22
    Location:
    ,
    appreciate about my body?
    Everything. I think as a whole my body is pretty awesomely porportioned. haha. Usually they fall for my eyes and smile, and then proceed to love from there.

    What about non-physical attributes?
    Theyd like how friendly I am. My laugh. My sarcasm. Hell, If this were my dream guy he'd love it all.


    I'm bad at choosing just a few things! :huh:
     

Share This Page