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Archetypus

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Dec 29, 2012
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To be honest you're a pointless poster who rarely if ever has anything but mean spirited things to say. If you believe the people on this forum to be weirdos then fuck off already. Nobody cares about your opinion. Where on the flip side librarygirl is actually a valued poster.

Thanks, fella. Feel better now? Good.

All of your name calling & tantrums aside, I feel as if I offered a fair insight into a situation the young lady posts about often enough. Sorry if you didn't like it. You'll live.

Even though justifying myself to you is beneath me, it's simple enough: she was given bad advice. I offered a counter that is simply better grounded in reality. If you disagree, try articulating that next time instead of rattling your unimpressive sabre.

Also, I feel as if the majority of my posts have been of a very benign, if somewhat banal, tone. When in Rome, after all . . .

I'm not such a bad fellow, once you get to know me.

Smell ya later, Mutton Chops.
 

biglynch

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http://www.facebook.com/#!/aiden.j.lynch,
Its not about feeling better. I find it interesting that you feel I'm name calling, and that I was having a tantrum. Remember you branded people weird. The simple point is what I said is a fact.

I couldn't care less of whether you feel you need to justify your comments or not, or if you believe me to be above or below you. I'm not here to impress you with my words of wisdom. I'm a simple man with a simple tongue. You are a bully who picks situations when others are at their lowest, to throw his shitty 2 cents in.

Fact.
 

MsBrightside

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Archetypus, you're absolutely right about not being able to know someone from a few words posted on the internet; something that's probably good for all of us to keep in mind. I probably should not have tried to come up with a specific example based on so little information; but my primary point was that there could be lots of reasons behind his behavior, and they don't necessarily have anything to do with her. Your apparent disagreement with that point doesn't seem to have any stronger basis.

If you have helpful insights to share, have you considered offering them with a bit more sensitivity? All of us struggle with one thing or another, and attempting to show a little empathy doesn't seem like a bad thing to me.
 

fat hiker

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..., if you're even half as clingy toward him in life as you are here, maybe he has noticed & is trying to avoid the Dreaded Talk while trying to spare your feelings. Maybe you should learn to take a hint...

And you talk about bad advice, not based on reality?

Reality is that there's nothing in her postings that comes across as clingy - unless you see all females who want to talk as 'clingy'.

Perhaps you should learn to take a hint, and do better analysis of postings before jumping to conclusions. Even better, ask questions and join in the conversation, before descending from Olympus and declaring us all fools.
 

Archetypus

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Archetypus, you're absolutely right about not being able to know someone from a few words posted on the internet; something that's probably good for all of us to keep in mind. I probably should not have tried to come up with a specific example based on so little information; but my primary point was that there could be lots of reasons behind his behavior, and they don't necessarily have anything to do with her. Your apparent disagreement with that point doesn't seem to have any stronger basis.

If you have helpful insights to share, have you considered offering them with a bit more sensitivity? All of us struggle with one thing or another, and attempting to show a little empathy doesn't seem like a bad thing to me.


MsBrightside, fair enough.

A careful reading of my initial post will show that I don't necessarily disagree with your point, it's just that I think one should always be sure to first take careful stock of the role they play in their own lives before projecting blame & avoiding responsibility.

I'm empathetic enough. Out of the dozens, or scores, of posts made about this man, anonymously & without his consent, this is the first I've addressed the issue...because "sensitivity". And I may have even left this post unremarked as well, had you & that other dude not piped up about that 'bipolar personality disorder' or 'its-not-you-its-him' crap.

You seem like like a decent person, Brightside. So it's with respect when I say that I am always skeptical of the advice of people who formulate opinion without fact & value emotion over truth.
 

Amaranthine

Adamant Anti-Nihilist
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Archetypus, you're absolutely right about not being able to know someone from a few words posted on the internet;

I agree with this more than anything else.

As for the situation...I remember reading things in the past, and I'm not currently feeling very efficient at stalking, but does this friend have a significant other of some sort?

Because with the amount you tend to analyze your relationship with him on here, it may be obvious how you feel and that may affect how consistently he can view your friendship and interact with you.

Additionally, specifically because you do focus on all the nuances of the social interaction, you may be reading way too into it. Like...it could be very much the case that none of those things cross his mind; he's just acting how he's naturally inclined to act and that might be inconsistent. It may not even occur to him that the fluctuations are bothering you. I know I can personally blow very hot and cold with friendships, because I tend to see them casually. I just don't have the energy to give everyone my full attention all the time; but it doesn't mean I regard them any less highly.

But, the surest (albeit, potentially, least kind) point I can make here is that if you keep on putting so much effort/analysis/emotion into this friendship, you're probably on the road to driving yourself a little crazy. It maybe kind-of seems like he has way too much of a hold on your neurotransmitters (if you want to be reductionist about it...) for someone in his position (if he does have an SO or is just not interested) for you to ever feel peaceful over it. Have you ever considered taking a step back to see if he seeks you out for socialization? That can serve as a decent litmus test and gives him the opportunity to feel the lack of your presence in his life.
 

Librarygirl

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Sep 13, 2011
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Thanks Amaranthine. I appreciate the advice. I have been largely avoiding him until joint projects have meant I've needed to seek him out again. I know it prob sounds like I just can't accept he's not into me, but this all started to be more than casual friendship because he kept seeking me out, randomly joining me at tea breaks, making me late for work duties, finding reasons to work together, asking if I still heard from my ex- boyfriend etc- just seems like as soon as I started to enjoy this he backed off. Other people have noticed he seems withdrawn too, so it may be just him and noting to do with any of us.


But- I get what you are saying about taking things personally/ having too much wrapped up in this friendship and think I will just avoid him as far as is possible at work- he will either come back or not, but either way I'll get more peace of mind.

Thanks all for the advice.
 

Cobra Verde

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Jul 26, 2009
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I'm still pissed at Scotland. How do you fuck that up after bitching about the English for 1000 years?
Perhaps I should just be happy for them that they didn't fuck up worse and accidentally elect ISIS...
 

Saoirse

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I'm still pissed at Scotland. How do you fuck that up after bitching about the English for 1000 years?
Perhaps I should just be happy for them that they didn't fuck up worse and accidentally elect ISIS...

yup. William Wallace is turning in his grave. just think of all the Braveheart memes we wouldve seen.
 

Ruby Ripples

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People bitching about topics that they then make obvious they know nothing about.

I'm still pissed at Scotland. How do you fuck that up after bitching about the English for 1000 years?
Perhaps I should just be happy for them that they didn't fuck up worse and accidentally elect ISIS...

wow you're clearly American. and... 1000 years? think you need to do a lot of studying.
 

Cobra Verde

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No, I was right, they first started bitching about the English on September 22, 1014 at 6:39 PM.
That's just basic history.
 

Cobra Verde

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yup. William Wallace is turning in his grave. just think of all the Braveheart memes we wouldve seen.

hfAPwin.png
 

Xyantha Reborn

- Actually Very Tame!
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My manager has slowly stripped me off all reaponsibility and freedom. As a self directed, motivated person i can actually feel myself withdrawing and doing less, because if i do less she can have less opportunities to harrass me. I hate managers who are emotional, give mixed feedback and blame everything on you.

I dont mind feedback, but i hate being actively limited and sabotaged at every turn. Why are female managers so hard to deal with? Seriously, stop being an emotional nutcase and do your job! I am sure there are some really good ones out there, but i have never personally met any...

Grr!!
 

Tad

Dimensions' loiterer
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The great white north, eh?
My manager has slowly stripped me off all reaponsibility and freedom. As a self directed, motivated person i can actually feel myself withdrawing and doing less, because if i do less she can have less opportunities to harrass me. I hate managers who are emotional, give mixed feedback and blame everything on you.

I dont mind feedback, but i hate being actively limited and sabotaged at every turn. Why are female managers so hard to deal with? Seriously, stop being an emotional nutcase and do your job! I am sure there are some really good ones out there, but i have never personally met any...

Grr!!

Ugh--that is about the worst, in my mind. I'd even prefer outright hostile to that sort of thing. (and it is not only women, mind you....)

I hope you can find an exit from this situation. That sort of thing is just a toxic soup you don't want to be ingesting five days a week :-(
 

Saoirse

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I dont mind feedback, but i hate being actively limited and sabotaged at every turn. Why are female managers so hard to deal with? Seriously, stop being an emotional nutcase and do your job! I am sure there are some really good ones out there, but i have never personally met any...

Grr!!

There ARE great female managers and its sad that you had to stoop so low as to lump all females with authority in one big, sexist pot.

My manager is female and SHE'S AMAZING.
 

Xyantha Reborn

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I specifically said i am sure there are some - but i have not had a single good female manager. Conversely, every male one has been amazing. Thats jusst been my experience...i wish i had experienced your situation - and still hope to...But so far i am nil on the good experiences. I dont mean - oh, she is so mean...i mean in the hr violation kind of way.

I cant communicate to you how intimidating it is to be harrassed, sexually or professionally. Ironically, if it was man, hr would step in much faster...because they dont deem it as remotely possible for a woman to harrass another woman. And THAT is sexist too.

Perhaps i worded it poorly, but at the same time - it IS my experience...and i hope some day it will change.
 

Yakatori

Hard to say, really...
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Mar 22, 2011
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"My manager has slowly stripped me off all..."
Can't start off a post like that and it winds up being about actual harassment/work.

"...My manager is female and SHE'S AMAZING."
Certainly, a manager can be female and AMAZING. And sadistic and cruel and loveable (to someone..), all at the same time. Being highly effective at something deemed important is a common pathway for how some people also manage to get away with a certain degree of dysfunction.

"...if it was man, hr would step in much faster...because..."
Meh...maybe. Maybe that's how it is at your company. For now. But, different companies have different priorities, work culture(s) in different areas, etc...polices & implementation that, at times, more or less reflects that. Hard to know more precisely until you've worked all around (a particular company) for a while.

Because, of course, in whatever little pocket or work-group you happen to find yourself in, it can all change pretty quickly with the exchange of a few personnel in a key spots. Like, it might be (at least partly) that she's putting the screws to you because that's how they're doing it to her. And that's just rough, being at the bottom of that pile that it all rolls down off of...

Especially because she could very well be on her way out. Or not. So, that's why you hear people say that good people generally don't leave companies. It's managers/management that they flee from... Depending on what you have invested there, it may or may not be worth it for you to flee your boss.

Can't really know until you actively begin to research what opportunities are out there for you.
 

loopytheone

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My ex wont leave me the hell alone. It has been six months since we split up and I have moved on. I've already had to block him on every website we have together and now he is going to a group I am an admin in on deviantART and saying I have forced him out of the group because he 'can't stand the pain of seeing his ex's art' with everything else happening to him and generally slagging me off.

I haven't risen to it and have just ignored him and he has now left the group anyway but I am getting seriously pissed off that he wont leave me alone.
 

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