When did you realize you were attracted to big girls?

Discussion in 'Fat sexuality' started by johnny99, Jun 28, 2018.

  1. Jul 5, 2018 #21

    Tad

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    I'm sure I have said all of this before, but maybe not recently

    I realized really young that I had warm fuzzy feelings towards fat folk. We moved when I was eight, and I met a couple of super-suzed Mom's (the first super sized people I had met) and discovered that I was also fascinated with fat people.

    A few years later puberty hit, and suddenly one day the chubbiest girl in class went from 'a fellow chunky kid's to completely fascinating. I metaphored that attraction as something like a magnetic attraction between our little tummies.

    I was not exclusively attracted to fatter girls at that point, but my imagination kept going back to fat, and over time (by late teens) I concluded that in the long term I would only want to settle down with a fat partner.
     
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  2. Jul 5, 2018 #22

    LifelongFA

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    I so remember those catalogs - had exactly the same experience in the 80s, when it was a challenge to explore our early curious interest in what those catalogs often called "Queen Sizes".

    About this time, I remember babysitting my at my cousins and seeing a copy of BBW Magazine in my aunts stack of periodicals. That eventually led me to Dimensions Magazine as at some point, they began to advertise in the tiny ads in the back of BBW. There was a tiny boxed ad (like 1/8th of a page in size) that said "Prefer Fat?" The rest, as they say, is history.
     
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2018
  3. Jul 5, 2018 #23

    LifelongFA

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    I seriously don't remember any of the girls in my high school that would have been over 300 lbs. Don't think I ever even saw a 500 lb woman until my first NAAFA event. Clearly, you received a superior education!
     
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  4. Jul 6, 2018 #24

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    There were some of us that would use the term “NAFFA” Fat to describe supersized individuals.
     
  5. Jul 6, 2018 #25

    TwoSwords

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    It was certainly a thrill and a half, just being in the same class with her.

    Note to all people of size; whenever you begin to feel depressed, or worried that no one likes you, remember that there might be people in your classroom, or workplace, or five regulars at the place you work, who consider the mere sight of you the highlight of their week. Remember those people in your times of difficulty, and try to see the beauty that they see. It can really transform your self-image if you let it.
     
  6. Jul 6, 2018 #26

    LifelongFA

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    I wish that large folks realized how many admirers truly exist - far more than most would imagine
     
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  7. Jul 9, 2018 #27

    laronde

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    Long-time lurker; these last two comments struck me so much that I felt compelled to come out of lurking just to reply:

    In order for larger folk to realize they have admirers, those admirers would have to be willing to openly express said admiration. Real-life, in-the-flesh, out-in-the-open admiration.

    I would also say that knowing that there may be people secretly attracted to you isn’t necessarily going to do much for your self-image. If a person were looking to brighten the day of someone he/she was attracted to, I’d say making the effort to actually approach and engage them would go a long way.

    As a SuperFat, finding out that there were apparently guys who were attracted to BBWs/SSBBWs was initially interesting... until I realized that they were mostly quiet and closeted. Quite a painful realization indeed (by far the most painful thing about being fat, for me) — the very opposite of an esteem booster.

    Being admired in secret means nothing if you, like most folks out there, are actually looking for something tangible — dating, relationships, love, marriage. Being admired in secret is the same as not being admired at all as far as that goes.
     
  8. Jul 9, 2018 #28

    TwoSwords

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    I've had admirers in the past who thought they were keeping it a secret from me, and even when I wasn't interested in them, I still found it to be an ego boost. Very different from not being admired at all.

    As for making the effort to approach and engage, speaking personally, I always do this at least twice for each encounter, provided that there's a chance of us meeting again (such as meeting at work or a friend's house.) However, there have always been obstacles.

    1. She looks at me like I have three heads.
    2. She asks me what I'm talking about, with a very confused expression.
    3. She spends a few seconds looking at me, then flees, to avoid me for the next several months.
    4. She just sort of bursts out laughing, or tries to crack a joke at my expense.
    5. Finally, and this one has been, in my experience, the best case by a mile, you start talking, she starts talking, you chat a couple of times, for an encounter or two, and then on your third encounter, you pay her a compliment, and she kind of breaks down, and tries to convince you not to have those feelings.

    Putting it bluntly, when a guy opens up to a big girl, he's placing himself in her hands, and he can only be shown so many times that it doesn't work, before he starts to lose heart. As for just sort of approaching a total stranger in public to tell them they're the most gorgeous creature you've seen in months, I think we both know how that would end.

    I think most people are shy about meeting new people, but given the large number of fat girls with strong prejudices against people with feelings like mine (the "it's a fetish" meme has ingrained itself strongly into the culture as a whole,) I think we can be forgiven for wanting to guage the situation before directly coming out.

    P.S.: Usually, when I hear people use the term "closet" online, in regard to FAs, it refers to a person who is willing to date, and is currently either dating a fat girl, or has done so in the past, but dates them in a way designed to keep their friends and relatives, and the public at large, from finding out. That sort of behavior is inexcusable, but wanting to protect yourself from being ridiculed by the person you feel most strongly for is not.
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2018
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  9. Jul 9, 2018 #29

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    Sometimes it is not just the feat of it being a fetish thing, but there are men out there whaling, or hogging (whatever they are calling it now days). I once had a man ask me to dance, we were out on the dance floor and his buddy came up and took a picture. I asked what it was about. He calmly said it was a scavenger hunt, he was hoping for points for dancing with the fattest woman. Yay me
     
  10. Jul 9, 2018 #30

    TwoSwords

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    Yes, I've heard of this nonsense. Is this meant to connect up with something I said, or is it more of a side point, to expound on the scope of the issue?

    In the latter case, I would certainly agree that this kind of behavior serves to make the problem as a whole bigger. However, that just means that everyone needs to work harder to find a solution.
     
  11. Jul 9, 2018 #31

    DragonFly

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    It was meant to expand the ideas of what fat women fear, I thought that was pretty clear in what I stated.

    FAs often get a hard time because they have to put up with reactions that are caused by other people’s crass acts.
     
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  12. Jul 9, 2018 #32

    LifelongFA

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    For what it is worth, I just want to clarify my earlier comment. First, my perception is that most FAs go through a phase (remember we are talking about when we FIRST realized we were attracted to big women) where we are just trying to figure it all out. This is very different from a long-time closet admirer or someone who preys upon big women. Second, from personal experience, many big women don't realize that there are so many FAs out there.

    We have all witnessed an evolution in the past decade in the LGBTQ world. Part of this has had to do with getting the word out there to those individuals and the rest of the public that "you are not alone". I think it is important for both FAs and large folks that they know this as well. I know for myself, getting involved in the "scene" as it were back in the day, gave me a lot of confidence to "come out" and live life as a proud FA.

    My comment was just meant to encourage discussion and to remind us we are not alone, not to downplay or trivialize the pain that many have experienced.
     
  13. Jul 9, 2018 #33

    BigElectricKat

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    That is just the meanest, heartless thing I've ever heard of.
     
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  14. Jul 9, 2018 #34

    BigElectricKat

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    I don't think there will ever be a solution that works for everybody.
     
  15. Jul 9, 2018 #35

    DragonFly

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    It was many years ago and now I can look back and laugh. There have been worse things. Nothing is worse than a drunk frat boy with a cell phone!
     
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  16. Jul 9, 2018 #36

    BigElectricKat

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    I hope that episode didn't sour your taste for dancing. That would be a shame.:(
     
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  17. Jul 10, 2018 #37

    TwoSwords

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    I sort of agree, but not because it's impossible. I don't think there will be such a solution, because I don't think there will ever be enough people working at it hard enough.
     
  18. Jul 10, 2018 #38

    LifelongFA

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    Frat boy's loss is potentially a lucky FAs dream come true!
     
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  19. Jul 10, 2018 #39

    DragonFly

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    I like that attitude! I find as I mature (read-get old) I am less bothered by some things. You also develop coping skills. Unfortunately one of them is the just not acknowledging anyone’s interest.
     
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  20. Jul 10, 2018 #40

    BigElectricKat

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    So basically, are we saying that BBW's and BHM's can no longer trust the motivations of people that may be flirting/sending signals of attraction for fear of hidden agendas and that we should just remain alone, wallowing in our own despair? Or be lucky enough that an FA/FFA happened to fall into our ample laps?
     
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