MMM works for me...but I'm the fat one, let me do the rollin'
I've had opinions about this drama but I haven't been posting about it. The reason is I think those who are offended have the right to be feel as offended as they are. The argument that "everyone's been fucking cruel at someone's expense" doesn't hold for me.
I wasn't so much offended by the exchanges between the two Loves as shocked - to learn that that's how they really think. Both of them had put up a good front. I was surprised that one of them was so stupid as to mistakenly send it to someone else. But I feel the women who really feel hurt by it have the right to feel as they do - it's not for us to say.
If they were proud of themselves they wouldn't crack from the comments of two anonymous posters on a messageboard.
Yes, of course that is what I meant. But of course, you, AnnMarie, an astute, logical, and well-reasoned person (among others here), would know that without question.I think she just meant if they were confused, they could look in their own history to see how it happened.... not suggesting that someone else do so... and that is not possible - to be clear.
Yes, of course that is what I meant. But of course, you, AnnMarie, an astute, logical, and well-reasoned person (among others here), would know that without question.
Does that mean they should be black listed forever...?
I don't feel hurt by it, because I refuse to let strangers have that much power over me. I am not judging those who do -- especially not the intended targets. And just so we're clear, I wasn't excusing *anyone* (including myself) by saying that we're all cruel, so let's let them off the hook. It's nasty, cruel behavior ... and it is nasty, cruel behavior when *I* indulge in it, or when anyone else does. I just happen to believe that to one extent or another, we all indulge. I absolutely know that it is true of some of the people who are, this very moment, outraged by LovesBHMS & Love Dubh's remarks. I know it, because they've made snide remarks about other people *to me*. Does it make it any better that it wasn't fat-bashing? That it was, for example, pointing out a perceived character flaw in someone? Or poking fun at someone's fashion choices?
The point is (at least to me), the remarks *did* get out. The parties involved weren't discreet enough. At least one of them copied, pasted, and then FORWARDED the remarks to someone else who hadn't been involved in the conversation. Whether she intended to forward it to the person who then leaked it isn't the issue ... the fact remains that she hit the 'send' button, and she has to own that responsibility. She cannot hide behind a claim to privacy. When she made the conscious choice to send her own words to someone else, she lost a right to that claim.
I would have more empathy for both of them if they'd have simply acknowledged that they made a terrible mistake, apologized profusely, and then quietly sat back to see if there was going to be a chance to redeem themselves. Instead, I watched them both make snide remarks in their avatars, snide remarks to other people, and excuses for why they said what they did.
Finally, there is the nature of the remarks. This isn't about a general dislike for two people. The remarks are themselves indicative of a deep loathing for very fat people in general. I have to wonder, if they feel this way, why *do* they belong to Dims?
For the last time.
Given that both LD and I have said we are deeply sorry and embarassed by this, neither of us intentionally forwarded the PMs to anyone.
We both sat back and said nothing but that was not enough.
We each issued apologies. I issued a second one as well as numerous very detailed and personal PMs to people I knew I had offended.
Neither of us wanted this to happen. We both feel awful. We both admit that and we have each gone into detail in private about where our feelings are.
The collateral damage done is sad. I once again deeply regret that my own personal bias and prejudice has hurt people who trusted me.
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