Recently, I've read a couple threads that echoed the intense frustration that many BHMs have about finding loving relationships with women. Some BHMs made statements that could be construed as passive-aggressive at best and self-martyring at worst. There we're angry opinions and expressions on both sides, and it seemed far too many feelings got hurt. Why? Most of you don't know me at all, and a couple may have a hint of who I am. I've been lurking around Dimensions, posting and reading for years now. I've posted in the past with the same negative sentiments that some BHMs have shared recently, and all along. This dead horse is still quite beaten. To give the Reader's Digest version of who I am, well, I'll even make it shorter. I'm a lifelong BHM, a geek turned athlete (think football and hurling large things), turned again geek, who gained a lot after high school. I had zero luck with women, never having even a second date until the last few years. I lost my virginity to a street walker, and my earliest sexual encounters were confusing, costly and left me with the need to shower off the shame. I was used by women -- who themselves were often abused in their past and chose me as their "revenge" against male humanity. Every girlfriend I had ever had cheated on me, lied to me, used me and/or betrayed me. Name it, and I probably endured it. I was the stereo-typical nice guy -- a doormat. I wasn't strong, trying too hard to please. I was insecure, confused and lost. I was an injured, screaming animals with predators circling in. I blamed everyone else. I blamed the women who claimed I was their best friend but never their lover. I blamed thin people, marketing campaigns and jerks for all of it. I went years without being touched and nearly lost my mind. I held the razor blade against my wrist trying to build the near to end it all. But something changed ... me! I channeled my focus into other things, and not my being alone. I went out and would dance alone without apology. I read, geeked out and kept to my own. I accepted that ultimately I was responsible for my own happiness and made amends to my life. I stopped blaming others and I just went out and tried to have fun. Guess what campers, I started to date. Granted it's a jungle out there for the dimensionally-gifted, but I wasn't looking for true love, just someone to hang out with, eat the occasional meal with and such. I'd used my time alone to study about sexuality, fetish, BDSM and the like, and learned ways to be a good lover -- even without the practice. When after four years of being involuntarily celibate offered a chance to end, I rose to the occasion. Though against my nature, I made the first move and kissed her, long and well. I chose to be strong, sexual and able. I was a man. I channeled all my pent up desires into pleasing this woman, finding my need to be touched relieved at last. She quickly became my willing slave and I her masterful lover. I loved her well and for many months. In time it became clear to me that we weren't going to work out. I broke things off and I dated more. I took a couple lovers and continued to live within my strength with them. Most importantly I was a man and not a victim. I never hurt anyone, nor would I. I treated every woman I loved with respect, tenderness and generosity, and I loved her like I'd never been hurt, but I didn't put her on a pedestal from which she couldn't exist. Every woman is a mystery, a goddess and a blessing to behold, but they are also all too human, just like you and I. In time I found my love, my beauty -- my fiance. I have been with her every day since and I love her passionately. She make me happy, loves me for who I am and is the best lover I've ever had. We are equals in all ways, but she is mine in the bedroom and in my heart (as is her wish). I am her man, not that wounded animal long ago. Gentlemen, you are masters of sensuality. Who but a BHM would truly know how to love a woman with all of his senses. Yes, women have preferences and are attracted to different kinds of men, but most will respond to a man who is a man, not a wimp. Complaining on the Internet will not remedy loneliness. Get out there. Post honest ads and reply on personal forums. Go dancing. Talk to that cute girl reading in the book store (but leave the one behind the counter alone, she's paid to be friendly and helpful). Be confident, be honest, be brave -- if necessary fake and feign your nerve until it becomes real, but get out there and love as many women as you can and show them that the Abercrombie and Fitch boys may look good, but nothing will feel as good to them and being held in your arms lovingly all night. And to all the lovely ladies, BBW, FFA, etc, that are reading this -- thank you!