Dr. Feelgood
intellectual nerd
In the restaurants of America, desserts are taking a beating. If you'd like to have some sadistic fun the next time you eat out, when your server asks if you'd like dessert, say "I sure would like a piece of apple pie." That deer-in-the-headlights look you'll get is priceless (NB: This doesn't work at Marie Callender's; they actually have pie. Apparently they have cornered the pie market). After a preliminary stutter, your server will say, "We don't have apple pie, but we DO have three-kinds-of-cake-five-kinds-of-ice-cream-with-chocolate-strawberry-and-butterscotch-topping-whipped-cream-nuts-gummi-bears-sardines-and-a-cherry-on-top* (Every chain restaurant in America serves this. Probably three quarters of their customers are families with children, and when I was a kid I would have killed for something like this. It probably would have killed me, too)." There will be two other dessert options: tiramisu (made with cornstarch) and cheesecake (made with styrofoam). And nobody even KNOWS what tapioca is.** What happened to simple desserts? Does anybody know? 
*Just kidding about the sardines.
**There are places in Boston where you can get Indian pudding. Do it.
*Just kidding about the sardines.
**There are places in Boston where you can get Indian pudding. Do it.
