Britt Reid
Library Editor
~BBW Introspection, Sexual Fantasy, ~MWG – a growing young lady comes to know and love her natural self
Chapter 1 – Entering a new world
Chelsea stepped out of the shower and grabbed the towel that hung nearby. As she did, she felt the familiar jiggle in her belly and butt.
She bent down to dry her legs, causing her breasts and belly to hang down and shake about with her movements. Even though she could feel these sensations, she had gotten very good at ignoring them and pretending nothing was out of the ordinary. She was in denial about all the weight she had accumulated. During the rare instances when she did allow herself to recognize the changes in her body she felt so big. She felt so… trapped.
Chelsea began getting dressed, pulling on her clearly-too-tight clothes. She didn’t consciously grasp the fact that she was drawing more attention to her weight by squeezing into such undersized clothing. She was inwardly too scared to admit that she needed a bigger size. In her head she still believed she was going to get a back down to her old weight, after all she hadn’t really gained that much had she, so she didn’t see the need to get bigger clothes.
Chelsea looked at the clock. She was supposed to meet an old friend for lunch and she needed to hurry if she was going to make it on time. She rushed through her make-up, but managed not to mess it up. She looked over her face to make sure she looked okay. Her face had gotten a lot rounder in the last few years. But she didn’t linger on that, she just touched up her lipstick and headed out the door. She didn’t look down at her body once during her time in front of the mirror. She never did that anymore.
When she arrived at the restaurant, Gabby was already there waiting for her.
[italics]Wow, Gabby has gotten really big[/italics], she thought to herself.
Of course Chelsea didn’t realize the irony in her pointing out how big somebody else had gotten. It didn’t matter, though, she was happy to see her friend after so long. Gabby had gotten married to a guy named Marc and moved to California a few years earlier. The two hadn’t seen each other since then, though they would talk on the phone often. They had a lot to talk about - during her time away Gabby had acted as a surrogate mother for Marc’s sister.
Guess she’s having trouble losing the baby weight, Chelsea thought…
The two settled into the booth and chatted away, just like old times. Gabby ordered a plate of chicken fingers as an appetizer and ate almost all of it herself as Chelsea only took one, even though she wanted more. While she ate a lot at home, she would never finish her meals around others - another feeble attempt to somehow trick people into thinking she wasn’t gaining weight.
The two happily chatted away as they moved on to their entrees, never bringing up the issue of weight, until Gabby finished her meal and noticed Chelsea had only eaten about half of what was on her plate.
“Come on,” laughed Gabby, pointing to Chelsea’s plate. “There’s no way you’re full.”
Chelsea played it off with a laugh. “No, I’m good. I’ll get the rest to go.”
“Really? You look like a girl who enjoys a big meal,” Gabby said, not realizing that her friend wasn’t nearly as comfortable with her weight as she was. Chelsea’s face turned bright red.
“Yeah, well, looks like you do, too.” She was smiling and chuckling as she said it, but underneath she was mortified that someone had noticed her weight gain.
“Tell me about it” Gabby laughed, grabbing hold of her round belly. “Marc calls me his ‘flabby Gabby’ now.”
She was laughing about it and Chelsea was confused. “Aw, that’s mean.”
“No, no, I kind of like it,” said Gabby. “It’s just a little pet name. Besides, it’s not like it isn’t true. Gosh, isn’t it so freeing being fat and being able to eat whatever you want and not having to worry about all that skinny girl crap?”
Chelsea’s face somehow managed to get even redder. Gabby realized that she might have crossed a line.
“Oh my, I’m so sorry, Chelsea,” she said, reaching for her friend’s hand. “I didn’t mean -”
“It’s okay,” Chelsea interrupted, even though she was clearly embarrassed by the comments. Then she surprised herself by adding “I haven’t really dealt with it yet.”
She never talked about her weight gain with anyone before. She guessed she was just that comfortable talking with her good friend.
“It’s okay, Sweetie,” said Gabby reassuringly. “I went through the same thing after the baby. I had all this extra weight to lose and kept putting it off until one day I said to Marc, ‘I don’t know how I’m gonna lose all this weight.’
“Then he held me and said I still looked hot and that he didn’t care if I was big, actually he rather enjoyed it. And I realized that I really didn’t care either, and that I was only so worried about losing the weight because that’s what you’re supposed to do.”
Chelsea was hanging on Gabby’s every word. This whole idea about being okay with your weight was such a foreign concept to her.
“So I basically said ‘to hell with it’ and now I just eat what I want and whatever the scale says, so be it,” Gabby continued. “It’s very freeing to be able to look into the mirror and be honestly fine with seeing a little extra here and there.”
Gabby’s grin told Chelsea that every word of this was true, and that her friend was happy. She was transfixed with what Gabby was saying.
“So how big are you now?” asked Chelsea, too lost in the story to realize how rude a question it was. By the time it dawned on her, Gabby was already happily answering.
“Well, I was 191 pounds last I checked, which was like a week ago. What about you? Or are you not okay with me asking, because that’s fine.”
Chelsea didn’t want to answer that question, but she also didn’t want to look all depressed about her weight when her friend was so clearly fine with it. Didn’t matter, though, as she truthfully didn’t have an answer.
“I don’t know,” she laughed. “I’ve been terrified of the scale.”
Gabby laughed as well, and was seemingly going to stop pressing the issue, but Chelsea found herself giving away more information. She finally had an outlet to talk about the weight issue with someone who might be able to help her, and she was going to take advantage.
“Last I checked I was like 165 pounds, but that was months ago.”
Gabby could tell that her friend needed help getting through this. “Well, if you’re up to it I think you should weigh yourself. You know, so you can at least see where you’re at.”
“You think so? I’m terrified to see what numbers come up.”
“That’s okay,” Gabby said. “It’s scary, I know. But really, you realize you’re not skinny anymore, right? And that you weigh more than that 165 pounds?”
“Yeah,” replied Chelsea. It felt strange to say that. She had been telling herself she was still a thin girl, just trapped in a bigger girl’s body until she could lose the weight.
“Okay, good,” Gabby continued. “Now honestly, what do you think is the worst possible number that could realistically come up on the scale? Realistically?”
“I don’t know,” Chelsea said in an unsure tone. “200?”
Gabby laughed at that. “Girl, I’m not even 200 pounds and I’m definitely a few pounds ahead of you. Let’s say the biggest you could possibly be is, like, 185 pounds. So we know you’re probably somewhere between 165 and 185, right?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Okay, well then if you know that then what’s the harm in double-checking on the scale? Then that’s one less thing to stress about. And then, you know, you can take it from there.”
“I guess you’re right,” Chelsea admitted, and she meant it. If she knew her weight, then that question would no longer be hanging over her head all the time.
“Tell you what,” started Gabby, “let’s go to the mall right now and get you a scale. I don’t want to be pushy but I care about you so much and I just hate to see you down about something as silly as a few extra pounds.”
Chelsea looked into her friend’s eyes and knew Gabby was sincere. She seemed so at ease with herself, and Chelsea wanted to feel that relief, too.
“Okay,” she said. “Let’s do it.”
“Well, here goes nothing,” Chelsea said as she stepped up onto the scale. Gabby stood next to her, holding her hand and trying to give her friend as much support as she needed to get through this dilemma.
“No matter what the scale says, you’re still gonna be a cutie,” Gabby said, which made Chelsea giggle nervously. She was terrified of seeing how big she had really become, even if she knew it had to be done. She stared up at the ceiling, not able to look at the scale.
“What’s it say?” she asked Gabby, whose hand she was gripping tightly.
“You’re 178 pounds, babe.”
Chelsea nervously exhaled long and loudly.
“Okay,” she said, her voice quivering from nerves.
“See? Not as bad as you thought,” said Gabby, trying to be supportive.
Chelsea giggled nervously. There were a million thoughts running through her head at the moment.
“You okay, honey?” Gabby asked.
“Yeah,” Chelsea said with fake confidence. “Wow… 178 pounds.”
“Feels good at least knowing though, right?”
“Yeah, I guess so. I mean, I had to face it sometime.”
“Well, I’m glad you feel better,” Gabby said, pulling her friend in for a big hug. As they rocked back and forth in their embrace, Chelsea felt her big belly pressing into Gabby’s own portly middle.
Chelsea laid in her bed that night, unable to sleep. She had weighed herself countless more times since Gabby left. 178 stared back at her each time. That number flashed in her head endlessly as she adjusted her pillow for the thousandth time.
She thought back to her college years, when she had been on the cross country team. She was no Olympian, but she was good enough to finish the long races in a respectable time. She couldn’t have been more than 125 pounds back then. She had a very flat stomach and maybe a little extra padding in her butt, but nothing out of the ordinary.
The only reason she knew that she looked that way is because of the pictures she had from those days. She couldn’t for the life of her remember what it felt like to have no stomach sticking out in front of her. It was like that little runner was some other person instead of just a past version of her.
She thought about her junior year, when she messed up her knee and had to get surgery. And then another surgery when the first didn’t work. Then another. She still had pain in her knee years later. The pills she took to keep the pain manageable of course had the pleasant side effect of weight gain. They didn’t necessarily put pounds on her, but they slowed her metabolism down significantly. She’d stopped taking them a few different times over the years in an effort to curb the weight gain, but the pain in her knee would get too intense and she had to take the pills again.
With her days as a runner behind her, she’d let depression and laziness take over. She could tell she was gaining a little weight, but she couldn’t exercise because of her knee. She would start and stop diets constantly. Gabby would tease her about that. Then again, Gabby was only like 140 or so back then, so she turned out to be just as guilty of skipping diets as Chelsea.
After graduating, Chelsea got a job in an office, and sitting on her butt in front of a computer all day didn’t help with the weight issues. It was around this time that she began to start ignoring what was happening to her body and trying to hide it from people, herself included. That was a few years ago. Now she was 26 years old and weighed 178 pounds. She still couldn’t believe it in a way, even though she had been there as each pound was packed on.
She finally gave up trying to sleep for the time being and got on her computer. After idly surfing around the internet for a bit, she came across an ad for some weight-loss miracle drug. It was clearly a scam - they all are - but a bit about Body Mass Index grabbed her attention. She wondered what her BMI was, now that she knew her weight. She found a site that calculated BMI and typed in her height (5’4”) and weight (178 lbs.). The calculator gave her an answer of 30.6. She looked at the conversion chart and turned chalk white as she read “Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater.”
She felt the tears welling up in her eyes. Obese? God, how did she let it get so bad? She hated the way this made her feel; hated worrying about her weight all the time. It was sucking the life out of her. At that moment, she needed a friend.
“Hello? Chelsea?” Gabby answered groggily, clearly awaken from a deep sleep by her ringing cell phone. “Is everything okay?”
Chelsea was bawling into the phone. Her words were barely audible through her sniffling. “I’m Obese. I’m never gonna be skinny again.”
“Chelsea, calm down,” Gabby said in a soothing voice. “You’re not obese, all right? It’s gonna be okay. You’ll lose the weight.”
“No, it’s not,” Chelsea shot back. “I’ve been trying too long and I get nowhere. I’m always gonna be this big.”
Gabby didn‘t know what to say. Her friend was deteriorating on the other end of the phone, so she had to be gentle. But at the same time, she wanted to be truthful and help Chelsea. After a few moments of silence, she finally came back with “Well, there are worse things that could happen…”
“I know,” Chelsea sniffled. “I couldn’t sleep and I’ve been sitting here thinking about it all night and I… How did you become okay with being big?”
“Well, I confronted it head on,” replied Gabby, still making sure to handle Chelsea delicately.
“Can you help me learn to be okay with it?” asked Chelsea, who was still crying, although softer than before. “I know I’m not skinny anymore and I’m never going to be skinny again because of my knee. This is who I am now and I just…” She started crying really hard again before finishing “…I just want to be happy like you and get on with my life.”
Gabby felt so bad for her friend. She knew what it was like to struggle with weight. She had gotten through it, though, and now she hoped she could lead her friend through it as well. It wasn’t going to be easy; she would have to take off the kid gloves.
“It’s going to be okay, Chelsea,” she reassured her friend. “We’ll get you through this, honey. Are you sure this is what you want, though? You’re really fine with the idea of being a fat girl from now on?”
Chelsea was still weeping loudly into the phone. After a long stretch without a reply, she finally offered a response. “Yes, I need to accept the fact that I’m going to stay a big woman from now on.”
“That’s not what I asked, Chelsea,“ said Gabby, unsure if she was being too hard on the crying girl but knowing that she had to be firm if she was going to get Chelsea out of this shame spiral. “I know you’re hurting, girl, but if you’re going to get through this and become comfortable with who you are, you need to do this, okay? You need to admit you’re fat. Not ‘big’ or ‘large‘, just fat. I haven’t heard you use that word since I’ve been back. It’s okay, it’s not the end of the world and once you’re used to it you will be better off.”
Chelsea was a mess on the other end of the line. Gabby was dead right though; she hadn’t used the “f word” in a long, long time. She wiped some of the tears from her cheek and took a deep breath. Finally, she said it.
“I’m fat.”
“See?” said Gabby back through the phone. “No big deal, right? It’s just a word.”
“I’m so fat,” Chelsea sniffled again.
“We’re both fat, honey. Just a couple of fat asses,” Gabby laughed.
Gabby couldn’t see it, but Chelsea managed the slightest smile on the other end of the phone, even though she was still choking back tears.
“Gabby?” she sniffled and hiccupped into her cell phone, “Can you come help me tomorrow? I think I want to go get new clothes and get this all over with.”
“Of course I will, babe. You know I’m always here for you.”
They said their goodbyes and Chelsea went back to her bed and tried to sleep again. She thought about what had just happened and what she was in store for. She meant what she had said to Gabby; she was ready to put the past behind her and begin a new chapter in her life. That skinny little cross country runner was dead and gone. She placed a hand on her large, round belly. This is who she was now. She drifted off to sleep thinking about what tomorrow would bring.
Acceptance
(Formatted and edited by permission from the FF original]
By SMP
(Formatted and edited by permission from the FF original]
By SMP
Chapter 1 – Entering a new world
Chelsea stepped out of the shower and grabbed the towel that hung nearby. As she did, she felt the familiar jiggle in her belly and butt.
She bent down to dry her legs, causing her breasts and belly to hang down and shake about with her movements. Even though she could feel these sensations, she had gotten very good at ignoring them and pretending nothing was out of the ordinary. She was in denial about all the weight she had accumulated. During the rare instances when she did allow herself to recognize the changes in her body she felt so big. She felt so… trapped.
Chelsea began getting dressed, pulling on her clearly-too-tight clothes. She didn’t consciously grasp the fact that she was drawing more attention to her weight by squeezing into such undersized clothing. She was inwardly too scared to admit that she needed a bigger size. In her head she still believed she was going to get a back down to her old weight, after all she hadn’t really gained that much had she, so she didn’t see the need to get bigger clothes.
Chelsea looked at the clock. She was supposed to meet an old friend for lunch and she needed to hurry if she was going to make it on time. She rushed through her make-up, but managed not to mess it up. She looked over her face to make sure she looked okay. Her face had gotten a lot rounder in the last few years. But she didn’t linger on that, she just touched up her lipstick and headed out the door. She didn’t look down at her body once during her time in front of the mirror. She never did that anymore.
When she arrived at the restaurant, Gabby was already there waiting for her.
[italics]Wow, Gabby has gotten really big[/italics], she thought to herself.
Of course Chelsea didn’t realize the irony in her pointing out how big somebody else had gotten. It didn’t matter, though, she was happy to see her friend after so long. Gabby had gotten married to a guy named Marc and moved to California a few years earlier. The two hadn’t seen each other since then, though they would talk on the phone often. They had a lot to talk about - during her time away Gabby had acted as a surrogate mother for Marc’s sister.
Guess she’s having trouble losing the baby weight, Chelsea thought…
The two settled into the booth and chatted away, just like old times. Gabby ordered a plate of chicken fingers as an appetizer and ate almost all of it herself as Chelsea only took one, even though she wanted more. While she ate a lot at home, she would never finish her meals around others - another feeble attempt to somehow trick people into thinking she wasn’t gaining weight.
The two happily chatted away as they moved on to their entrees, never bringing up the issue of weight, until Gabby finished her meal and noticed Chelsea had only eaten about half of what was on her plate.
“Come on,” laughed Gabby, pointing to Chelsea’s plate. “There’s no way you’re full.”
Chelsea played it off with a laugh. “No, I’m good. I’ll get the rest to go.”
“Really? You look like a girl who enjoys a big meal,” Gabby said, not realizing that her friend wasn’t nearly as comfortable with her weight as she was. Chelsea’s face turned bright red.
“Yeah, well, looks like you do, too.” She was smiling and chuckling as she said it, but underneath she was mortified that someone had noticed her weight gain.
“Tell me about it” Gabby laughed, grabbing hold of her round belly. “Marc calls me his ‘flabby Gabby’ now.”
She was laughing about it and Chelsea was confused. “Aw, that’s mean.”
“No, no, I kind of like it,” said Gabby. “It’s just a little pet name. Besides, it’s not like it isn’t true. Gosh, isn’t it so freeing being fat and being able to eat whatever you want and not having to worry about all that skinny girl crap?”
Chelsea’s face somehow managed to get even redder. Gabby realized that she might have crossed a line.
“Oh my, I’m so sorry, Chelsea,” she said, reaching for her friend’s hand. “I didn’t mean -”
“It’s okay,” Chelsea interrupted, even though she was clearly embarrassed by the comments. Then she surprised herself by adding “I haven’t really dealt with it yet.”
She never talked about her weight gain with anyone before. She guessed she was just that comfortable talking with her good friend.
“It’s okay, Sweetie,” said Gabby reassuringly. “I went through the same thing after the baby. I had all this extra weight to lose and kept putting it off until one day I said to Marc, ‘I don’t know how I’m gonna lose all this weight.’
“Then he held me and said I still looked hot and that he didn’t care if I was big, actually he rather enjoyed it. And I realized that I really didn’t care either, and that I was only so worried about losing the weight because that’s what you’re supposed to do.”
Chelsea was hanging on Gabby’s every word. This whole idea about being okay with your weight was such a foreign concept to her.
“So I basically said ‘to hell with it’ and now I just eat what I want and whatever the scale says, so be it,” Gabby continued. “It’s very freeing to be able to look into the mirror and be honestly fine with seeing a little extra here and there.”
Gabby’s grin told Chelsea that every word of this was true, and that her friend was happy. She was transfixed with what Gabby was saying.
“So how big are you now?” asked Chelsea, too lost in the story to realize how rude a question it was. By the time it dawned on her, Gabby was already happily answering.
“Well, I was 191 pounds last I checked, which was like a week ago. What about you? Or are you not okay with me asking, because that’s fine.”
Chelsea didn’t want to answer that question, but she also didn’t want to look all depressed about her weight when her friend was so clearly fine with it. Didn’t matter, though, as she truthfully didn’t have an answer.
“I don’t know,” she laughed. “I’ve been terrified of the scale.”
Gabby laughed as well, and was seemingly going to stop pressing the issue, but Chelsea found herself giving away more information. She finally had an outlet to talk about the weight issue with someone who might be able to help her, and she was going to take advantage.
“Last I checked I was like 165 pounds, but that was months ago.”
Gabby could tell that her friend needed help getting through this. “Well, if you’re up to it I think you should weigh yourself. You know, so you can at least see where you’re at.”
“You think so? I’m terrified to see what numbers come up.”
“That’s okay,” Gabby said. “It’s scary, I know. But really, you realize you’re not skinny anymore, right? And that you weigh more than that 165 pounds?”
“Yeah,” replied Chelsea. It felt strange to say that. She had been telling herself she was still a thin girl, just trapped in a bigger girl’s body until she could lose the weight.
“Okay, good,” Gabby continued. “Now honestly, what do you think is the worst possible number that could realistically come up on the scale? Realistically?”
“I don’t know,” Chelsea said in an unsure tone. “200?”
Gabby laughed at that. “Girl, I’m not even 200 pounds and I’m definitely a few pounds ahead of you. Let’s say the biggest you could possibly be is, like, 185 pounds. So we know you’re probably somewhere between 165 and 185, right?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Okay, well then if you know that then what’s the harm in double-checking on the scale? Then that’s one less thing to stress about. And then, you know, you can take it from there.”
“I guess you’re right,” Chelsea admitted, and she meant it. If she knew her weight, then that question would no longer be hanging over her head all the time.
“Tell you what,” started Gabby, “let’s go to the mall right now and get you a scale. I don’t want to be pushy but I care about you so much and I just hate to see you down about something as silly as a few extra pounds.”
Chelsea looked into her friend’s eyes and knew Gabby was sincere. She seemed so at ease with herself, and Chelsea wanted to feel that relief, too.
“Okay,” she said. “Let’s do it.”
“Well, here goes nothing,” Chelsea said as she stepped up onto the scale. Gabby stood next to her, holding her hand and trying to give her friend as much support as she needed to get through this dilemma.
“No matter what the scale says, you’re still gonna be a cutie,” Gabby said, which made Chelsea giggle nervously. She was terrified of seeing how big she had really become, even if she knew it had to be done. She stared up at the ceiling, not able to look at the scale.
“What’s it say?” she asked Gabby, whose hand she was gripping tightly.
“You’re 178 pounds, babe.”
Chelsea nervously exhaled long and loudly.
“Okay,” she said, her voice quivering from nerves.
“See? Not as bad as you thought,” said Gabby, trying to be supportive.
Chelsea giggled nervously. There were a million thoughts running through her head at the moment.
“You okay, honey?” Gabby asked.
“Yeah,” Chelsea said with fake confidence. “Wow… 178 pounds.”
“Feels good at least knowing though, right?”
“Yeah, I guess so. I mean, I had to face it sometime.”
“Well, I’m glad you feel better,” Gabby said, pulling her friend in for a big hug. As they rocked back and forth in their embrace, Chelsea felt her big belly pressing into Gabby’s own portly middle.
Chelsea laid in her bed that night, unable to sleep. She had weighed herself countless more times since Gabby left. 178 stared back at her each time. That number flashed in her head endlessly as she adjusted her pillow for the thousandth time.
She thought back to her college years, when she had been on the cross country team. She was no Olympian, but she was good enough to finish the long races in a respectable time. She couldn’t have been more than 125 pounds back then. She had a very flat stomach and maybe a little extra padding in her butt, but nothing out of the ordinary.
The only reason she knew that she looked that way is because of the pictures she had from those days. She couldn’t for the life of her remember what it felt like to have no stomach sticking out in front of her. It was like that little runner was some other person instead of just a past version of her.
She thought about her junior year, when she messed up her knee and had to get surgery. And then another surgery when the first didn’t work. Then another. She still had pain in her knee years later. The pills she took to keep the pain manageable of course had the pleasant side effect of weight gain. They didn’t necessarily put pounds on her, but they slowed her metabolism down significantly. She’d stopped taking them a few different times over the years in an effort to curb the weight gain, but the pain in her knee would get too intense and she had to take the pills again.
With her days as a runner behind her, she’d let depression and laziness take over. She could tell she was gaining a little weight, but she couldn’t exercise because of her knee. She would start and stop diets constantly. Gabby would tease her about that. Then again, Gabby was only like 140 or so back then, so she turned out to be just as guilty of skipping diets as Chelsea.
After graduating, Chelsea got a job in an office, and sitting on her butt in front of a computer all day didn’t help with the weight issues. It was around this time that she began to start ignoring what was happening to her body and trying to hide it from people, herself included. That was a few years ago. Now she was 26 years old and weighed 178 pounds. She still couldn’t believe it in a way, even though she had been there as each pound was packed on.
She finally gave up trying to sleep for the time being and got on her computer. After idly surfing around the internet for a bit, she came across an ad for some weight-loss miracle drug. It was clearly a scam - they all are - but a bit about Body Mass Index grabbed her attention. She wondered what her BMI was, now that she knew her weight. She found a site that calculated BMI and typed in her height (5’4”) and weight (178 lbs.). The calculator gave her an answer of 30.6. She looked at the conversion chart and turned chalk white as she read “Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater.”
She felt the tears welling up in her eyes. Obese? God, how did she let it get so bad? She hated the way this made her feel; hated worrying about her weight all the time. It was sucking the life out of her. At that moment, she needed a friend.
“Hello? Chelsea?” Gabby answered groggily, clearly awaken from a deep sleep by her ringing cell phone. “Is everything okay?”
Chelsea was bawling into the phone. Her words were barely audible through her sniffling. “I’m Obese. I’m never gonna be skinny again.”
“Chelsea, calm down,” Gabby said in a soothing voice. “You’re not obese, all right? It’s gonna be okay. You’ll lose the weight.”
“No, it’s not,” Chelsea shot back. “I’ve been trying too long and I get nowhere. I’m always gonna be this big.”
Gabby didn‘t know what to say. Her friend was deteriorating on the other end of the phone, so she had to be gentle. But at the same time, she wanted to be truthful and help Chelsea. After a few moments of silence, she finally came back with “Well, there are worse things that could happen…”
“I know,” Chelsea sniffled. “I couldn’t sleep and I’ve been sitting here thinking about it all night and I… How did you become okay with being big?”
“Well, I confronted it head on,” replied Gabby, still making sure to handle Chelsea delicately.
“Can you help me learn to be okay with it?” asked Chelsea, who was still crying, although softer than before. “I know I’m not skinny anymore and I’m never going to be skinny again because of my knee. This is who I am now and I just…” She started crying really hard again before finishing “…I just want to be happy like you and get on with my life.”
Gabby felt so bad for her friend. She knew what it was like to struggle with weight. She had gotten through it, though, and now she hoped she could lead her friend through it as well. It wasn’t going to be easy; she would have to take off the kid gloves.
“It’s going to be okay, Chelsea,” she reassured her friend. “We’ll get you through this, honey. Are you sure this is what you want, though? You’re really fine with the idea of being a fat girl from now on?”
Chelsea was still weeping loudly into the phone. After a long stretch without a reply, she finally offered a response. “Yes, I need to accept the fact that I’m going to stay a big woman from now on.”
“That’s not what I asked, Chelsea,“ said Gabby, unsure if she was being too hard on the crying girl but knowing that she had to be firm if she was going to get Chelsea out of this shame spiral. “I know you’re hurting, girl, but if you’re going to get through this and become comfortable with who you are, you need to do this, okay? You need to admit you’re fat. Not ‘big’ or ‘large‘, just fat. I haven’t heard you use that word since I’ve been back. It’s okay, it’s not the end of the world and once you’re used to it you will be better off.”
Chelsea was a mess on the other end of the line. Gabby was dead right though; she hadn’t used the “f word” in a long, long time. She wiped some of the tears from her cheek and took a deep breath. Finally, she said it.
“I’m fat.”
“See?” said Gabby back through the phone. “No big deal, right? It’s just a word.”
“I’m so fat,” Chelsea sniffled again.
“We’re both fat, honey. Just a couple of fat asses,” Gabby laughed.
Gabby couldn’t see it, but Chelsea managed the slightest smile on the other end of the phone, even though she was still choking back tears.
“Gabby?” she sniffled and hiccupped into her cell phone, “Can you come help me tomorrow? I think I want to go get new clothes and get this all over with.”
“Of course I will, babe. You know I’m always here for you.”
They said their goodbyes and Chelsea went back to her bed and tried to sleep again. She thought about what had just happened and what she was in store for. She meant what she had said to Gabby; she was ready to put the past behind her and begin a new chapter in her life. That skinny little cross country runner was dead and gone. She placed a hand on her large, round belly. This is who she was now. She drifted off to sleep thinking about what tomorrow would bring.
