I’m a 38 year old BHM in the midst of a messy divorce from a decade+ abusive marriage. As I do a post-mortem of the relationship, it becomes clear to me that, while my ex-wife may have loved me for the perfect thin man I could be, she never really loved the actual fat guy she married. As I examine the marriage (the only really serious, long term relationship I’ve had) plus the assorted number of abortive & half formed relationships I’ve been through, I’ve come to realize that no woman I’ve been with has ever accepted and loved me as I am. In addition to my usual bouts of anxiety and depression, I also find myself enveloped within an ever tightening shroud of bitterness. I feel like to much of my past is contaminated with pain and anger & consequently there’s really no way that I can ever develop a healthy relationship with the opposite sex. I don’t know anymore, any thoughts?