Sandie_Zitkus
In Rememberance
A life lesson.
Sometimes where you expect kindness you get cruelty - and where you expect cruelty you get kindness.
We went to Scarborough Faire today - I hated every second of it, except for the last hour, which should have been the worst but turned out to be the best experience of the day. It had RAINED - the fair grounds was a mud pit. Needless to say, getting around in my scooter was a challenge. I was not enjoying myself at all - the people seemed weird, everything was overpriced, the vendors were rude, and it was cold and wet.
So anyway, we had just decided to leave and were on one of the mud roads heading uphill to where the exit was. I noticed that the power on my scooter was very low. I looked up and there he was (I've talked too much on this board about this person, so I won't say much here.) but there he was. It stopped me dead in my tracks. There was the man I had a ten-year friendship; the man I called my brother; the man that I loved like family at one point; than man who recently told me we were no longer friends and won't speak to me, talking to a vendor. At first, I was stunned and didn't know what to do. And in spite of all the leftover anger and pain, I was genuinely happy to see him. He wouldn't even look at me, and when Wayne went up to him to say hello, he got a quick "Hello, Wayne" and he turned around to continue talking to the vendor.
I had to get out of there because I didn't want him to see me cry - again. So we started up the path toward the exit, which kept getting muddier and muddier. Since we were heading uphill in mud the consistency of molasses, the scooter was working very hard. And then ..... nothing.
Scooter died in the middle of Scarborough Faire. We were at least a quarter-mile from the exit. Wayne thought he could push me and the scooter uphill - he gave it a valent effort, but couldn't get me over a little bridge, and the scooter was completlty dead by this time.
One guy helped Wayne push me over the bridge, but we still had a quarter-mile to go to the exit. Then there was another guy who was helping Wayne try and figure out what was wrong with the scooter. And then he and Wayne pushed me off onto the side of the road, out of the crowd.
Then this man's family showed up - his sister, his daughter, and two little kids. And they all wanted to know what they could do to help. Well, Wayne and the gentleman tried to figure out if something had come disconnected, but everything looked OK. As they couldn't find anything wrong, Wayne decided to go get the charger out of the Honda.
I honestly thought the family was going to disappear into the crow, but they stayed with me. We talked and laughed, and they said they would stay with me until Wayne got back. They were incredibly kind.
Wayne was gone for almost 20 minutes, and when he came back, we all decided that the charging would not work. So Wayne and the man whose name we never learned pushed up the rest of the hill and we stopped to try and figure out how to get me to the front gate. I noticed there was a gate right there that was padlocked, and I said to the gentleman "You know, if we can get that gate opened, we could get me out into the parking lot." We were talking about it when another couple that was passing by heard what we were talking about. They suggested finding a vendor with a walkie-talkie, and we happened to be in front of a vendor who had one. So the gentleman walked down to the vendor ans asked him to see if he could get someone to open the gate.
He came back and said the vendor had contacted Security. At that point, the family decided to leave, since we were going to be OK. We thanked them, and they disappeared into the crowd.
It had started to rain again, and Wayne pushed me closer to the gate - by himself. We then waited for someone to arrive to help us in the cold, pouring rain. Finally, some Security guys showed up with a first aider, and then a turkey-leg vendor showed up with an umbrella. He had seen us waiting in the rain and came over on his own so we could be protected from the rain. They suggested that Wayne go get the Honda and bring it over to the gate. And once again, these two gentlemen stayed with me until Wayne got back with the truck. They tried to keep me as dry as possible and apologized profusely for not getting me out sooner. The introduced themselves to me, but in the confusion I forgot the names - all I could think of was how cold I was. They were very kind to me.
Then Security finally showed up with a key, just as Wayne was backing the Honda up near the gate. They unlocked the gate and at least three men pushed me out the gate to the truck. Then one of the guys took my had, helped me get off the scooter, and helped me into the truck. And the other two helped Wayne get the scooter loaded into the truck.
I have never experienced such a range of emotions in such a short period of time. SOmeone I thought I knew and who I though knew me surprised my by the depths of his cruelty toward me - someone he said he loved. And strangers (who I've come to expect cruelty from, as a fat woman) showed me kindness and compassion that I'm still overwhelmed by.
I know this is a bigger lesson than I understand right now. Having to deal with sorrow and elation in a span of 20 minutes is overwhelming. For cruelty to come from where I expected compassion, and for compassion to come from where I expected cruelty is a painful and delightful surprise.
I really don't know how to deal with my emotions right now. Well (I guess) this too shall be revealed.
[Next problem: Sooter broke. Stevie Nicks concert Friday.
]
Sometimes where you expect kindness you get cruelty - and where you expect cruelty you get kindness.
We went to Scarborough Faire today - I hated every second of it, except for the last hour, which should have been the worst but turned out to be the best experience of the day. It had RAINED - the fair grounds was a mud pit. Needless to say, getting around in my scooter was a challenge. I was not enjoying myself at all - the people seemed weird, everything was overpriced, the vendors were rude, and it was cold and wet.
So anyway, we had just decided to leave and were on one of the mud roads heading uphill to where the exit was. I noticed that the power on my scooter was very low. I looked up and there he was (I've talked too much on this board about this person, so I won't say much here.) but there he was. It stopped me dead in my tracks. There was the man I had a ten-year friendship; the man I called my brother; the man that I loved like family at one point; than man who recently told me we were no longer friends and won't speak to me, talking to a vendor. At first, I was stunned and didn't know what to do. And in spite of all the leftover anger and pain, I was genuinely happy to see him. He wouldn't even look at me, and when Wayne went up to him to say hello, he got a quick "Hello, Wayne" and he turned around to continue talking to the vendor.
I had to get out of there because I didn't want him to see me cry - again. So we started up the path toward the exit, which kept getting muddier and muddier. Since we were heading uphill in mud the consistency of molasses, the scooter was working very hard. And then ..... nothing.
Scooter died in the middle of Scarborough Faire. We were at least a quarter-mile from the exit. Wayne thought he could push me and the scooter uphill - he gave it a valent effort, but couldn't get me over a little bridge, and the scooter was completlty dead by this time.
One guy helped Wayne push me over the bridge, but we still had a quarter-mile to go to the exit. Then there was another guy who was helping Wayne try and figure out what was wrong with the scooter. And then he and Wayne pushed me off onto the side of the road, out of the crowd.
Then this man's family showed up - his sister, his daughter, and two little kids. And they all wanted to know what they could do to help. Well, Wayne and the gentleman tried to figure out if something had come disconnected, but everything looked OK. As they couldn't find anything wrong, Wayne decided to go get the charger out of the Honda.
I honestly thought the family was going to disappear into the crow, but they stayed with me. We talked and laughed, and they said they would stay with me until Wayne got back. They were incredibly kind.
Wayne was gone for almost 20 minutes, and when he came back, we all decided that the charging would not work. So Wayne and the man whose name we never learned pushed up the rest of the hill and we stopped to try and figure out how to get me to the front gate. I noticed there was a gate right there that was padlocked, and I said to the gentleman "You know, if we can get that gate opened, we could get me out into the parking lot." We were talking about it when another couple that was passing by heard what we were talking about. They suggested finding a vendor with a walkie-talkie, and we happened to be in front of a vendor who had one. So the gentleman walked down to the vendor ans asked him to see if he could get someone to open the gate.
He came back and said the vendor had contacted Security. At that point, the family decided to leave, since we were going to be OK. We thanked them, and they disappeared into the crowd.
It had started to rain again, and Wayne pushed me closer to the gate - by himself. We then waited for someone to arrive to help us in the cold, pouring rain. Finally, some Security guys showed up with a first aider, and then a turkey-leg vendor showed up with an umbrella. He had seen us waiting in the rain and came over on his own so we could be protected from the rain. They suggested that Wayne go get the Honda and bring it over to the gate. And once again, these two gentlemen stayed with me until Wayne got back with the truck. They tried to keep me as dry as possible and apologized profusely for not getting me out sooner. The introduced themselves to me, but in the confusion I forgot the names - all I could think of was how cold I was. They were very kind to me.
Then Security finally showed up with a key, just as Wayne was backing the Honda up near the gate. They unlocked the gate and at least three men pushed me out the gate to the truck. Then one of the guys took my had, helped me get off the scooter, and helped me into the truck. And the other two helped Wayne get the scooter loaded into the truck.
I have never experienced such a range of emotions in such a short period of time. SOmeone I thought I knew and who I though knew me surprised my by the depths of his cruelty toward me - someone he said he loved. And strangers (who I've come to expect cruelty from, as a fat woman) showed me kindness and compassion that I'm still overwhelmed by.
I know this is a bigger lesson than I understand right now. Having to deal with sorrow and elation in a span of 20 minutes is overwhelming. For cruelty to come from where I expected compassion, and for compassion to come from where I expected cruelty is a painful and delightful surprise.
I really don't know how to deal with my emotions right now. Well (I guess) this too shall be revealed.
[Next problem: Sooter broke. Stevie Nicks concert Friday.
]
