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Jenna 4: Being Forced To Make Up Her Mind - by The Id (~BBW, Eating, Romance, ~SWG)

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~BBW, Eating, Romance, ~SWG - Jenna is forced to consider what she has been doing with Tom

Jenna 4: Did You Ever Have To
Make Up Your Mind?

by The Id

(Click here for the previous installment)

“Stop it!”

“Huh?” Jenna said, snapping back to her surroundings.

“Stop it Jenna. This isn’t good,” Emily scolded her friend for the third time this week in Biology class.

“Come on Emily. It’s nothing,” Jenna said.

“It’s not good. No, it’s not fair. More than that it’s not right,” Emily said, “Of all the things to do!”

“Emily, it’s nothing really. My mind just wanders, that’s all.”

“Then see to it that it wanders elsewhere,” Emily said firmly, “Like perhaps to getting this work done?”

“Such a typical Emily comment”, Jenna thought. Of course Emily did know how to have fun, but she was also had a very defined sense of when to have fun and rarely was it when there was work to be done.

Jenna sighed. “I don’t understand what Emily’s getting worked up about. “

Indeed she didn’t, for the act itself was nothing out of the ordinary. Jenna was simply absent mindedly staring.

What was out of the ordinary was that she had been staring at Tom Stevenson. Jenna didn’t even notice that’s what she was doing until Emily broke into her consciousness. She just sort of spaced out. Then again, she had a tendency to do that every once in a while.

“Look, don’t worry about it. It’s nothing,” Jenna said, turning back to her work with no intention of actually doing it.

“Even if it isn’t, it still doesn’t give the right impression,” Emily said as she hammered away at her calculator.

“Oh come on. If everybody got worked up every time someone looked at them, then we’d have to walk around with sunglasses on all the time,” Jenna countered.

Emily put her pencil down, obviously frustrated. “Fine then. We’ll talk about this after class.”

“We’re talking about it now, Emily,” Jenna replied, “Why do we have to wait until after class?”

Emily turned to face Jenna.

“We’ll talk about this after class,” Emily declared with more than a note of finality.

“Fine,” Jenna answered, slightly annoyed. It wasn’t like this was as big a deal as Emily was making it out to be. Jenna halfheartedly did her work and waited until the end of class, which was only fifteen minutes away.

When class ended Jenna and Emily gathered up their things and filed out of class. Jenna followed Emily, who hadn’t yet explained why she was so incensed about the matter. They came to a rarely traveled hallway and stopped halfway in, generally out of the prying eyes of the rest of the school.

“Jenna, I’m only going to say this once, so listen,” Emily said.

“Okay,” Jenna said.

THWAP!

Jenna was in shock, her head turned to the side. Emily Nyberg had just slapped her. Nice, sweet, smart Emily Nyberg. Jenna didn’t even think that Emily could have ever had it in her head to hit anyone. With flushed cheeks from the jolt, Jenna had lost the ability to say anything. The best that she was able to stammer was, “…what?”

“Do I have your attention now? You have abused Tom for the last month. After years of crushing his spirit, you have had him as our lab partner twice, encouraged his hopes, and now you’re staring at him.

"And what has this all led to? Nothing! Absolutely nothing! I don’t know what cruel game you’ve decided to play with Tom, but I wish you’d just left him alone. After I finally thought you’d pulled yourself together, it seems I was wrong. I don’t understand why. I simply can’t.

"Maybe you’re still feeling insecure because your feminine charms have been called into question, so of course you just abuse your old standby to build up your self confidence, probably so you can begin flirting with jocks again. I don’t know if that’s true and I don’t care.

"But don’t think that I’m going to stand by you while you do this! Not for one second Jenna Shcherbatsky! I thought you’d changed, but it seems I was wrong about that.”

Emily stopped to take a breath. She was red in the face from her rant. “You know what, I don’t care. I really don’t. Go break Tom’s heart worse than you ever did before. I thought you’d changed. So did a lot of other people. But I guess I since I was the first person to be duped, I’ll be the first one to stop believing in you.”

Emily turned and headed down the hallway to her next class, which she did not share with Jenna.

After that tirade, Jenna didn’t have the words to even call after Emily. She had nothing to say at all. Instead she just sniffled, fighting back the urge to cry. After a few minutes, Jenna was composed, and for the moment there was nothing to do but go to class.

***

This must all seem very abrupt, especially considering how incensed mild-mannered Emily was over the subject. Therefore, it is necessary to recap the past month to give the reader an idea of precisely what was indeed going on with regards to Jenna and Tom.

It all started, of course, with that first day where Jenna realized that perhaps she’d aught to be nicer to Tom on a regular basis. After all, this was the new kinder, gentler Jenna who didn’t throw men by the wayside like used tissues (though of course she didn’t think about her former attitude towards men and dating in such terms).

Jenna truly saw that Tom was a nice person, though she still didn’t take his affections seriously. Maybe it was because, after so many years, she couldn’t take Tom Stevenson seriously anymore. His longing for her was simply expected, even if she shrugged it off. Perhaps Jenna still did have some self-confidence issues as Emily charged in her rant. Perhaps Jenna simply wasn’t putting two and two together (let’s not forget that Jenna is blonde). For whatever reason, Jenna simply assumed that being nice to someone was being nice to someone.

Therefore, Jenna started saying hello to Tom when convenient. That was it.

“Hi,” Jenna would say to Tom when she passed him. She usually smiled when she did so for no reason other than Jenna thought you should smile when you greeted someone, unless you really didn’t like them and wanted to show it.

“H-hi,” Tom would usually stammer back.

That was all. Nothing more than a simple greeting.

The next time a lab rolled around, Tom did as he usually did and asked if he could be Jenna’s lab partner. As before, she agreed. They did the lab without much incident and that was that. When they were done, they parted ways and went to their different classes.

Quite naturally after about a week, Jenna began to engage Tom in conversation. Usually it was something along the lines of, “How are you?’ “Did you see the football game?” “Wasn’t that test hard?” and other equally insightful remarks. It was small talk, but the two carried it on briefly when it was natural to do so. Nothing more.

Soon enough Jenna would smile and greet Tom when they’d pass each other in the hall. She’d do the same when they’d occasionally run into each other around town, like at the movies or at a restaurant. It wasn’t too long before Jenna treated Tom as an acquaintance, someone who she knew just well enough to feel familiar with, but still short of that ever-important smidge more that was actual familiarity. Jenna did not know anything about Tom, nor did she ever share anything significant about herself with him. But she felt as if she did know Tom, and that was enough for Jenna.

When she saw Tom around town there was now that gentle surprise of recognition. When they talked there was the easy tone of amicable conversation. There was the kind smile that flashed from time to time when they would see one another that conveyed nothing but her own happiness at life (or on a bad day her attempt to be happy). To Jenna, there was nothing out of the ordinary at all.

Now, you have already become acquainted with Tom Stevenson, dear reader, so I hardly expect you to accept this version of events. Tom, who worshipped the ground that Jenna walked on, read much more into the last month than Jenna did.

When Jenna said hello to Tom in the morning, his heart started thumping wildly and it was all he could do to get out a one syllable greeting of his own before Jenna moved on. Every time it happened for the first week, the thought that he ranked high enough on Jenna’s radar to warrant a greeting sent Tom into dizzying heights of ecstasy.

Granted, Tom knew that this was just saying hello, it wasn’t like Jenna would just agreed to go out on a date with him. However, Tom was so devoted to Jenna that a simple salutation gave him more hope that the ordinary guy got when a girl agreed to go on a date with him. A hello from Jenna was much more than a simple hello.

When Tom worked with Jenna on another lab, the very fact she allowed him to be physically close to her was thrilling. Of course, they weren’t really all that close to one another. In fact, Tom was usually on the opposite side of the table from Jenna most of the time since Emily didn’t volunteer to move from the seat next to the blonde bombshell.

Tom was content however, because it gave him the ability to survey Jenna in all her magnificence from his seat across the table. Just being able to admire her from a couple feet away was bliss for Tom. For most of his life he’d only been able to look longingly at Jenna from a distance. To be able to see her eyelashes, to be able to make out individual strands of golden hair as they fell across her face was thrilling, exhilarating, titillating. It was all Tom could do to stop from drooling.

The small talk that Jenna and Tom engaged in was hardly small to Tom. In fact, had Tom been blessed with divine revelation (or perhaps the next day’s winning lottery numbers), he would not have held it in as high a regard as he did the words that passed through Jenna’s lips. If she said she was having a bad day, Tom was sad that Jenna wasn’t happy. If she casually referenced the New England Patriots or the Denver Broncos, Tom would plant himself in front of the TV for the next game so he could be sure to converse expertly on the goings on of the game. If Jenna thought a test was hard—and she frequently did—Tom would only be too willing to agree and as casually as possible say that maybe he needed to study better for the next one, hoping that Jenna might think to ask if he would study with her next time. Tom’s hopes soared by virtue of the fact that Jenna was actually talking with him, rather than brushing him off as she’d done so many times before.

The greetings that Tom shared with Jenna to him were further recognitions that in her eyes he was somebody now. When she acknowledged him in public rather than pretending to ignore him, he was only further reinforced in his beliefs. The fact that there was a familiarity between Jenna and him caused his heart to beat. Though the reasoning part of his mind knew that Jenna probably didn’t know that much about him, Tom felt as though somehow she did, that somehow she saw that he yearned for her, that he loved her. Tom thought that he knew Jenna from head to toe. It was almost as if Tom saw every conversation, every acknowledgment from Jenna as a step on a road that ultimately ended with her in his arms and their everlasting bliss. He figured it would be a long road, but all the more reason to rejoice with every step.

When he saw Jenna around town his heart leapt when she recognized him. When they talked, the sound of Jenna’s voice directed at him was sweeter than sugar. There was Jenna’s dazzling smile that gave the world light even on a cloudy day. To Tom, his interactions with Jenna resulted in the world being made new and his life given meaning.

This is the long way around of saying that what Jenna perceived to be an acquaintance was really the fanning of the fires of Tom’s hopes. Both were totally oblivious to the other’s thoughts on the matter.

The only person who saw both sides of the situation was Emily Nyberg, but even her view was not complete. Because she saw both sides, she assumed that Jenna did as well. She was certain, and rightly so, that the chances of Tom ever understanding that Jenna’s interest was not romantic were slim.

Since Emily could so clearly see that Tom was only being further encouraged by Jenna’s actions, Emily assumed that this was more than clear to Jenna, even the opposite was true. That was why when Jenna started staring at Tom, even if it was unconsciously, she knew that she had to do something.
Emily did try a more discreet approach to start with, but found that her message was not getting through. Her frustration resulted in her tirade, which Jenna found surprising, puzzling, and hurtful all at the same time.

So now we come to a confused and hurt Jenna, an oblivious and infatuated Tom, and a pissed off but good intentioned Emily. I know what you’re thinking now: “isn’t high school drama fun?”

I suppose that this would be the point to point out a peculiar little quirk about Tom’s perception of Jenna. As was mentioned before, he thought that he knew Jenna from head to toe. However, this could not be further from the truth for a reason that may seem quite silly to you, dear reader, so I will have to explain it. Tom’s claim to know Jenna was incorrect because he did not truly know she’d gained weight.

Perhaps I should put it this way to be a bit more clearly: Tom did not recognize that Jenna had gained weight. It would have been impossible for someone not to notice that Jenna was definitely chubbier than she’d been at the beginning of the year. As we know, all of Robert F. Kennedy High had been abuzz with the news, and the news had reached Tom’s ears. Though Tom may have heard it, he didn’t really process it. To him, Jenna was still as beautiful as she’d always been for him. He saw her precisely as she was, but years of deification had made Jenna into a paradigm that no one else could match. The thirty pounds Jenna had collected simply didn’t register in Tom’s mind.

Perhaps you can’t understand this. I can’t even truly comprehend why this was. However, it was indeed true. No one can say whether the story of Jenna might have been different, for better or worse, had Tom not been blind to Jenna’s weight gain, just like one can say that we don’t know how the country would have fared different had Robert Kennedy, the high school’s namesake, not been shot at the Ambassador Hotel. Such questions, however, are mere diversions for an idle mind, and not the task at hand. But for the moment, do not forget that Tom was the only person at RFK High who did not recognize on some level that Jenna Schcherbatsky had gained weight.

***

Jenna Schcherbatsky,of course, was acutely aware that she had gained weight. In fact, five more precious pounds had been packed onto her plumping figure over the last month. Her size 10s were a bit snugger, but not enough to be a concern quite yet. In fact, Jenna barely noticed the fact that her pants cut into her flesh just a bit more than before. Nor did she notice how she was getting a bit of a muffin top when she wore her size 10s.

Though Tom was totally ignorant of Jenna’s weight gain, it was pretty safe to say that there was quite a bit about it that Jenna herself was failing to notice these days. The initial shock of gaining weight at all had worn off. Though she wasn’t thrilled by the fact she had gained weight, Jenna subconsciously had stopped worrying about it. The fact that it had been just shy of five pounds in the last month had helped matters. A larger number might have caused Jenna to take more notice. Besides, her self-confidence had pretty much returned, though without the bitchy streak that had characterized it previously.

Nothing was further from Jenna’s mind at the moment as she made her way to math class after Emily’s rant than her appearance. As she headed quickly through the halls, her body bounced with her quick steps. Her dark blue tank top revealed her tan skin and just a hint of cleavage, still enough to tantalize a large portion of the male student body. Below that her belly jiggled, though fully covered by the bottom of her tank top (something not all of her shirts and tops could do these days). The tank top did show off her arms beautifully, and recently Jenna’s upper arms had lost some definition and were beginning to jiggle ever so slightly (perhaps a bit more than that even), but not enough that anyone would really notice it unless they had a detailed mental image of the former Jenna to compare the current Jenna with. But nonetheless, it was there.

Jenna was wearing jeans, something she did more and more as the weather became cooler. The fact that she was in the process of slowly growing out of her size 10 jeans only meant that her butt pulled the denim tighter across her cheeks, emphasizing her newfound curves in the lower regions. Furthermore, her thighs filled out the pant legs of her jeans much more than previously, and they continued to rub against one another more than occasionally. Jenna had become habituated to the sensation and now barely noticed the fact at all. Even if it was a bit cooler out now, Jenna was still wearing sandals (this is California, mind you). Her feet weren’t fat yet, but then again maybe it was just because no one ever really looked at Jenna’s feet so they didn’t know if her feet were fatter.

In fact, Jenna had broken through the 150 pound mark, but as yet was completely unaware of it. Jenna had become a bit laxer about weighing herself and had not yet discovered the fact, having last seen her weight a couple weeks ago at 148. Considering the fact that she was still trying to sort out everything Emily had said to her, the chances she’d think about getting on a scale anytime soon weren’t looking good.

Jenna had been so disturbed by Emily’s rant that she just trudged into class and sat down without any of her usual socializing outside in the hall. She opened up the book in front of her and promptly zoned out for the duration of the class. She could have cared less about whatever inane formulas her teacher was spouting about as if they were the greatest thing in the world and absolutely essential to her continued success in life (Jenna was very sure that they weren’t). She tried to close her mind to what was going on around her and think.

"What is Emily talking about? She makes it seem like I’m some sort of horrible person for being nice to Tom, when I’m doing just that. Since when was being nice to someone being mean to them? Has Emily gone insane? Maybe she studies too much. I know that would drive me insane. I’d never want to hurt Tom. I don’t understand at all…Man, will he ever shut up?"

This last thought was in response to the fact that for some reason she couldn’t block out the droning, monotonous voice of her teacher. With a sigh, Jenna decided it was pointless. She propped her book up and put her head down behind it to try and get some sleep. She’d just talk to Emily at lunch and sort things out then.

***

Unfortunately, that was easier said than done. As soon as class ended, Jenna bolted from the room to find Emily so she had as much time to talk to her as she could. Actually, Jenna had no idea precisely what she was going to say to Emily. Part of her was pissed off that Emily had yelled at her and said such mean things, but another part wanted to figure things out. She supposed that she’d just see how things went.

However, when Jenna came to the area where all the beautiful and smart Junior girls like Emily ate lunch, the Nordic brunette was nowhere to be seen. However, Morgan Jones was there and Jenna asked if she’d seen Emily.

“No, sorry Jenna. Maybe she’s at a club meeting or something like that. Seems like she’s at one of those half the time,” Morgan said.

“Oh, okay,” Jenna said, “If you see her, tell her I want to talk to her.”

Jenna turned away, thinking to herself, "That’s just great. Just when I needed to talk to Emily she’s off being Miss A Student. "

However, Jenna did hear Morgan’s parting words. “You got it. See you tomorrow after school.”

Jenna stopped, puzzled. She turned around and said, “What’s tomorrow?”

“Did you forget that tomorrow’s the first water polo meeting?” Morgan asked.

“Oh yeah. See you then,” Jenna said nonchalantly. However, what Jenna was really thinking as she turned away was, “Oh great! Now everyone is going to see how fat I really am.”

***

Jenna’s consternation at the beginning of the water polo season was due to the fact that each year there were usually new swimsuits so the entire team looked the same. Of course, this meant that she was going to have to give Coach her size. Jenna was not looking forward to the experience. Last season she’d worn a size 4 swimsuit.

When Jenna got home, she made all of the necessary measurements. Bust size at 37 inches, waist at 30, torso at 62. When she figured out what size that was, she was horrified with the results. She was at least a size 10 in swimsuits now, and with that things were a bit tight, and perhaps more than a bit. She might have to take a size 12 to be on the safe side.

Jenna fell back on her bed, flabbergasted, her mouth hanging open. She couldn’t believe it. A size 12 swimsuit! How did this happen? Jenna put her head in her hands, her stomach bunching up into a couple of rolls as she bent over.

“Oh groan,” Jenna lamented to herself. “I don’t believe it. I don’t believe it. Today has been just awful. First Emily rips me because I’m nice to Tom and now I’ve gone up to a size 12.”

Jenna fell back on her bed, her mind spinning, and then suddenly something clicked for Jenna.

"What was it that Emily said? That I’m flirting with Tom because I’m insecure? "Jenna thought this over for a minute. Maybe it was true. Maybe subconsciously she was abusing Tom. Maybe Emily had a point. After all, she’d put on so much weight recently. Speaking of which, it had been a while since she weighed herself lately.

Jenna slipped out of her clothes. Well, slipped isn’t quite the word. She shook and jiggled as she pulled her tank top off over her head, her tummy and breasts bouncing as she did so. Getting her jeans off was little better because of how tight they were. It took several tugs to slip them off over her hips and down her thighs.

She thought, “What’s happened? Am I already so fat that I’ve already almost outgrown my size 10s?” In reality, Jenna had been so groggy that morning she hadn’t noticed she had equal trouble getting the jeans on as she did off.

Once naked, Jenna hurried to the bathroom, her nude body with little to restrain it from bouncing as she did so. She rushed over to the scale and stepped gingerly onto the cold metal. When it spun to a stop, Jenna peered over her gorgeously large and round breasts to look at the numbers. 152 pounds naked. She couldn’t even try to rationalize the number by saying that her clothes must have added weight to the number. That would only resulte in an even more shocking number.

Jenna moaned in despair at the number. She couldn’t believe it, didn’t want to believe it. But it was there. .

She headed back to her room, not quite so energetically as before. As she got dressed again she decided not to torture herself by trying to squeeze into her size 10 jeans, but put on a pair of sweatpants instead. “Now that I weigh 152 pounds I suppose I deserve wearing size 12, Jenna thought to herself, Guess I’ll have to go get new jeans.”

She threw herself face down onto her bed. How had she gotten so out of control? 152 pounds!. By some unknown process of the brain, her thoughts wandered to Emily’s comments and suddenly they made sense. In fact, Jenna couldn’t figure out why they hadn’t made any sense before.

She obviously was subconsciously aware of the fact she’d put on so much weight and had now understood that she might have been been using Tom as a way of building up her self-confidence in spite of the fact. Sure, there had been offers from some boys lately, but they weren’t up to the caliber that she used to attract. They really weren’t nice people either. Jenna saw clearly now what Emily had been talking about. She was right, it was wrong to abuse Tom like she was, encouraging him like that. He was such a nice guy too.

“The only thing to do here is make a clean break of things,” Jenna thought to herself, “It’s the right thing to do. “

***

The next time Biology rolled around, Jenna braced herself. She hated the thought of ignoring Tom; she knew it would probably hurt him, but it was better than the alternative. Taking a deep breath, Jenna walked into class. She had to go right by Tom’s desk to get to her own, and of course Tom was there, waiting for the opportunity to speak to her again. Jenna put her head down and plowed forward.

“Hi Jenna,” Tom said pleasantly.

“Hi,” Jenna said abruptly as she moved quickly past Tom without looking at him.

This left poor Tom thoroughly confused at the turn of events. All he did was look after Jenna in confusion as she sat down and got her things out for class. He turned away dejectedly and sat down.

“Well, that wasn’t so hard,” Jenna thought to herself, “I wish there was a better way to do this, but if there is I can’t think of it. Hopefully Tom won’t take it too badly. “

Emily sat down next to Jenna without saying anything. This time it was Jenna who instigated the conversation.

“Thanks for the other day,” Jenna said.

“Hmmm?” Emily asked.

“You know, putting me in my place yesterday,” Jenna said, “I hadn’t been thinking about the whole picture and I guess that you helped me see the light.”

“Good. I’m proud of you Jenna,” Emily said, not really wanting to go into the topic further.

“Thanks,” Jenna said before turning her attention to the beginning of class as best she could. Even though Emily had commended her for her actions, Jenna couldn’t help but feel that perhaps something wasn’t quite right about this situation. She figured the feeling would go away with time.

***

That afternoon after classes were done, the entire water polo team assembled for the first meeting of the year. It was boring and filled with details that the elder girls had already heard several times. They sort of zoned out, just wishing for the meeting to be over so they could go to more important things with their time, like shopping or studying depending on who you asked.

“I have very high expectations for everyone this year,” Coach said, like he usually did at the beginning of each season, “We can battle every team on our schedule pound for pound if we work hard enough and give it our all. Even Central is within our reach if we practice hard and keep in mind that anything is possible once the game begins.”

“Ha!” Chelsea Magyar quietly scoffed from the back of the room.

The rest of the upperclassmen shared her view. They’d been trounced too many times by the powerhouse to believe the pep talk.

“I’m sorry, do you have something to add Chelsea?” Coach said.

“I said ‘Yeah!’ Coach,” Chelsea said, thinking on her feet.

“That’s the sort of enthusiasm I want to see out of all of you,” Coach said with gusto hismelf, “Now drop off your swimsuit order forms and we’ll see about getting those in soon. First practice this Thursday. And how about we keep the complaining to a minimum this season?”

Coach looked right at Patsy Fagan.

“Oh come on Coach!” Patsy said.

That girl’s mouth ran at a mile a minute and she was always needling Coach. It was a miracle that she kept making the team at any level. Some thought that Patsy stayed in water polo only so she could annoy Coach to no end, rather than for the sport itself. “It’s gonna be great Coach, don’t you worry. I’ll be giving 110% this year Coach!”

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” the Coach replied as the girls dropped off their order forms, thanking them as they did so.

One familiar tanned hand dropped hers off. “Thanks Jenna.”

Jenna scurried away as Coach happened to catch the size number on her form before it was covered by another one. He had to look at it twice to make sure he’d seen Jenna’s and not Tina’s. After he did so, he looked up in shock at the ample ass that wobbled quickly out the door.

“Size 12? Jenna Schcherbatsky is a size 12? I don’t believe it,” Coach thought to himself as the rest of the girls filed out. He hoped it wasn’t going to be one of those seasons again.

(Click here for the next installment)
 

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