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jack

Sylvester
Joined
Feb 2, 2006
Messages
271
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I don't know if this belongs here at all, but I didn't know where else to put it.

I've thought about posting this here before, but never did. I don't come around here much anymore, for a plethora of reasons; they're irrelevant. Anyway, when I used to post frequently, and since I've been around this week, I know I mostly just make snarky comments, so I'm probably hard to take seriously. But I've decided to post this here, mainly for the level of anonymity I've kept. I think I know maybe three people here "IRL." To those who do know me, I'd like it if this conversation just stayed here.

I'm not joking right now. I'm honestly curious about this. I'm not looking for stories of how "BHMs" came to love their fat or whatever. I'm just wondering how many other guys here honestly struggle with their body image. I don't even know if "body image" is the right way to put it, though. I mean, I don't worry about whether girls think I'm cute or fat. I've got a serious girlfriend, and it doesn't bother her. I just don't feel good about my body anymore - for me.

When I was young, my parents always hounded me about my weight, sometimes to a pretty extreme degree. I was always like five pounds overweight. Whatever, it wasn't a big deal to me, even with them bugging me about it. Anyway, I recently, due to some psych meds I'd been prescribed, gained quite a bit of weight in a short period of time. I don't like it. I don't feel good. I got off the psych meds (which were hurting way more than helping), and my weight has evened out. But my blood pressure is higher than it used to be. I don't sleep well, and there's been a direct correlation with the weight gain (I wonder if I have sleep apnea). I just don't feel good, generally.

I'm having a hard time losing weight. It's a difficult thing to do. Everyone here knows that. Anyway, I guess I'm just looking to know that I'm not alone. People always make a big deal about how women obsess over their bodies and every pound they gain. Men never talk about. But I know if it's an issue for me, it's got to be an issue for other guys.

Here's the honest part: I don't have an eating disorder, but honestly I could see it happening. I've thought about it. I mean, one doesn't just think "Oh, I think I'll become bulimic," but I've been - gah, I don't know how to put it. Anyway, it scares me. I have an unhealthy relationship with my body. I have an unhealthy relationship with food. I don't think my preference for larger ladies has anything to do with this, due to the direct correlation with the recent weight gain.

Anyway, I'm not looking for advice on how to lose weight or love my fat. Please don't bother if that's all you're going to say. Also, I'm not talking about looking stylish or sexy or popular. I'm just talking about feeling comfortable in my own skin.

I guess I'm just looking for someone else to be honest. Not only women struggle with this.
 

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