FA Myths Thread #13

Discussion in 'BBW/FA Board' started by Jon Blaze, Mar 15, 2012.

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  1. Mar 15, 2012 #1

    Jon Blaze

    Jon Blaze

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    It's getting quiet here, so I tried to dig up the old thread for some ideas.

    "People are judged by the partner that they are with, so obviously it is harder on the FA than on their fat partner."
     
  2. Mar 16, 2012 #2

    Dr. Feelgood

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    This is really two statements:

    (1)People are judged by the partner they are with.
    And so they are -- and by their appearance, clothes, mannerisms, voice, and a jillion other things, most of which they never know about.

    (2)It is harder on the FA than on the fat partner.
    Depends on the person, doesn't it? Some people are more sensitive to public opinion than others (Susan Cain, in her book Quiet, says that extroverts tend to put more emphasis on others' opinions of them than introverts do). Negative feedback will be worse for whichever partner attributes more more importance to it. In one of my classes I smiled at one of my students and, in a friendly tone of voice, insulted him ... in Mandarin Chinese (a language he does not speak). When I asked him if he felt angry or outraged, he was bewildered: why should he? I used this as a springboard for discussing the relative importance of (1) what is actually said, and (2) what the hearer thinks about it.
     
  3. Mar 16, 2012 #3

    bmann0413

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    I believe this is halfway true. I mean, yeah, people are going to judge no matter what. But you shouldn't let that kind of thing get to you. If you're worried about how other people perceive your partner, then why be with them in the first place?

    And the partner will be worried about being judged themselves if they have insecurities. But they look to you for positive support. If you can't give it to them, then they'll feel worse.
     
  4. Mar 16, 2012 #4

    Fat Brian

    Fat Brian

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    I think that is what keeps a lot of guys in the closet about their FAness. Their need for approval from strangers outweighs their decency in regard to how one should treat their partner. The thing is though, most FAs are thin or at least average size and can "pass" among the normies when they are alone while fat people are fat all of the time. Also FAs, if they are judged at all, are only viewed as odd or a little pervy while fat people are being blamed for the fall of modern society in some circles. There are entire government programs tasked with our elimination so looking a little weird would seem pretty nice right now in comparison.
     
  5. Mar 16, 2012 #5

    furious styles

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    we all know guys in the closet are assholes. and some fa's probably do think that life is harder for them than it is for their (likely 'imaginary') fat partner. they've probably never experienced anything that would lead them to gain that compassion. for that matter they were probably raised to overvalue the opinions of strangers and 'decent' people. i can't say for sure, i was never closeted because i've always been wildly rebellious and my childhood gave a strong will. some people for whatever reason don't have that, and they're pushed by society into an asshole front. so i just try not to judge. i just don't get why things always have to become a semantic war on this website.

    society has an acidic view of fat people, which permeates the media and everything we're exposed to from the internet to movies. it's in everything we watch and consume, the fear and hatred of fat. so i feel a lot of FAs are uncomfortable with their sexuality. it's hard to embrace loving something that society has told you is terrible and kills millions of people daily. when people can't handle their sexuality they tend to push it into a little box and keep it in a corner and only let it out with furtive, unrestrained gestures. like creating an 'anonymous' online account and trolling places like this. every single person in the world is at a different acceptance level with who they are and what they want in life, it's helpful to retain that kind of thinking when considering situations like this. i've seen arguments happen over this shit for years and years with little learned other than it's best to take the high road.

    now, back more on the original topic; show me a person who thinks they've got it harder off in society than their fat partner. sure we're judged by the partner we're with. we're judged for our own appearance. our skin color, our sex, our hair, clothes, car. humans just fucking love judging. society en masse is a judgemental asshole to just about anyone. and that's just the thing. instead of saying "it's harder on the FA" or "it's harder on the partner" we need to be saying "it's hard in different ways for both of us". you foster understanding when you stop the shaming. it's not a competition for who has it worse. let's work to understand why people feel that way instead.
     
  6. Mar 17, 2012 #6

    fat9276

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    darn it. I already repped you recently. great post!
     
  7. Mar 17, 2012 #7

    Azrael

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    I just figured I'd quote this part because I take issue with this.

    I'm not sure if you're being sarcastic or not but I'd figure I'd comment either way.

    Oi, Not all closet cases are assholes, I think you have the two groups of closet cases mixed up.

    There are those who are closetted and simply don't date fat people. They don't date for whatever reason that they have and that is perfectly fine.

    Then there are the assholes. The assholes are the ones who are closet cases but they date a fatty on the side. They don't treat their partner with any type of respect and hide them from their family, friends, and society in general. If you're going to date a person don't treat them like a dirty little secret treat with them with the respect they deserve.

    That's all I really wanted to say.
     
  8. Mar 20, 2012 #8

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    I've heard that one on and off, but it's a comparing apples and oranges kind of question that really doesn't have a reasonable answer.
     
  9. Mar 22, 2012 #9

    bigmac

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    Yes your partner does reflect on you -- but its been my experience that fat isn't always an issue. I take my SSBBW wife to office functions and out with friends on a regular basis and have gotten nothing but positive feedback.

    Several of my friends and colleagues have stated that they need to find a woman like her. A pretty little 22 year old who worked in our office told me she wanted to be like my wife.
     
  10. Mar 26, 2012 #10

    Nordiques

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    People are judged on a lot of things.

    Some of those things are positive.

    One positive judgment mature people will make? How lovely it is to see a couple that really cares about each other and share a great chemistry. People may be judged based on their partners, but if they love their partners and their partners' qualities, they'd be honored that people think their partners reflect them.

    Yeah, there are always going to be jealous people, or people with misconceptions, but they shouldn't make anyone feel bad, unless of course someone feels bad that those people missing out on meeting great people on some sort of bias, whether it be size or something else.

    If one cares more about what other people think than about the enjoyment he/she gets from a relationship, he/she shouldn't be in that relationship. I know couples can face all sorts of treatment, but a good couple doesn't work through that by debating who is getting the worst of it.
     
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  11. Jun 12, 2012 #11

    Sidewinder

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    Something that I've struggled with for sure, but when push comes to shove, I spent 7 years with a thin girl all my mates fancied while I secretly fantisized about the BBW of my dreams. These days most of my friends are envious that I get to be with the girl / girls that have always been my fantasy. I think the positives of full sized BBW outweigh the negatives, but I think it takes time to come to terms with that..
     
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  12. Jun 13, 2012 #12

    liz (di-va)

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    that's interestin
     
  13. Jun 16, 2012 #13

    Cors

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    Apples and oranges, of course though I am inclined to think that the fat partner has it harder. They don't have the option of blending in and it must be terribly insulting to hear from strangers and well-meaning friends about how lucky one is to find a decent partner who loves you in spite of your weight.

    Sidewinder raises an interesting point, though I think that depends on the FA and how specific his tastes are. Sure, many regular guys go wild for slim busty Playboy bunnies and most women don't look anything like that but there aren't too many 600lb gaining extreme pears around either.
     

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