My significant other decided recently that she would like to slim down from 260 lbs to ~175. My feelings on this topic are obviously negative; I'm sad knowing that I will find her less physically attractive, but I'm terrified that my sexual interest will dwindle to the point that sex itself becomes unappealing.
A further complication is that she knows I'm worried (though I'm not sure to what extent). She has always known that I prefer bigger women and so she recently voiced that she is nervous that I will find her less attractive. I hadn't attended on voicing my feelings as I don't believe I have any right to dictate what she does with her body, but I also was not willing to lie to her, so I expressed my anxiety once the topic had been brought up. Understandably, she is now very upset and both of us just don't know what to do. I have reassured her repeatedly that my attraction to her is more multi-faceted than something as simple as a desire for the fat that rests on her body and if she were to lose weight my love would still be unwavering; it would still be as strong ever! However, still, neither of us can shake our feelings (for me, sadness and anxiety, for her, frustration and sadness that my ideal does not match her ideal).
So I come here asking:
(a) How do I cope with my own feelings? I don't think I will lose all physical attraction for her if she were to drop to ~175, but it is certainly in the realm of possibilities and that worry paired with the knowledge that things will change and the attraction level will tangibly drop is hard to shake.
(b) How do I get help her be okay with the fact that if she loses weight, my attraction will be lesser, but things will still be okay. I am not worried about our relationship because there is so many other parts to us being us that I love, but this is unexplored terrain to her and I don't think she knows how to react either.
I should add, she recently moved across country to be closer to her family, so for the time being our relationship is long-distance, and that alone poses other challenges that we are still figuring out. That said, it still amplifies the current predicament.
Thanks for any and all help and thanks for letting me "release" a bit.
A further complication is that she knows I'm worried (though I'm not sure to what extent). She has always known that I prefer bigger women and so she recently voiced that she is nervous that I will find her less attractive. I hadn't attended on voicing my feelings as I don't believe I have any right to dictate what she does with her body, but I also was not willing to lie to her, so I expressed my anxiety once the topic had been brought up. Understandably, she is now very upset and both of us just don't know what to do. I have reassured her repeatedly that my attraction to her is more multi-faceted than something as simple as a desire for the fat that rests on her body and if she were to lose weight my love would still be unwavering; it would still be as strong ever! However, still, neither of us can shake our feelings (for me, sadness and anxiety, for her, frustration and sadness that my ideal does not match her ideal).
So I come here asking:
(a) How do I cope with my own feelings? I don't think I will lose all physical attraction for her if she were to drop to ~175, but it is certainly in the realm of possibilities and that worry paired with the knowledge that things will change and the attraction level will tangibly drop is hard to shake.
(b) How do I get help her be okay with the fact that if she loses weight, my attraction will be lesser, but things will still be okay. I am not worried about our relationship because there is so many other parts to us being us that I love, but this is unexplored terrain to her and I don't think she knows how to react either.
I should add, she recently moved across country to be closer to her family, so for the time being our relationship is long-distance, and that alone poses other challenges that we are still figuring out. That said, it still amplifies the current predicament.
Thanks for any and all help and thanks for letting me "release" a bit.
