Talking to other fat women, I've come to see that there are moments along the jouney of life where for the first time we realize some really fundamental truth, and it revolutionizes our perspective on ourselves, others, or the world. Some of those things might be that we don't have to be thin to love ourselves or to know we are beautiful. Or that we can be sexually desirable or sexually powerful. Or that we are allowed to ask for what we need. Or that we can wear what we want and don't need to bow to other people's opinions.
You get the idea.
Everyone has these moments - fat, non-fat, female, male, what have you. But living as a fat woman can make certain insights a little slower in coming, or they may take a little more time to really take deep root in ourselves. But I thought it would be fun if we fat women could share with each other some of these moments from our pasts, and any that we come to in the present. It's always a gift to learn from the wisdom of others.
So I'll start us off.
When I was in grad school for my masters I had a close friend who I'll call R. She was tall, maybe about a size 16, with big read hair and with a loud, opinionated personality (I love me some mouthy women). Anyway, it was right at the beginning of grad school when I was about 24 that I was getting into exercising regularly, and I'd often take long walks around the neighborhoods where the school was located. Most of the time nothing happened, but there was one time where a car full of white teenage boys went by and yelled something mean out the window at me (maybe some kind of fat animal sound? I don't remember exactly). Anyway, I remember feeling so ashamed of myself in that moment, and even though I knew they were jerks, I think on a deeper level I thought they were justified and that I deserved the mistreatment. I just wanted to disappear.
Sometime later, when R and I were taking a walk together, we started talking about this other friend of hers. Before grad school, R had lived in a medium-sized southern town, and hung out with a group of women who were mostly lesbians, but also some straight women. But in this southern town, they did kind of stand out. So R was telling me of times they would be walking along the sidewalk, and someone in a car would yell derrogatory slurs for lesbians (or variations on that). And she told me how her friend would yell back at them.
That literally stopped me in my tracks. WHAT?! She would YELL BACK? It was a major epiphany for me. I had never realized that in those moments I didn't have to let them take my power and my self-worth, and that I could actually instead stand tall and loud and (in whatever words came to me at the time) express my disagreement with them. Honestly, I didn't even think that way of responding was possible - it just never even crossed my mind. So it was a real lightbulb moment for me in learning to not let other people shame me or steal my voice just because I don't look the way they want me to. Not that I'm always awesome at it now, but that was a major turning point and I saw things a lot differently after that.
You get the idea.
Everyone has these moments - fat, non-fat, female, male, what have you. But living as a fat woman can make certain insights a little slower in coming, or they may take a little more time to really take deep root in ourselves. But I thought it would be fun if we fat women could share with each other some of these moments from our pasts, and any that we come to in the present. It's always a gift to learn from the wisdom of others.
So I'll start us off.
When I was in grad school for my masters I had a close friend who I'll call R. She was tall, maybe about a size 16, with big read hair and with a loud, opinionated personality (I love me some mouthy women). Anyway, it was right at the beginning of grad school when I was about 24 that I was getting into exercising regularly, and I'd often take long walks around the neighborhoods where the school was located. Most of the time nothing happened, but there was one time where a car full of white teenage boys went by and yelled something mean out the window at me (maybe some kind of fat animal sound? I don't remember exactly). Anyway, I remember feeling so ashamed of myself in that moment, and even though I knew they were jerks, I think on a deeper level I thought they were justified and that I deserved the mistreatment. I just wanted to disappear.
Sometime later, when R and I were taking a walk together, we started talking about this other friend of hers. Before grad school, R had lived in a medium-sized southern town, and hung out with a group of women who were mostly lesbians, but also some straight women. But in this southern town, they did kind of stand out. So R was telling me of times they would be walking along the sidewalk, and someone in a car would yell derrogatory slurs for lesbians (or variations on that). And she told me how her friend would yell back at them.
That literally stopped me in my tracks. WHAT?! She would YELL BACK? It was a major epiphany for me. I had never realized that in those moments I didn't have to let them take my power and my self-worth, and that I could actually instead stand tall and loud and (in whatever words came to me at the time) express my disagreement with them. Honestly, I didn't even think that way of responding was possible - it just never even crossed my mind. So it was a real lightbulb moment for me in learning to not let other people shame me or steal my voice just because I don't look the way they want me to. Not that I'm always awesome at it now, but that was a major turning point and I saw things a lot differently after that.
