Oh, the irony...

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FreeThinker

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Okay, the set-up is a bit long, but the payoff is worth it.

I have a friend, whom I will refer to as Allen.

He used to live in the upstairs apartment of a house. The downstairs apartment was occupied by a loud, hard-drinking, constantly-bickering couple.

'Allen' is a mechanic.

At the time of this story, his vehicle was a flat-black Chevy mini-pickup, which had been fitted with a diesel engine by another mechanic friend of his. The gentleman who installed this engine liked to be able to see the exhaust, for purposes of diagnosing the status of the engine, so there was a smokestack-style exhaust pipe (like on a big rig) coming up through the box, behind the cab. The truck also had chrome rims on it...really big ones on the back, in fact, with seriously wide tires. 'Allen' wouldn't have chosen to outfit a truck this way, but that was how he got it.

As he was working on a project in his garage one day, the time came to reinstall an engine into a vehicle.

He thought it would be best to clean the engine first, and I accompanied him on a trip to the nearby coin-operated car wash.

Returning from the car wash, he noticed his erstwhile downstairs neighbours, drinking beer in some lawn chairs in front of their new place.

Still feeling animosity toward them (they had only moved out a week prior), with Merle Haggard playing on the tape-deck of his smokestack-equipped, wide-tired, diesel-belching pickup with a freshly-pressure-washed engine block in the bed, he shouted at them indignantly:








"Fuckin' hillbillies!"​



I looked at him after he did this, and he immediately cracked up, struck by the absurdity of the situation.
 

Tina

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Those moments are hilarious, aren't they?

That truck sounds... interesting....
 

BeaBea

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Nice one! I can relate slightly...

In the middle of a furious argument in public many years ago my combatant very quietly said to me '...and another thing, you're so argumentative.' I immediately retaliated very loudly with 'I am NOT argumentative' - which of course made the entire restaurant completely crack up.

Tracey xx
 

FreeThinker

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Here's another true story, involving the same friend.

'Allen' had been a vegetarian for years. Decades, really.

One day, at a restaurant, he dicided to order what I was having: The breakfast special, comprising two eggs (any style), home fries, and a choice of bacon, ham, or sausage.

He ordered his with scrambled eggs and bacon.

I glanced at him with surprise, but he shot me a "Don't start with me" look, so I let it drop.

About three-quarters through the meal, totally unprompted, he announced to me:



"You know, I don't even feel a little bit self-conscious about eating bacon."



I set down my cutlery and raised one eyebrow at him.



"Well," he said, "maybe."
 

FreeThinker

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Tina said:
That truck sounds... interesting....
You bet...

It was an S-series Chevy pickup. The previous mechanic had stuffed a 5-cylinder Mercedes-Benz turbodiesel in it, but pulled that engine to use in something bigger, and it had a Mazda 4-cylinder naturally-aspirated diesel when my friend bought it.

It had some real stump-puller rear gears in it, but the large rear tires and the 5-speed transmission helped to keep the revs down. Despite having the horrible aerodynamics endemic to pickup trucks (there was no cap or even a tonneau cover on the bed), it still delivered about 45 mpg.
 

FreeThinker

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Err...okay, the irony of my first post in this thread just hit me.

In pointing out the 'hilbilliness' of my bud, it completely skipped my mind that I've got a streak of it, myself.

Witness my garage, home to my car, three motorcycles, and a pile of Volkswagen stuff (engine block, fusebox, door handles, and other miscellaneous crap) that we removed from a car of mine about three years ago.

...Not to mention all the Ford LTD parts I just cleared out of the closet a few months ago when I realized I'd never own another one of them(you know, stuff you might need: bulbs, wiring harness, taillights, grille, catalytic converter...heh...).

Okay, does that make me a hillbilly also, or just 'prepared'?










*cue 'Dueling Banjos'*
 

Friday

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A couple at the place we hang out was newly engaged. One night 'Noelle' got on a bit of a rampage about what a horrible person 'Joey's' ex-girlfriend was. After several minutes she stopped for a deep breath and I could see what was coming next. I put my hand in front of her mouth and said 'Noelle, don't tell us what lousy taste he has in women.'. She got this shocked look on her face and said OMG, OMG, I almost...and we all just laughed. ;)
 

Boteroesque Babe

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I want to kiss that post.

Don't sweat it, Freeth. Unless you tossed the crushed empty of a generic canned beer (Milwaukee's Best, or the Canadian equivalent) out the window whilst yelling "Hillbillies!" at the hillbillies, you ain't a hillbilly.

(PS: in my fantasies, Canada doesn't have a Beast equivalent.)
 

FreeThinker

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Boteroesque Babe said:
I want to kiss that post.

Don't sweat it, Freeth. Unless you tossed the crushed empty of a generic canned beer (Milwaukee's Best, or the Canadian equivalent) out the window whilst yelling "Hillbillies!" at the hillbillies, you ain't a hillbilly.

(PS: in my fantasies, Canada doesn't have a Beast equivalent.)
That reminds me of a T.V. commercial I saw for Old Milwaukee (on a U.S. station).

The ad featured a bunch of guys that seemed to be on a hunting trip. Sitting around the campfire in the evening whilst quaffing their bevvies, one of them remarked, "Guys, it just doesn't get any better than this."

At that point, I pictured one of the other guys growing still, contemplating this statement while his eyes watered over, sobbing "Oh, God!" and putting the barrel of his weapon into his mouth.



Commercials would be a lot funnier if it were up to me, I tells ya!
 

FreeThinker

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Friday said:
A couple at the place we hang out was newly engaged. One night 'Noelle' got on a bit of a rampage about what a horrible person 'Joey's' ex-girlfriend was. After several minutes she stopped for a deep breath and I could see what was coming next. I put my hand in front of her mouth and said 'Noelle, don't tell us what lousy taste he has in women.'. She got this shocked look on her face and said OMG, OMG, I almost...and we all just laughed. ;)
:D

......
 

Jane

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FreeThinker said:
That reminds me of a T.V. commercial I saw for Old Milwaukee (on a U.S. station).

The ad featured a bunch of guys that seemed to be on a hunting trip. Sitting around the campfire in the evening whilst quaffing their bevvies, one of them remarked, "Guys, it just doesn't get any better than this."

At that point, I pictured one of the other guys growing still, contemplating this statement while his eyes watered over, sobbing "Oh, God!" and putting the barrel of his weapon into his mouth.



Commercials would be a lot funnier if it were up to me, I tells ya!
Years ago, I had a good friend over and fixed dinner. We had steak, mushrooms, the whole nine yards. He looks at me and says, "It don't get no better than this," and proceeded to leave to see if he could pick up someone for an evening's pleasure.

So, "It don't get no better than this" unless you're lucky and it does.
 

FreeThinker

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Irony Alert !

I just heard on the news today that February is "Time Management Month".


Yes: Today.

The second-last day of the month...



:doh:
 

Fuzzy

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Err...okay, the irony of my first post in this thread just hit me.

In pointing out the 'hilbilliness' of my bud, it completely skipped my mind that I've got a streak of it, myself.

Witness my garage, home to my car, three motorcycles, and a pile of Volkswagen stuff (engine block, fusebox, door handles, and other miscellaneous crap) that we removed from a car of mine about three years ago.

...Not to mention all the Ford LTD parts I just cleared out of the closet a few months ago when I realized I'd never own another one of them(you know, stuff you might need: bulbs, wiring harness, taillights, grille, catalytic converter...heh...).

Okay, does that make me a hillbilly also, or just 'prepared'?

*cue 'Dueling Banjos'*
You're prepared. Maybe just a tad Redneck too. I have an assortment of spare Mustang parts, but I also still own the car they go to. If my 'Stang ever left me, then I'd be in the same boat.
 

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