Discussion in 'Daily Living' started by happily_married, Jul 14, 2019.
Very sweet. Thank you for sharing
As a mom of a 5y.o. boy and being overweight I was sure I will have to deal with comments on that mother/son relationship.
Wasn't ready that will hit me already when he was just born (!) and later at his age 1,5 to 2 years old.
Back then several people had that urgent need to tell me how beautiful this boy is (okay, that's true) and that certainly must come from his father side (who wasn't around that moment).
Whatever these people wanted to tell me - I just heard "fat women don't get beautiful kids" which is pretty much my interpretation.
Some month ago it started at kindergarten. Other kids starting asking me questions why I a was big and if that is because I ate to much. Just curious questions of 4 or 5 y.o. kids. No big deal. Parents of those kids usually are kind of ashamed or embarressed to find themsmselves unexpectedly in this situation.
I usally try to tell those kids that there are various reasons why some people getting bigger than others and it's ok to be different. No big deal in that age obviously.
Recently my son called me: " come here, my big fat mom" with a certain accentuation I didn't appreciate.
Well, I am big, I am fat also and I am his mom. He tried to tease me.
I think it is important to explain a child what he/she just said and it might hurt other people's feelings using certain words.
4 / 5 y.o. start mocking on other peoples appearance already - that's probably what they hear at home.
And I am a little bit afraid what will happen to him when school starts next year.
Nevertheless I will not hide from other people (How can I hide - I am big anyway)
If my son has to "suffer" due to my appearance it is my and my husbands job to make him a strong and confident person. Well let's talk about it in a few years again...
What is most difficult for me right now is dealing with people on the street calling me really inappropriate nasty insulting names.
That happens a lot - when I am on my own I found a way to deal with it - work some days better that others. Different story when he's with me. He hasn't asked anything about what happened so far. But I am pretty sure he recognized and the day he will ask is yet to come
Anyone any idea what to answer a 5 y.o. child why people insulting others just because they are bigger than average?
At kindergarten age I remember being teased for being fat, and other kids being teased for having a funny sounding name, and equally silly reasons. I think it is the age where kids begin to get a better sense of what is 'normal' and what is not, and where they are experimenting with social roles, status, power, etc. As a parent I think you can gently guide your child away from that ("that isn't very nice, please try not to do/say that" and then enforce that as you would any other guidelines)
As for insults from others when out with kid, I think the important part is to not show ther insults having power. Try not to show much hurt or fear, and to mostly communicate that insulting others is an act of weakness or illness. Acknowledge what was said, if necessary, and add that it was probably said to try and make you feel sad. Why? "Because some people seem to like making others sad. No, I don't know why, but the people who do that don't seem like happy people themselves. Anyway it isn't nice to make fun of people because they are bigger or smaller or dress differently or talk differently or like different food or anything else. You and me, let's not do that, ok?"
@Tad: thanks for your reply. Appreciate it.
Not showing that insults have power is probably the most important but also sometimes the most difficult part of it.
From time to time it hits me unexpectedly.
Next time they ask just say you got fat from eating kids who talked to much. That should shut them up.
yeah, and leaving them terrified for life...
Hay, whatever it takes to get them to learn to respect their betters. One day a second ice age will hit our planet and those who are too skinny to survive will not see the next summer.
Children of 4 or 5 years may ask their questions. that's okay. That's the way it should be.
yay, I love all these "why..."questions on literally everything.
Explaining that diversity is a good thing might help those embarressed parents to find an answer when this topic pops up at home, again.
That's what I hope, knowing the opposite..
That’s a big piece too. At younger ages they don’t have an appreciation for why this is a sensitive issue. It just...is. Kids are like that and it takes being patient and understanding; willing to take the time to teach in a matter of fact and unemotional delivery.
Of course that’s easier said than done. My little girl once called her mom fat (didn’t say it to be mean, it was just an observation) and my wife cried for hours. It’s tough.
This was years ago. My daughter is pretty astute about this now. She’s rightly defensive about her mom and I’m proud of how far she’s come.
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