Question for 30 something men

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Sweetie

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Why would you not kiss a woman on a first date but try to get her to touch your personal parts during the movie you invited her to? Is this the way 30 somethings conduct themselves? No kissing but please touch me? Is this a reflection on HER or is this just the way men your age conduct themselves?
 

AuntHen

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Why would you not kiss a woman on a first date but try to get her to touch your personal parts during the movie you invited her to? Is this the way 30 somethings conduct themselves? No kissing but please touch me? Is this a reflection on HER or is this just the way men your age conduct themselves?


I am not a man but run girl run! Ew. He wants you to touch his nether regions on a first date in a dark public place?!?! One word, creepster!
 

Yakatori

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"Is this the way 30 somethings conduct themselves? No kissing but please touch me?...is this just the way men your age conduct themselves?"
No, because even a player-type of a guy is going to smooch you, at least a little, to kind of take your temperature & get you going. A polite people-please type of guy could also kiss you once or twice briefly just to make for a pleasant experience. But, no, just intuitively, it's difficult to make any sense out of that coming from a decent-guy.

"Why would you not kiss a woman on a first date but try to get her to touch your personal parts during the movie you invited her to? Is this a reflection on HER"
I mean, I'll try: Did he actually pick-up your hand to try to move-it? Because that's sort of aggressive, especially in the context that I think you're describing. Or, was it more, like, you put your hand on his shoulder. Then you moved-it down. Then he took your hand; where you held hands, sort-of, on his upper-thigh. And then he, kind-of, started to splay his legs in the seat...gradually bringing both of your hands closer... See, it's still weird.

I mean, I could understand if you'd met, as a first date, at a theater. And, outside the theater, in front of so many people, it doesn't feel right to kiss or embrace. But then, after going inside where it's more dimly-lit; -and- , also, after you've done something to signal a certain level of comfort with him, he then decides to escalate-it somewhat. That I could kind-of see. But not quite to that degree.

However, it does bear mentioning that you should be careful not to get too hung-up on a lack of PDA, just in the general sense, or at least initially. Some folks (both guys & girls) are just-not wired that way. And some will tend to take their time to get to know someone physically. Whether it's upbringing or whatever, it doesn't necessarily mean that someone either doesn't like you or even that they are not very affectionate.

However, the guy you're describing is likely dealing with some other more serious issues. Which speaks to a second point: that it's important, for anyone, to make a conscious effort not to personalize or take-personally...certain things. E.g., in one such experience of my own, I spent a rather brief period in my life with an otherwise fun and whimsical young-lady who, constantly, would ask me a question and, no-more than 30 seconds into my explanation, would change the subject in the middle of my sentence. Or, while I was driving with her; as a matter of fact, this was on our very first blind-date; she started yelling at me to "Oh-my-God! go-faster!" as I'm doing just about 37mph through a 35mph speed-trap. Now, as it turns-out, she had some sort of ADD/ADHD or Tourette's. Does that mean I'm-not, legitimately, boring or long-winded? Of course not. But that it's beside the point that we're just two different people who, for a combination of criteria, are not well-suited to each other.

In that same vein, and especially if you are at-all self-conscious about, say, being heavier, then it can be all too easy to jump to the conclusion that someone is behaving a certain way because of who you are or how you look. When, in reality, that's just how they-are. I mean, if the guy showed-up mostly-drunk and then proceeds to drink even more and then, I dunno, starts throwing furniture all over the place; would you begin to wonder if it's because you're fat? Maybe, on a certain level, that's what any of us does in these types of situations. But then, hopefully, it's not too long before the better nature of our angels kicks-in.
 

gogogal

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But, no, just intuitively, it's difficult to make any sense out of that coming from a decent-guy.

I couldn't agree more. Simplest explanation.. the guy is probably a jerk and sounds like he has no game, to boot.
 

Sweetie

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No, because even a player-type of a guy is going to smooch you, at least a little, to kind of take your temperature & get you going. A polite people-please type of guy could also kiss you once or twice briefly just to make for a pleasant experience. But, no, just intuitively, it's difficult to make any sense out of that coming from a decent-guy.

I mean, I'll try: Did he actually pick-up your hand to try to move-it? Because that's sort of aggressive, especially in the context that I think you're describing. Or, was it more, like, you put your hand on his shoulder. Then you moved-it down. Then he took your hand; where you held hands, sort-of, on his upper-thigh. And then he, kind-of, started to splay his legs in the seat...gradually bringing both of your hands closer... See, it's still weird.

I mean, I could understand if you'd met, as a first date, at a theater. And, outside the theater, in front of so many people, it doesn't feel right to kiss or embrace. But then, after going inside where it's more dimly-lit; -and- , also, after you've done something to signal a certain level of comfort with him, he then decides to escalate-it somewhat. That I could kind-of see. But not quite to that degree.

However, it does bear mentioning that you should be careful not to get too hung-up on a lack of PDA, just in the general sense, or at least initially. Some folks (both guys & girls) are just-not wired that way. And some will tend to take their time to get to know someone physically. Whether it's upbringing or whatever, it doesn't necessarily mean that someone either doesn't like you or even that they are not very affectionate.

However, the guy you're describing is likely dealing with some other more serious issues. Which speaks to a second point: that it's important, for anyone, to make a conscious effort not to personalize or take-personally...certain things. E.g., in one such experience of my own, I spent a rather brief period in my life with an otherwise fun and whimsical young-lady who, constantly, would ask me a question and, no-more than 30 seconds into my explanation, would change the subject in the middle of my sentence. Or, while I was driving with her; as a matter of fact, this was on our very first blind-date; she started yelling at me to "Oh-my-God! go-faster!" as I'm doing just about 37mph through a 35mph speed-trap. Now, as it turns-out, she had some sort of ADD/ADHD or Tourette's. Does that mean I'm-not, legitimately, boring or long-winded? Of course not. But that it's beside the point that we're just two different people who, for a combination of criteria, are not well-suited to each other.

In that same vein, and especially if you are at-all self-conscious about, say, being heavier, then it can be all too easy to jump to the conclusion that someone is behaving a certain way because of who you are or how you look. When, in reality, that's just how they-are. I mean, if the guy showed-up mostly-drunk and then proceeds to drink even more and then, I dunno, starts throwing furniture all over the place; would you begin to wonder if it's because you're fat? Maybe, on a certain level, that's what any of us does in these types of situations. But then, hopefully, it's not too long before the better nature of our angels kicks-in.

Thanks for taking the time to answer this Yakatori. Its really appreciated. :)
 

snuggletiger

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thats just wild. Whatever happened to when I want to take you to dinner just meant the guy taking the girl to dinner and thats it. Now when you take a lady to dinner, you have to deal with her pereception that you just want it as a precursor to an evening in her boudoir. Dinner is just dinner.
 

penguin

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Why would you not kiss a woman on a first date but try to get her to touch your personal parts during the movie you invited her to? Is this the way 30 somethings conduct themselves? No kissing but please touch me? Is this a reflection on HER or is this just the way men your age conduct themselves?

It's a reflection on HIM, not her or anyone else. It's not an age thing, it's a douche thing.
 

ConnieLynn

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I'd like to add that going to a movie as a first date isn't a great call. On a first date you should be in a situation where you can chat and get to know each other better -- so meeting for coffee, or drinks, or dinner.

Both people enjoying a movie is hit and miss, even if the guy isn't a creeper.

Also, if he's a closet FA, a movie might be a hiding mechanism.

Sorry you had a bad experience Sweetie, but congratulations on getting out there and trying!
 

Sweetie

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It's a reflection on HIM, not her or anyone else. It's not an age thing, it's a douche thing.

Thanks Penguin. I've been really upset about this...blaming myself that somehow I gave the wrong impression. :(
 

Sweetie

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I'd like to add that going to a movie as a first date isn't a great call. On a first date you should be in a situation where you can chat and get to know each other better -- so meeting for coffee, or drinks, or dinner.

Both people enjoying a movie is hit and miss, even if the guy isn't a creeper.

Also, if he's a closet FA, a movie might be a hiding mechanism.

Sorry you had a bad experience Sweetie, but congratulations on getting out there and trying!

I agree with you about the movie. I still don't know much about the guy other than that he's got problems with taking no for an answer. I'm not going to give up though. No going back into my shell. :)
 

MasonBlue

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Hi Sweetie,
this is coming from Ireland where we are a bit more conservative or at least I am.
Cinema is a bad first date, you are there and not conversing with someone. So you are not getting feedback. Coffee shop tells you a lot about he person you are dating. Cards tells you more because its all body language. Its a skill you pick up and the more you date and the more you research the better you get.

A kiss is permissible the first date, Genital touching .... is a big no no maybe third date? Its up to you just get a book on dating and learn about dating questions. Its an active contact sport ,so get back on the horse and try again

Good luck
 
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Why would you not kiss a woman on a first date but try to get her to touch your personal parts during the movie you invited her to? Is this the way 30 somethings conduct themselves? No kissing but please touch me? Is this a reflection on HER or is this just the way men your age conduct themselves?

i am a man but gentlemen never does a thing like that on a first date it is for getting to knwo the character of the person and not his genitals (well if it happens because both are very horny why not)

i would wonder if a girl tries to grab me down there on a first date lol
 

Sweetie

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i am a man but gentlemen never does a thing like that on a first date it is for getting to knwo the character of the person and not his genitals (well if it happens because both are very horny why not)

i would wonder if a girl tries to grab me down there on a first date lol

Thank you for answering. I thought maybe it was because I'm from a different generation or something like that. I realize now that he wasn't the person he presented himself to be. I'm going to be much more careful from now on about who I date.
 

gogogal

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Thank you for answering. I thought maybe it was because I'm from a different generation or something like that. I realize now that he wasn't the person he presented himself to be. I'm going to be much more careful from now on about who I date.

Sweetie - don't let this one buffoon jade you. I agree with some of the other posters regarding first meeting scenario. Keep it to something short & sweet, like coffee or a drink. Trust your gut and be safe, but otherwise, throw all caution to the wind. Meet people and enjoy yourself :)
 

balletguy

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Why would you not kiss a woman on a first date but try to get her to touch your personal parts during the movie you invited her to? Is this the way 30 somethings conduct themselves? No kissing but please touch me? Is this a reflection on HER or is this just the way men your age conduct themselves?

Um that is not all of us in the 30's. That is kinda of strange. Please dont lump us all into that.
 

Sweetie

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Um that is not all of us in the 30's. That is kinda of strange. Please dont lump us all into that.

I absolutely am not. I was just trying to figure out if this was a generation gap thing or what. I realize now after talking to a lot of different men that this was more of Mr. 30-Something thinking he was doing me a favor. He was sadly mistaken. ;)
 

Big Jefe

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Which incident came first?

If the guy was just looking to hook up, made a move at the movies and got shut down... I wouldn't expect him to go in for a kiss goodnight after.

It does sound pretty forward, certainly not my style, but sex on the first date isn't exactly unheard of in this day and age... Maybe he got a good vibe from you, got excited, and decided to swing for the fences. If the date was going poorly and this guy pulled an act like this, that is pretty scary, and it's probably good that this incident is over.

Hopefully it's not too traumatizing for you, and it won't prevent you for going out with other guys in the near future.

Good Luck
 

b01

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I am not a man but run girl run! Ew. He wants you to touch his nether regions on a first date in a dark public place?!?! One word, creepster!

I am a man, do what she said. RUN!
 

b01

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I couldn't agree more. Simplest explanation.. the guy is probably a jerk and sounds like he has no game, to boot.

"Probably" a jerk? Is there any doubt. A guy that has the audacity to state something like that, has experience, doesn't want to waste his time, and knows what he wants. Which is an hooker he doesn't have to pay for. He's insulted you by assuming your that kind of an easy mark.
 

b01

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I'd like to add that going to a movie as a first date isn't a great call. On a first date you should be in a situation where you can chat and get to know each other better -- so meeting for coffee, or drinks, or dinner.

Both people enjoying a movie is hit and miss, even if the guy isn't a creeper.

Also, if he's a closet FA, a movie might be a hiding mechanism.

Sorry you had a bad experience Sweetie, but congratulations on getting out there and trying!


I didn't put that much thought into taking the girls out. Dinner and a movie is just the standard, so that is what I went with. I hope people today do not have to put that much thought into it asking someone out. It's already nerve racking for a lot for shy people like myself. I can only keep an interesting conversation for so long, before I get back to talking about technology.:doh:
 

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